When did formula equal hurting your child?

[3blackcats]

Since the day DD was born I have been struggling with breastfeeding. I had to supplement right away. We have had no issues with latch, just the fact that I have no milk supply. After talking to three LC's we have determined that this is hereditary (my grandmother could not bf). I did an absolutely insane pumping/feeding routine to up my milk supply. I went on the horrid, horrid drug Reglan (good idea, give a drug who's side effect is depression to a population that is fighting with post-partum depression). Stopped Reglan, started domperidon(sp?) instead of the stupid Reglan. Got rid of the depression brought on by the Reglan. Now at the 3 month mark my supply has finally given up.

So why does every person I meet have to ask me why I am not bfding my baby? They give me the look like I am a horrible mother because I am giving my baby formula. Um hello? Do you not know what I have put myself through to give my daughter as much bm as possible? The LC's and Dr's are happy with the amount she is getting so why should anyone else care? And a mother is allowed to choose how to feed her baby how she wants to. And shouldn't we be happy that the scientists have put so much effort into making a quality product like formula so our babies don't starve?

ugh

sorry for being so long...

[mamicka]

:hug: I'm sorry. You're doing a great job.

[cvanbrunt]

I'm afraid you will have to get a thick skin very quickly. There will always be someone who has "advice" for you on this matter. Or a story to tell about how much harder they tried than you did. Or one more thing you should try. Just chalk it up to the fact that these people have nothing better to do with their lives than to think about your boobs.

[KBecks]

Congrats to making it to 3 months -- you are past the most difficult stage, IMO. I am sorry you are dealing with questions, you can blow them off -- just don't answer the question -- say, she's doing so great! Then continue on about whatever topic you prefer.

I think a lot of people make idle conversation, others may not undersatand -- heck, no one really understands your exact circumstances -- you do not owe an explanation.

[kijip]

:wavey:

:hug:


BTDT with my oldest son. We did everything in the book possible to increase supply. But we had to combo feed or he was going to starve. I even had a woman try to educate me in the supermarket. Step away or I will hurt you. Hell has no fury like a new mother heartbroken over not being able to breastfeed.

Ignore. Ignore. Ignore.

You know when you have tried your best. You know what is best for your family. You are a good mother and you would not be a better mother if breastfeeding had worked out.

[WatchingThemGrow]

Low supply, no supply SUCKS. I know exactly how you feel. I'm in the same boat. Domperidone is part of my daily diet and DS2 gets formula with every feeding. I actually like the supplementing part because I get to look into DS2's eyes. When he nurses, his eyes are shut and he's falling asleep almost, but we make eye contact while he has a bottle.

Screw those who have to comment.

[DietCokeLover]

I am so sorry. I went through the same thing. Pumping, drugs, herbs, everything I could think of to increase my supply. I felt like the hugest failure on the planet.

It certainly did not help to have other mothers criticize me for formula feeding or tell me I took "the easy way out" in feeding my child.

I know that breastfeeding is best for my children, and I gave them all I could. But I figured feeding them formula was BEST for them rather than starving to death because mommy's body couldn't make milk for them.

You do not owe anyone an explanation. You just take care of that sweet baby as best you can.

Hugs Mama.

[nov04]

It's like some ppl go after the thing that could hurt you the most to make themselves feel better. I once had a woman accost me in a bathroom who on first glance asked me if I bf my baby, I'd never seen her before. I gave her a 5 minute summary of everything that had happened to myself and dd1 up until that point including pg, delivery and
post- partum. boy, was she sorry!!!! :)

My best advice is to put the other person on the defensive asap. "Wow, that's a personal question!" and if that doesn't shut them down, ask them what their annual income is. Hopefully they'll get the hint.

I'm so sorry bf didn't work out the way you wanted, you tried so hard.

[elliput]

:hug::hug::hug: I am sorry you have run across some insensitive people. I :bowdown: to you for going to such extreme measures to try to breastfeed.

Even though I have been successful with breastfeeding my children (though DS is giving me a run for my money with his teeth), my mom was not able to breastfeed as well as some of my closest friends, and I have heard first hand the disappointment and guilt they have felt.

Pregnancy and child-rearing are hard enough without other moms/women commenting at how big our bellies are or chastising us for doing what is the best option available.

More :hug:

[lizajane]

yuck.

i am sorry.

how about, "because i am doing what is best for my own child. now, why aren't you minding your own business?????"

[dcmom2b3]

BTDT, and while there probably wasn't anything that anyone could have said that would have made me feel worse and more like a failure than I already did, there's something just awful about having it brought up as if it were in the public domain.

:hug::hug::hug:.

And if you need someone to draft up a few nasty, er, I mean snappy, comebacks for the inquiries just let me know. Sometimes the best defense is verbal homicide. I'm (shamefully) good at that.

[Fairy]

Boy do I know how you feel. :hug::hug::hug:

It's hard enough to go thru the guilt that you can't go on, but then to have the judgment from people that feel the need to get up in your business about it. There will always be someone who insists that there's a way. You can do it. Don't give up without a little more fight. Meh.

Don't forget that there's still a you under there. You're a person whose health matters, too. And it's ok to take care of you.

You have alot to be proud of. Go to formula with confidence, dear, and never look back.

[Wife_and_mommy]

I'm so sorry. That's really insensitive. :hug:

[bubbaray]

I'm so sorry. Many hugs.

[MontrealMum]

:hug: That's just so rude. I usually go through stages in responding to things like this:
1) sacchrin smile - hope they drop it
2) say in an upbeat voice "thanks for your unsolicited advice"
3) get nasty
I have a feeling that there will be lots of people willing to offer you snappy comebacks for #3, so feel free to ask for help thinking some up :)

[citymama]

That sucks. Don't let it get to you - I am sure you are a terrific mama! Hugs.

[spunkybaby]

(((Hugs))) I also had huge supply issues that were confirmed by my LC (btw--I hate that I always have to add this disclaimer because I *know* that others will argue that nobody really has low supply, blah blah blah). BFing nonstop the first week just meant that my tiny baby became dehydrated and lethargic. It broke my heart that we had to supplement with formula and that she refused to go back to the breast. I too pumped around the clock--it's exhausting! And I too am thankful for formula because without formula or a wet nurse, both of my DDs would have not survived.

Don't worry about the meanies--and be proud of yourself for being a great mama and loving your baby :)

[sariana]

Wow. People can be such fools.


And shouldn't we be happy that the scientists have put so much effort into making a quality product like formula so our babies don't starve?

I imagine my neighbors' little boy (well, bigger boy now) is happy that scientists have done this so that he had something to eat when they adopted him at a day old.

