Was Anyone else's DC a terrible sleeper? Please tell me there is hope!

[jenfromnj]

My DS is only 4 months old, but his sleeping has gone from bad to worse in the past month or so. He has never needed much sleep, which our pediatrician says is unfortunate for us but not a health issue. When he was a newborn, he was often up from 10pm to 6am, then slowly started to get better and would sleep for 2 or 3 hours at a time. Then a few weeks ago, he developed a rash that required a trip to the pedi and an rx, and started waking up every hour again. Our ped is of the opinion that time will help, and we've already tried everything we can find: we have a fairly strict bedtime routine, do everything possible to encourage naps during the day, put him down drowsy but awake, white noise, etc.

Most of my friends and family members were lucky enough to have great sleepers, and don't seem to understand how frustrating it is (not to mention the sleep deprivation)! I am hoping that someone can provide some encouragement, or even any suggestions as to how they were able to get their DC sleeping better-either would be greatly appreciated!

[Indianamom2]

Yes! I had a terrible sleeper.

My DD had bad colic as an infant and never slept the 16-18 hours a day that "all" newborns sleep. Yeah right! I actually recorded all her sleep and she generally slept more like 10 hours, 12 on a good night. I was ready to tear my hair out.

I kept hoping that the colic was the cause of the lack of sleep and thinking to myself, "When she hits 3-4 months, the colic will be gone and then it will get better." It didn't. Then I'd pick some other reason why she wouldn't sleep and again, nothing changed. I was setting myself up for failure because I just ended up with a child who fought sleep harder than you can imagine.

It was rough, I won't lie. It also didn't get better very quickly, and I only say this to maybe help you avoid the pitfalls I faced (hoping it would change when "X" happened) To be perfectly honest, it got so bad that on two separate occasions, at least a year apart, we got a referral to a behavioral phsycologist just for the sleep issues. Even then, we didn't get much help, just reassurance that we were, indeed, doing the right things.

This last year, since DD has been in preschool on a regular schedule, things finally improved and are pretty reliable. She goes to be around 7:30 (we start the process at 7:00 and is up by 7:30 during the school year, maybe 8:00 in the summer. Even on the days when she does not have school, I don't let her sleep any longer.

Oh and just to be clear, our biggest issue once we got past the infant/ 1st year stage was that she would literally scream and cry for hours before finally giving in and going to sleep. We tried IT ALL and CIO for us was the only thing that ever worked, but it was a long and painful process.

I hope that things turn around for you, but in the meantime, know that you are not alone with a "bad" sleeper and that you're not doing anything wrong....some kids just don't sleep well and it stinks, but it will, someday get better.

Hugs,
Christina

[SnuggleBuggles]

My ds2 turned a corner at 17m. Long way off, I know. Until then he went in about 10 day cycles of mostly good nights (still waking about 1-2 times) then a few horrible nights where he was awake and ready to party in the middle of the night.

Co sleeping works well for some people and could be worth a shot.

How do you handle the middle of the night wake ups? I know the books say not to feed them back to sleep but for me that was a fast, easy way to get him back to bed.

Btw, ds1 was a fantastic sleeper until he hit 6m. So, when I have people tell me what a great sleeper their infant is I take it with a grain of salt b/c I know good sleepers don't always stay that way. He got better at 19m (with some good stretches in there too) and stayed a great sleeper. Some of my friends had great baby sleepers but had a lot of issues in toddler and preschool years. A friend with a 6yo is still struggling. I would gladly take a round 1st year if that means I could have good, consistent sleep from then on (which I have had with ds1).

Physical and emotional milestones will continue to be an issue the whole first 18m. But, I bet you will have a spell of some much needed sleep soon. Once they learn to roll they often get a bit better- it;s that run up to reaching that milestone that often makes sleep even worse.

It won't last forever and you will get through. Again, consider co-sleeping, feeding back to sleep or even taking shifts with your partner so you can get a longer stretch (go sleep somewhere else in the house).

Beth

[jent]

I don't have time for a long reply, but yes, my DD was a terrible sleeper, and yes, it got better. When she was a little bit older than your DD we did the Ferber method and it worked quickly (w/in 2 days). She still has setbacks from time to time; nighttime sleep improved first; naps were always hit or miss until she went on one nap a day at 14 months.

Hang in there, try what works for you.

[Nooknookmom]

Yup. She had reflux, screamed all day, hardly took naps (woke w/ a pin drop). At night, she woke up approx. every 1.5-2 hrs, depending on her little body clock.

It wasn't until after 15 months that she slept through the night w/ out waking for a feeding.

I know, it seems like a loooooooong way, you'll make it though!! If you can, grab a nap w/ the baby, it saved my sanity.

[inmypjs]

My first was a terrible sleeper. I can identify with so much of your post! His sleep worsed a lot around 4-5 months old. He was sleeping for shorter amounts of time at night at that age than he was at 6-12 weeks. None of my friends could identify either - they all seemed blessed with easy babies who slept through the night on their own by 8-12 weeks.

We did take some drastic action around 5-6 months old. We did a variation of crying it out. I would feed him at 10:30/11pm at night, then not again til 6am. If he woke in between, we would check on him, pat, reassure, etc. but we did not pick up and we did not feed. It was soooooo hard! Honestly my DH handled most of it because it was just too hard for me. But 3 or 4 days later, he was sleeping through that stretch of time. The wakings just got fewer and shorter. It took me longer LOL! But he has truly been a great sleeper since.

So I guess my advice is - it does get better and there is hope! Do what feels right to you. For babies that are not great sleepers, I think you do have to take some steps to behaviorally shape their sleep at some point.

