DH is on a roll lately

[HIU8]

Man, DH can be such an A$$! DD Peed on the couch tonight b/c DH won't take her to the bathroom. He doesn't like to have that responsibility (he actually said this to me). Now, he is playing stupid saying how he has no idea how to clean pee from a couch. DH, JUST WASH OFF THE DANG COUCH CUSHION! I just don't get it. DH thinks it's funny to pretend like he has no idea how to take care of his kids lately. He actually laughs like it's a big joke. I'm so pissed at him--one joke to many and the joke will be on him when I change the locks!

[elephantmeg]

yikes-that really sucks. Sounds like ya'll are in a sticky place right now-hope it works out soon!

[edurnemk]

Well the kids are his responsibility, too, but if he's still avoiding taking care of them after you telling him calmly and clearly how upset this makes you and why... well do the same as him, pretend you have no idea about how to cook or do laundry or something. Maybe then he'll get the message... Man, it's annoying when husbands behave like children!

[Wife_and_mommy]

Do you have Nature's Miracle or another enzyme cleaner? If not, RUN to the store ASAP. It will get rid of the smell so you don't have to get rid of your couch.

And if you have a dog(I don't think so but if) keep said cushion away from it. The dog will want to mark over dd's scent. Don't ask how I know this. :banghead:

[niccig]

Well the kids are his responsibility, too, but if he's still avoiding taking care of them after you telling him calmly and clearly how upset this makes you and why... well do the same as him, pretend you have no idea about how to cook or do laundry or something. Maybe then he'll get the message... Man, it's annoying when husbands behave like children!

There's a whole lot of things that I wouldn't be doing, and I would announce them as such...

I am not longer doing your laundry.

I am no longer cooking you food.

I am no longer buying things for you at the grocery store.

I am ONLY going to do what I want to do for D and I.

Or maybe I wouldn't announce it, I would just stop and when he asked I would then say that I no longer want the responsibility.

But seriously, can you ask him what is going on that he no longer will do some of the parenting???

[Ceepa]

Seriously you're nicer than I am. After everything you've posted about DH lately he would be getting an earful from me.

[ha98ed14]

Seriously you're nicer than I am. After everything you've posted about DH lately he would be getting an earful from me.

I've been following your posts too. It sounds like he is being passive-aggressive; trying to pick a fight or do enough things to cause you to lose it on him and then think he can blame you. Do you think he is trying to tell you he is unhappy? NOT that that is your problem/ fault/ responsibility, but if he wanted out and didn't know how to tell you to your face, I could see a man going about it this way. Either way, he needs to grow up. I'm sorry you have THREE children right now.

[mommylamb]

I feel so sorry for your poor DD. That is so unfair to her. Imagine what it must be like to be trying to pottytrain, told how good you are when you do go in the toilet, and then this happens. Your DH would be in the dog house for a very very very long time.

[HIU8]

DH keeps saying how stressed out he is with work and managing things for his mom. So, I basically do everything at home. But, when one of the kids asks for his help or to spend time with him he sometimes doesn't even respond. Yesterday he came home and went to bed before dinner. He was totally absent from family time. And, yes he is depressed with the stress and a health issue that he is dealing with. DH is not a strong person when it comes to these things. He refuses to go see anyone.

So, as you can see I'm not extremely happy in this situation and if he doesn't do something to help himself I don't know if we will last. At this point, if he wants out--I will gladly pack his bags for him.

[sste]

Do you feel comfortable sharing the health issue? It probably doesn't matter - - my advice is always the same for intractable health problems: go to a top-notch academic hospital and see someone who is a specialist in your precise problem. And don't hesitate to get a second opinion at a second top-notch academic hospital with another specialist in your precise problem. If it is a physical problem that is threatening my home life and marriage I would not hesitate to travel a distance to such a center and even pay for some of it out of pocket if needed (the consulting aspect at least, most people can't afford an uninsured procedure or surgery).