I'm so sorry people are being such jerks to you. I don't even know what to say. I think our paper's advice columnist suggests a blank stare followed by, "I can't believe you would say such a thing."

[JBaxter]

I feel your pain X4!!! My calculations I provided drinks and snacks for my babies. You would think looking at my ( 36D boobs) I could produce milk... NOT. Ive spent as much on supplaments and herbs as some people spend on formula and I wont go into pumping in front of a 5yr old

My answer is... I prefer them not to starve to death thank you then insert ... do you have any other grand advice your not qualified to give me?

[JTsMom]

I'm so sorry for everything you've gone through, and especially for people's rude comments. There is just no excuse for that. I think you did an amazing job! :hug:

[Malloryn]

I'm sorry to hear about those insensitive comments. The people above have posted some great advice. You're doing the best thing for your little one and don't let those rude people make you think otherwise. :hug:

[3blackcats]

Thanks everyone. And my dd is doing so well and is so happy. I like to say that I am the appetizer and formula is dessert :love-retry:

[Melanie]

You have worked hard! I think it's easy for us to look at people and think we know what's going on, but we don't, and shouldn't even be doing it in the first place! I would just take the 'nod and smile' technique, and if you choose to you can 'educate' them on just how much they do not know. "Oh, thanks for the suggestion. Actually the 4 lactation consultants I've seen have already offered plenty of advice. " Or if not, just "hmm...really...interesting...(move on)." It will surely come in handy for other aspects of parenting later down the line!

[KathyN115]

Hugs from another mama who has BTDT. It sucks, there is no way around it. And the guilty feelings do go away, believe me. My DD is now three, and the questions of BF vs FF have not come up in a long time!

[mommylamb]

People are mean and judgemental. I'm amazed at the horrible comments I've heard from some women about others who don't breastfeed. The fact is, most people our age weren't breastfed, and we grew up just fine. It's not like you've decided to not use a car seat or something. Obviously, you went to great lengths to breastfeed and it didn't work. But even if that weren't the case, even if you just decided, hey this breastfeeding thing isn't for me. Who cares. Not anyone else's business and you wouldn't be doing something so terribly wrong. It seems to me that for so long women weren't supported that wanted to breastfeed, but that now the culture has done such an about face on the subject that it's gone to the other (also unhealthy) extreme of demonizing formula. Hugs to you.

[HIU8]

:hug5:BTDT. It was difficult at the time (esp with friends who were BF their babies at the same time). However, my thought is--to everyone who feels the need to comment--GET OVER IT. Both DS and DD ended up formula fed, and that turned out to be the best thing for them and me. DS is 4.5 and DD is 2. they are both happy and healthy. BF vs. FF doesn't matter.

[Ceepa]

Ugh. Do BF bullies even realize they're so self-righteous? :angry-smiley-005: And what's with the bitter hatred toward formula out of these people?

Hugs to you and baby.

[hbridge]

I'm so sorry this happened to you; go on with your feedings and don't give it another thought. This is just another reminder that parents have to support each other and the decisions that each family makes. It is horrible how parents try to "one-up" each other, compare parenting and children's accomplishments. There is NO REASON to make nasty comments on each others decisions.

DH didn't believe just how judgemental other parents can be until a comment was made directly to him about a skill our child was struggling so hard with. We sought help for DC and ourselves and a woman at his office made nasty comments when she found out. He was shocked and furious...

I will never understand the judgement and comments! We are all doing our best with our circumstances; let's stop passing judgement and provide the support that our grandparents gave to each other. There is NO need to be so competitive and judgemental.

[arivecchi]

People are mean and judgemental. I'm amazed at the horrible comments I've heard from some women about others who don't breastfeed. The fact is, most people our age weren't breastfed, and we grew up just fine. It's not like you've decided to not use a car seat or something. Obviously, you went to great lengths to breastfeed and it didn't work. But even if that weren't the case, even if you just decided, hey this breastfeeding thing isn't for me. Who cares. Not anyone else's business and you wouldn't be doing something so terribly wrong. It seems to me that for so long women weren't supported that wanted to breastfeed, but that now the culture has done such an about face on the subject that it's gone to the other (also unhealthy) extreme of demonizing formula. Hugs to you. :yeahthat: ITA agree with this. Even if you make the choice to FF, people should not be judgmental. You are not hurting your baby. In your case, you tried and that is what counts. I tried to BF my two kids and it did not work out for multiple reasons - so I was only able to BF for a couple of months. I refuse to feel any guilt over it. In fact, my babes are rarely sick and really started thriving once they went on formula. I think BF is wonderful, but definitely not absolutely necessary. Take care of yourself and ignore all the unsolicited advice.

[egoldber]

OP, I'm sorry you had to deal with people's unkind remarks.


And what's with the bitter hatred toward formula out of these people?

I don't know if I qualify as a "breastfeeding bully", but I and other people have issues with the ethics of the formula manufacturers, rather than the formula itself. Formula has it's place, but formula companies use deliberate tactics to undermine the breastfeeding success of new mothers. I say this as someone whose first child was supplemented from birth and exclusively FF after 6 months. I don't want to hijack the OP's support thread, but I just wanted to comment on this.

[MMMommy]

I've been in your boat, and I'm sorry you are going through this. I had low milk supply and had to supplement b/c DDs were not gaining enough weight. Holier than thou types love to just spout off their wisdom when it comes to all things, including breastfeeding. Try to let it roll off your back and just remember that you are not doing anything wrong. You do what you need to do for the welfare of your child. Hang in there!

[jenny]

I can relate. I was an exclusively FF baby b/c my mother could not breastfeed me.

I have grown up to be a quite healthy adult and pretty smart too.

But for some reason when DD was born, people kept making me feel so guilty that I was supplementing. One person actually told me that she noticed a great deal of difference between her FF son and BF daughter and how her BF daughter had such a better demeanor than her son. sigh.

You just have to let it roll off your back and be content with knowing that you are doing the best that you can do.

[ha98ed14]

You are a good mother and you would not be a better mother if breastfeeding had worked out.

:yeahthat:

I did formula too because of my own struggles with depression. I completely understand feeling bad about yourself and then feeling guilty on top of that for the fact that DD is not getting BM. All my mommy friends were BF, so it made it even worse when they whipped out their boobies and I whipped out my bottle. But ya know what? The DC are now 2. And no one can tell the difference. Your DD is going to be just fine. And these days and feelings will not last forever. Big Hugs!

