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View Full Version : UPDATE "Finish what you start" moms and anyone else



american_mama
06-09-2009, 11:22 PM
This is about basketball camp and whether I should let DD1 quit. I am curious since in the recent activities threads, many people mentioned that their kids need to finish a sport, class or other activity that they have started.

DD1 is 7 years old and somehow got interested in going to a parks and rec basketball camp, which started today. She liked shooting baskets with a friend a year ago during recess, but other than that, DD1 does not really like basketball or formal sports. She hates being hot. The camp is 3.5 hours every morning for the week (Tue.-Fri.) in an un-air conditioned gym and today was 88 degress by noon. She started today and hated it, said she doesn't want to go back. As background, the camp was only $30 total, so not expensive.

The reasons she hates it are multitude. I knew it was a big camp taught in a high school gymnasium by a high school coach and young assistants, and I knew there would be many more boys that girl. Yeah. We walk in this morning and it's easily 50 boys and 4 girls. Four. The kids are all shooting baskets and playing mini-games underneath all the hoops, running, jumping, shoving a bit. DD was supposed to just jump in. She is normally very confident and outgoing and likes trying new activities, but DD literally shrank back and hung at the sides of the gym with her shoulders down for 5-10 minutes. I have NEVER seen her so intimidated and unsure. When the coach blew the whistle to start, she slowly walked over to the circle and sat with her knees pulled against her chest.

When I picked her up, she walked dejectedly over to me, no smile or happiness. I asked the coach how she did and he said, "Uhh... it's a big adjustment for her. All these boys. Uhh, but she's getting it." It sounded like he meant the exact opposite. DD said she didn't like it, doesn't want to go back, hates all the drills. She was wimpering. Granted, she's a bit of a complainer all the time, but she really felt low.

I suspected there would be problems, not least with the ratio of boys to girls, but I didn't expect only 4 girls. I tried to get a friend from her first grade class to take the class with her, offered to do all the driving, etc. but it didn't pan out. The camp takes a snack and lunch break - not that they told parents this - and DD didn't have anything today . I asked who she sat with and what she did without any food and she didn't answer.

I would have hated this camp as a child. I would have felt uncomfortable in my skin almost every minute of the 3.5 hour camp, felt out of place for being a girl, and felt like a flop because I suspect DD is a pretty bad basketball player. She really doesn't know anything about it, doesn't know any of the jargon, probably thinks you can run with the basketball. It's only 3 more days, but that's 10.5 hours of misery.

So, would you make your child continue? It only cost me $30. She has to go tomorrow because everything is better the second day when you know what to expect. But I'm 50-50 on making her continue after that.

TwinFoxes
06-09-2009, 11:44 PM
I'm torn (as you are too!) I hate the idea of quitting, but at what point is it just mean to make someone continue something they're obviously not cut out for (at least not yet.) If she really is as miserable, or even more miserable I'd probably let her quit, but if she showed any signs of enjoying it more I'd make her stick it out even if she complained. She'll be 1/2 the way through by tomorrow, she may decide to tough it out.

kijip
06-09-2009, 11:45 PM
I would let her quit given those circumstances.

And this is from a mom who pretty much mandates that T will continue to play at least 1 sport a year, he can pick but he has to do a sport. He can do other things if he likes, but I really value the lessons learned on team sports and as such I want him to play until it is competitive and he can decide if he wants to dedicate himself to it.

sadie427
06-09-2009, 11:53 PM
Based on the camp not telling you about snack and lunch, and not having food for kids who forgot it, alone, I would let her quit!

randomkid
06-09-2009, 11:54 PM
I'd have her go the one more day, then if she still wants to quit, let her. I started DD at a new dance school this past year. *I* hated it, but she kept telling me she was having fun, even though she didn't look like it. One day, she just stood in the middle of the class and started crying. I took her out, left and never went back. She finally told me she didn't like it and when I told her she didn't have to go back, I could visibly see her body relax. We ended up going back to the dance school she attended the year before. It wasn't that she didn't want to dance, it was the lack of discipline at this school that she hated. She was only 3 years old and even she knew that this class was out of control.

