WWYD - One kid invinted to party, what to do with the others?

[jess_g]

This has happened to us several times over the years and I am wondering what everyone else does. We have 3 kids and many times only one of them will be invited to a party. What do you do with the other kids? Do they just stay home with a sitter? Or do you just drop off the one kid at the party and hang out outside or something with the other kids until the party ends? Most of the parties my kids are invited to are not just drop off parties but the parents hang out at the party too. The latest one is during the week in the summer so we have no babysitting available. Its easier on the weekend when the other kids can stay home but I always feel guilty that they don't get a special playtime too. Just wondering what other parents do?

Thanks,

Jessica.

[annasmom]

Most of the parties that I have thrown, or that my friends have thrown, that are mid-week are open to siblings for just that reason. If not, I wouldn't go - I wouldn't be able to.

I definitely wouldn't bring a sibling that was not invited. I have thrown one mid-week party because the place at which my son wanted his party is crazy on the weekends. I made sure that all the parents knew that siblings were invited. Some came with siblings, and wanted to pay for their own children - but I insisted on paying. I have to say it really did add up, so I don't know if I would do it again. A backyard party sure, but at a party place it can get expensive.

ETA: Meant to say I'm not sure I would have another mid-week party, not that I wouldn't invite siblings again.

[JBaxter]

If only one was invited then only one should go. Alot of esp older children have friend parties and dont want siblilings of friends ( who they may not even know) to attend. AND it cost $$ for some of these parties.

We have either left the others with Dad or Grandma if I was planning on staying or dropped the child off if they were older

Showing up with extra kids throws off the numbers for food and goodie bags.

[egoldber]

Most parties are on the weekend, partially for that reason. It's definitely not OK to show up with uninvited siblings. I would talk to the mom (assuming you are friendly) and let her know that you won't be attending because you don't have a sitter for the other kids.

[o_mom]

Most parties are on the weekend, partially for that reason. It's definitely not OK to show up with uninvited siblings. I would talk to the mom (assuming you are friendly) and let her know that you won't be attending because you don't have a sitter for the other kids.

:yeahthat:

I would also add that if you are close, maybe she can tell you of a mutual friend in the same situation or one with only one DC that could chaparone your child (if you are comfortable with that).

[lizajane]

i leave one kid with daddy or a friend OR i call the mom and ask if i may bring my other child along because i have no child car, at MY cost.

[Ceepa]

If I didn't have a sitter for the others than we wouldn't go. I personally wouldn't offer to pay because that puts the mom in an awkward situation. Then again, I have visions of my ILs thinking as long as they paid for extra guests they could invite hordes of strangers to our wedding. Um, no.

[KrisM]

Huh. Our mid-week parties have always included siblings or been drop-offs, for this reason. Both DS1 and DD had drop-off parties here this year and it worked well.

If we were invited to a mid-week party that DH wouldn't be around for, we'd probably decline. I don't see myself hiring a babysitter so I could take 1 kid to a birthday party.

If it's on a weekend, I leave the other kids at home. They get special playtime with DH then, so it works for us. I don't let myself feel guilty about it because life isn't going to be even-steven all the time.

[egoldber]

Or do you just drop off the one kid at the party and hang out outside or something with the other kids until the party ends?

I didn't see this at first. If the invited kid is old enough and I was comfortable with the venue, this is probably what I would do.

Sometimes it isn't so much the cost of the party, but the venue may have a limit on the number of kids. Or even if it is an at home party, some people may not want to have kids of widely varying ages. We run into this a lot because Sarah is so much older than Amy. Activities for the age of the birthday kid may simply not be suitable for the younger age group.

[KrisM]

I didn't see this at first. If the invited kid is old enough and I was comfortable with the venue, this is probably what I would do.

Sometimes it isn't so much the cost of the party, but the venue may have a limit on the number of kids. Or even if it is an at home party, some people may not want to have kids of widely varying ages. We run into this a lot because Sarah is so much older than Amy. Activities for the age of the birthday kid may simply not be suitable for the younger age group.