[schums]

Beth, you definitely don't qualify as a BF bully. But, I have heard on THIS board comments like formula should be outlawed, or it should be prescription only to force women to BF. And that all women can BF, you just aren't trying hard enough. And a whole host of other comments. Stuff like that makes those of us who FF (for whatever reason) more than a little defensive and angry.

[Laurel]

I am always outraged when I hear stories like this. When I see a woman feeding her baby from a bottle I always assume she made the best choice for her family...and I don't stop to think about what is in the bottle.

To the OP- sorry you have to deal with this attitude. You sound like a terrific mom to me.

[sste]

You deserve praise, not criticism for your incredible efforts.

I have seen this situation from alot of angles. I have a dear friend who DID starve her child in a breastmilk only/low supply situation. The child did not die but did have some health consequences (thank goodness not lasting) and looked like a famine victim for his first six months of life. My friend admits this and can't understand in hindsight why it was so important to her to exclusively BF even while her child went from healthy newborn to failure to thrive. Uhh, I can understand . . . there is incredible freaking social pressure.

On the other end of the spectrum, and I know this is NOT your situation, I have another friend who is six months pregnant with her first baby and is not interested in BF. She just finds it very undesirable for herself and I think has some issues with the physicality of it. I have even suggested BF for a month or a few weeks to try and see how it goes and she is not very interested. In her case, I confess, politically incorrect as it may be, I think a little gentle social pressure may be helpful in emphasizing the positive benefits of BF to her since right now I think she is really focused on what she sees a the downsides. Unfortunately, the social pressure often ends up misdirected at those who care the most about BF . . . or maybe we just notice it more.

Anyway, in the OP's case, these rude commenters are preaching to the choir and OP deserves BF commendation!!

ETA: For those who are concerned, the friend did ask for my thoughts and about my BF experience when we were registering for her baby stuff and she was trying to decide whether to register for nursing gear. I think some subsequent posters may have assumed that I was haranguing her and perhaps reacted a bit strongly given the topic of this thread . . .

[schums]

As long as she is feeding her child appropriately, what difference to YOU whether your friend uses formula or breast milk? I had friends did this to me, and I can tell you, I really resented it. I made my choice on what was best for ME and MY FAMILY, and it's none of anyone else's concern. Choice goes both ways -- I respect a woman's choice to BF, do it in public, to any age they want. I EXPECT people to respect my choice to feed my child differently than they choose to. If you don't want comments on your choice (and we've all seen the nasty threads when someone makes a comment on NIP, for example), don't decide to comment on my choice.

[cvanbrunt]

On the other end of the spectrum, and I know this is NOT your situation, I have another friend who is six months pregnant with her first baby and is not interested in BF. She just finds it very undesirable for herself and I think has some issues with the physicality of it. I have even suggested BF for a month or a few weeks to try and see how it goes and she is not very interested. In her case, I confess, politically incorrect as it may be, I think a little gentle social pressure may be helpful in emphasizing the positive benefits of BF to her since right now I think she is really focused on what she sees a the downsides. Unfortunately, the social pressure often ends up misdirected at those who care the most about BF . . . or maybe we just notice it more.

It's her decision. You have no say in this. Unless she has asked for your advice, she doesn't want it.

[tnrnchick74]

BTDT too. The heartbreak; the guilt; the anguish...and then there are the comments.

I actually had a "mother" tell me TO MY FACE "You know you are poisoning your child by using formula - that's just the same as child abuse!"

I told her "No, NOT FEEDING my child is child abuse - so back of bitch!"

I still have guilt to this day that I gave up - even though he is milk allergic, I'm non dairy, and had no supply...

But he's big, healthy, and full of energy!

you are doing a GREAT job!

[jren]

I think it speaks volumes that most of the moms who used formula have felt the need to justify or explain themselves, even when responding to a post complaining about people judging those that formula feed! We feel we can't just say, I formula fed my DCs. We have to add long explanations on how hard we tried, how we had no breastmilk confirmed by specialists, etc.

I formula fed both my DCs. Here's my explanation/justification - that I feel I HAVE to add to keep from being judged in today's society. My DCs were both adopted. I know some will say - adoptive breastfeeding can be done. So I'm still not off the hook. Well, I also have MS, so am on various meds that are unsafe and passed through to breastmilk (assuming I could even produce any). But the real reason is that after TTC for SO long, I just wanted to hold and enjoy bonding with my babies instead of stressing over what would've amounted to taping tubes to my breast so when baby suckled, they got formula. I wasn't willing to endure yet another failure of my body after years of it failing me already. I also love being able to look into my DCs eyes while feeding, and not having to cover them up in public.

Also, for the record, I fully intended to breastfeed when we were TTC. See, more explanations! I can't stop! But really, I do support all those who choose to BF, as well as those who don't, for whatever reason or no reason at all.

[maestramommy]

I am so sorry :hug: I don't know why people can't mind their own business!

[BeccaB.]

I totally could have written your post. Went through exactly the same thing. I refused to give up until DS bite me three times in a row. At that point I decided the whole thing just wasn't meant to be. To be honest it was such a relief to not have to worry about it all the time and to actually spend time with DS instead of pumping and feeding non-stop. We all slept better and he was happier with more rest.

I still get comments from people that really hurt me. I tried everything I could and still have to put up with the target check out girl patronizing me with "yeah you really have to be patient to breast feed" after she rang up my formula and told me how expensive she thought it was. If patience was all it took there would be a lot more breast feed babies in the world. I don't think people realize what a failure you feel like when your body won't do what everyone else's will. Your first job is to feed your baby and when you can't do that it's completely miserable.

[Fairy]

I think it speaks volumes that most of the moms who used formula have felt the need to justify or explain themselves, even when responding to a post complaining about people judging those that formula feed! We feel we can't just say, I formula fed my DCs. We have to add long explanations on how hard we tried, how we had no breastmilk confirmed by specialists, etc.

I formula fed both my DCs. Here's my explanation/justification - that I feel I HAVE to add to keep from being judged in today's society. My DCs were both adopted. I know some will say - adoptive breastfeeding can be done. So I'm still not off the hook. Well, I also have MS, so am on various meds that are unsafe and passed through to breastmilk (assuming I could even produce any). But the real reason is that after TTC for SO long, I just wanted to hold and enjoy bonding with my babies instead of stressing over what would've amounted to taping tubes to my breast so when baby suckled, they got formula. I wasn't willing to endure yet another failure of my body after years of it failing me already. I also love being able to look into my DCs eyes while feeding, and not having to cover them up in public.

Also, for the record, I fully intended to breastfeed when we were TTC. See, more explanations! I can't stop! But really, I do support all those who choose to BF, as well as those who don't, for whatever reason or no reason at all.

