I don't even get why he thinks that is OK.

[ellies mom]

Normally, I put the girls to bed. DH thinks that he should just be able to tell the oldest to go upstairs and go to bed with no story, cuddling, bedtime routine, nothing. Just a verbal "Go to bed". I think that is unrealistic and like to use that time to connect with just her. I should mention that both girls are night owls so bedtime is late around here.

Well, the youngest was super tired and I hoped to get her to bed really early so I laid down with her and we both fell asleep. About 10pm, both DH and the oldest come upstairs, DH goes into the bathroom, DD is being quiet but the youngest still wakes up and I try feeding her to keep her drowsy. Then my husband comes into the bedroom and gets into bed leaving our oldest just standing there. I ask him if he is going to put her to bed and he says "I'm tired".:hopmad: WTF? She is 5. Why does he think it is OK to leave a 5 year old wandering the house? I ask him to cuddle with the youngest hoping she'll fall back asleep so I can put the oldest to bed. But no, he doesn't so when I get up, the youngest starts crawling all over the bed. So now I've got to stay up who knows how long with a 14 month old that basically took a very long, very late nap. Thanks, husband. Way to parent.

[citymama]

Sorry to hear that. What a drag. I just spent the last hour getting our one night owl to bed, and found it frustrating - so I feel your pain. My DH does try, but DD wants just mama. Have you tried talking to him about it? Is this one of many parenting weaknesses, or among the worst? Sorry you are dealing with this. :hug:

[maestramommy]

Harumph. Not cool.

[jgenie]

:hug5: Sorry - some daddies just don't get it!

[sarahsthreads]

I am *so* there with you. DH thinks he can just direct DD1 to put on her pajamas, or brush her teeth, or whatever, while he sits on her bed or ours waiting for her to be done. And then she starts acting up and getting loud, while I'm nursing DD2 and can't do anything about it, because, oh, I don't know...she's 4.5 and needs actual hands-on parenting?!? But nothing tops what happened last night!

I came home from work at 11:00 last night to find DD1 at the top of the stairs absolutely sobbing with exhaustion and fright, while DH was snoring away on the couch. She apparently couldn't fall asleep because her window was open and there were "strange and scary" noises. She called for Daddy but he didn't come. So then she found my old stuffed Minnie Mouse in my craft room and took it back to her room to cuddle with, only to find there was a spider crawling on it. When he still didn't come, she ran to the top of the stairs/right outside the bathroom, threw Minnie on the floor and started spraying her with her hair spray bottle (thankfully it just contains water) and then tried to use bathroom dixie cups to trap the spider. But then she couldn't see the spider and so was terrified to go back to her room or anywhere else and just waited at the top of the stairs sobbing until I got home. At 11, because it took an extra long time to close up the shop.

I was so incredibly livid with DH last night I couldn't even calm down enough to go to sleep before 1 AM! AND, as far as I can tell, he's still oblivious to the chaos he caused last night. I don't even know when/how I'm going to talk to him about this, because if I bring up the subject I know I won't be able to stay calm about it.

I'm starting to have serious doubts that if, God forbid, there were a fire, he'd even hear the smoke detector and get the kids out of the house. Or what if the baby woke up screaming? Learned how to climb (and therefore fall) out of her crib? What if DD1 were sick? He left the door unlocked, I walked in, he didn't even budge - what if DD1 decided to try to find me and left the house? (There's a gate at the top of the stairs, but she has been able to open it in the past.) Would he even have heard her leave? Do I have to hire a babysitter for all of them when I go to work?!? I hate leaving the kids to go to work in the evening enough as it is, now I don't even feel like I can trust DH if there were a real problem.

So. Mad.

Sarah

[ellies mom]

Wow. I'd be livid. I can't believe you let him sleep. I probably would have woken him up then and there.

I really feel bad for your daughter. How scary that must have been for her. Ellie was afraid of the dark at that age. She slept with her light on. Well, for whatever reason he decided to put her to bed. I think I was studying.He just put her into bed with no story, no cuddling, nothing, turns out the light and walks out of the room. She starts crying frantically because she was terrified. So I go in there and turn on the light and while I'm comforting her, I notice a wet spot on her bed. Turns out the cat had peed on the bed. I figured maybe he didn't notice. I change her bedding, get her all settled and go downstairs. And he says "Her bed was wet, Did the cat pee on it?" I was completely speechless. He knew the bed was wet and didn't change the bedding. And even worse, he figured it was cat pee and still didn't change the bedding. Yeah. I don't get that. If someone thinks that is OK, there is just no reaching them.

[Ceepa]

OP, Maybe lay out DD1's pajamas and a book to read so DH doesn't have to think about anything but reading with her and tucking her in. Believe me, I am not advocating letting him off the hook or making it easy for him but maybe he would be more inclined to spend some one-on-one time with DD1 and she could benefit from that. Then after a while he'd feel more comfortable doing more on his own? Maybe? Fingers crossed??

And Sarah, I have to say I'm mad for you but wow, how brave of Carolyn to face off with that spider by herself! I probably would have dropped the doll and locked myself in the bathroom at that age.

[g-mama]

Totally uncool.

[gatorsmom]

I am *so* there with you. DH thinks he can just direct DD1 to put on her pajamas, or brush her teeth, or whatever, while he sits on her bed or ours waiting for her to be done. And then she starts acting up and getting loud, while I'm nursing DD2 and can't do anything about it, because, oh, I don't know...she's 4.5 and needs actual hands-on parenting?!? But nothing tops what happened last night!

