I offended my sister but don't I have a point?

[kayte]

So my mom is in town and she, my sister and my 6 yo niece went to have their nails done- not a new thing to take may niece. But when they got done, they came over so excited about the new nail salon. It has tiny massage chairs and foot baths-- for ages 3 and up. So my niece got a manicure and pedicure--complete with a motorized chair back massage. I guess I was kind of flabbergasted by the idea and their odd fascination and excitement over it. The remark " So if kids are getting massage pedicures at 6, what will they want at 10 or even 15?" slipped out of my mouth without thinking. I did apologize about it when they were leaving. But the more I have thought about it why am I wrong to pose such a question to her (perhaps in a different setting)? I mean what exactly will be the expectations of her daughter in a few years.

ETA: I just wanted to edit my original post to add what I have said several posts down because a few remarks made after their post seem to attack me for something different than what I am saying...---My issue is not the nail painting, it's not even taking little ones to the salon, especially if that's something you did as a pair. It's the marketing to children with the small child-sized chairs. When a child sits a in a child sized chair it gives them the impression this is a child's activity. LIke small chairs at school. When they sit in a salon in a chair clearly made for adults, there is an understanding that it is a special adult thing they are doing--not something they are entitled to at their age. I think this type of marketing is dangerous. How can you tell a child they can't have it done often, that it's a special thing--if they think they are supposed to get them done? ANd I think as a mother, a sister and an aunt I have to right to question if they have thought out the implications of such marketing.

[lizajane]

i kinda don't get why it was such a big deal to you. sounds like a reasonable way to treat a kid to something girly and special to me. but maybe that's because i don't have a girl. if she got her hair colored or legs waxed, i would be stressed. but painting toenails seems innocent to me.

i think it just isn't fun when someone rains on your parade. they were excited about it and you quashed their excitement. i agree that the remark could have been more appropriate in a different setting in a different tone.

[bubbaray]

i kinda don't get why it was such a big deal to you. sounds like a reasonable way to treat a kid to something girly and special to me. but maybe that's because i don't have a girl. if she got her hair colored or legs waxed, i would be stressed. but painting toenails seems innocent to me.

i think it just isn't fun when someone rains on your parade. they were excited about it and you quashed their excitement.

:yeahthat:

My girls would be over the moon if I took them to a salon for a "real" pedicure in real little people seats.... Heck, *I* would be over the moon if I found a salon that I could bring the little people to. DD#2 is too young to sit unless someone else was there to entertain her, but DD#1 would be allllll over that in a heartbeat.

[JMS]

I have a very innocent and sweet 5 1/2 year old who is also very girly girly (ie., her santa list had light pink nail polish AND hot pink nail polish). I can not think of a better treat than getting her nails done - she would be tickled pink :)

I wish there was a place like that around me! I think as a rare treat, it's a great idea.. but that's just my opinion.

[Corie]

I have another girly-girl daughter. She is 7.5 years old and she would
love getting this done! I paint her nails alot and she always wants her toes
done too. I wouldn't do this all the time but I wouldn't have any problem
on a special occasion.

[elizabethkott]

IDK... Around me (Long Island) I have on a few occasions been to get my nails done and seen little girls (4,5,6) in there for their *regular* weekly appointment. I even saw a 6 year old stop the manicure so she could answer *her* cell phone, and tell her friend, "Oh, nothing... I'm just at my weekly." ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
I think if it's a special occasion, a "girls day out" a birthday, wedding it's not such a big deal. If it's a WEEKLY thing for a 6 year old... I'd have to agree with OP and wonder what the child will expect as the "norm" later on. Waxing at age 12? Nose job at age 16? Granted, there were actually some girls I went to HS with that would really be doing this stuff... Tiffany bracelets for Christmas, nose jobs for graduation, Kate Spade bags in junior high... but I wasn't friends with them. :D

[ourbabygirl]

I understand where you're coming from completely. I wouldn't have been taken to get my nails done so young- probably about 15 would have been the earliest, and while I would only do this with my daughter as an extra special treat (maybe if she's in a wedding or for her birthday or something), the way I see it as that she will start to expect it otherwise. Also, kids (esp. girls) grow up way too fast already, and this is just another example of that. It's a tough call, but I don't think you were THAT out of line for your remark. She is your sister, right, and don't sisters have more of an honest friend-relationship? I don't know, I only have brothers.

Anyhow, good luck with damage control (part of it is that women analyze & stress over comments so much because we're so verbal/into communication; I'm sure guys would think nothing of it!) ;)!

