Trying Not to Be Mad at DH

[Raidra]

My husband has worked at the same company for ten years this August, since he first moved here. The company has been slowly failing over the last, say.. seven years. My husband hates interviewing for jobs and feels loyal to his boss because his boss has given him a lot of chances to prove he could do jobs he's not technically qualified for (and he's always risen to the occasion). But since they've been failing, they haven't been doing raises, bonuses, etc. He's been screwed over more times than I can count on travel reimbursements, vacation time canceled at the last minute, etc.

Back in February, they cut his hours back to 4 days a week with a corresponding 20% pay cut. That lasted for a few months until two people left his department and he inherited their jobs. It was decided that while they couldn't give him a raise or change in title (even though he's doing stuff he's never done before, and learning on the fly), they could give him 7 weeks of vacation to cash out immediately. That works out to a pretty hefty and much needed bonus, since we're behind on our mortgage and my school loan, and in danger of losing the house.

Wouldn't you know.. the day before the bonus check was to be cut, the woman whose job that is went out because her mother died. Three weeks later, nobody had heard from her, she wasn't returning phone calls, etc. So they let her go and said to my husband, "Hey, you know nothing about accounting, but learn how to cut checks." He's been trying to figure it out for the last three weeks.. from what I understand, it's a trial and error process to get the checks to print right, get things lined up, etc.

So, today the head of the company declares that they will not cut any checks, pay any vendors, etc. I guess they're still paying their employees, but they are not paying any bills of any sort. My husband went to the HR woman who appealed the CEO, who said that they would not be giving my husband the check, even though they have a signed contract.

I'm so, so upset. I'm pissed off at his employer, and while I'm trying not to be mad at my husband, I am a little. I'm mad that he didn't devote more time to solving the check-printing problem.. we should have had that check weeks ago. He's meeting with a lawyer tomorrow, but I'm worried that we won't be able to afford the fees, and that the lawyer won't be able to get us the money.

We were going to start TTC our fourth this month, and now.. :(

[Naranjadia]

Wow, that sucks. But putting your DH in charge of the accounting when it isn't his area seems really foolish on the part of the company. Granted, as you said, he's been able to rise to other challenges before, but still, I guess I would still blame the company for putting him in that position.

The cynical side of me thinks that if the company is having $ problems, they put your DH in that position just so they would have an excuse to backtrack on the check. But I'm cynical that way.

[Raidra]

Well, I think the problem is that there really isn't anyone else to do it. When he first started working there, they had about 300 employees. Now they're down to about 40 or 50. They didn't have anyone in HR for a while, they finally hired someone to come in a few hours a week. I don't know.. they've just been taking a lot of shortcuts and doing things half-assed, like having my husband do carpentry and some A/C work when they moved into a new office.

I feel bad being angry at him, because he really is trying so hard.. I just hate to see him taken advantage of. I posted a while ago about his telecommuting part time job where they stiffed him (and several other people) out of a several-thousand-dollar bonus for extra work they did. Still haven't seen that money either.

[gatorsmom]

That would be so frustrating, especially for you on the side lines just KNOWING that you wouldn't let someone jerk you around like that.

sigh. Karma, just think that some day those people will get their due...

And big :hug:s

[sste]

Do not waste a minute with the lawyer/check that could be spent job hunting. That company is going under and likely fast. Not paying your vendors is a big deal. If the vendors can't get their money, your DH does not have a hope in h*ll of getting his.

Tell your DH to start looking for a new job TOMORROW.

[ha98ed14]

Do not waste a minute with the lawyer/check that could be spent job hunting. That company is going under and likely fast. Not paying your vendors is a big deal. If the vendors can't get their money, your DH does not have a hope in h*ll of getting his.

Tell your DH to start looking for a new job TOMORROW.

:yeahthat:

:hug: I know where you are. We have been facing down a big paycut for my DH because of the CA state budget fiasco for months and months. The anxiety is killing me. But hang in there. Cut back where ever you can and get DH to spend his time looking for a new job, not trying to rescue a sinking ship. No matter how great his boss is, if he does not have a job to offer you DH, it won't matter. And as hard as it is, and I am sure that it is the hardest and most disappointing part of the whole situation, wait until you feel more financially secure before brings another LO into your family. Look at DH and your efforts to securing his job situation, build up savings and keeping your house as gifts of love for the children you already have and the hope of adding another. :hug:

[kijip]

Is there a Labor Dispute board in MA you can turn to for help?

Also, I agree with a PP...time to start looking for a job pronto.

That totally sucks. I have a friend who never got paid a big chunk of change from one of her jobs. When the company went belly up, it seemed the employees claims came after pretty much everything else (creditors, back taxes etc).