I don't think there's anything wrong with allowing a child to quit something if it's obviously not what they (or you) expected, esp. if it is making the child miserable.

stella
06-10-2009, 12:19 AM
I'd let her quit. It sounds like a dud of a camp, and if she's miserable, it's not serving its purpose (which is to be FUN!) and I would let her quit.

strollerqueen
06-10-2009, 12:45 AM
My son is about the same age. I enrolled him in an after school theater class. They were doing a production of Lion King, and since my son is a really good dancer and singer, I thought he would have fun. Well, on the first day he went, he was the *only* boy there. The only one. I made him stay for the class anyway, and he was so unhappy. I tried to get him out on that basis, and they wouldn't refund my money (even though they had assured me there were other boys enrolled.) We finally negotiated a compromise. He could switch to Magic class, and they would charge me a 15% penalty. And guess what...he was the only boy there, too, argh...Anyway, yeah, I would let her out.

JustMe
06-10-2009, 01:02 AM
I agree that I would have her go tomorrow and if she was still so unhappy, I'd let her ...umm, stop going. I do think this situation is different because of some of the things you said about the camp (not telling you about the lunch, snack), the unexpected *teeny* number of girls (I know you expected less than boys, but I assume more than 4 girls to 50 boys, etc). It just sounds really different than I start something, I like it, but then it starts to get hard/challenging/the novelty wears off--it gets boring and I think I can just quit and do something I find more exciting...totally different scenario to me. At age 7, I think I would explain the reasons why I was letting her stop and how this will not always be the case in other situation.

ha98ed14
06-10-2009, 01:52 AM
Let her quit this time. I think the whole situation is unfortunate and she would have been better prepared with a snack and a lunch and a friendly face, someone she knew from school or the neighborhood. But given that she didn't have any of those things AND she hates this type of activity, I would let her quit. The whole thing just feels like poor planning, so why make her suffer for that? JMHO.

egoldber
06-10-2009, 06:36 AM
It seems like a bad camp and a bad fit. I would let her quit.

We had a similar experience with a soccer camp once and it was the only time I have pulled Sarah from an activity. She was CLEARLY not having fun and miserable.

SnuggleBuggles
06-10-2009, 07:21 AM
I would be tempted to have her try one more day. It could be better, if not then you can quit guilt free. Maybe even show up early to check in?

Beth

Ceepa
06-10-2009, 08:16 AM
I'd say give it one more day. We had weeklong soccer camp last year. We all wanted to quit this activity after one day, but stuck it out.

kedss
06-10-2009, 08:28 AM
I'd let her quit this time, I wouldn't want her to be miserable all summer.

american_mama
06-11-2009, 12:11 PM
Thanks for all the advice. DD is being a trooper and finishing the camp. She enjoyed talking about it to her dad after the first night - complaining would the better word, but she felt heard, I think, and she seems to kind of enjoy the new lingo she's learning. She has said nothing since about quitting, so neither have I. I don't think she's enjoying it, but she seems to assume it's the routine for the week. I watched for 15 minutes or so yesterday and she was doing it, with difficulty, but doing the drill. I also realized that at her age level, the skill level is low for everyone. They all try harder than she did, granted, but several kids ran with the ball rather than dribbled, tripped on their feet, threw air balls, etc.

As a reward for making the best of it, we'll make an inaugural visit to the pool on Friday after the last day of camp and she can pick a friend to come. Today we will visit the library and sign up for the summer reading program, which DD thinks is a reward but was really a requirement for the summer - hey, if she doesn't see it that way, so much the better! She is really handling this so much beter than I expected. Yay DD.

Oh, and I don't think this is a bad camp. I just think it's 100% about basketball and works great for a kid who loves physical activity and formal sports.

kedss
06-11-2009, 12:44 PM
good for her. :)