Also, it can make a house crowded. We did a dropp off for DD's 3rd birthday because the 3 girls we invited all had older brother's DS1's age. I figured the boys would take over the party, plus it's much easier for me to handle 4 girls than 4 girls, 4 boys, 4 moms. My house just isn't made for that many people!

[hellokitty]

We'd split the kids up. One parent goes with the child invited and the other stays with the ones who weren't. So far we have been lucky that all but one party my boys are invited together (they are close in age). The one where my oldest DS got invited seperately was a preschool classmate that we didn't really know that well anyway, so we did not end up going.

[Melbel]

Invites for only 1 child are the norm here, unless they are family friends. We do one of the following:


Have uninvited DC stay w/ DH
Send invited DC w/ a friend (must be close w/ and trust parent)
Find play date for uninvited child
Possibly get a baby sitter or ask MIL
Decline invite due to childcare issues (if space/cost/activities permit then host will likely include siblings; if invitation is extended to uninvited siblings we make clear no goody bags required for them and offer to pay if party is in an outside pay per person venue)

[mom2binsd]

Most parties we've been invited to there were always some drop offs and a few stay (after age 4 though most were dropffs). DEPENDING on the age of your child could you not drop off I'm sure there may be others who will also drop off.

[Fairy]

My child is just now at the age where some of the bday parties he's invited to are drop off parties. I'm not used to that, but, hey, they do get older, don't they? So, in the past when they're not drop off parties, just leave the other kids home with one of you, and the other one brings them to the party. If that doesn't work, sitter. If that doesn't work, I think you got some good advice about how to approach the host re: your childcare situation and what your options are. Always offer genuinely to pay for your add'l children to attend if you are going to ask to bring them. Hope it all works out for you!

[AnnieW625]

I have been a to a number of parties at a local play place and the floor gets really crowded with too many people since the play space requires a parent be on the floor with a child who is less than 3 years old. The last party we went to said that siblings were welcome but had to stay off the floor. Most of the siblings were under a year old so that was fine. I would explain the situation to the mom since you can't find the sitter and hope that things go well.

[Globetrotter]

For older kids, drop off for sure. When they are small, the other kid will be with the other parent or at a friend's place. Babies are usually welcome as they are not included in head counts for the party places.

A summertime no siblings party during the WEEK would be tough unless you can ask another friend to babysit your other kids, or do drop off.

We do no sibling parties but they are always on the weekend. I considered doing an after school party this year, but I know that means either drop off or siblings will come. At ds's last party, we rented a party place and had a no sibling invite I knew a few people would probably bring younger siblings anyway (the ones who were new to this arrangement) so I was prepared for that.

I expected one friend to bring her younger son (not that she told me, but I had a strong feeling). well, her dh showed up with the younger son (not a problem) and... get this... their two preteen cousins!!! UM, yeah. It was so awkward, and they didn't seem to understand that this was just not done, esp. at a party place. In their culture, everyone has huge bashes where everyone is invited, and their older kid was in KG so they were new to this scene, but still..

Naturally, I didn't have goody bags for them. Another older sibling came, and I didn't expect him so I had a poetry book that I gave him for his favor. He didn't want it but the mom made him take it (had I KNOWN the boy was coming, i would have had something more appropriate, but I kept a couple of things for dd's best friend, who was invited). Sorry, this turned into a bitch!

ETA: a couple of times I've had siblings sit outside the play area, which seems like torture to me, unless they are old enough to read on their own. In those cases, I let them in if there was space within the limits. All those times, spouses were out of town or something, which I do understand. I like to accomodate those cases so the kid doesn't miss the party.

[Corie]

I don't think my kids have ever been invited to a birthday party
during the week. If so, I wouldn't be able to go since I would have
both kids with me and I don't have a babysitter available.

On the weekend, I would take the child to the birthday party and
then my husband stays home with the other child.

[g-mama]

I either ask a friend whose child is also invited to take my ds along with them, or I ask a friend to watch my other two kids for me. I would ask a friend who has kids the same age as mine so it's more like a playdate than babysitting and I would certainly do the same in return.