[Octobermommy]

I don't think what you said was that big of deal because of is kind of true. My dd is very girly also and would love that but it would be a once a year thing.

[kayte]

I am not in any way against painting her nails.. I have painted my three year olds.
And on a rare occasion as a treat I can see taking your daughter to a place to have it done as a pair.

But I have an issue out of a salon specifically designing an area to cater to children. And I think mothers should look past the marketing to see that this could be pushing their daughters to act grown up before their time. Tiny chairs make it seem appropriate to the child to do it at that age--not like sitting in a chair clearly meant for an adult and knowing it's a special and out of the ordinary thing. If children regularly do this at 6, it will be passé by 7... Then what???

[ourbabygirl]

Oh, I know it... as a high school teacher in an upper-middle class suburb, I've seen it all. Don't forget the brand-new SUV/ sports car for sweet 16 and implants as a graduation present (if not before)! At least this last one is more what I've seen on t.v.!

[ourbabygirl]

On a similar note, how early do you all let your daughters get their ears pierced? My dad started at 30, then went down to 25, 21, 18, 16, 13, and finally allowed me to get them pierced at 12 (I think that's the only thing he thought he could control about me 'growing up').

[Wife_and_mommy]

You have a point but does your DN get regular mani/pedis? If so, your thought stands to reason but still noyb. If not, it's a special vacation treat that will become nothing more.

I think you were out of line. That said, I made the same comment to someone I know(can't remember who) before I had kids. I now try to govern myself when I have thoughts on parenting kids older than the age range I've parented. Things don't have to be as black and white as our minds make them in our imaginations.

[bubbaray]

OP, I don't think the point is whether or not you would chose to have a child of yours receive manis/pedis. I think the point is that you said something about THEIR choice to allow that.

ITA with the PP. I think your comment *was* out of line and I would be pi$$ed if someone said stuff like that to me about MY parenting choices. Its really a NOYB issue, particularly "in the moment" when they came home all excited about it.

JMHO.

[Melbel]

Your tone could make all the difference in how your comment was perceived. It does sound to me like you rained on their parade. I have taken DD1 to get our nails done together 2-3x per year since she turned 6. It is our special 1:1 "girl time" together, often followed by dinner out, and I get a pedicure out of it too! We cherish our special time together especially with our more hectic household since DD2. She does not have her ears pierced and is not allowed to wear makeup other than for dance performances. FWIW, I did not have a pedicure until I was in my 20's.

[kayte]

OP, I don't think the point is whether or not you would chose to have a child of yours receive manis/pedis. I think the point is that you said something about THEIR choice to allow that.

ITA with the PP. I think your comment *was* out of line and I would be pi$$ed if someone said stuff like that to me about MY parenting choices. Its really a NOYB issue, particularly "in the moment" when they came home all excited about it.

JMHO.

I am the OP-- My point is that the place even exists... As I said in another post --it's a matter of marketing it directly to children--small chairs make it seem like an average day thing for 6 yo to do. It's another story about a child sitting in an adult chair--where the impression clearly is that it's an adult activity.

[Ceepa]

I am the OP-- My point is that the place even exists... As I said in another post --it's a matter of marketing it directly to children--small chairs make it seem like an average day thing for 6 yo to do. It's another story about a child sitting in an adult chair--where the impression clearly is that it's an adult activity.

I see your point but your original question was about the comment you made. I wouldn't say you had to condone what they did, but I would have held my tongue.

[lizajane]

I am the OP-- My point is that the place even exists... As I said in another post --it's a matter of marketing it directly to children--small chairs make it seem like an average day thing for 6 yo to do. It's another story about a child sitting in an adult chair--where the impression clearly is that it's an adult activity.

i imagine that they are not marketing to CHILDREN, but rather to MOTHERS. If you have chairs for kids, then there is something for kids to DO while MOM gets a mani/pedi. now, i LOVE a pedi... but it isn't something i can afford to do once/week or even really once/month. i tend to go once or twice/summer and once or twice/fall-spring. but i certainly do not go with my kids, because they would be running around, getting into trouble and making me crazy when the whole point was to relax. if they had their OWN "spa treatment" while i had mine, i could go and get a little break on a day that i had no childcare. so if i had little girls, and $$, i would definitely go to THAT salon BECAUSE i could bring my kids along. not because they cater to the needs of my kids, but because they cater to MY needs for something to do with my kids. frankly, i would take my boys. they would go crazy for it. they beg me to paint their toes!

[MamaMolly]

I think it is a fair question, and the impulsive nature of the way you asked would take the sting out of it for me. It isn't like you sat there and thought of a way to put the mom down or her choices, really to me your comment isn't about nail painting but about the marketing to children that is pervasive in our society.

