My 3yr old has no modesty.

[Clarity]

None. She thinks nothing of undressing and running around naked around people I don't particularly want her running naked around. The other day she thought nothing of exposing herself to my BIL's gf. (She'd wanted me to check on a "problem" down there.)
Running naked around mommy and daddy is not a problem for me. But I am torn between wanting her to have some modesty and not wanting her ever to be self-conscious or ashamed of her body. How do I find the fine line there?

[BabyMine]

Just let her know when it is ok to be naked. When I visited DS1's class when he was 3 I would see little girls lift up their tops. To lem it is not a big deal. Also, let her know that when she has to show you a certain are where an acceptable place and time to do that.

[brittone2]

You could tell her she's free to be naked in her room...not as a punishment, but as an appropriate place to be naked.

[kayte]

I have a friend with three boys, each 2 years older than the next. When I was first married and had no children I found it odd that every Friday from 4 in the afternoon until bed was "naked time". Her children ran around the house naked, ate naked, didn't have to undress for baths and they thought it was great.

I never really understood it until now --I have a three year old-if you let her, she would be naked, except for socks. She is also really curious about others being naked, not in a creepy way--just honest curiosity.

I am afraid that my 6 yo niece and nephew, with their yelling at her to get out when they are getting dressed or in the restroom will make her feel embarrassed (they are b/g twins and are really struggling for their own identity and need for privacy right now). I tried to talk to her about it just this weekend--when all the cousins were changing after water balloons and sprinklers on the Fourth. I found myself struggling with how to say being naked is okay and natural but we shouldn't share it with everyone and everyone won't want to share it with us.

[boolady]

Yeah, "I want to be bare" is a huge phrase in our house right now. She loves to run around sans clothing before bed and blow off some steam. I had to laugh out loud the other night as she did laps upstairs in sunglasses, one of my necklaces, and a pair of Crocs.

[Piglet]

She sounds like my boys. DS1 FINALLY developed a sense of modesty at age 7!! DS2 is 4 and very happy to run around naked. I think nothing of a 3 year old running naked at home even if you have family over. I might suggest some clothes if I felt it was inappropriate (i.e. boss was over for dinner), but otherwise, people understand that kids are kids.

[brittone2]

Back to add that DS was totally happy being naked at home (it helped him learn to potty learn IMO). AT age 5, modesty really kicked in. If I have to go into a public restroom with him, he makes me turn my back when he pees LOL. He also freaks if anyone walks in on him while he's getting dressed, pottying, etc. It came out of nowhere...right at age 5.

I suggested nakedness in her own room earlier. I've found that works for quite a few behaviors...like spitting. We redirect to the bathroom. We'll tell them "you can spit in the sink, not in the living room ;) " or whatever. Redirect it to a place where it is appropriate, kwim?

[Clarity]

Thanks for the ideas. Even more than running naked, it's that she laid down and spread her legs in front of the gf and was asking me to check to make sure everything was as it should be. It was one of those "oh dear" moments.
We were at the pool the other day and when she tugged on my top while playing I had to explain to her that women cover their breasts in public. She wanted to know why. I just told her it was modesty because really, I didn't have a good answer!

[catpagmo]

I had to laugh out loud the other night as she did laps upstairs in sunglasses, one of my necklaces, and a pair of Crocs.

Ha! That is so cute!

I just had to explain to DD yesterday why she cannot take off her swimsuit in Grandma's back yard. For some reason, DD just loves being naked lately.

[StantonHyde]

Being naked is an activity to be pursued in our household for DD!!! I had to have a rule--no being naked in the front yard. The house, the back yard--ok. I also had to say no peeing in the front yard!!! This child just has an innate desire to be naked. I think its payback. I spent lots of time naked as a kid.

[egoldber]

DS1 FINALLY developed a sense of modesty at age 7!!

Sarah too. Before that she couldn't care less. So I think it's just a developmental thing.

[kransden]

My dd is 6. She is just now getting some body modesty.

[ha98ed14]

Thanks for the ideas. Even more than running naked, it's that she laid down and spread her legs in front of the gf and was asking me to check to make sure everything was as it should be. It was one of those "oh dear" moments.


Well, one thing you can tell from this is that DD does have good boundaries. At least she knew that this was not something to ask the gf to do; she knew it was a job for mommy. So that's good, right? I mean, she may not know where to ask, but at least she knows who to ask. ;)

[kijip]

I have never met a really modest 3 year old.

Though I do have a boy who will not pee outside, ever. Makes some camping un-doable.

[happymom]

So I think it's just a developmental thing.

:yeahthat: Actually, when I evaluate my 4-5 year old students, one of the questions on the social-emotional development part of the test (actually the DAYC which was mentioned here recently) is whether or not the child prefers privacy in the bathroom. Very often, the answer is no. At 3 years old, I would say its totally normal to have no sense of modesty. Which is why, on a separate note, its so important to talk to children about the fact that its unacceptable for anyone except mommy/daddy or doctor to touch them on their bathing suit lines etc etc. Sorry to bring up a more negative topic here.

[kransden]

Oh I forgot.
When little girls get underwear after potty training, they love to show each other! It was a morning ritual in the 2 and 3 year old rooms. Who is wearing Belle, Sleeping Beauty etc. It eventually wore off. Luckily, all the parents were cool about it.

[maestramommy]

My 3.75 yo is not normally a "nekkid" child, but every night before bath, she goes to the potty, the strips down and runs out to show the non-bathing parent, which is our cue to say, "why Dora! You have no clothes on! It must be bath time!" And giggles insanely. That is the only time she forgets herself, because she's done it even when we have visitors. But she stays on the second floor and confines herself to the bathroom and wherever the other parent is.

[Clarity]

:yeahthat: Actually, when I evaluate my 4-5 year old students, one of the questions on the social-emotional development part of the test (actually the DAYC which was mentioned here recently) is whether or not the child prefers privacy in the bathroom. Very often, the answer is no. At 3 years old, I would say its totally normal to have no sense of modesty. Which is why, on a separate note, its so important to talk to children about the fact that its unacceptable for anyone except mommy/daddy or doctor to touch them on their bathing suit lines etc etc. Sorry to bring up a more negative topic here.

We have started having the "no one should touch you"/"you shouldn't touch anyone else" conversations and that's an important point. I'm glad you brought it up. And, yeah, only occasionally does she request privacy in the bathroom and it's usually when she's feeling cheeky.