This is a great post. You're so right about we as FF'ers having to explain ourselves so that we are not ostracized or treated like parriahs; I mean in society in general, not specifically about this board. It's like, you really MUST bf. BUT, if you don't bf then it's ok IF you were sick. BUT if you weren't sick, then it's ok if you had supply issues. BUT if you didn't have supply issues, well ... it's not acceptable to just not have wanted to. To have chosen not to.

I also have to agree wtih schums' post.

And to tnrnchick74, I also had the same comment made to me, that unless you don't have breasts, no one can't breastfeed and that everything else is a conveninet excuse. And that not doing it IS child abuse. She was militant. She was a good friend from HS all the way to 15 years later. We're no longer friends, but this is soemthing I also went thru from a real live friend.

Again, to the OP, you have to take care of yourself, and if you're not well, physically, mentally, and emotionally, you are no good to your baby. Again, please, go to formula with confidence and Do. Not. Look. Back.

[kijip]

This is a great post. You're so right about we as FF'ers having to explain ourselves so that we are not ostracized or treated like parriahs; I mean in society in general, not specifically about this board. It's like, you really MUST bf. BUT, if you don't bf then it's ok IF you were sick. BUT if you weren't sick, then it's ok if you had supply issues. BUT if you didn't have supply issues, well ... it's not acceptable to just not have wanted to. To have chosen not to.

I agree. I met a woman whose reason was extremely private and she did not wish to reveal it to people that she was meeting in a mom's group and they were so harsh to her. Had they know her reason, no one would have batted an eye but because she was a private person, she was contacting me in tears to try and find a more supportive group. Truth of the matter is, her reason mattered not. It's never ok to be cruel to someone.

What kills me is that every painstaking detail needs to be supplied before some people (always a woman!) "buys" your "excuse". As a matter of revolution I am no longer going to spell out all the trouble I had with bf T unless there is a reason to share...otherwise I think I am just going to say "I chose to use formula because had a low supply" and leave it at that. :ROTFLMAO: I am happy that I was able to bf F and that we no longer need to supplement but that does not change the fact that formula was a life saver for my family 6 years ago.

ETA- my reasons to share would be to commiserate with others that had the same issue and might need to see that someone else had the same issues (so it is not "just them") or to encourage mamas like me that are looking to breastfeed number 2 after issues with number 1. People who just want to know or evaluate the merits of my reasons? They can wonder.

[purpleeyes]

As a matter of revolution I am no longer going to spell out all the trouble I had with bf T unless there is a reason to share...otherwise I think I am just going to say "I chose to use formula because had a low supply" and leave it at that. :ROTFLMAO: I am happy that I was able to bf F and that we no longer need to supplement but that does not change the fact that formula was a life saver for my family 6 years ago.

Sing it sister! It is no one's G#$ D$%$ business why I FF both my kids.

I'm joining your revolution!

[arivecchi]

I cannot believe the stuff people have said to some of you! I would have flipped out! Funny thing is my FFed kids are very healthy while my EBFed nephew is constantly sick. I have no idea if that is due to FF vs. BF, but clearly, FFing is not the doom and gloom scenario some people would have you believe. If you want and can EBF, great for you, but I really feel no guilt about FFing my kids.

[mommy111]

It's never ok to be cruel to someone.

What kills me is that every painstaking detail needs to be supplied before some people (always a woman!) "buys" your "excuse". As a matter of revolution I am no longer going to spell out all the trouble I had with bf T unless there is a reason to share...otherwise I think I am just going to say "I chose to use formula because had a low supply" and leave it at that. :ROTFLMAO:

But why should you also have to say, I chose to FF BECAUSE I had a low supply. I am the child's mother. I make decisions for my child based on the best interests of my child and our family. So I am just going to say for DD1, 'I chose to formula feed DD' and leave it at that.

[schums]

Count me in. I'm not explaining or justifying my choice to FF any more. Wow, this is SOOO freeing!!!

[TwinFoxes]

It sucks that so many people have had negative comments made to them. I had to supplement for my girls. I pumped every three hours when they were in the NICU. I was barely keeping up toward the end of their stay. When they were released their doctor prescribed low-infant birth weight formula 2x a day. I kept pumping/feeding at least every three hours, but if it wasn't for the twice a day supplementing I wouldn't have had enough. If someone had something to me while I was buying formula they would have been the one reduced to tears, not me. I kept expecting it to happen but it never did. In a way I wish it had, because once I got through with them they wouldn't have bullied another mom!

Does anyone remember at the Academy Awards when Ryan Seacrest asked Jessica Alba if she was planning to breastfeed? Imagine if she had said "no."

[mom2binsd]

It's amazing how insensitive strangers can be, one friend of mine had someone ask her why she wasn't BF, she was so sick of the constant questions/comments "you're too skinny to have just had a baby etc." that she simply replied to the BF comment "I was unable to have children of my own, we adopted him" that stopped them...

Whenever I took DD out while I was still BF I always felt like I should put a big sign on her bottle that said "this is breastmilk, she doesn't nurse well so this works better"...

You are doing what is best for your child. I also had to supplement both DC's and only lasted 3 months with DS, I would pump all day long for 6oz in addition to nursing.

Ignore the comments as best you can, unfortunately there is always someone who can't keep their comments to themselves.

I've even had folks tell me I'm harming my children by keeping them rearfacing in their carseats or harnessed in a 5pt harness past 3 years of age!!!

[stillplayswithbarbies]

that she simply replied to the BF comment "I was unable to have children of my own, we adopted him" that stopped them...

A child who has been adopted is a "child of your own".

and adopted children can be breastfed too.

and infertility is no joking matter.

so this statement pushes at least three of my buttons. . .

[mommylamb]

This thread is making me think of an earlier thread on that article in the Atlantic Monthly "The Case Against Breastfeeding" and the way a lot of posters reacted to that article. Personally (and I breastfed for a year), I totally agreed with the author about her support for formula feeding if a mother wants to for whatever reason that mother wants or must do so.

At the time, I mentioned something about it on my Facebook status and ended up in a conversation with a woman I was friends with in highschool that is now a breastfeeding militant type and feels that there is no excuse for formula feeding and that it's poison. It was a heated conversation, to say the least.

[tnrnchick74]

A child who has been adopted is a "child of your own".

and adopted children can be breastfed too.

and infertility is no joking matter.

so this statement pushes at least three of my buttons. . .

I didn't take the snippit from Mom2binsd's post as anything other than a quote of what her friend stated. I'm sure Mom2binsd didn't want to put words in her friend's mouth, but was rather just relaying what her friend's response was to the OP. I also didn't take it as she thought adopted children were not "real children of your own", unable to be breastfed, or that infertility was a joking matter.