[deannanb]

DS was sleeping in the swing from 4-6 months - I had no problem with it - knowing that "one day" he would sleep in the crib. I made sure he was buckled in and off to sleep he went - I didn't have the swing on - he just wanted to be sitting up -

It was right about 7 months when DS was sleeping better -
now at one year - he sleeps from about 6:30p to 6 am -

so give it some time - it will get better -(hopefully)

[jenfromnj]

Yes! I had a terrible sleeper.

My DD had bad colic as an infant and never slept the 16-18 hours a day that "all" newborns sleep. Yeah right! I actually recorded all her sleep and she generally slept more like 10 hours, 12 on a good night. I was ready to tear my hair out.


I did the same thing--I see the charts in all of the baby sleep books and have to laugh--DS also averages about 10 hours per 24 hour period, even my own parents didn't believe me until we went to stay with them over 4th of July weekend.

Thanks so much for all your replies--my DS has reflux, which thankfully seems to be improving, and I hoped that he'd sleep better as a result. But so far, no such luck. I am really hesitant to try CIO (when he's of the age), I fear I am too much of a wimp to be able to implement it properly. I am trying to follow the "No Cry Sleep Solution" program, but even with a strict bedtime routine, we often have an hours-long battle to get him to sleep.

[KrisM]

I had a terrible sleeper in DS1. He didn't have colic or reflux or anything. Just a terible sleeper who liked to wake up a lot. He got better about a year with only a couple of wake ups a night. He didn't start to regularly sleep through until age 4, but before that it was only once a night and we'd just walk him back to bed and cover him up. Now, at 5, he does well. I know that's a long, long way off, but you'll get there.

[Indianamom2]

Jen,

I also wanted to add a couple things...you will get advice from everyone under the sun and 99% of them will make you think you are doing something wrong. The truth is that you have a child who struggles with sleep for some reason. It's not you...and it will eventually get better, but the other 99% will never get it. They have no idea how lucky they are. This includes even the most well-intentioned family members.

I also forgot to mention that we did whatever it took to get DD to sleep. She would never...EVER...go to sleep drowsy. We tried and tried, but ultimately I had to nurse or rock or hold her until she was out. For the first 3-4 months, she slept on the spare bed with me, DD propped up in her Boppy pillow and me on the other side. It was the only way I could get her to sleep and get any sleep myself. (I did not want to co-sleep and am so glad we didn't start that.) After that, we moved her into her own room/crib, but still in the Boppy pillow (yes, I know it's not recommended, but sometimes you do whatever it takes to simply survive).

Right now, you're in the midst of survival mode still...next will come trying to do more than survive. By 6 months, your little one will be old enough to try some other options (We didn't CIO until at least then). Hang in there.

Christina

[lizajane]

dylan was a terrible sleeper as a baby. and as a toddler. and as a small child....

he is still a bad sleeper. he is 4 1/2. but taking him off gluten made a DRAMATIC difference. so if sleep doesn't get better by age 2, start looking for allergies and intolerances. i wish i had known 2.5 years ago! i was tired for 5 years... (didn't sleep while pregnant with him, either.)

[DietCokeLover]

Oh Mama, I feel your pain.

DS was a horrid sleeper and is still not great. For the first 11 months of his life, he woke up on average 12 times PER NIGHT!!! He did not nap for more than 45 minutes at a time and that was usually only one time per day. I thought I would lose my mind and we had him scheduled to be evaluated at a sleep clinic for children.

However, when he started walking at 11 months, he started to sleep better - by which I mean he would only wake up 2 times per night.

He is now 19 months and he still struggles with sleep, and he still often times wakes up in the night and needs help to get back to sleep, though he will occasionally go through the night. He is an EARLY riser though.

Anyway, yes, it is hard and it is draining - emotionally and physically. If you are able to find some way to help your DC sleep so that you can get sleep, I am a huge proponent of you do what you have to do.

Hang in there Mama, it has to get better - right?

[shoxie]

My DD is now 3.3, and has finally begun sleeping through the night somewhat consistently. She did a stretch of sleeping through the night at 2, right after DS was born, but it's been a roller coaster since then up until a few months ago. She was a colicky baby and nursed every couple hours until about 19mos when DH nightweaned her. I was exhausted and 5mos pregnant. We never tried CIO with her - she has a too sensitive and high needs temperament. In any case, we co-slept for a long time, and there are still nights when DD will wake and we go comfort her or she'll crawl into our bed. I'm ok with that. DS is a MUCH better sleeper. Just hang in there - it does get better. I know it seems like you're in a deep, dark hole right now - but try to think of the future (not easy to do, I completely understand) and how she'll be locking you out of her room when she's a teen. Try to grab sleep whenever you can.

At 4mos, it's still relatively early for children to sleep through. This is also the time when they're going through huge brain changes, and some children are more senisitive to that. There's a book called "Wonder Weeks" - it's a very interesting read.

Also, many babies, especially those EBF, don't sleep through for a long while. I think even Weissbluth mentions that it's normal for breastfed children to nurse once a night until they're a year old. My DD nursed MUCH more often than that, but with co-sleeping, it was much easier than if I would've had to wake up fully and nurse. Also, enlist DH to help you get more sleep if you're not already doing so. Lastly, try not to compare your situation to anyone else's - that was always my downfall. I'd see how much better other babies were sleeping, and I'd get more upset. I had to just tell myself that this was our situation for better or worse, and that we were doing nothing wrong. DD was just not a great sleeper for whatever reason. She's doing much better now sleep-wise. The one good thing is that she was a champion eater! :)