edurnemk
05-24-2009, 10:06 PM
They're driving me nuts. My inlaws are really nosy and controlling, and are masters at manipulating DH. What bothers me the most is that they treat me really nicely in front of him and always tell him that I'm wonderful and they love me, but when he's not around to hear they behave like jerks. And he doesn't believe me, when I do complain about their comments he insists that I must have misinterpreted them. They're rude even to my family, even my friends don't like them because they see how they treat me. I think it's a carefully planned strategy: if they make him think that they love me sooo much, and I complain or behave coldly towards them, then I'm the bad guy right? Also other people have told me the kind of things they say about me and my family behind our backs.
Thankfully we now live very far from them, but every Sunday we talk to them through Skype so they can see DS on camera, and afterwards my DH is always on my case about not chatting enough or being too cold, or whatever. Oh, and they always want to see me on camera, today I was having a bad hair day, bad face day, etc, so I stayed just out of the camera view, and my MIL kept saying she wanted to see me, and then DH turned the camera towards me and sort of scolded me in a really low voice. I hate it! I don't like them seeing me because MIL and SIL are always wanting to know if I gained or lost an ounce, or whatever, they've even analysed my skin up close (when visiting) and asked about what lotion I use and stuff like that. When I was pg, all my MIL ever asked was how much weight I'd gained so far, and after 1 week of giving birth she kept asking how much I weight now. And since I've heard her critize a lot of people (her niece, for example) I feel they probably talk about me the same way. They hate my SIL's boyfriend, and they do the same with him, they say terrible things when he and SIL are not around and pretend to be really nice when they're there.
I'm a terrible actor and I can't pretend I'm delighted to see them, when they're such hypocrites and they keep dropping little comments to DH to try to get us to fight. I don't know what to do, and I know in a while when we sit down for dinner DH will go on and on about me not standing in front of the camera, and then he'll go on about how bad I'm with his family.
When we first got married, I was really naive and I tried sooo hard to build a good relationship with them, I even gave them more privileges than my own parents sometimes (boy, do I regret that now). But after being hurt by them one too many times and talking to a psychologist friend of mine, I decided it was best for me to keep my distance, and just be civil and polite to them but not get really close or confide in them.
They'll be coming for a visit in a few weeks and I'm already starting to stress out. Last time, SIL even went through drawers and closets (Like I said, they are NOSY). They're coming for my DH's graduation from Business School, and he invited my parents too. My mom and dad are staying a few days afterwards because my mom wants to celebrate her birthday with us. Well, a couple of weeks ago, I heard them asking DH on the phone when my parents were coming, and leaving, and what hotel they'd be staying at. A week later my SIL calls him and tells him she wants to stay for a few days, too (at our place of course), and I can't help but suspect this has something to do with the fact that my parents will be here, they're always super jealous when they know they're visiting (my mom is going to freak out when I tell her she'll be celebrating with SIL too). DH asked SIL today to come a few days before graduation instead of after, and she was all like "oh, well, let me see if it's not too expensive to change my ticket, I don't know if I can afford it, blah, blah). Oh, also we'll be moving out of our apartment a week after graduation, so having house guests in the middle of a move seems less than ideal (and I know from experiende she's not helpful at all).
Sorry about the long post, but I just needed to vent. And really I could write an entire book with all the stuff that's happened with them. :32:
Thankfully we now live very far from them, but every Sunday we talk to them through Skype so they can see DS on camera, and afterwards my DH is always on my case about not chatting enough or being too cold, or whatever. Oh, and they always want to see me on camera, today I was having a bad hair day, bad face day, etc, so I stayed just out of the camera view, and my MIL kept saying she wanted to see me, and then DH turned the camera towards me and sort of scolded me in a really low voice. I hate it! I don't like them seeing me because MIL and SIL are always wanting to know if I gained or lost an ounce, or whatever, they've even analysed my skin up close (when visiting) and asked about what lotion I use and stuff like that. When I was pg, all my MIL ever asked was how much weight I'd gained so far, and after 1 week of giving birth she kept asking how much I weight now. And since I've heard her critize a lot of people (her niece, for example) I feel they probably talk about me the same way. They hate my SIL's boyfriend, and they do the same with him, they say terrible things when he and SIL are not around and pretend to be really nice when they're there.
I'm a terrible actor and I can't pretend I'm delighted to see them, when they're such hypocrites and they keep dropping little comments to DH to try to get us to fight. I don't know what to do, and I know in a while when we sit down for dinner DH will go on and on about me not standing in front of the camera, and then he'll go on about how bad I'm with his family.
When we first got married, I was really naive and I tried sooo hard to build a good relationship with them, I even gave them more privileges than my own parents sometimes (boy, do I regret that now). But after being hurt by them one too many times and talking to a psychologist friend of mine, I decided it was best for me to keep my distance, and just be civil and polite to them but not get really close or confide in them.
They'll be coming for a visit in a few weeks and I'm already starting to stress out. Last time, SIL even went through drawers and closets (Like I said, they are NOSY). They're coming for my DH's graduation from Business School, and he invited my parents too. My mom and dad are staying a few days afterwards because my mom wants to celebrate her birthday with us. Well, a couple of weeks ago, I heard them asking DH on the phone when my parents were coming, and leaving, and what hotel they'd be staying at. A week later my SIL calls him and tells him she wants to stay for a few days, too (at our place of course), and I can't help but suspect this has something to do with the fact that my parents will be here, they're always super jealous when they know they're visiting (my mom is going to freak out when I tell her she'll be celebrating with SIL too). DH asked SIL today to come a few days before graduation instead of after, and she was all like "oh, well, let me see if it's not too expensive to change my ticket, I don't know if I can afford it, blah, blah). Oh, also we'll be moving out of our apartment a week after graduation, so having house guests in the middle of a move seems less than ideal (and I know from experiende she's not helpful at all).
Sorry about the long post, but I just needed to vent. And really I could write an entire book with all the stuff that's happened with them. :32: