Do you keep a stash of $$ separate from dh?

[stella]

A friend and I were discussing this yesterday and she mentioned that she had decided to start a little stash of cash that her dh doesn't know about - for emergencies, etc. I have been trying to build a small reserve myself (actual cash in a safe place - not a CD or anything). And I think women have been "creative" with their grocery money for generations. It made mem wonder how many of us do some variation of this - no specific reason, but just feel the need to have a little $ on hand in case of the unexpected?

[pb&j]

DH and I have separate accounts. I WOTH, so I have my own paycheck that goes into my account. I also have several investments that are in my name only (with DH as primary beneficiary). He is aware of all of these, though. And he has things in his name only. Not necessarily b/c of the threat of "the unexpected," but b/c we were both grown, working adults w/our own money before we met and married. There was never a compelling reason for us to merge everything.

[fivi2]

We also have separate accounts, although I am now a SAHM. I was working when we married, we both already had separate accounts, and just never merged everthing. However, he is aware of what is in my accounts - definitely not a secret.

[DietCokeLover]

No, everything we have is together.

[alexsmommy]

We have seperate checking and joint savings. We don't hide money from one another per se, but I couldn't tell you his balance day to day nor him mine - though we don't hide it either. I'm not a fan of hiding money.

[TwinFoxes]

No, everything we have is together.

Same here. It wouldn't cross my mind to have a separate account. We merged things when we moved in together and were saving for our wedding. The only separate things we have are our 401ks.

When you say "for emergencies" are you talking "transmission goes kaput" emergency, or "running off with his secretary" emergency?

ETA: we had both been in our professional careers for several years before marrying.

[Meatball Mommie]

I might have like $5 or $10 in a cookie jar that he doesn't know about ;) If I left it in my wallet, he'd find it and use it for his lunch! Otherwise, no, everything is in both names and there's nothing stashed away "just in case" He doesn't do our finances, so I'm not sure how aware he is of everything, but it doesn't mean he couldn't find out if he cared enough to look. I might not tell him how much I spent at a store, but again, he could just look on our computer...

[egoldber]

Well I have money in retirement accounts that is my name alone. But other than that no. We got married just before we both started working full time, so pretty much all our accounts are joint.

If I felt my marriage was in trouble or my husband was abusive or I knew that divorce was imminent at some point, it would probably be prudent to have a safety stash.

[brittone2]

We keep our accounts together (eta: I do have some separate retirement money in my name only). HOwever, many financial experts recommend having separate accounts and then a joint account, or keeping accounts separate and determining in advance what things should be paid out of which account.

If I had concerns about my financial security (as a SAHM, etc.), I would be open and honest with my DH and tell him that I'd feel more secure with my own account. I would feel uncomfortable stashing away any significant amount of money without an open and honest discussion. I would not be happy if DH was stashing away money on his own without discussing it with me as well.

I think being able to discuss finances and your financial security with your spouse is so important...being less than honest with DH wouldn't feel comfortable to me. I totally understand the need/desire to have a separate account, but I think it should be on the up and up, kwim?

[jenmcadams]

Well I have money in retirement accounts that is my name alone. But other than that no. We got married just before we both started working full time, so pretty much all our accounts are joint.

If I felt my marriage was in trouble or my husband was abusive or I knew that divorce was imminent at some point, it would probably be prudent to have a safety stash.

Same for me...we got married right before we started working full time and everything has always been joint

[carolinamama]

Most of our money minus retirement accounts is in joint accounts. We were married relatively young and it just made sense. But I do have a small account where I put alittle money now and then that is just in my name. DH knows about it although he doesn't know the exact balance. I use it for whatever comes up - car repairs, new washer, a little trip for the family or something just for me that doesn't quite fit into our regular budget. I woth part-time and can adjust my income by working alittle more or working on weekends. This is usually the source for that money.

[mommylamb]

DH and I combine everything (except Roths and 401Ks, of course). When we got married, he was also applying for his greencard, so we needed to prove that we were a legitimate couple to the INS. Now I'm so used to it that I can't imagine having my own account that was separate from his. And, I really can't imagine keeping a secret stash of pocket money unless my relationship were abusive.

[bubbaray]

DH and I have separate accounts. I WOTH, so I have my own paycheck that goes into my account. I also have several investments that are in my name only (with DH as primary beneficiary). He is aware of all of these, though. And he has things in his name only. Not necessarily b/c of the threat of "the unexpected," but b/c we were both grown, working adults w/our own money before we met and married. There was never a compelling reason for us to merge everything.


a huge :yeahthat: to this post. This is exactly DH and I. 100% of our finances are separate.

[AnnieW625]

We've had a joint bank accounts since we got married. Our 401K and 457 plans are through our employer so we each have our separate accounts.

[specialp]

We have separate checking & savings account, but all are joint accounts. He has no idea the balance in any of them unless I bring it up just b/c he doesn't handle the finances. I do have cash at home (very small - less than $200), but it isn't secret and I only have it because I never carry cash on me.

[Laurel]

Nope, we both have access to all of our money. Does DH always know every purchase I make? No, not always. However, I think he would be really hurt/angry if I had a secret cash stash and might even think I was planning on leaving him.

[niccig]

We have joint everything. I did have my own Australian bank account, and as soon as we were married, DH went straight to the bank to make joint everything and put me on his credit cards. He got sick of having to give me money as until I got a social security card etc, I couldn't have my own bank account.

We do have a stash for emergencies, but we both know about that. I am trying to squirrel away money monthly for certain things - but he knows about all of that.

When I start work again, I'm opening a bank account in my name as primary account holder, and DH as secondary. It's so we save and don't spend any money that I earn. I like to separate money as if it's all together, it's easy to spend what you wanted to save.

So, no I don't have a secret amount of money that DH doesn't know about. He would be very angry if I did, and I would if he did. A friend's DH secretly moved money into their son's account and then spent it on his hobby - it was more than they agreed upon for his hobby. They're now in marriage counseling. For her, it was the secretiveness that really hurt.

ETA. I don't' think there's anything wrong with having separate bank accounts, but i do think the other spouse needs to know about them.

[maestramommy]

No, everything we have is together.
:yeahthat:

[Momof3Labs]

We have seperate checking and joint savings. We don't hide money from one another per se, but I couldn't tell you his balance day to day nor him mine - though we don't hide it either.

:yeahthat:

[kransden]

We have 2 joint checking accounts and a joint savings. One checking account is mine and one is his, but we both have access I also have my mad money. He doesn't care. He's happy I have the cash on hand when we suddenly need it.

[Corie]

Everything is joint.

And I don't do any secret stashing.



ETA: I forgot to mention that I do have my own retirement accounts. DH knows all about
these things since he set them up for me. :)

[niccig]

I could see myself saving any leftover money from the grocery budget, and using it for emergencies/savings for something. But I would tell DH that is what I'm doing with the extra money.

[ThreeofUs]

I have little stashes of money left over from places I used to work - lab credit unions, for example - but DH knows about these. Everything else (except retirement) is joint.

[billysmommy]

We have seperate 401k and retirement accounts but our checking and savings are joint. Our main investments are joint also but we each have a small seperate portfolio because we like to do some of it on our own and we compete to see who can make more each statement (I'm winning so far this year :) )

We have started each putting aside a small amount of $$ each month for presents for each other since last year the big surprises were spoiled by seeing the stores and amounts on the card.

But none of this is secret from each other

[g-mama]

Everything we have is together and I do not have a secret stash of money.

We've had zero problems with it this way and I've never felt like I had to get dh's approval before making a purchase. Unless, of course, it were for furniture or something that I would want him to agree with anyway.

[ha98ed14]

Everything is joint except retirement accounts, which are separate by definition. But I am the one who controls the purse strings so to speak; I manage the money. We decide on a budget together, but I pay the bills and I decide when there is "extra" to do something with. The we discuss what to do with it. So I guess because of that, I am confident that we are staying within our budget.

However, like Beth, if my H was abusive or I had any doubts about the marriage, I would absolutely squirrel money away. I figure if the marriage is that far gone that I am thinking of ways to leave, then syphoning off money is a result not a cause of the marriage problems.

But I will say this: even in the best of marriages, I think it is important for women to have some money somewhere in their own name, even if just their retirement. In a real true emergency, I could get it if I needed to.

[trales]

Everything is joint, or the other one is a beneficiary of the account. He works full time, I work part time, I handle all the bills and day to day stuff, he handles all the investments. I could not tell you how much we have in retire/ investments, but I know where to get the info and have complete access to it.

If you asked DH the status of our banking he would not know, but he would know where to find the info (I think). I keep a slush fund, he knows about it, for things like bat proofings, car emergencies, vet trips, you get the idea.

I think hiding money would really violate the trust we have in our relationship.

[HIU8]

DH and I got married when I was 33 and DH 40, so we each had established jobs/careers. I have my own savings and checking. We have a joint savings and checking and DH has his own checking. We both know what is in the joint accounts. DH does not know what is in my accounts and I do not know the balance of his checking account, but we can look each others information up online (we do share all the login and passwords with each other). So, technically I have my own money, but it is not completely hidden from DH.

[pinkmomagain]

I might have like $5 or $10 in a cookie jar that he doesn't know about ;) Otherwise, no, everything is in both names and there's nothing stashed away "just in case"



This is me too.

[Happy 2B mommy]

We have separate checking accounts and retirements accts (although we are beneficaries). Everything else is joint.

I personally like having my own account, esp since becoming a SAHM. It gives me a little extra sense of independance and peace of mind "just in case".

[lovin2shop]

Being in the financial field, I've always heeded the recommendation to keep an account in my name only. As I have gotten older and have seen the situations of friends and colleagues that have asked for my advice, I'm definitely witnessing why this is a good idea. I trust my DH completely, and I don't hide money at all, but I've never combined our finances completely. I guess I feel like you never know the curve balls that life can throw you and it's better to be safe than sorry. My DH asked me about it once many, many years ago, and I just joking replied that it was my insurance against him leaving me for his secretary. He joked back and said "good idea"! Honestly, if he cared about it, I think I would have even more of a reason to keep the separate account, but thankfully, he doesn't care.

[Ceepa]

No secret $$ kept from DH.

[LexyLou]

Everything is joint and nothing is secretly stashed. I just really have no need to have a secret account.

I do have a rollover IRA and a 401K from before we were married (which are now worth so little anyway) in my name only-he's the beneficiary, and he has his 401K through work which is his name only-I'm the beneficiary, but it's not hidden from each other.

[KrisM]

We got married in our 30s and both had been working for 7 or 8 years. We made about the same amount of money. We still put everything together in joint accounts. I do have IRAs that are in my own name, and a small checking account that is at another bank and is hooked to paypal that's in my name only. DH doesn't do paypal, so that's why it's just mine.

I definitely wouldn't be sneaking money and hiding it somewhere unless I thought I was going to pursue a divorce or something.