s/o: seeking advice regarding Christianity

[JMS]

I really hope I am not opening a big can of worms here but I really could use some help and insight regarding something that is becoming increasingly more and more important to me.

I am a Christian. For purposes of this post, and to guard against possibly offending anyone, I don't think the denomination I was raised with is important to divulge. I went to one church regularly throughout my childhood but if anything felt a disconnect. I was raised with my mom's religion. For numerous personal and doctrinal reasons I fell out of the habit of church going. I never lost my relationship with God, I just stopped having any organized religion in my life. In terms of religion, currently I feel lost, but more than that, I feel naive.

My question/issue here is that I'm at a point in my life where I need church again. For myself and especially for my kids. I don't know where to start looking though and that is the advice I am seeking in this thread. I know I could visit all the local churches in my area, observe their practices, meet with their religion leaders and parishioners with a list of questions, but the idea is very daunting, not to mention time consuming. My basic belief is that Jesus is the son of God. It is very important that I find a church and/or denomination that is significantly open minded and accepting of everyone. I'm not ignorant enough to think that there is a perfect religious fit out there for me and my family - one whose belief system I am in complete agreement with. Well, if there is, hopefully I will find it - but realistically I'm looking for a religion with fundamentals and core beliefs that I can agree with. I realize that there can be substantial differences between different churches within a denomination.

From my limited understanding, salvation is a major difference between Catholics and the Protestant denominations. Obviously this is a biggie in terms of religious issues. I'm sorry that this post is so scattered, the truth though is that my thoughts themselves are quite scattered and I need BBB guidance in order to find religious guidance :)

So ... any suggestions of where I should start or what questions I should ask the churches I might consider? What questions should I ask myself?

PS: I quicky reread my post. Hopefully any offensiveness can be limited to poor grammar :)

[DietCokeLover]

Wow, that is a big question. Without knowing what types of "denominations" you are interested in, my first thought would be to look at some churches in your area's websites. Most churches will have a tab on their site that says something like "what we believe" or something close to that. I'd read that and see if you are comfortable with what you see there.

There are individual theological differences with each church/ denomination as well as different styles of worship (contemporary vs. traditional) in individual churches. You may just have to visit some to see what you are comfortable with and where you feel like you can be a blessing as well as being blessed.

[lizajane]

i would research methodist and presbyterian churches. i am presbyterian. i believe open-mindness is particularly important and i find that my childhood church and my current church meet my needs of valuing different ideas and respecting differences in opinion. we believe that jesus is the way and the truth and the light and all who believe in Him shall have eternal life. one must not "do" to receive grace or forgiveness, but must believe.

if i were not presbyterian, i believe i would go first to my friend's methodist church (my friend is the pastor.) i believe he preaches to their words, "our hearts, our minds, our doors are always open."

i went to an episcopal high school and taught at one. i am not adverse to the denomination, i simply find their style of worship to be more formal than i prefer. i personally am not behind all of the beliefs of the (ETA: southern) baptist church, nor is my husband, which is why he was willing to leave his childhood denomination in favor of mine. i am extremely liberal and i have found that the baptist ideology is more conservative than i. i prefer a little more formality than the non-denominational churches that i have attended provided.

not sure that i have helped. but i think the most helpful thing you can do is speak to your like-minded church-going friends and try out their churches.

[mamicka]

My first thought is to recommend finding an Alpha Course. As far as I know, it is totally non-denominational (but I don't know if that includes Catholic). www.alphausa.org

I don't think it would help in determining which denomination would be the best fit for you, but it might help you hash-out what your beliefs are to make finding a church that fit easier.

Disclaimer: I'm an evangelical Protestant Christian & I attend an Evangelical Covenant Church. www.covchurch.org

[schums]

I think you need to define your wants/needs more specifically. On one side of the inclusive but still Christian continuum is Universal Uniterian and United Church of Christ. Very inclusive, very liberal. My understanding (limited) is the UCC is more structured in terms of belief system, where UU is more open to individuals determining their own belief system. The other end is more traditional religion, like Episcapalians. More open, especially to same sex marriages, etc., but still very structured in belief systems and traditional services, etc. I'm thinking that Catholicism and evangelical protestantism isn't going to fit your needs well.

