Biological/step dad issues

[bhuber83]

So, my 4 yo son's biological father came by to visit today and deccided to take it up with my wife that "his" son should not be calling me dad.

Here's the background: I have been around since he was 4 mo and am now married to his mother. His biological father left shortly after conception and even went about denying that this was his son. He decided in Decemeber to file for visitation (mind you "his" son was 3-and-half yo) and saw him for the first time in over a year shortly after Christmas. He was granted supervised visitation everyother weekend from Friday evening to Sunday evening. He usually only has time for about 4-5 hours everyother weekend to see/spend time with him. My son still refers to him as a friend and calls him by his name (this is how his bio father introduced himself to begin with.)

Now after coming around for 7 months, for a few hours everyother weekend, he says that his son shouldn't be calling my dad and that if we don't correct him he will correct him on the spot. How would you all handle this situation? Thanks for the input!

[bhuber83]

Sorry I don't know how to edit, but this is my first post. My wife has been a member for a while and she gets a lot of good advice from here so I thought I could try my luck and see what everyone has to say. Thanks!!

[JBaxter]

Are you getting any family therapy? I would start there but it sounds like you are his daddy and a daddy is much different then a father. I would NOT change what your son calls you.

[lizajane]

i agree that you may need a third party - family counselor- to intervene. i have no idea what you can do to resolve the issue, but had to say that i agree with you. he may be the "father" but you are definitely daddy.

[bhuber83]

My DW and I have talked about family counseling, but haven't delved into any further. We are going to try and mediate this through email first (for documentation purposes and to allow everything to be said without interruptions) then if that doesn't work we will either head to counseling or the court for a continuance in supervised visitation. Thanks for your alls input!

[niccig]

In my opinion you are truly Daddy. I don't have any advice on how to mediate this, but I do hope you can work something out.

[MamaKath]

In my opinion you are truly Daddy. I don't have any advice on how to mediate this, but I do hope you can work something out.
:yeahthat:

[Wife_and_mommy]

That's a trickly one.

As much as we all agree that you're daddy to DS, bio dad must either have a mental issue or is just a jerk to ask(i.e.demand) a 4yo not acknowledge the only dad he's ever known. It's just plain wrong on his part, IMO.

Would he even go to counseling with you all? I doubt it from what I'm hearing.

I'm sorry you're all having to go through this.

[wellyes]

Hopefully you can reason with him from a "in the best interest of the child" perspective. What has your son been calling him so far? Perhaps you and he can agree on a father-ish nickname for him so that he still feels acknowledged as part of your son's life.... without asking that the child's universe be disrupted in the process.