Feeling badly about myself as a mom..

[daisyd]

Since I returned to work recently, I get a lot of people asking me how DC is doing. At one point during my work day when the question was asked, I was totally blanked out. It took a full minute for me to realize what she was talking about. In my mind I was going "Hey, you actually have a baby. He's 9 months and DC is in daycare right now". My colleague noticed my blank expression and she said "You forgot about DC, didn't you?"

This was not a crazy busy day either. I don't know how I got to that state, but I'm feeling badly about myself as a mom...Anyone had this happen to you?

[egoldber]

I don't know. I don't know that I think it's healthy to think about your kids all day at work. I know that I definitely get into a "work zone" where I really don't think about the kids much during the work day.

[BabyMine]

Why do you feel guilty? Just becasue you blanked when she asked doesn't mean you don't love him. I did that a lot with DS1. It takes awhile to adjust.
You are not a bad mom. You are a normal mom.

[Ceepa]

Don't worry about it. Sometimes I blank when the kids are with me. Mommy Brain.

[MmeSunny]

This happened to me all the time the first year. Even now, (DD is almost 2) during her naps on Saturdays, sometimes I'll space that she's in there sleeping and get ready to run to Target or something and as I'm grabbing my keys I'll think, "Oh wait. I can't go anywhere. I've got a kid sleeping alone in there. . . ." :hysterical:

[wellyes]

Yup, Mommy Brain. My comes when I'm without her too, if DH is watching her while I'm shopping, more than once I've had a moment of panic, wondering if I'm supposed to have her with me but I .... I dunno, left her somewhere. It's not logical.

[egoldber]

This is the kind of thing that happens when people "forget" they have their infant in the car and accidentally leave them in the car all day. People think it can never happen to them, but it easily can! Your mind gets into a "groove" of thinking a certain way when on the way to work/school, etc. and it can be hard to break that. I had to pick up and drop off Amy two days last week (normally I just do pick up) and I had to consciously make myself remember to not leave the house without her!

[mamicka]

Don't worry about it. Sometimes I blank when the kids are with me. Mommy Brain.

Yeah - this totally. With the first especially, it takes a while for your brain to catch-up. LOL! Don't feel bad at all.

[goodnightmoon]

You've spent 20-something (or 30-something or 40-something) years without kids. You've had a baby for 9 months. It is completely normal to space out every once in a while and forget. Like the pp, I also would get ready to head out during the first year and then remember I had a baby upstairs napping. :)

[DrSally]

I called DD by DS's name for a few weeks after she was born--yep mommy brain.

[Naranjadia]

You've got to consider also that you are transitioning back to working. So you've not only got mommy brain, but you're also trying to add back in your work role. It seems natural to me that you would might have trouble flipping back in forth from being "present" in both roles.

[daisyd]

Thanks all. That really helped.... I'm feeling better now :)

[citymama]

Don't feel badly about yourself as a mom. You have many identities - mom, partner, daughter, worker, friend, etc. Even though being mom dominates our brains much of the day, it doesn't all the time, especially as our kids get older. When DD and I are hanging out after preschool I am able to totally blank out my work life, which dominates my brain the rest of the day. When I'm working, I think about work but DD pops into my head frequently. When I take work trips out of town, I usually feel guilty halfway through the day when I realize I just made it to lunch without thinking of DD or DH. Then I call them. It's OK - don't sweat it!

[amldaley]

Mommy brain. Mommy guilt. All pretty normal.

I went back to work when dd was 6.5 mo old (back in Feb) and I am still having a hard time catching up. Our brains are having to keep track of 100% of our professional selves and 100% of our mommy selves and at some point, I figure, it is like when you open too many windows on your computer at once and they jam up. We just can't process!

There are good days and bad days, too. There are days when I leave her at day care and sob in my car on the way to my office (about 4 minutes away). There are days when some sappy song pushes me over the edge. Then there are days when I get so in to my work that I don't really "miss" her until I take a break.

Us workin' mama's have to do whatever we can just to keep it all together. If you are taking good care of your dc, and doing what you need to do for your family, then you are doing alright. :bighand:

Don't let some co-worker with a clever line and keen observation get ya down. You didn't "forget" about your dc...your brain just needed a moment to catch up to the conversation!!!

Be good to yourself...and, if you can't be good to yourself....come here and we'll be good to you. :hug: I rely heavily on the BBB'ers on those bad days and to help me cope with the crazy mommy brain moments.

[kijip]

Don't worry about it. Sometimes I blank when the kids are with me. Mommy Brain.

Yeah I intermittently seem to have a 6 year old (or is he 5?) named F and a baby named T. Of course, it's just the reverse but I mix it up a fair bit! And there have been times I was doing something just with T and then I remember, wait, we have 2 sons now.

You have spent the last 20+ years not being a mama. You have been a mama for 9 months. It takes some getting used to!

[KarenLud]

Oh my gosh..don't feel bad! I'm not even back at work yet but I went on a job interview today and on my way home..I remembered...oh yeah..I have a son! Weird! When I'm home I can't imagine being away from him (well, most of the time anyway ;) ) I think it's totally normal!

[TahliasMom]

dont feel bad. it's hard to wear multiple hats in the beginning. it does get easier and knowing your child is in good hands makes it easier. dd went into a wonderful homecare at 14 months and then preschool at 3 yrs. she's 5 and turned out just fine! she's a happy well adjusted child, and most days prefers her friends over me. plus she's so high energy that i am wiped out after a weekend with her!
look at work as your time...

[maestramommy]

The day I brought Laurel home from the hospital I called her Arwyn. And I call Arwyn Laurel.

Mommy Brain is a weird thing.

[wellyes]

I'm not even back at work yet but I went on a job interview today and on my way home..I remembered...oh yeah..I have a son! Weird!

LOL and also BTDT.

Thank goodness for these boards to remind us we're all (reasonably) normal.

[elephantmeg]

I know DH doesn't think about me or the kids at work. And really I don't think about them much at work either-except when I have a slow night shift and then I occasionally panic about whether the kids are alive. sigh. Totally normal.