[specialp]

Look at there websites for information and maybe even ask your friends about their church. Even with that, nothing beats going to the church to see if its the right "feel" for you (I would warn against signing any new member, visitor information unless/until you want one of their congregation to come see you). When we were in college, my DH went to a different church every Sunday for almost a year. It was daunting as you said, but I think it made all the difference in the world for him when it was time for him to find a church home.

[gatorsmom]

Rather than recommend a particular denomination, I would suggest you start reading. Start reading books by different authors of different denominations and I would start with the denomination you were raised with. I say that because once you really understand your faith then you can compare the beliefs of other denominations to it. Ask yourself what SPECIFICALLY don't you agree with in your faith? That way you have a starting point for comparisons.

I'd also search the internet for the websites for the different faiths. Nearly all of them have websites now and that's often a nice way to peek in and see if you are interested in what they say. They may also have links to books that could help you understand their beliefs better.

I questioned my faith, too, at one point and started reading more about it. It really helped me clear up misunderstandings and clarified some points and now has been invaluable in explaining our faith to my kids.

hth.

[kijip]

I went through something very similar and initially returned to the denomination I was raised in (Catholic) and we attended there for over 2 years and still get their mailings etc but started to (again) really question the church as a whole, (not the particular church I attended, which I still love).

I would start by calling a few churches you are interested in and meeting with the priest or minister. I found most were amazingly informative and helpful with finding readings and resources for me, even if I had doctrinal differences with them. They usually after all are exceptionally well educated in the subject, holding at least 1 advanced degree in Theology! I spoke with a lot of Catholic priests, a couple Episcopalians (I have a bizarrely high number of friends/acquaintances that are Episcopal priests) and a Unitarian and attended A LOT of different places (I think more) before we started attending a Jesuit run Catholic church. As a returning Catholic, I felt extremely welcomed and well received and I will always, as a nature of being raised Catholic, be the most familiar/comfortable with a Catholic service.

However due to a series of events (some as a matter of convenience, some as a matter of not being in complete agreement with the Catholic church), I have landed in an American Baptist church with an amazing minister. His sermons challenge me to be a better human being and when he was selected to lead I larger church, we have followed him over there with the added bonus that bigger church means more kids and kid resources. Still, while I love their service and the sermons and the community, I don't feel Baptist, whatever that might feel like. And for now, I am ok with that. I am getting what I need right now and am happy continuing to figure out where I belong. The American Baptist (different from Southern Baptist) church we have been attending is open and affirming and the minister we like so much has been partnered to a wonderful man for 11 years.

However, I do have an appointment to chat with a new priest at the Jesuit Catholic church about the faith, yet again. Burying my mother out of that church (per her wishes) and the kindness they extended to us, I feel a pull towards my roots again. OTH, the minister at the other church is truly an inspiration and source of moral courage for me.

T loves going to church, does not care which one. Likes it more when there are other kids.

[JBaxter]

Most churches have web sites now. Ours lists the "what we believe" on the website. Start a search that way then with local ones then go visit the short list

Here is ours http://www.mbbchurch.org/maugansville_bible_brethren_church_what_we_believe .htm

[wellyes]

It is very important that I find a church and/or denomination that is significantly open minded and accepting of everyone.

I'd look into Universalist Unitarianism if I were you. It is the classic "I want my family to belong to a church but I do not subscribe to a specific doctrine" faith.

The wikipedia entry explains it really well. The only caveat is that not all people in the church are Christian, and the political leaning is definitely liberal. If you're OK with that, it's worth looking into:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unitarian_Universalism#General_beliefs_of_Unitaria n_Universalists

[kijip]

, i am extremely liberal and i have found that the baptist ideology is more conservative than i.

I was extremely reluctant to attend a Baptist church (we started attending with close friends, he was raised Episcopalian, she was raised American Baptist) because I thought Baptist = Southern Baptist. There are different central organizations and the main point is that control is not centralized, it is by the church. So we have found that 3 or 4 of the very most progressive churches in the city are Baptist. I certainly had my assumptions turned on their head!