[HannaAddict]

Another word of caution, make sure that your health insurance is active and paid up if it is provided by this company. And if you are having 401(k) withdrawals deducted from your pay, make sure they have actually been deposited with the actual 401(k) entity. When I did corporate law in the 2001, etc. tech downturn, companies stopped paying their premiums for their employees and also started keeping the 401(k) money to "pay back later" and the employees had no idea unless they tried to use their insurance for a big ticket item (like surgery). If they aren't paying vendors, I would be looking hard for a job. I'm so sorry, it is terrible and stressful and not fair. :(

[JTsMom]

:hug: I am so sorry. What an awful situation! I hope it all works out soon.

[TwinFoxes]

Another word of caution, make sure that your health insurance is active and paid up if it is provided by this company. And if you are having 401(k) withdrawals deducted from your pay, make sure they have actually been deposited with the actual 401(k) entity. When I did corporate law in the 2001, etc. tech downturn, companies stopped paying their premiums for their employees and also started keeping the 401(k) money to "pay back later" and the employees had no idea unless they tried to use their insurance for a big ticket item (like surgery). (

Yes, yes and yes! The 401(k) thing is very widespread, sadly. I did stories on it while I was still working. (although reading about this company I can't imagine they offer a 401(k))

And a friend of mine went in for her IUI treatment that was covered by insurance...only to have them refuse to treat her because the company hadn't paid their premiums. They were putting it off until the next fiscal year (a few weeks away) but hadn't told anyone. In this case the company paid right away when they found out people were being denied treatment (it's a company that's in DC and California. The DC HMO was honoring treatments, the CA one was not.)

[Momof3Labs]

Your DH's loyalty to his boss just simply cannot put your house at risk. He needs to understand that this is simply NOT an option.

You would pay for a foreclosure for years to come - long after this company is gone. He needs to overcome his dislike for job interviews and get out there NOW. You or he might also consider doing something at night or on the weekends when he not working this job to help catch up on the house payments.

And ITA that TTC #4 needs to wait until things are more stable. This is too stressful a time to add a new pregnancy to the mix.

[egoldber]

Do not waste a minute with the lawyer/check that could be spent job hunting. That company is going under and likely fast. Not paying your vendors is a big deal. If the vendors can't get their money, your DH does not have a hope in h*ll of getting his.

Tell your DH to start looking for a new job TOMORROW.

:yeahthat:

They are not going to do a THING for him, he needs to concentrate on himself and your family.

It can be so hard not to get sucked into these things though. When you finally get out of the situation you realize in retrospect how toxic it was, but until then it can be hard to see in the midst of it.

[niccig]

I'm sorry this is happening. I agree with everyone else, this does not look good for the company. If they're not paying their vendors/bills, I don't think it will be too long before they close the doors for good.

And by the sounds of the company, even if you husband had gotten his check, it may have bounced. They're stopped checks because they have money for them.

You and DH need to get ahead of this BEFORE it happens. If you wait, he'll be job hunting with all the other people without a job. And it's easier to get a job if you have a job...so start looking now. I would also brush up on your resume...you might find it easy to get work than he does. It doesn't have to be a long-term decision for you to work and to put off TTC#4, but it sounds like things are dicey and might be for the next year or so. When things like job loss happen, I think it's up to everyone in the family to pitch together and get yourselves out of it. When things are more secure, you can go back to you original plans.
Good luck. Hope you can get through it.

[Raidra]

Well, we obviously won't try for another baby with all this going on. We're not *totally* irresponsible. ;)

When he's laid off, I'll look into going back to work in the evenings. Anything I could make in a full-time day job would go straight to daycare costs, even if I was willing to put the kids in daycare. Plus, we homeschool and we'd sacrifice lots of other things before putting Colwyn in school.

Losing the house is a multi-part problem. The mortgage is in my parents' name (the house is like a two-family), and my dad got laid off recently. He's found another temporary job, but it's making considerably less than before. We probably would have been able to struggle our way through if we were able to catch up with this bonus check, but if he never gets the money.. it would just be delaying the inevitable to try to stay here. To be honest, while I don't want my parents to have to deal with a foreclosure, the idea of not living with them is so, so, SO tempting.

He got an apology email from his boss (who's on vacation this week and next), who apparently tried to convince the CEO not to make such a rash decision, but no dice. They think the CEO knows something that he's not telling anyone else, not even the other VPs.

[niccig]

When he's laid off, I'll look into going back to work in the evenings. Anything I could make in a full-time day job would go straight to daycare costs, even if I was willing to put the kids in daycare. Plus, we homeschool and we'd sacrifice lots of other things before putting Colwyn in school.


Any chance you could look at evenings now? I'm only saying this because of what I've seen with family. They waited until the DH got laid off, they are both looking for jobs and in 3 weeks, they will have no more severance pay. They've both been looking for nearly 3 months and nothing, no nibbles. It's taking 6+ months for people to find work. I know it's not ideal, but if you had some part-time evenings, then at least they'll be a little income coming in, which is better than nothing. I've been applying for some night work in my pre-DS field. I don't want to go back to that work, but I'll do it to get us some extra cash - and in my case, I do need to organise child care, but a friend said she'll do it and be cheaper than a babysitter.

