Foreign Languages

[Toba]

I'm sure many people have been in this situation, but for some reason it really burned me tonight.

I went to get a pedicure at a "newish-to me" nail salon. This was the third time I've been there. They do a FABULOUS job, seriously. Couldn't be more pleased with results each time I've went ... the best pedicures I've had in a long time.

I'm trying to word this so it doesn't come out wrong .... the shop is exclusively owned and staffed by Asians. Everyone that I've seen working there has carried on a conversation in English (well) with their customers. So why do you have to have a conversation with your two other co-workers (with laughing, snorting, etc.) in a foreign language while I'm just sitting there (with the co-workers' customers, who are clearly English speaking, no offense). It's SO rude. SO rude. Probably 3/4 of the time I was there was spent talking/joking/whatever in a foreign language. I felt like I was Elaine in that Seinfeld episode. It's happened all three times I've been there.

I'm not racist by any stretch of the imagination, and I realize that I could just go somewhere else to get pedicures, but they are that good ... and they have the most awesome pedicure chairs I've ever been in. I love the service (in fact, I tipped $10 on a $35 pedicure) ... it's just that it makes me feel ... what? insecure? annoyed? uncomfortable?

Does this ever happen to you?

[happymom]

Yup, happens every single time I get a mani/pedi! I always just assumed that they are more comfortable speaking in their mother tongue. But it is a bit unnnerving because very often it seems like they are speaking about you!! (especially after that Seinfeld episode. LOL)

[Tondi G]

thats usually my experience too! Many people where English is a second language to them seem a little embarrassed to speak english in front of those of us who do speak it well. I think they just feel more comfortable having conversations in their native language. I don't think they are trying to be rude or gossip about their customers.

[gatorsmom]

They probably aren't talking about you at all. It is extremely difficult to converse in a foreign language with people of your own culture and language because of the natural ease and convenience of understanding each other really well in the mother tongue. It would seem completely unnatural for them to speak English with each other if they come from the same background.

But, I agree, I hate when others carry on in a language in front of me that they know I can't understand. And i very much enjoy eavesdropping on a language that I happen to understand when they think I can't. :D

[niccig]

They probably aren't talking about you at all. It is extremely difficult to converse in a foreign language with people of your own culture and language because of the natural ease and convenience of understanding each other really well in the mother tongue. It would seem completely unnatural for them to speak English with each other if they come from the same background.

But, I agree, I hate when others carry on in a language in front of me that they know I can't understand. And i very much enjoy eavesdropping on a language that I happen to understand when they think I can't. :D

I agree with this. I speak another language, but not from birth and it's just easier to chat away in your native tongue with someone - there's less brain power that has to go on during the conversation. Plus, there are some words/phrases that just do not translate well into other languages.

It doesn't bother me if I don't understand the conversation - but I grew up with my mother speaking a language to my grandparents that none of us understood. So, I'm used to it. It only got me annoyed when I would hear my name, so I knew they were talking about me and I didn't understand what they were saying. My grandmother, despite being fluent in English, always reverted to their native tongue around my mother and she would even talk to me forgetting that I didn't understand. She didn't learn English until over 40 years old, and she was just more comfortable in the language that she used for the first 40 years of her life. We would have to remind her to speak English.

And as for the eavesdropping, I've done that too and had to make a laugh into a cough when the person said something funny...

[kijip]

I have experienced this but it really does not bother me that I can't understand a language. I don't feel a need to know what people are saying when they are not talking to me. I actually don't think it is rude, certainly not any ruder than listening in on conversations. Actually, I prefer to go to places where there is quiet during the services, because I like to be quiet. So honestly a lot of chatting, in any language, moreso if it is loud, would bug me.

[maestramommy]

I think it's just much easier for them to speak to each other in their mother tongue. Now if this were a social situation, and you were left out of a conversation, I'd agree, it's very rude. But I've been in this situation many times (service people speak another language) and I guess I'm just used to it. Doesn't bother me. I do speak another language, I've attended immigrant churches that speak another language, and I can understand that sometimes it's just hard for people to converse naturally in a language that isn't native to them.