[traciann]

My priority in looking at churches is biblically sound teaching. Are the pastors speaking directly from God's word? After that it doesn't really matter what demoniation it is. I believe its about your personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

Do your friends go to church? That would be my first place in figuring out what church to attend. When we moved we saw several churches and we went sunday to sunday trying them out. We could definatly get a feel if we felt comfortable with the teaching or not. Not every baptist church is going to be the same, or really all churches vary so I think its important not to get so stuck on not attending/or only attending a specifc demoination. KWIM?

[Happy 2B mommy]

Several years ago DH and I started searching for a church and faith that we could share that would be open and welcoming to all and that would respect our different theological roots. We ended up at a Unitarian Universalist church and are very happy. However, you need to be aware that UU church services vary greatly depending on the congregation and minister. Also, while Unitarian Universalism grew out of the Protestant movement, it is not usually recognized as a traditional Christian faith. Early Unitarians got their name because of their belief that there is no Trinity. So to most of today's UUs Jesus is simply Jesus, not Jesus Christ. This is one reason that UU churches have so many families who are inter-faith. Unitarian Universalism is creedless, so no one would ever ask you not to believe what you believe - just be aware that what you specifically believe might not be part of the worship service. I bring this up not to spark debate here, but simply because of how I intrepret what you stated in your post.

Christian churches that, IMHO, are open, liberal, and welcoming are UCC, American Bapist, most Methodist and Presbetarian. There may be others- that's just what DH and 'sampled and liked' in our neck of the woods!

[kijip]

Most churches have web sites now. Ours lists the "what we believe" on the website. Start a search that way then with local ones then go visit the short list[/URL]


This is a good point. Some of them are also really well developed and include audio and or video of all or some or recent lessons. I found that really useful when looking at a church. For example:

[url]http://www.seattlefirstbaptist.org/Default.asp?Header=Sermons&Locator=Sermons (http://www.mbbchurch.org/maugansville_bible_brethren_church_what_we_believe .htm)

[bubbaray]

DH and I couldn't agree on a denomination within Protestantism when he (finally) agreed to go to church with me and DD#1. He wanted to go to a German Lutheran church (um, dude, I don't speak German). I wanted to go to a United church (largest Protestant denomination in Canada, a mix of Presbyterian, Methodist and Congregational). He didn't like the kids program (lack thereof) in the United churches we visited.

We finally settled on a contemporary Mennonite church. Its quite "rockin", which DH likes (so do the girls), very music based. I miss the formality of the services I'm used to and hymns. But, the kids program is outstanding. I can't bear to take DD#1 out of it.

I don't feel connected with the church. I wish we had visited more churches and really felt a "connection" with the people before we stuck with one. It would be really hard to move DD#1 now. I can barely get DH to go anymore (a new pastor was brought in and DH really connected with 2 of the original ones, who have since retired and gone on extended missions).

GL!

[MontrealMum]

Very good advice about reading and checking out your local churches' websites. My church, for example, has streaming video of the service each and every week. They can't be the only ones.

I would also not get too caught up in "X demon. does this that I like, and X demon does that which I dislike." It really varies from church to church. Try to take them on their own terms IYKWIM.

[WatchingThemGrow]

Ok, this is going to sound crazy, and I don't think anyone has mentioned it... start your search by reading the BIBLE.

Find out what it says to you NOW as an adult, THEN, as you start to get a fresh perspective of what God wants you to know now, you will have a better idea of what your beliefs are. Participating in a non-denominational bible study (like Bible Study Fellowship - BSF (http://www.bsfinternational.org/)) will help you get situated first. There will be people from many churches there and you can get a better feel from visiting and reading about the ones in your area, along with getting to know people from the different ones. Many BSF classes have childrens' programs, so ask if one near you does and see if your DC can attend. It's a pretty involved study, but one I think everyone should do. We, as Christians, have these "ideas" about things sometimes which we just came up with and aren't necessarily biblical, but reading the actual Word will make those things more clear.

FWIW, I love the Life Application International Version (http://www.amazon.com/Life-Application-Study-Bible-NIV/dp/0842348921) which can be found just about anywhere -including Sams and Costco. Check it out.

I'm glad you asked this question. Sorry I didn't answer it directly, but I think reading the Bible daily first, and reading it with your kids will do more for getting you in the direction you want to be than just picking a church and going once a week.

[infomama]

Very good advice about reading and checking out your local churches' websites. My church, for example, has streaming video of the service each and every week. They can't be the only ones.


