I don't get it..

[niccig]

I don't get a family member. Her DH was laid off, they have 4 weeks left of severance pay, and the wife is dragging heels on applying for teaching jobs. Now is when schools are hiring. Everyone knows you don't want to work, we get that you only want to be a SAHM, but your family has NO money. How will you pay the mortgage and the car loans and the credit card debt, let alone put food on the table when you have NO savings. Suck it up and try to get a job as you might get one before your DH does. At this point, any money is better than NO money. You can reassess your financial situation later on when your DH is working.

Sorry...just had to vent...

[MamaMolly]

Don't worry, she'll figure it out when the money is really GONE. I have a friend who's DH used to work with mine. He quit his job and then lost his replacement job which we all thought would happen, it was a 'consultation' position, mostly selling and he's not the salesman type. They had on DS about the same age as DD, and burned their way through their retirement savings rather than have her go to work. Sure enough, when that money ran out, she got a job. It just takes people some time to come to terms with reality.

Her DH is still screwing around hopping from job to job, so she finally figured out she has to be the one with a steady paycheck if she doesn't want to live like that. GL to your family member. It can be hard to watch.

[MontrealMum]

Oh, I hear you one this one. It's quite a few years ago now, but what happened when BIL lost his job was so hard for us to watch. First, everyone knew he'd be among the cuts eventually as it was a big tech firm, bubble had burst etc. But he was lucky to get a good severance. So, what do they do when he loses his job? Take a 2 month long trip driving clear across Canada and back. Then spend another year (during which time SIL works the Christmas rush only at a store) with no one working. I have no idea how they were supporting themselves, but I am assuming they must have had some awesome savings in addition to DH's parents helping them out. I will not even gripe about SIL's unused advanced degree field that she never tried to find work in - which is quite close to my own, so I am well aware of what's out there. Finally SIL went back to school to be trained in ESL, and got a job, has been promoted, and they seem to be doing fine now.

This has been going on for a period of about 8 years with my ILs. And BIL has still not gotten a permanent job. A few contracts here and there, but nothing permanent or nearly enough to support them. So I think you are totally right that your SIL needs to get out there now, because there's no guarantee that he'll ever get anything. It's just so hard to watch though.

[egoldber]

For some people it can just be really, really hard to force yourself to change your life plans that quickly. We're lucky we had the extra warning time plus the severance, because it took me several months to really get my heart into job searching when I didn't want to and hadn't planned to. I know I drove my DH a little nuts, but I was so sad to have to go back to work when I had not yet planned to and when Amy was still so little.

It's a little like grieving. Different people work through it in different ways and in different time periods. Also some people are just more comfortable with uncertainty than others. If we hadn't had the severance and the savings, I would have gotten on the stick much faster. But other people are simply more OK with living on the edge financially.

Also, with horrible financial state of CA right now, she may simply be afraid of searching for a teaching job and being rejected. The rejection and putting yourself out there emotionally is very hard for some people. I can remember my first phone screen. I thought I was going to throw up. I had not really interviewed for a job in 13 years (7 years out and 6 years at my previous job.) My DH does not understand that because he does not get nervous like that and thinks nothing of putting himself out there, but he is a huge extrovert and I am very much an introvert.

Anyway, everyone and every family is different. I hope things work out for them.

[niccig]

Thanks...I really need to just vent, so that I don't say anything when I hear the complaints. I do get that it takes longer for some people to see reality and to adjust to the change in their family's financial situation and not have the life they've dreamed for. I'll keep reminding myself of this.

I think I'm just more practical. I don't want to go back to my pre-DS job, but I know I would if DH got laid off. I wouldn't like it either, but I want to provide for my family, so I would suck it up until I could afford to do something else. I've already been in touch with my old boss, so I have a reference and if she hears of any work.

[sste]

I too know a few women who interpreted marriage/kids as some kind of sacred promise that they would be cared for financially no matter what. I have been rather shocked at the sense of entitlement. I also have private sector experience working in an intense, long-hours job in a predominantly male environment (that is, with the husbands!). Some of these husbands work like mules under alot of pressure that job loss or even decreased salary will threaten not only their income but their marriages. In my industry, it was very common for the husbands to send wives and kids on vacation, away for the summer, etc and to stay in the office and work day and night.

I understand that for some people it is very important to stay home with the kids. And certainly there are childcare cost relative to job earnings issues. But if there is no one working I think there is ALOT more value to the kids for the mom to make some money and also to model graceful and responsible adult behavior for the kiddos!

[niccig]

I too know a few women who interpreted marriage/kids as some kind of sacred promise that they would be cared for financially no matter what.

I can see that your attitude would affect job searching. If you stopped worked to stay at home and never want to return to work, it could take some time to adjust to new circumstances. I've never felt that way, which is why I'm probably struggling with seeing someone do this. I've stayed home with DS, but I've always intended to return to work. I believe I'm equally as responsible as DH when it comes to our family's financial situation. I am looking for work, and DH told me to look for a job in a new field that I want rather than go back to my old job. But if we needed me to work now, I would be applying to all the university libraries - 2 actually have positions that I'm half-interested in and I'm thinking of applying to find out more about the job and to get my resume etc up to speed. I would prefer to move over to a new field, but I might need to get back in the workforce first, before I can move across to somewhere else.