[MCsMom]

If it bothers you, don't go there.

It's not going to change and if you make an issue out of it to the manager, they will SURELY talk about you.

They aren't trying to be rude, it's just a different way of doing things, culturally speaking. I am Filipino and while staring is rude here, it isn't in the Philippines, it's just a sign of curiosity.

Hope that helps!

[Ceepa]

It does bother me when anyone is having a really loud conversation right next to me, regardless of language. ... I want to say, "No one cares what your sister's family is doing for their vacation! I don't give a flying fig what your son is studying at college! Shut up already about your health problems!"

So from that aspect it's rude, but not because it's in a different language, IMO.

[Globetrotter]

Yes, it is more comfortable for them to speak their own language. I know what you mean, however, because it is like that Seinfeld episode! It doesn't bother me too much, but I know that feeling.

My English speaking stylists do the same thing, so I can understand them. It doesn't bother me, but maybe because I know they're not talking about me :)

[boolady]

Honestly, I prefer this to the superficial conversations you get into with nail techs who feel obligated to talk to you. On the rare occasions I go, I'm just as happy if the techs are talking to each other (in any language) or are just quiet. Then I don't feel rude at all if I indulge in some trashy magazines the whole time and really don't have to talk.

[arivecchi]

I am a native Spanish speaker and my family obviously speaks Spanish. My DH does not speak Spanish and I know he feels left out at times. We try to speak English in front of him and it just feels awkard for us. So there is no easy solution there. They would probably feel silly having a conversation that does not include you in English just so that you can understand it because it would probably be a lot harder for them to do so. Just my 2 cents.

[Toba]

If it bothers you, don't go there.

It's not going to change and if you make an issue out of it to the manager, they will SURELY talk about you.


I would *never* complain about something like that. I came in there for a service that was well performed and I knew going in the 2nd and 3rd times that this would likely happen. I know I have the choice of not going there.

I think it was more the social aspect that bothered me. To use a poor example, it was like someone sitting at a lunch table at high school and whispering in someone's ear. *shrugs* That's just the way *I* felt, KWIM? My hairstylist is English speaking and we talk forevvvvvver when she's doing my hair (I have a lot of long, curly hair and there have been times that I have been there literally for five hours). She also talks to her co-workers too (in English), and usually brings me into the conversation ... but I've been going to her for a long time, and she's just that type of person ... very personable. We've also had lulls in the conversation too, and that's totally fine for me (I joke with her all the time that I would pay her just to brush my hair for an hour). I'm paying her to do my hair, not keep me occupied with conversation ... just as I was for the pedicurist. I get that.

This isn't the same thing as what I originally posted about (social setting versus commercial setting), but kind of in the same vein ... my older sister married a native Cuban who immigrated here at an early age with his younger sister and their parents. His parents live in a very predominately Cuban area in Miami and even though they've been here for many, many years, they barely speak any English. Whenever we visit them, my sister or BIL translate what they are saying and then translate back to them our response. It's awkward (but not in a bad way) to converse like that, but they are very aware that my side of the family doesn't speak Spanish .... they make sure we're always included in the conversation. Not the same thing, I know. :)

[edurnemk]

I think it would be rude in a social setting, and I have had it happen to me. But if the techs are just chatting between them, I think it's OK. I mean it'd be the same if they chatted in English, but you weren't part of the conversation. Think of it the other way around. What if you were living in another country and worked with another english-speaking person, wouldn't you chat with that person in English?

Maybe you can use the time to read a book or magazine, or try to start a conversation with the techs if you enjoy chatting while getting a pedicure, I'm sure in that case they'll be happy to talk in Enlgish.