Just a thought. I'm trying to be as prepared as we can be, so we can weather any job lay offs that hopefully won't come, but at the moment you never know. DH's company laid off 2 people last month, first time in 13 years, and I think more will come...

[sste]

Raidra, I am not sure I am understanding all of this correctly. It sounds like your parents are going to lose their property to foreclosure if you and your DH don't pay your share of the two-family house - - or is it way more than your share that you will need to pay??? I don't know whether your parents live there or not but even if they don't that will be a terrible financial setback for them in their later years. Also this is a problem for your family - - where will all five of you live?

Is there any way to prevent that foreclosure? I think under these circumstances homeschooling may fall under the category of non-essential item (at least compared to food and shelter). Can your parents watch your DC while you work FT and your dh looks for work & perhaps takes on extra work?

If I am missing something or misunderstanding, just ignore this . . .

[Raidra]

Raidra, I am not sure I am understanding all of this correctly. It sounds like your parents are going to lose their property to foreclosure if you and your DH don't pay your share of the two-family house - - or is it way more than your share that you will need to pay??? I don't know whether your parents live there or not but even if they don't that will be a terrible financial setback for them in their later years. Also this is a problem for your family - - where will all five of you live?

Is there any way to prevent that foreclosure? I think under these circumstances homeschooling may fall under the category of non-essential item (at least compared to food and shelter). Can your parents watch your DC while you work FT and your dh looks for work & perhaps takes on extra work?

If I am missing something or misunderstanding, just ignore this . . .

That's okay. :) My parents live here with us. They're having trouble paying their share because of my dad's lowered salary, and we're having trouble picking up the slack because of the 20% pay cut my husband took for a few months, and then not getting the bonus that was supposed to get us caught up. They're in negotiations with a lawyer right now. A year or two ago, their mortgage payment went up by almost $1000 a month 'cause of the interest rates, and that's really where this all started.

My parents both work full time (they're under 50) and they both make more than I would make if I went back to work. I will definitely take an evening position if my husband is out of work. I'm confident I can get evening work in my field. For right now, nobody is around to watch the children until 7pm, which really limits what hours I can work. While homeschooling may be a luxury to some, it's something that my husband and I feel strongly about and is a necessity for us. There are plenty of apartments around here which, while being a step down in size, would be drastically less money than our share here. We pay a premium for our location and the amount of land we're on.

[niccig]

T For right now, nobody is around to watch the children until 7pm, which really limits what hours I can work.

I'm in the same situation. DH isn't home until 8pm-2am and most work for me would start at 5 or 6pm. I can either pay a friend and drop DH at her house, or pay a babysitter. It will eat into money I get paid, kind of sucks, but that is how it is.

I hope something can be worked out between your parents and you. And fingers crossed that your DH's work doesn't go under or that he can find a better more secure job...I hope your Dad can find something too - a foreclosure for them could be devastating.

[kijip]

That's okay. :) My parents live here with us. They're having trouble paying their share because of my dad's lowered salary, and we're having trouble picking up the slack because of the 20% pay cut my husband took for a few months, and then not getting the bonus that was supposed to get us caught up. They're in negotiations with a lawyer right now. A year or two ago, their mortgage payment went up by almost $1000 a month 'cause of the interest rates, and that's really where this all started.

Is there anyway to refinance the mortgage? Or to get the terms adjusted to avoid foreclosure.

Or is there someone they could rent your side to if you moved out? I would be really reluctant to leave them in a lurch/put them into foreclosure.

[gatorsmom]

Or is there someone they could rent your side to if you moved out? I would be really reluctant to leave them in a lurch/put them into foreclosure.

I was just thinking this too. If you move out, they will be without at least 2 months rent for YOUR side while they try to find new renters. And there is almost always repairs and cleanings that need to be done before they can rent it out which will cost money (carpets cleaned, paint touched up, etc.). If you moved your family to a different apartment, have you talked to your parents about how they would cope?

[Raidra]

Is there anyway to refinance the mortgage? Or to get the terms adjusted to avoid foreclosure.

Or is there someone they could rent your side to if you moved out? I would be really reluctant to leave them in a lurch/put them into foreclosure.

Oh! We would never, never leave them hanging. We're here until we lose the house. We've talked about trying to rent the house out (either part or all), but my parents are really reluctant to become landlords.

They were denied refinancing when they tried to do it on their own, which is why they hired a lawyer specializing in such things.

My husband's meeting with the other lawyer went okay yesterday, though I don't think he understands how adamant the CEO is about not paying.. he seemed to think a fancy letter from a lawyer would get him to pay up. My husband's just not too sure of that. FWIW, they've stopped paying bills in the past, then caught up/negotiated later. So it's not a guarantee that they're closing this time, though it is awfully likely. My dad had the idea that my husband should call out sick for a week to show them how much they need him. With all the work he's doing, the company quite literally can't run without him.

[niccig]

I hope you can get it all worked out. I hate things like this, and I'm sorry you have to deal with it.