Orthodox Jewish Wedding questions

[blisstwins]

I was just invited to the wedding of a good friend who is orthodox. I have a few questions:
1) if the children's names were not on the invite they are not invited, right?
2) it says reception at 2, Chuppa at 3. What does that mean? Is there a party after the Chuppah? How do these things usually go? What happens at the reception?
3) What should I wear? It is at a synogouge in August.
4) What kind of gift should I give? Is cash traditional?
Thanks. I adore this friend and want to get it right.

[maydaymommy]

Not Orthodox, but I'll take a stab....



1) if the children's names were not on the invite they are not invited, right?
2) it says reception at 2, Chuppa at 3. What does that mean? Is there a party after the Chuppah? How do these things usually go? What happens at the reception?
3) What should I wear? It is at a synogouge in August.
4) What kind of gift should I give? Is cash traditional?


1) Figure it's just like a regular non-Orthodox wedding, so probably not.
2) Chuppa is the wedding canopy under which the ceremony takes place. So, there is probably something going on for guests before the ceremony, that begins at 2. Most likely the bride and groom are having something called a bedeken before the ceremony and there may be close family around for that. fyi, they sign the Ketubah (wedding contract) at that time, and I believe they are actually "married" then, before the ceremony beneath the chuppah. I would guess that there is a party/reception after the Chuppah, but I believe it usually says.
3) Modest dress is appropriate - no sleeveless, hem below the knees.
4) I believe, again, just like a regular wedding. Cash or registry, whatever you like.

Good luck
(or should I say Mazel Tov)

[mom2binsd]

I'm always interested in different types of ceremonies and looked it up.......

http://www.jewishcelebrations.com/Wedding/Orthodox/Etiquette.htm

Thank goodness for the internet!

[Piglet]

I was just invited to the wedding of a good friend who is orthodox. I have a few questions:
1) if the children's names were not on the invite they are not invited, right?
2) it says reception at 2, Chuppa at 3. What does that mean? Is there a party after the Chuppah? How do these things usually go? What happens at the reception?
3) What should I wear? It is at a synogouge in August.
4) What kind of gift should I give? Is cash traditional?
Thanks. I adore this friend and want to get it right.

I am Orthodox. The article the PP posted was very accurate!

1) Same as a regular wedding though when we got married a friend asked if she could bring her kids to the chuppa and take them home for the reception so that they could experience a Jewish wedding and we had no problem with that at all.

2) Same as a regular wedding, the chuppa is just the ceremony and the reception is the reception. The reception is dance til you drop. It will likely be separate dancing but join in on the ladies side and you will get a real work out. The guests' "job" is to entertain the bride and groom and you dance and dance the whole night. Our non-Jewish friends told us after our wedding that they had no idea that one minute they would be at a religious ceremony and the next they would be at an aerobics class, LOL. Wear comfortable shoes! Oh, and it depends on the level of orthdoxy with respect to seating at the reception/ceremony. We are modern orthodox and had mixed seating. My cousin is more orthodox and has some separate seating and some mixed. My parents attended a wedding that was totally separate. Maybe ask your friend, but my guess is that is will be mixed seating, which is more the norm outside of very orthodox circles.

3) Dress modestly - skirts/dresses/nothing sleeveless/nothing too revealing. A lot of women will be wearing summer suits. Just about anything on this page - http://www.overstock.com/Clothing-Shoes/Skirt-Suits/12783/subcat.html will work. Or wear a dress and a shrug/cardigan. Or a fancy skirt and a blouse/top. Here is a Jewish/Orthodox fashion site for an example - http://www.tabeez.com/

4) There might be a registry or cash is fine. The traditional cash gifts are done in multiples of $18 - $36/$54/72 etc. 18 (chai - pronouned like "hi") means life so it is very meaningful for Jews.

[mikeys_mom]

I am orthodox also, and agree with all the PP's.

One thing to clarify is the reception before the chuppa. It is typically held in 2 separate rooms - one for the bride and one for the groom. Most of the food will be in the room where the bride is. She typically seated on a large throne-like chair and guests will line up to congratulate her (and tell her how beautiful she looks!). There is often a large buffet with lots of food. This is not the main meal, there will be more later after the chuppa.

The room where the groom is in usually is just men in there singing songs in hebrew. Women don't typically go in there, but depending on the level of orthodoxy, some might.

About 15 minutes before the chuppa is scheduled to start, there will be lots of music and excitement in the room where the bride is. The groom will come in dancing with the men and lower the veil over the bride's face. Right before, the women are all going to crowd around the area where the bride is to get a good "view" of what is happening.

They are not married before the chuppa, just engaged. There are various documents signed indication that they are engaged according to Jewish law. The actual marriage is when the groom gives the bride the ring under the chuppa.

[Piglet]

I am orthodox also, and agree with all the PP's.

One thing to clarify is the reception before the chuppa. It is typically held in 2 separate rooms - one for the bride and one for the groom. Most of the food will be in the room where the bride is. She typically seated on a large throne-like chair and guests will line up to congratulate her (and tell her how beautiful she looks!). There is often a large buffet with lots of food. This is not the main meal, there will be more later after the chuppa.

The room where the groom is in usually is just men in there singing songs in hebrew. Women don't typically go in there, but depending on the level of orthodoxy, some might.

About 15 minutes before the chuppa is scheduled to start, there will be lots of music and excitement in the room where the bride is. The groom will come in dancing with the men and lower the veil over the bride's face. Right before, the women are all going to crowd around the area where the bride is to get a good "view" of what is happening.

They are not married before the chuppa, just engaged. There are various documents signed indication that they are engaged according to Jewish law. The actual marriage is when the groom gives the bride the ring under the chuppa.

Thanks for the clarification - it helps when I actually read the question before jumping in with an answer, LOL. Yes, the reception BEFORE the wedding is the time guests star arriving/milling around. The time the ceremony starts is 3. You don't have to be there right at 2, but make sure you are there by 2:45 or so to see the dancing/singing/veiling. That was my absolute favourite memory of my wedding. I still get a wonderful feeling in my stomach when I remember seeing DH coming towards me in this huge crowd of joy and revelry!

[mikeys_mom]

I still get a wonderful feeling in my stomach when I remember seeing DH coming towards me in this huge crowd of joy and revelry!

Me too!

I love watching the bride's face as the groom approaches - such joy and happiness. They usually have not seen each other for a week before the wedding.

[happymom]

Just wanted to clarify about the modesty- if they are very orthodox, the basic rules are- cover collar bone, knees, and elbows. I'm sure noone will object if you don't follow these rules exactly, but since you asked, I thought I'd tell you! Btw, I think its so sweet and sensitive of you to try and "get it right" for your friend. I'm sure you will have a great time- Orthodox weddings are very beautiful and lots of fun!