[nov04]

I didn't take the snippit from Mom2binsd's post as anything other than a quote of what her friend stated. I'm sure Mom2binsd didn't want to put words in her friend's mouth, but was rather just relaying what her friend's response was to the OP. I also didn't take it as she thought adopted children were not "real children of your own", unable to be breastfed, or that infertility was a joking matter.

ITA, it was her friend's original statement.

[trales]

The thread makes me wonder why parents criticize one another and judge. It smacks at stepping backward.

Why do I have to explain (or feel the need to explain) why DD is rear facing, making me sound like the over protective parent, why she sleeps with us or why I still nurse her at almost 2.5.

I think that no matter what decisions we make for ourselves or our children we are going to be at the receiving end of criticism and judgement, just because.

Can't we all just get along and play nice with the other mothers we meet. Sometimes I want to wear a T-shirt that says: be nice to me, I am doing the best I can with the resources I have.

[StantonHyde]

If all of these nosy people wanted to do something about "child abuse", there are plenty of places for them to volunteer/donate. I work in psychiatry. The kids we see are NOT there because their mothers FF them. They are there because adults in their lives physically beat them, sexually assaulted them, used drugs while pregnant/caring for them etc etc.

Seriously, people need to focus on real and basic issues of childcare. Is the child physically safe??? Hell, for many of the families we see--not having your kid in a car seat is the LEAST of their problems. (and I am the only one of my friends who still has her almost 7 yo DS in a 5 pt harness!!)

So, really--I think the comeback is: What are you doing to focus on the real issues of child abuse in this community???

And, when all else fails, the "elizabeth kott memorial comeback line" is: Did you push this baby out of your VAGINA? No--then I will make the decisions regarding his/her care.

And I would not explain to anyone why I ff. It is none of their business. I bfd my kids but I had friends who put themselves through hell trying to bf--I felt so bad for them and totally supported their needs to ff.

[Fairy]

A child who has been adopted is a "child of your own".

and adopted children can be breastfed too.

and infertility is no joking matter.

so this statement pushes at least three of my buttons. . .

I don't think she had any mal intent at all with these statements. She never said anything flippant at all. Even if "child of your own" is more of the colloquial for "biological child," she clearly didn't mean anything bad by this.

And I think the bolded text exemplifies the kind of statement people out there in the ether make that have made the OP and some of the rest of us feel the unwarranted guilt we FF'ers face.

[saschalicks]

I so rarely respond but I had to respond here. I so so agree w/so many of you who say it's no ones business, but I FF my kids and my reasons are my own. However, the way society is right now I get a big fat lashing for not BFing. I am an educated woman who is bringing my child into this world (via c/s again my body my reasons) with an abundance of love. Isn't that all that matters at the end of the day? Why is FFing looked at like child abuse? I love my children more then anything I've ever loved before or since. They are my whole being. I would do NOTHING to harm them ever. My not BFing is not something I deserve to feel attacked over.

I applaud all of you who tried to BF and had babies vaginally, but my children are not abused for my not having done either of those things.

I also want to add that my not giving reasons in this post is not b/c it's private but simply to make a point. Some of you may know my reasons from past posts, but most of you probably don't, and I hope you're OK not knowing.

To the original PP I want you to know that it took me a very long time to stop giving people the reasons I FF. I now just say "I had my reasons" or "it's private". Most of the time those responses let people know that the conversation is over. I hope you realize in your heart you owe no one anything. I want to say on behalf of your child(ren), thank you for being so loving.

[niccig]

To the original PP I want you to know that it took me a very long time to stop giving people the reasons I FF. I now just say "I had my reasons" or "it's private". Most of the time those responses let people know that the conversation is over. I hope you realize in your heart you owe no one anything. I want to say on behalf of your child(ren), thank you for being so loving.

I'm going to use this response for any parenting issues I get questioned over. I don't owe people an explanation. If I do give my reasons, many people try to argue with you to convince you that your reasons are wrong.

The only people I need to explain it to are DH and my DC. Everyone else can go jump in the lake...

[mom2binsd]

I didn't take the snippit from Mom2binsd's post as anything other than a quote of what her friend stated. I'm sure Mom2binsd didn't want to put words in her friend's mouth, but was rather just relaying what her friend's response was to the OP. I also didn't take it as she thought adopted children were not "real children of your own", unable to be breastfed, or that infertility was a joking matter.

Thank you TNRNCHICK- yes, I was just relaying what my friend had gone through...did not mean to offend anyone but trying to be supportive of OP.

[kijip]

But why should you also have to say, I chose to FF BECAUSE I had a low supply. I am the child's mother. I make decisions for my child based on the best interests of my child and our family. So I am just going to say for DD1, 'I chose to formula feed DD' and leave it at that.


Because breastfeeding was my first choice and formula something I chose to do only because my first choice did not work out. That is a fact and while I don't care if formula is someone else's first choice, for me personally it was a second choice. While I am glad formula is there and frankly don't think my son could really be any healthier or brighter, it was expensive and a PITA to prepare and not what I had wanted to do. Stating that something is not my first choice is not to disparage the fact that I or anyone else uses it.

[tnrnchick74]

Thank you TNRNCHICK- yes, I was just relaying what my friend had gone through...did not mean to offend anyone but trying to be supportive of OP.

You're welcome. I was pretty sure that was what you meant...and that's exactly how I took it.

[gatorsmom]

What kills me is that every painstaking detail needs to be supplied before some people (always a woman!) "buys" your "excuse".

This is so true. In fact, it really doesn't matter what excuse you give there will always be someone who says you could still have bf'd. I bf'd the twins til they were 6 months old but it got to be too time consuming at that point. (here I go giving reasons...) They were eating more and more as growing babies and I gave each of them only one breast per feeding, of course, so they ate more often than would a singleton. I found myself spending all my day bfing. My older 2 boys needed more attention than they were getting so I stopped bfing. When I talked about it on MDC I ran into other twin's moms who were still ebfing at 2 years old!!! They had very little support for my decision to FF. Admittedly, MDC was probably not the place to go for support of my decision to FF, twins or no twins....

To the OP, I LOVE formula. As an adopted baby, it was my only option and I thank God it was available!!!!

[egoldber]

Admittedly, MDC was probably not the place to go for support of my decision to FF

In fact, supporting formula feeding by choice is considered a violation of the User Agreement at MDC and is not allowed to be discussed. A thread which does this will be locked or removed.

