Discipline question - DD kicked someone

[tny915]

DD1 is in a summer school program at the school where she will be going to K. Today's her last day. She's been happy there and has made friends. I just found out she kicked another girl and was sent to the time-out room. I'm still at work now so I don't have all the details yet. But she definitely did kick her, and I'm told the other girl has a boo-boo. She has mentioned that girl's name in the past, and I think they are friends.

This is so incredibly out of character for her. She abides by all rules at school. She's a stickler for rules in general and always knows what you are and are not supposed to do. She has never hit or been aggressive in her preschool program or at home.

I'm just shocked that this was my child, and I'm wondering how I should be handling this when I get home.

[brittone2]

Most things I've read suggest that it is best to let school handle what happens at school in terms of discipline. I'd probably still discuss it, but not punish for it. I'd ask open ended questions to see if you can get at what started the incident. I think with the excitement of the last day, a child's emotions are probably running a bit on overload too, kwim? So if it is out of character for her, I'd let it go other than maybe discussing it a bit. It is so common for them to be all revved up IMO...just like before a holiday, etc. If they are typically friends, I would think maybe the emotions of the day just got the best of her, you know?

If she will see the other child anytime soon, you could also talk about making amends. We talk about that a lot in our house, especially with my 5 yo. How making amends with the hurt party makes our heart and mind feel better, and it might help restore our relationship with that person. Maybe she'd like to make a card or something for the other little girl if you have the address...something like that. I do make clear to DS that the hurt party may not be ready to forgive yet, but that making amends is the first step. I don't require it, but I find if I give him a chance, he's often willing to make amends.

[egoldber]

I would let it go in terms of consequences. I would definitely talk about it though. But I tend to ask very open ended questions "How was your day? Anything happen that you want to talk about?"

IME, things often happen in the classroom that the teacher is not aware of. Sarah was sent home in first grade with a note that she had spit in a girl's face. Which she did. And I let her know that was NOT OK. But she also told me that the girl had been taunting her and teasing her all day (and the teacher had not noticed). Not that this makes it right, but often a child may be provoked and the teacher is so busy that they did not see the provoking behavior.

We talk a lot about how to deal with things in the moment. What do you do when a kid teases you? What do you do when that doesn't work? What is an OK way to react? What are not OK ways to react?

So I would very much wait and see what she says when she gets home.

[tny915]

Thank you both for the advice.

DH is with her now. He talked to her as well as the teacher and got the story. The girl has a scrape or bruise as a result and her parents were notified. DD went back with DH to apologize again to the girl, and DD is actually more upset about this than the girl that was kicked. The teacher even commented on that. She'll be making a card for the girl tonight.

[brittone2]

:hug:

Sorry it was a rough day, but it is great that your DD obviously cares about her friend.