Yes, our church posts sermons online but in printed form.

[DietCokeLover]

Christian churches that, IMHO, are open, liberal, and welcoming are UCC, American Bapist, most Methodist and Presbetarian. There may be others- that's just what DH and 'sampled and liked' in our neck of the woods!

Just to add to what was written... I am Presbyterian, but am very conservative. There are several Presbyterian denominations. Of the ones that I am aware of - the PCA (Presbyterian Church in America) and the ARP (Associate Reformed Presbyterian) are very conservative. If you are looking for a more liberal leaning Presbyterian church, you would want to look at the PCUSA (Presbyterian Church USA).

[srhs]

In your situation, I would definitely look at the kids' program in my search. A lot of churches have dynamic programs where the kids learn Bible lessons, make friends, and have a great time in a safe environment. There should be something about their kids' services on the website along with the "What We Believe" and message info.

How about joining a group like MOPS if there's one in your area? Often, there will be moms from various churches as well as some who don't attend church. You can perhaps get to know some gals and then eventually ask them about their home churches. Also, you'll get familiar with the 'host' church. If they support a MOPS group, that's a good indication they value young families, kids, moms.
(I'd second the PP's suggestion about BSF too; most do offer childcare starting at age 3, I think, at the same time as the adult study. And you'll meet lots of gals from different churches and denominations.)

And good for you taking this step if you're feeling you and your kids need it! I personally grew up with no faith instruction/option and felt a real sadness about it my whole childhood.

[ha98ed14]

This is going to sound random, but I am just going to throw it out there. My gut tells me you should check into an ELCA Lutheran Church. It sounds to me like you might just need to go somewhere and absorb it rather than do a ton of research on line, book reading at this point. I think those things are important to decide on a denomination in the long term, but your post said that, right now, you are in a place that you need some spiritual guidance. "Right now" says to me that your plate is full at this moment and you need the comfort and guidance of a faith community more urgently than doing a lot of reading and internet research will allow at this moment.

So, IIWY, and I was in need of some spiritual guidance and support at this moment, as in a place to go THIS Sunday (tomorrow), I would look up the nearest ELCA Lutheran Church and pay them a visit. Check the phone book and then look at the website if you want. The ELCA Lutherans are very middle of the road in their beliefs and I have found them to have lots of room for a variety of beliefs, while still holding on to tradition in a way that preserves but does not exclude, if that makes sense.

Anyway, I hope that helps. I am going with my gut instinct on this one using what you said about believeing in the divinity of Christ, needing a place of support and guidance right now, and wanting a place that is accepting.

[kijip]

Ok, this is going to sound crazy, and I don't think anyone has mentioned it... start your search by reading the BIBLE.

I'm glad you asked this question. Sorry I didn't answer it directly, but I think reading the Bible daily first, and reading it with your kids will do more for getting you in the direction you want to be than just picking a church and going once a week.

Reading the bible and finding the right church don't really satisfy the same need for everyone. I say this as someone who has read the Bible completely 6 different times in my life. It's not that I stopped reading the bible, it's that I had a craving for a church community quite apart from that.

[MartiesMom2B]

Just to add to what was written... I am Presbyterian, but am very conservative. There are several Presbyterian denominations. Of the ones that I am aware of - the PCA (Presbyterian Church in America) and the ARP (Associate Reformed Presbyterian) are very conservative. If you are looking for a more liberal leaning Presbyterian church, you would want to look at the PCUSA (Presbyterian Church USA).

There is also the Evangelical Presbyterian Church which has been splitting off from the PCUSA. www.epc.org


ETA: from what you want, I would honestly start with the United Church of Christ. They kind of sound like what you are looking for. I've been a member of the UCC. I'm now a member of the PCUSA - but I've been becoming dissatisfied with the church's hierarchy in regards to the governing of the church. The UCC is congregational church where the members make the decisions regarding the church. From there branch out, find out what you can. Good luck with your journey.

[bubbaray]

Reading the bible and finding the right church don't really satisfy the same need for everyone. I say this as someone who has read the Bible completely 6 different times in my life. It's not that I stopped reading the bible, it's that I had a craving for a church community quite apart from that.