But consider that many people go to MDC specifically to find support for things that they may not be able to find support for IRL, like someone who wants to EBF their twins to age 2. It's a different, self-selecting population at MDC.

[Corie]

To the original PP I want you to know that it took me a very long time to stop giving people the reasons I FF. I now just say "I had my reasons" or "it's private".


Honestly, Candice, I don't think you even need to say these things. :)

It should be enough to just say, "I formula fed my children". Nothing more.

FWIW, I had 2 c-sections and I formula fed my kids.

[AnnieW625]

Since the day DD was born I have been struggling with breastfeeding. I had to supplement right away. We have had no issues with latch, just the fact that I have no milk supply. After talking to three LC's we have determined that this is hereditary (my grandmother could not bf). I did an absolutely insane pumping/feeding routine to up my milk supply. I went on the horrid, horrid drug Reglan (good idea, give a drug who's side effect is depression to a population that is fighting with post-partum depression). Stopped Reglan, started domperidon(sp?) instead of the stupid Reglan. Got rid of the depression brought on by the Reglan. Now at the 3 month mark my supply has finally given up.

So why does every person I meet have to ask me why I am not bfding my baby? They give me the look like I am a horrible mother because I am giving my baby formula. Um hello? Do you not know what I have put myself through to give my daughter as much bm as possible? The LC's and Dr's are happy with the amount she is getting so why should anyone else care? And a mother is allowed to choose how to feed her baby how she wants to. And shouldn't we be happy that the scientists have put so much effort into making a quality product like formula so our babies don't starve?

ugh

sorry for being so long...

So many hugs to you! I had similar issues with breast feeding. Elisa was 6lbs 6 oz at birth and lost 8oz in four days. That was the first clue I knew I might have a supply issue. She took forever and a day to gain weight, I think she finally hit 10lbs at 2/1/2 months. We started formula feeding pretty early too just to give me a break from pumping which wasn't working that well. I stopped BFing at 3 mos. because I was going back to work and didn't want to deal with the hassle of pumping. Thank goodness no one really hassled me over the choice, but honestly it bugs the c///p out of me when people put their noses in others people's business esp. something like breast feeding.

[stillplayswithbarbies]

I didn't take the snippit from Mom2binsd's post as anything other than a quote of what her friend stated. I'm sure Mom2binsd didn't want to put words in her friend's mouth, but was rather just relaying what her friend's response was to the OP. I also didn't take it as she thought adopted children were not "real children of your own", unable to be breastfed, or that infertility was a joking matter.


regardless, the statement her friend made can hurt people's feelings. I just wanted to point that out in order to educate others so that they are aware of when they are hurting people's feelings. Her friend may not have intended to be hurtful and perhaps she just didn't know any better. Now anyone reading this thread knows that the phrase "children of your own" is hurtful to families who have adopted and especially to the children. And that pretending to be infertile when you are not is painful to some people.

[Fairy]

regardless, the statement her friend made can hurt people's feelings. I just wanted to point that out in order to educate others so that they are aware of when they are hurting people's feelings. Her friend may not have intended to be hurtful and perhaps she just didn't know any better. Now anyone reading this thread knows that the phrase "children of your own" is hurtful to families who have adopted and especially to the children. And that pretending to be infertile when you are not is painful to some people.

You lost me.

[buddyleebaby]

You lost me.

I think she read it as the PP's friend saying that she was infertile and had adopted her baby just to shut people up, when in fact it was her biological child and she just didn't want to get in a debate about feeding.
Not sure if that's true or not.

[Fairy]

I think she read it as the PP's friend saying that she was infertile and had adopted her baby just to shut people up, when in fact it was her biological child and she just didn't want to get in a debate about feeding.
Not sure if that's true or not.

Ahhh. Ok, I see now. Thanks Alicia.

[egoldber]

PP's friend saying that she was infertile and had adopted her baby just to shut people up, when in fact it was her biological child and she just didn't want to get in a debate about feeding

This was how I understood it as well.

[tnrnchick74]

regardless, the statement her friend made can hurt people's feelings. I just wanted to point that out in order to educate others so that they are aware of when they are hurting people's feelings. Her friend may not have intended to be hurtful and perhaps she just didn't know any better. Now anyone reading this thread knows that the phrase "children of your own" is hurtful to families who have adopted and especially to the children. And that pretending to be infertile when you are not is painful to some people.

As someone who struggled with infertility myself, AND bf issues I totally get that people say hurtful things...my point is that instead of getting pissy with the person who quoted her friend, why don't you get the friend's name and number and discuss this with the actual friend. That's the main problem I find in society today - NO ONE wants to deal with problems as adults! We (ESPECIALLY WOMEN) want to talk about each other's back and say hurtful things about other people without giving them the courtesy of defending themselves. We all avoid confrontation at any cost - and we become petty, backstabbing b*^$chs in the process. No, I'm not calling YOU a b&%ch specifically because I don't know you. MAYBE the person quoted is tired of using all the politically correct statements and merely stated something as quickly as they could to get out of an uncomfortable situation - WE WILL NEVER KNOW! But I do not think its right to get pissy with someone for something her FRIEND said.

[stillplayswithbarbies]

As someone who struggled with infertility myself, AND bf issues I totally get that people say hurtful things...my point is that instead of getting pissy with the person who quoted her friend, why don't you get the friend's name and number and discuss this with the actual friend. That's the main problem I find in society today - NO ONE wants to deal with problems as adults! We (ESPECIALLY WOMEN) want to talk about each other's back and say hurtful things about other people without giving them the courtesy of defending themselves. We all avoid confrontation at any cost - and we become petty, backstabbing b*^$chs in the process. No, I'm not calling YOU a b&%ch specifically because I don't know you. MAYBE the person quoted is tired of using all the politically correct statements and merely stated something as quickly as they could to get out of an uncomfortable situation - WE WILL NEVER KNOW! But I do not think its right to get pissy with someone for something her FRIEND said.

I wasn't getting pissy with her. I wasn't addressing her directly. And I don't think tracking down her friend would be productive. But now 11,000 people who read this board know that it is hurtful to say "children of your own" and will maybe remember that the next time they are about to ask someone about their biological or adopted children. Or about to make a joke about infertility. And now they all know that it is possible to breastfeed an adopted child (which I didn't know until I read about it online)

It's one of the great things about a public discussion board; many people read and learn from the discussion. Otherwise we would all be PM'ing each other if the only reason to talk was to talk directly to the person.