I came home from work at 11:00 last night to find DD1 at the top of the stairs absolutely sobbing with exhaustion and fright, while DH was snoring away on the couch. She apparently couldn't fall asleep because her window was open and there were "strange and scary" noises. She called for Daddy but he didn't come. So then she found my old stuffed Minnie Mouse in my craft room and took it back to her room to cuddle with, only to find there was a spider crawling on it. When he still didn't come, she ran to the top of the stairs/right outside the bathroom, threw Minnie on the floor and started spraying her with her hair spray bottle (thankfully it just contains water) and then tried to use bathroom dixie cups to trap the spider. But then she couldn't see the spider and so was terrified to go back to her room or anywhere else and just waited at the top of the stairs sobbing until I got home. At 11, because it took an extra long time to close up the shop.

I was so incredibly livid with DH last night I couldn't even calm down enough to go to sleep before 1 AM! AND, as far as I can tell, he's still oblivious to the chaos he caused last night. I don't even know when/how I'm going to talk to him about this, because if I bring up the subject I know I won't be able to stay calm about it.

I'm starting to have serious doubts that if, God forbid, there were a fire, he'd even hear the smoke detector and get the kids out of the house. Or what if the baby woke up screaming? Learned how to climb (and therefore fall) out of her crib? What if DD1 were sick? He left the door unlocked, I walked in, he didn't even budge - what if DD1 decided to try to find me and left the house? (There's a gate at the top of the stairs, but she has been able to open it in the past.) Would he even have heard her leave? Do I have to hire a babysitter for all of them when I go to work?!? I hate leaving the kids to go to work in the evening enough as it is, now I don't even feel like I can trust DH if there were a real problem.

So. Mad.

Sarah

You are too nice. I'll tell you exactly what I would have done. I'd have brought the sobbing child down stairs with 2 metal pot lids, I'd have given her one and me one and right next to sleeping daddy we would have clanked them together! Pow! That'll wake him up (and hopefully given her a good laugh)!!! Then I would have showed him the tears of his frantic daughter and made it clear that he needs to do a better job of taking care of his kids. A potential fire is an excellent reason why he needs to be aware of what's happening. Men sometimes- sheesh!

And to the OP, if my husband were too tired to put a child to bed, I'd put the wiggling, squirming child in bed WITH him so he had no choice but to put them in bed. That attitude of "it's not my problem" doesn't fly with me (and I get my share of it here sometimes too). :hug:

[infomama]

No way no how would I let that fly. I suppose you had to take the reins that night since he dropped the ball but I would do some serious clarification of your expectations of him as a Dad/husband. I would go from there based on his feedback.

[arivecchi]

You are too nice. I'll tell you exactly what I would have done. I'd have brought the sobbing child down stairs with 2 metal pot lids, I'd have given her one and me one and right next to sleeping daddy we would have clanked them together! Pow! That'll wake him up (and hopefully given her a good laugh)!!! Then I would have showed him the tears of his frantic daughter and made it clear that he needs to do a better job of taking care of his kids. A potential fire is an excellent reason why he needs to be aware of what's happening. Men sometimes- sheesh!

And to the OP, if my husband were too tired to put a child to bed, I'd put the wiggling, squirming child in bed WITH him so he had no choice but to put them in bed. That attitude of "it's not my problem" doesn't fly with me (and I get my share of it here sometimes too). :hug:

To the OP, I would be livid too. I guess I should count my blessings because DH is the one who does DS1's sleep routine and he is much better at it than I am. I hope you are able to speak to your DH when you are calm and can reach some sort of agreement.

Gatorsmom, I like your style! :bowdown:

[sarahsthreads]

Ugh, cat pee?!? And he ignored it? Wow!

Yeah, I think sometimes they just don't get it. Though I should probably should have prefaced my whole semi-hijack of your post to say that *most* of the time DH is a very good and attentive dad. And then he pulls stuff like that! Grr.

Sarah

[sarahsthreads]

And Sarah, I have to say I'm mad for you but wow, how brave of Carolyn to face off with that spider by herself! I probably would have dropped the doll and locked myself in the bathroom at that age.

I know, right? (If we're being honest, I might still drop the doll and lock myself in the bathroom at *this* age! :innocent: ) I just hope it doesn't aggravate her already healthy fear of bugs...

Sarah

[squimp]

Wow Veronica. No way Sophia would just go to sleep on her own. Ummm, yeah, it's bedtime, go to bed - no way! Perhaps you should print out a bedtime routine and put it up in Ellie's room so he can remember what it's all about. Usually we do that for the kids, right? Should work for DHs too, huh? ;)

[DrSally]

... Then my husband comes into the bedroom and gets into bed leaving our oldest just standing there. I ask him if he is going to put her to bed and he says "I'm tired".:hopmad: WTF? She is 5. Why does he think it is OK to leave a 5 year old wandering the house?

Why does he think it's ok? Laziness, selfishness...Maybe he's just used to you doing it. Was this how he was "put to bed" as a child?

ETA: Sarah, I feel mad for you too! Your poor little girl!

[mamicka]

Wow - I'm mad for both of you guys. I hope you & your DH's are able to get this worked out.

et: because I can't spell with 3 children talking to me at the same time.

[lizajane]

um.

i think it is time for some parenting classes or counseling.

10 year old? ok, MAYBE. but 5 years old????? and not waking up after repeated yelling????? scary. counseling. fast.