[MCsMom]

I hear you Wolfsong. And I do understand your example. From a customer service point of view, it's not the greatest. My grandmother used to own a full service salon back home and (I don't know how it was implemented) that kind of thing didn't happen. In any language :D

With regards to the Spanish thing, as an immigrant myself, I have a very hard time with fellow immigrants that refuse to learn English. I grew up speaking English so I guess I was lucky because I ended up in an English-speaking country. If, for example, I move to France, you better believe I will have Rosetta Stone! It's great to bring your culture, language etc. to your adopted country but I think it is a MUST to learn the language. For me, it's about respecting where you live. At the very least, it will make your life easier.

[niccig]

With regards to the Spanish thing, as an immigrant myself, I have a very hard time with fellow immigrants that refuse to learn English. I grew up speaking English so I guess I was lucky because I ended up in an English-speaking country. If, for example, I move to France, you better believe I will have Rosetta Stone! It's great to bring your culture, language etc. to your adopted country but I think it is a MUST to learn the language. For me, it's about respecting where you live. At the very least, it will make your life easier.

While I do agree with you about learning the language of where you are living, I do have to say that learning another language, especially as an adult is difficult. I've lived in countries where I struggled to converse with people, and you can bet that when I ran into someone who spoke English, I was absolutely relieved and chatted my head off. It's soooooo easier to talk in your native language. My grandmother did learn English as an adult, it was never great, she kept mixing up past/present tense and would make grammatical errors, and yes she still spoke in her native language when she had a chance.

Having these 2 experiences, I do cut people slack if it's easier for them to speak in their native language to their family and friends...as I have done the exact same thing when I lived abroad.

[MCsMom]

Having these 2 experiences, I do cut people slack if it's easier for them to speak in their native language to their family and friends...as I have done the exact same thing when I lived abroad.

I do agree with that, niccig. It is difficult to learn as an adult. But as your grandmother proved, it can be done. I have no problem speaking Filipino with my friends and family that speak nor do I have a problem with other people doing the same. I DO have a problem with people that have lived here for many years and CHOOSE not to learn. I had a friend in college who was a Korean who at that time lived in CA for 10 years before I met him. His English was rudimentary at best. We also had a Chinese classmate from Shanghai that literally started out at our school with even less English and ended up speaking it pretty fluently before he left.

[StantonHyde]

Repeat after me--nobody else is talking about you, nobody is talking about you. Seriously. What is it about people that we always think we are the focus of attention?? We are not--people are talking about their cell phones or their boyfriends etc etc. Frankly, I would rather have it be in another language so I don't have to hear some of the disgusting conversations I have heard on cell phones while standing in line behind someone!

[gatorsmom]

While I do agree with you about learning the language of where you are living, I do have to say that learning another language, especially as an adult is difficult. I've lived in countries where I struggled to converse with people, and you can bet that when I ran into someone who spoke English, I was absolutely relieved and chatted my head off. It's soooooo easier to talk in your native language.

:yeahthat: I totally agree. It can be so alienating to be the only person who speaks your mother tongue, even when you can communicate with the people around you. When I was first learning French in France I knew NO other Americans. I did find some Brits I could speak with but it just wasn't the same. One time, while walking down the street, I heard an American speaking and I practically pounced on him. Talking to him lifted my spirits that day. That was 14 years ago and I still remember that. So, yeah, learning a foreign language well can be done but speaking in your mother tongue with someone else in a foreign world is like coming home. :heartbeat:

[TwinFoxes]

Repeat after me--nobody else is talking about you, nobody is talking about you. Seriously. What is it about people that we always think we are the focus of attention??

I always assume they're talking about me, but I just don't care! They're TOUCHING MY FEET! Ick. They deserve to talk about me if they want! ;) Even if they are talking about me, it has to be "I don't like her jeans" as opposed to something important.

One reason I think this is I used to work in our gym in college. We gossiped about the patrons basically non-stop, but if anyone asked if we were talking about them (which a surprising number of people did...guess we weren't too subtle!) we always said we were talking about work. Geez, what brats we were!