:yeahthat:

[spunkybaby]

How about joining a group like MOPS if there's one in your area? Often, there will be moms from various churches as well as some who don't attend church. You can perhaps get to know some gals and then eventually ask them about their home churches. Also, you'll get familiar with the 'host' church. If they support a MOPS group, that's a good indication they value young families, kids, moms.
(I'd second the PP's suggestion about BSF too; most do offer childcare starting at age 3, I think, at the same time as the adult study. And you'll meet lots of gals from different churches and denominations.)

ITA. MOPS groups are fun and are a good, low-key way to meet moms. Not everyone at a MOPS group goes to church (the groups are open to everyone), but if you click with someone at the group, you may be happy visiting that person's church too. You can find a local MOPS group at www.mops.org.

BSF is great, but I would actually recommend Community Bible Study (http://www.communitybiblestudy.org/) in your situation (I've been to both). CBS is also interdenominational and draws people from different churches, so again, you will meet lots of people. One difference, however, is that CBS is a little more low-key than BSF and that the children's program often starts from birth, so you could bring all your kids this fall rather than having to wait until the littlest one is 2.

I agree with kijip that finding a church community is also important. Do any of your close friends go to church? If so, I would try asking them where they go and visiting their churches (and do make sure there's a nursery and kids' program so that you can actually attend the service).

Good luck with your search.

[katydid1971]

[QUOTE=srhs;2417816]In your situation, I would definitely look at the kids' program in my search. A lot of churches have dynamic programs where the kids learn Bible lessons, make friends, and have a great time in a safe environment. There should be something about their kids' services on the website along with the "What We Believe" and message info.
QUOTE]

ITA WE have a problem where we live close to a church that we love it's message and it's minister and its the denomination I grew up in but there are NO young families at all, in fact I think everone is 65+. They love when we come and DC's have the nursery and all the toys to themselves but there is no children's sunday school etc. There are a few churches in our area that have big family membership and programs but I REALLY don't like the message or we could drive across town for 45 minutes to go to one with both.

[WatchingThemGrow]

Reading the bible and finding the right church don't really satisfy the same need for everyone. I say this as someone who has read the Bible completely 6 different times in my life. It's not that I stopped reading the bible, it's that I had a craving for a church community quite apart from that.

Oh, I agree they are two different things. My point (that might not have gotten made well) is what another poster said. If you get involved in a study and find some others you agree with, you could visit their churches.

Spunkybaby made a good suggestion with CBS. I've only heard of it, but it sounds like it may be a good option as well!

[lizajane]

I was extremely reluctant to attend a Baptist church (we started attending with close friends, he was raised Episcopalian, she was raised American Baptist) because I thought Baptist = Southern Baptist. There are different central organizations and the main point is that control is not centralized, it is by the church. So we have found that 3 or 4 of the very most progressive churches in the city are Baptist. I certainly had my assumptions turned on their head!

yes! i edited to clarify that as we are in the south, our baptists are southern baptists. thanks for the explanation.

[lizajane]

There is also the Evangelical Presbyterian Church which has been splitting off from the PCUSA. www.epc.org


ETA: from what you want, I would honestly start with the United Church of Christ. They kind of sound like what you are looking for. I've been a member of the UCC. I'm now a member of the PCUSA - but I've been becoming dissatisfied with the church's hierarchy in regards to the governing of the church. The UCC is congregational church where the members make the decisions regarding the church. From there branch out, find out what you can. Good luck with your journey.

just for the record... sonia and i go to the same church.

[maylips]

[/QUOTE]ITA WE have a problem where we live close to a church that we love it's message and it's minister and its the denomination I grew up in but there are NO young families at all, in fact I think everone is 65+. They love when we come and DC's have the nursery and all the toys to themselves but there is no children's sunday school etc. There are a few churches in our area that have big family membership and programs but I REALLY don't like the message or we could drive across town for 45 minutes to go to one with both.[/QUOTE]

We have that same problem! We are Methodists and liberal ones at that. In our small town, it's hard to find a church that's large enough for a great children's program that isn't Southern Baptist. We have 5 or so kids in the nursery on a full week and it makes me sad for our kids (even though I grew up in a small church too). Thing is, our church isn't that small, it's just the demographics are not in our favor. But yes, having a place that your kids feel open, safe, loved, and where they are taught about Jesus is very important in choosing a great church.