It sounds like one possibility is that your DH is dealing with chronic pain/physical distress, has become depressed by this (or it has worsened an innate tendency to depression), and is now finding himself unable to deal with a busy home and two active little kids. He sounds like he is in total "avoidance" mode. Or he may have morphed into a selfish shirker of work! I would at least try to rule things out on the medical end, if at all possible.

ETA: If he refused to go see a medical provider or therapist, it is time for a serious talk and then for you to make some decisions about what you can/can't tolerate in your family life. He is risking alot in terms of his family by refusing to get medical help.

[mommylamb]

If he refused to go see a medical provider or therapist, it is time for a serious talk and then for you to make some decisions about what you can/can't tolerate in your family life. He is risking alot in terms of his family by refusing to get medical help.

:yeahthat: It sounds like he really needs to see a therapist. Depression meds can make such a huge difference in someone's life. But, if he just won't do it, then you're left with some awful choices to make.

[HIU8]

DH has ulcerative colitis. Not life threatening and totally controllable. After about 6 months now it is finally coming under some control. In my opinion, I would have already gone for a second opinion but he wants to stick with the doc who is treating him b/c it can take a while to get things back to normal. Meanwhile, he is diabetic and is supposed to following the diabetic diet, but since his diet is so restricted due to the colitis he is having issues with that. I also think that he is coming within a couple of years of when his older sister passed away and it is freaking him out (although she was morbidly obese and had numerous health issues b/c of it).

He and I have talked at length about things, but so far no changes made on his part (or really very few changes). I just cannot say how much more of this I can tolerate and still be a happy person in my own right.

[egoldber]

I am assuming you guys have already been to Hopkins? My SIL has Crohn's and it is debilitating to her at times. She lives in PA and I know she sees a specialist in Philly, which would not be that far for you. But you are right, it can takes many months for these flare-ups to subside.

She also takes antidepressants because on top of a natural tendency to internalize anxiety (which can worsen the Crohn's) it also makes her depressed.

I would very much urge you to at least see a therapist for yourself. :hug:

[HIU8]

I want DH to see someone at Hopkins. He won't. I've asked several times. I'm actually looking for someone to go talk to myself now. DH has a week left on the prednisone (down to 10 mg) and then he goes back to the doctor. I want to go with DH, but he isn't keen on letting me.

[egoldber]

I would call the office and ask how you can pass along info about your DH before the appointment. If he won't let you come to the appointment, you can still either call and talk to the doctor or write a letter/e-mail. You can tell them things, they just can't tell YOU things without his consent. I would make sure to emphasize the depression.

[niccig]

I want DH to see someone at Hopkins. He won't. I've asked several times. I'm actually looking for someone to go talk to myself now. DH has a week left on the prednisone (down to 10 mg) and then he goes back to the doctor. I want to go with DH, but he isn't keen on letting me.

I don't know your DH, so this could totally back fire. I would tell my DH that he had to go see someone at Hopkins and I would be calling to make the appointment. I would organise child care, and I would drive DH myself and I would sit in the appointment room with him. If that treatment doesn't work, then I would be researching another Dr. and dragging DH with me until we found someone we could work with.

I totally agree with going to top-notch academic hospital. I have thryoid issues and after a few doctors, I am now with an amazing endocrinologist at USC hospital and I have referred several people to him. We're finally getting the correct treatment for our chronic conditions after years of misdiagnosis.

[pinkmomagain]

I've already commented on past threads but just wanted to send (((HUGS))) your way. Hope at the very least that you are able to get in to talk to someone for yourself and how to cope. Although not an excuse for unacceptable behavior, I know that prednisone can affective behavior.

You know, I've been having conversations with dd1 lately that, while bad/rude/moody behavior can be UNDERSTANDABLE in certain situations (PMS, health issues, bad day, stress, etc.), it still is not ACCEPTABLE. There is a difference.