When a child's personality changes rather suddenly

[american_mama]

Has anyone else felt like their child's personality or behavior has changed rather suddenly? My DD2 is 4.5 years old and I feel like she's become a different child in the last year which, not coincidentally, corresponds to the birth of our third child and her enrollment in a prseschool classroom that has 10 or 11 boys out of 16 kids. At least I think those are the operative factors.

DD2 has always been a bit rough and tumble and tends to prefer playing with boys, but it's been magnified so much in the last year. She has become so physical almost all the time - runs instead of walks, tags and then runs away from kids who aren't playing tag and end up feeling like she's hit them, grabbing people's clothing to get them to play with her, sliding on her knees like she's sliding into home. When I hold her to get her attention, she is always pulling, jerking away, grunting. It's hard to get her to calm down and even harder to get her to stop doing something. A year ago, I thought she was an average child, sometimes rough, sometimes not. Now, in a group setting, I can almost guarantee that she'll be attracted to the kid who is wild, crazy, immature. That's become her preferred playmate and it makes me crazy.

Her social skills are poor. I hate describing it this way, but she easily gets "crushes" on older kids, often boys, and then wonders why they won't play with her. Umm, because they are 10 years old and you're 4. So then she tackles them, yells at them, punches them to say hello. I have seen so many older kids look with amazement at my 2,3, 4 year old who is literally throwing herself at them. She doesn't make friends easily with kids her age and when she does, she just gets it wrong... picks friends who don't seem to like her, wants their exclusive attention, says the wrong thing at the wrong time.

I don't think it's relevant to behavior, but she has also gained a lot of weight lately. I've bought her clothes that she seems to outgrow in 2 months; most of her 5T stuff is too small. My puny baby and toddler has turned into a 4 year old with junk in the trunk. I sometimes think she is borderline overweight; the pediatrician said maybe without much concern. I just look at her and think, "Who is this child?" She was literally 5th% percentile and under for the first 2 years of her life and now she's got the muscles and build of a little Serena Williams, no joke.

In DD2's defense, she does have times when she seems like the child I remember and not an emerging case of ADHD (I mean that seriously: ADHD does cross my mind). She can play independently better than her sister could at this age, likes long imaginative play with Little People or play doh, gets through errands and shopping with me very successfully, generally leaves a place like the library or play area with ease, likes art projects, gets positive reports from preschool teachers. It could be worse.

I just am constantly bewildered that I don't recognize my child a great deal of the time. I am hoping to get her involved in something liek soccer in the fall since I think the running and the stopping/starting/listening to a coach will really help her. But I wanted to know if anyone else feels like their child has become hard to recognize.

[ha98ed14]

Absolutely no BTDT, but listen to own words: "I barely recognize my child..." Wondering "if anyone else feels like their child has become hard to recognize..."

Not to be alarmist, but have you had an eval done? I would. Just to rule stuff out. If it is her personality, so be it. You can teach her coping skills. If it is a disorder/ disability, there are medications and therapy that may help your DD return to the child you more remember.

Some of what you wrote sounds similar to what Liza went through. I know therapy and meds helped her DS.

[bubbaray]

If she's gained a lot of weight and her personality has changed, I'd take her to the dr and ask for tests. Thyroid, glucose screening, etc. come to mind.

GL!

[pinkmomagain]

If your mommy inner voice is telling you something, I'd start talking with the ped about all of this and go from there.

I do have an ADHDer, and I think 4 is a little young for a dx, in my experience. But I will say that I would start working with her NOW on social skills. Four is a good age, when other kids are more flexible and reslient and aren't so quick to pass judgements on a child. Particularly girls...who tend socialize on a much more subtle and sophisticated level than boys. It's easier said than done, but there are some things you can do to help her out. Social skills groups can be found (run by psychologists or social workers) but you need to be careful that the children in the group are at a similar dev level as your child....sometimes that is hard to find. As a parent, you can arrange short playdates (like maybe an hour tops) for your dd where you are very hands on to model desired behavior and correct when necessary. It may even help to have sibblings out of the house with a sitter so you can really focus on the playdate. And set up a fun activity like maybe baking and decorating cookies or cupcakes. The activities should be pretty organized with little free play. And then build on those successes. It has taken awhile, but my dd2 is having the best year ever socially speaking (of course, I do think that her ADHD med has played a part).

I think it's great that you have made these observations about your child....sometimes we are all so busy it's hard to step back and notice changes. It could be just a passing phase, but I think you're smart to question and want to investigate further. GL!