FWIW I'd think it was super cute to see the little chairs, and don't think it would have crossed my mind to look at the bigger picture. I actually appreciate it when people bring things like this to my attention. It is important to be a thoughtful consumer, and it is a skill that doesn't always come naturally to me!

[egoldber]

so if i had little girls, and $$, i would definitely go to THAT salon BECAUSE i could bring my kids along. not because they cater to the needs of my kids, but because they cater to MY needs for something to do with my kids.

Exactly. I think it sounds fun and a great way to keep Sarah occupied while I had my own treatment. Just because a kid does it once, does not turn it into a "weekly" like a PP mentioned.

[MamaMolly]

Waxing at age 12?

I gotta say if DD had a monobrow I'd probably take her to get it waxed long before 12. Kids can be so cruel, and it starts early. Probably when ever *she* was bothered enough by it to want it changed.

[Piglet]

I don't think it is any different than Starbucks offering a Kids Hot Chocolate on their menu. Sure it is a well crafted marketing technique to get the moms to bring the kids along and buy a coffee for themselves ansd spend money on the kids too, but it can also be seen as a lifesaver when the mom really wants a nice cup of coffee and a treat for the kid. My friend lives near Starbucks and it is a regular treat for the kids to get into the stroller and have a walk to Starbucks. I think they will have great memories of the ncie times they spent with their mom as young kids. It turns into a ritual and becomes their thing. The mom benefits and the kids benefit. Sounds perfectly reasonable even if the one that benefits the most is Starbucks ;)

[niccig]

I can see taking a daughter for a treat to a nail salon. But I wouldn't do it regularly. Heck, I don't get have regular pedicures...I have a gift certificate and I love it when I do it, but I just don't get around to it.

Even though I agree with your comment, it did sound like you were judging your sister and her parenting choices. And we all know how much we hate it when that happens..

[mom2binsd]

IDK... Around me (Long Island) I have on a few occasions been to get my nails done and seen little girls (4,5,6) in there for their *regular* weekly appointment. I even saw a 6 year old stop the manicure so she could answer *her* cell phone, and tell her friend, "Oh, nothing... I'm just at my weekly." ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
I think if it's a special occasion, a "girls day out" a birthday, wedding it's not such a big deal. If it's a WEEKLY thing for a 6 year old... I'd have to agree with OP and wonder what the child will expect as the "norm" later on. Waxing at age 12? Nose job at age 16? Granted, there were actually some girls I went to HS with that would really be doing this stuff... Tiffany bracelets for Christmas, nose jobs for graduation, Kate Spade bags in junior high... but I wasn't friends with them. :D

Maybe those little girls could be the future Real Housewives of Long Island!

[lilycat88]

:yeahthat:

DD knew that she had to wait until a certain age to have her nails polished and she knows she can only have light colors. In theory and in practice, I don't have an issue with girls (or boys for that matter) getting their nails polished but I don't like the idea of a "kid sized" set-up. I also wouldn't patronize a salon/spa that had it. It's soooo hard to keep kids from growing up too fast these days and I see this as just another example of things that lead to growing up too fast. On it's own, it wouldn't be a big deal. It's not the act itself but the environment and the expectation being established. Don't get me started on the fact that one of DDs classmates in preschool last year had a High School Musical birthday party/cake. Again, nothing wrong with it except it's not entirely age appropriate for a 3 1/2 year old.

I get a huge kick out of DD showing everyone her nails when she's had them polished a light pink that can barely be seen. She loves it. Or loved it. She seems to be over the whole nail polish thing for a while. But, it was something she and I did together sitting on the sofa chatting about her day.

And, there's always the fact that when I go to get a mani/pedi, it's to escape for a couple of hours and be pampered. The last thing I want to hear is children. :wink2:

[stella]

This has very little to do with the OP's post about whether she had a point - certainly you have a point! But your sister felt like you were judging HER for buying into the marketing to little girls. So that's probably why she was offended.

I have a friend about 10 years older than I am, and her daughters are 18 and 19. I remember that when they were 11 and 12, she would set up appointments for them to have manis and pedis. I was absolutely aghast for the same reason you were - what's left to experience as a grown-up after that?

But now, my friend is dying of cancer, and I think about her girls all the time, and I think about what a fun and nice mom she was to them as they were pre-teens and young teens. It made me really ponder what my dd (now 6 and oh how she would LOVE a mani/pedi!) will have to remember about me if something terrible like that happens.

Like I said, this has less to do with your post, and more to do with its relevance to me right now.