Question about whether or not it is reasonable to say:

[lizajane]

"Honey, it hurt my feelings a little that you didn't clean up the kitchen on my birthday."

i was out with friends. kids were fed by me and went to bed by 7:30. i returned home just after 10pm.

discuss.

[DebbieJ]

does he ever clean up the kitchen or did you just expect him to because it was your birthday?

Either way, it's not unreasonable to let him know how you felt.

[Elilly]

Our house lives by the motto, " he (she) who cooks, does not clean up". So, yeah, that would be an issue for me.

[Moneypenny]

It's always reasonable to let people know how you feel. Perhaps he didn't know it was expected of him, in which icase t would be reasonable next year to remind him that birthday girls shouldn't have to clean up their own kitchens.

[Ceepa]

I'd probably let it go if he's a decent fellow otherwise. :)

[mommylamb]

Perfectly reasonable. I think it's part of having good communication with your spouce to let them know what you expect of them, and they should do the same.

[Corie]

It would depend on what he got me for a birthday present. :)

[Twoboos]

I think it's VERY reasonable to say "Honey, it hurt my feelings a little that you didn't clean up the kitchen while I was out. Especially on my bday" Birthday or no, you should not be faced w/a messy kitchen when you get home!

(Note, this is a total pet peeve of mine. DH does it ALLTHETIME and it ticks me off to no end!)

[kristenk]

I definitely think it's a reasonable thing to say if your feeling were hurt.

[stella]

yes - it was a totally reasonable thing for you to feel and even say, but it would have ticked my dh off. He would feel like "I stayed here and held down the fort while you got to go out with your friends, and you want to complain about what I *didn't* do while I was letting you go out with your friends?" But he doesn't take criticism well.

I'm assuming your dh didn't take it well either?

[alien_host]

I think that it's pretty nice that you haven't said anything already. If it were me and I walked in on table/sink full of dirty dishes on my birthday I would have unfortunately made a snarky remark like "thanks a lot for cleaning up while I was out on my birthday." Yeah I'm not good at holding in my feelings. ;)

Once I made dinner and DH has eaten with DD and I went out with friends and I came home to the dirty dishes and he was watching TV (claimed he was about to get up to wash them). I said something like the above b/c I found it incredibly rude that he couldn't clean up before I got home. He hasn't really done it since.

So since you've been so nice about not saying anything, I'd totally mention it in a nice way. My DH always says he's not a mind reader and if I don't tell him something is bothering me, he might not know (maybe he should know but you know what I mean).

[KrisM]

I think that's completely reasonable to say.

[billysmommy]

I think its reaspnable to let him know you were disappointed.

Was he home when you fed the boys? If I fed the boys while DH was out and then he came home and I left the dishes for him to clean up while I went out he would be upset (as would I if the situation was reversed)

[pinkmomagain]

yes - it was a totally reasonable thing for you to feel and even say, but it would have ticked my dh off. He would feel like "I stayed here and held down the fort while you got to go out with your friends, and you want to complain about what I *didn't* do while I was letting you go out with your friends?" But he doesn't take criticism well.

This would be my dh too. However, he does load the dishwasher many times without being asked.

[m448]

Depends on the context of why he didn't. Sometimes things come up and either you run out of time or forget. Did you specifically ask him? I know around here evenings are our winding down adult time so I'm loathe to do dishes at that point and tackle them in the AM if I haven't done so after dinner.

I don't know, it seems perfectly reasonable for you to say that to him BUT then if I were in your shoes and he came home one day and told me the same thing I'd be pretty ticked off.

[Melaine]

Yes, I think it is perfectly reasonable. If you don't say something, you will probably remain bitter about it (as would I).

[hillview]

Sure. I mean it is how you are feeling right? I think it is good to clear the air on these things. It may not mean you get what you want but at least you aren't expecting him to read your mind.
/hillary

[Melbel]

Perfectly reasonable, birthday or no birthday.

Happy Birthday, by the way! :)

[ahrimie]

Story of my life :(

My DH does this a lot. I do everything at dinner time and occasionally DH cleans up but he needs to be reminded. I feel like on days I have "off" (once in awhile dinner with the girls), he should have the decency to clean a little.

Curious what you decided to do...

[tsem]

The first thing I thought of after reading your post was that maybe he was upset that you went out with your friends on you birthday and didn't spend the evening with him. He could be a little passive aggressive by not helping out with clearing the table. He knew it would make you mad. I know my husband would be hurt if I didn't spend my birthday with him. Just a thought...
Traci

[MartiesMom2B]

The first thing I thought of after reading your post was that maybe he was upset that you went out with your friends on you birthday and didn't spend the evening with him. He could be a little passive aggressive by not helping out with clearing the table. He knew it would make you mad. I know my husband would be hurt if I didn't spend my birthday with him. Just a thought...
Traci


I know that this isn't the case because her husband was told by her friend who organized the party about it and he also offered to babysit one of my children if I wanted to go.