[mommy111]

Because breastfeeding was my first choice and formula something I chose to do only because my first choice did not work out. That is a fact and while I don't care if formula is someone else's first choice, for me personally it was a second choice. While I am glad formula is there and frankly don't think my son could really be any healthier or brighter, it was expensive and a PITA to prepare and not what I had wanted to do. Stating that something is not my first choice is not to disparage the fact that I or anyone else uses it.

So I guess my point was that for myself, personally, I should not have to explain this to strangers.
I think *most* of us will agree that breast feeding is the best choice for our kiddos as well as for us. At least for me, as for many other moms on this board including, I think yourself, the decision to bottle feed is not taken lightly or because of ignorance or because of a lack of trying. It is not because we think bottle feeding is as good as breast feeding, or because we have not tried (sometimes at huge emotional cost to ourselves) to breast feed our babies if at all possible. Sometimes it just isn't possible. And so, apart from living with several years of guilt and wondering every time your child has an allergic reaction or a cold whether you've permanently damaged your child because of that foul powdered stuff in a can that was your child's food for so long, it is just horrendous that I have to explain to a stranger who cannot possibly wish better for my child than I do, why I FF my child.
But I see your point about emphasizing that breast milk was your first choice. There are really a number of older women who I've felt like smacking a couple of times because they wanted complete details on why I didn't BF DD.
I've often felt like telling them what my breasts do and don't do is no business of theirs.

[Melaine]

This thread is interesting. I think the twin factor perhaps saved me from some of these comments. I guess the idiots I ran into were too busy asking me about my family history, sex life and details of conception to get further. I usually pulled myself away before they started in on BF vs. FF.

[DebbieJ]

I also have low milk supply (due to surgery), so I feel for you. If formula didn't exist, my son would have died from malnutrition.

(((HUGS)))

I would encourage you to check out www.lowmilksupply.org (http://www.lowmilksupply.org) for info and support. There is much more to breastfeeding than breastmilk. I nursed my son til 22 months, supplementing with an SNS and a Lact-Aid at the breast. At the lowest, I made 50% of what he needed. I think he had one bottle in his entire life.

[kijip]

So I guess my point was that for myself, personally, I should not have to explain this to strangers.
I think *most* of us will agree that breast feeding is the best choice for our kiddos as well as for us. At least for me, as for many other moms on this board including, I think yourself, the decision to bottle feed is not taken lightly or because of ignorance or because of a lack of trying. It is not because we think bottle feeding is as good as breast feeding, or because we have not tried (sometimes at huge emotional cost to ourselves) to breast feed our babies if at all possible. Sometimes it just isn't possible. And so, apart from living with several years of guilt and wondering every time your child has an allergic reaction or a cold whether you've permanently damaged your child because of that foul powdered stuff in a can that was your child's food for so long, it is just horrendous that I have to explain to a stranger who cannot possibly wish better for my child than I do, why I FF my child.
But I see your point about emphasizing that breast milk was your first choice. There are really a number of older women who I've felt like smacking a couple of times because they wanted complete details on why I didn't BF DD.
I've often felt like telling them what my breasts do and don't do is no business of theirs.

I see your point. And I agree that no explanation is required. By you, me or anyone. However, in part to inform people that low supply exists and in part for me to personally acknowledge for myself why I moved on to formula, I don't mind providing a simple, firm, not up for debate explanation.

I felt horrible for a long time about not being able to bf T but I got over it. Enough that if my milk for F was gone tomorrow, I would be pissed but I would not feel 1 lick of guilt. When ever someone who is really heavy handed about bf starts to wax on about the "grave risks of FF", I just roll my eyes now and doubt their fitness for polite society and not my fitness as a mom.

[sariana]

If formula didn't exist, my son would have died from malnutrition.

You know, wet nurses used to be very common, and not only when the biological mom did not survive childbirth.

Today many (most?) people would react in horror at the thought of a woman breastfeeding someone else's baby.

Is this progress?

Isn't it good to know that we have choices? Thank goodness for the scientists who developed formula and who continue to work to improve its quality.

[DebbieJ]

You know, wet nurses used to be very common, and not only when the biological mom did not survive childbirth.

Today many (most?) people would react in horror at the thought of a woman breastfeeding someone else's baby.

Is this progress?

Isn't it good to know that we have choices? Thank goodness for the scientists who developed formula and who continue to work to improve its quality.

My sister is my wet nurse for this baby. She is pumping and freezing for me while still nursing her 3 mo. :love5::love5:

[kijip]

You know, wet nurses used to be very common, and not only when the biological mom did not survive childbirth.


If you read up on the subject you will find that finding wet nurses was a huge issue during the industrial revolution and after. People have studied advertisements and first hand accounts and it was not always easy to find a wet nurse. Many, many kids that needed a wet nurse went without or without enough milk. Orphanages were full of babies that received substandard milk replacements and died as a result. Formula was developed in part because of this problem. And shockingly sad are the indentured servants and slaves that nursed others children at the literal expense of their own. It is not a cut and dry issue- in the absence of formula I frankly doubt there would be enough of a supply of other breast milk, especially in a country like ours with no accommodations for paid maternity leaves.

Donor milk is a great option and helping friends and family is also a great option but the fact remains that commercially available formula in it's present state is a better substitute than many babies had before.

[glbb35]

"My best advice is to put the other person on the defensive asap. "Wow, that's a personal question!" and if that doesn't shut them down, ask them what their annual income is. Hopefully they'll get the hint."

I love this response Nov04! I will have to remember this one. While I haven't had the difficulties as some of you have had with breastfeeding, having recently had twins who are preemies I sometimes have to supplement with formula for A) extra nutrition for the babies recommended by the NICU, B) as it is difficult for me to make the extra breast milk necessary to feed two and C) to allow me some kind of break in the day otherwise I would be doing nothing all day but sitting there breastfeeding the two babies. I have been out in public with them and had several times random strangers come up to me and ask me A) are those twins and what are they, etc... and B) did you do IVF? What? (no) and C) are you breastfeeding them and as one lady proceeded to say, "you really must be breastfeeding with preemies as it is so necessary for their health" (who told her they were preemies? and what does she know of their health?). Next time some random person comes up and asks some random "none of your business question" I will remember the above.

Good luck to all the breastfeeding, trying to breast feed, done breast feeding and formula moms. You moms are all miracles to your children!

B

DS 03, 06 and 09,09

[twowhat?]

"Why do you ask?"

That's what I always say when it's really none of their business. It makes the nosy ones think twice about digging deeper, and it keeps the door open for people with valid reasons for asking (for example, someone who is thinking of going through IVF and wanted some encouragement).

[gatorsmom]

In fact, supporting formula feeding by choice is considered a violation of the User Agreement at MDC and is not allowed to be discussed. A thread which does this will be locked or removed.

But consider that many people go to MDC specifically to find support for things that they may not be able to find support for IRL, like someone who wants to EBF their twins to age 2. It's a different, self-selecting population at MDC.

I didn't know that but that explains alot, LOL. I had originally started to post there looking for info about bfing the twins because I wasn't getting a lot of support locally. There just wasn't enough resources for bfing twins in my area. When I started to discuss stopping or how difficult it was becoming for me and my other kids with those same MDC moms, that's when moms popped out of the woodwork saying they were still going strong at 2 years. And that's when I realized I didn't fit in anymore!! :tongue5:

[Melaine]

Yep, I also parted ways with the crowd at MDC. Even though I agree with them in theory on a lot of issues, their methods were way too judgmental IMO. Sometimes I log on to search for an issue I am thinking about, but I don't post anymore.

[egoldber]

MDC is definitely not for everyone. But sometimes I learn a lot just by "listening" to the discussion. :)

ETA: And this discussion restriction has been hotly debated off and on at MDC, with some in the adoption, special needs and NICU/preemie subforums getting pretty angry about the restriction. So it's not like it's a non-issue even in a place like MDC.

[sariana]

This is a bit off-topic, but I was just reading an article celebrating the lunar missions. Apparently baby formula is yet another development that resulted from the space program. I actually would have thought formula had been around longer than that.

[egoldber]

Well, that's not entirely accurate. Breastmilk replacements have been around throughout human history. The first commercial formulas were marketed in the early 20th century. The modern infant formula as we know it, came about in the late 1950/early 1960s. From Wikipedia:


Commercial formulas

In parallel with the enormous shift (in industrialized nations) away from breastfeeding to home-made formulas, nutrition scientists continued to analyze human milk and attempt to make infant formulas that more closely matched its composition.[1] Maltose and dextrins were believed nutritionally important, and in 1912, the Mead Johnson Company released a milk additive called Dextri-Maltose. This formula was made available to mothers only by physicians. In 1919, milkfats were replaced with a blend of animal and vegetable fats as part of the continued drive to closer simulate human milk. This formula was called SMA for "simulated milk adapted."[6]

In the late 1920s, Alfred Bosworth released Similac (for "similar to lactation"), and Mead Johnson released Sobee.[6] Several other formulas were released over the next few decades, but commercial formulas did not begin to seriously compete with evaporated milk formulas until the 1950s. The reformulation and concentration of Similac in 1951, and the introduction (by Mead Johnson) of Enfamil in 1959 were accompanied by marketing campaigns that provided inexpensive formula to hospitals and pediatricians.[6] By the early 1960s, commercial formulas were more commonly used than evaporated milk formulas, which all but vanished in the 1970s. By the early 1970s, over 75% of babies in the United States were fed on formulas, almost entirely commercially produced.[1]

[sste]

I am the person with the friend who doesn't want to BF and for those of you who were concerned that I was pushing unsolicited advice on her, the friend did specifically ask me what I had done and what my thoughts were about her situation. And I did manage to limit myself to saying keep an open mind, give it a try, you don't need to commit long-term this minute, etc. - - though my personal inclination was way stronger than those sentiments!

Anyway, I think what I am getting at is that the recent revolution in breastfeeding (which I think is a good thing nationally) happened because of a change in social norms. Part of that change in social norms is that people experienced social pressure. Social norms and social pressure are ubiquitous and inevitable - - and positive as well as negative things can come from that. So, I have never gotten the "it is my child you have no right to ever say or even think anything about my decisions" - - that is just not how societies work and I think the conflict we experience in these threads is about negotiating the right balance between encouraging BF (or whatever social practice) and respecting privacy. The positive end that I see of social pressure is NOT the OP, NOT the people that are making educated choices but all of the (many) people who may never have considered BF, who weren't educated about it. Perhaps due to gentle social pressure and social education those people are more likely to make an educated decision.

When I get relatively nice comments like this from people I remind myself (sometimes through gritted teeth) that their aim is not me in particular but the person who has not had exposure to BF or education about it. When the comments are nasty, well, that is another story . . .

[gatorsmom]

You know, I probably wouldn't have bfed if there had been less pressure around me to do so. My mother didn't bf and no one I knew had done it. But a friendly neighbor had really come to give great advice and this is something she pushed.

But I have to say, that I didn't like the pushing she did. Even though she was pretty gentle about it. I was just not comfortable even thinking about it, but I endured her persistance politely because she was so helpful in other ways. In the end I gave it some thought and decided to just try it. But I might not have if she hadn't been so persistant.

So many people MEAN well. THey have had great success and want others to share that success. They also want to feel validated in that others are making the choices they have made. I think we are all that way to some extent. The problem lies in that some parents ARE NOT successful and in addition to that hurt they must endure the pressure of others who mean well but just don't understand. And of course, it doesn't help when a pushy person is inconsiderate and judgmental in addition to persistant.

[KAK22]

I'm so sorry people are making you feel bad. Your DD is going to grow and thrive on formula.

I wasn't able to BF - due to meds I take not being conducive to BF and then I had no milk anyway. I never even leaked a drop after DD was born.

I have a "friend" who did NOT want to BF, but her DH forced her to. Now she is the biggest *itch about BF. She has made several other people feel like crap because of difficulty BF or not doing it exactly as she had done.

Hugs to you!

[stella]

I think it's odd how "indoctrinated" I became. I was ff as a baby - in the deep south, in 1970. I decided to give bf a try and nursed baby #1 and baby #2 with no real difficulties (other than the learning curve with any new baby).

When Baby #3 was born, I developed shingles at two weeks pp, and the baby wasn't an easy nurser. His latch was terrible, my nerve endings were raw, pumping was even more excrutiating than breastfeeding, and I dreaded the whole process. I was told by the epidemiologist to continue bf at all costs to make sure the baby got the varicella antibodies. I was told at the same time to be absolutely vigilant that the baby not touch my midsection (the site of the rash) so that he wouldn't contract chicken pox, and I was sooo tired and in so much pain, and feeding the baby just HURT so badly.

I remember being absolutely shocked when I remembered that formula even existed and that I could occasionally give the baby a bottle. It was as though I had this mindset that formula was evil, and i had to really wrestle with myself to give him formula when all he wanted was something to eat. The pain he caused by nursing was so unfair to the little guy, but I had to really give myself permission to buy a can of formula.

I am definitely not a BF activist or bully, but even I put so much pressure on myself that I couldn't even see that I had an option to weeping every time he nursed. I still bore the pain and nursed him most of the time, but when I couldn't, I felt really relieved to have formula to get us through.