I feel judged....(or maybe I"m being too sensitive).

[gatorsmom]

First I will say that I have 4 children under the age of 6yo. And it's summer and they are wild and I'm trying to get them outside as often as I can. Also, there have been a lot of activities around our house lately. Birthday parties, camping, summer activities, etc., and all that stuff requires things being organized, put away, cleaned, stored, etc. We just have a ton of stuff around our house lately. Let's not forget that the twins are messy eaters and I try to cook from scratch a few times per week. All that means the house has stuff sitting around. I can look around and see birthday cards that the boys have admired and carried around and left laying on the floor, tube of sunscreen on the floor, crumbs from the couscous I made for dinner last night, batteries charging on the counters for DH's cell phone and laptop as well as Gator's remote-controlled car. There are bags of candy up on the counters and shelves that the boys received as goody bags. Not to mention toys in tubs everywhere. At one time our house was really well decorated but it's been abused by 4 kids learning to walk, run, write and color. You add that all up and yes, my house is messy. There might be some food underfoot. The carpet has stains. The walls have some too. And as for me, I am in my work out clothes with no makeup on because I squeezed time in to exercise just before I picked up the older boys from their activities and ran them home for lunch. So, yeah, i"m not pretty right now either.

So, then, when the Early Intervention Coordinator comes to our house to ask questions about SiSi's lack of vocabulary, I would EXPECT that she, of all people, would understand that I haven't rolled out the red carpet for her. The kids were well behaved (I had the boys watching a movie while they ate lunch) and the twins were in their highchairs eating quietly. I apologized for inviting the Coordinator and Speech Therapist here to ask questions at lunchtime, but they didn't give me a lot of appointment choices. The twins nap in the afternoon. If they don't get their naps they are grumpy. And yes, lunchtime for young children is messy. And yes, we are so busy that I"ve let the housework go somewhat. So WHAT IS WITH THE RESPONSE THAT SHE MADE when I said there was some food on the floor, " I should have left my shoes on." Jeez, I got the house professionally cleaned 6 days ago and I just vacuumed yesterday. It's not that bad. Then she asked how many children I have. Up go her eyebrows when I say I have 4 under 6yo. Yeah, I have a lot of kids. Does she think I planned to have twins? Oh, and yes, the twins still drink out of bottles. Greenbean's OT suggested that because of his sensory issues. What Greenbean does, Sisi does. No favoritism here.

I tried to be friendly and conversational and commented that the Coordinator looks like my sister-in-law. I even showed her a picture of my SIL and she laughed and quietly said, "you think my hair looks like hers (SIL's hair was pulled back in a messy ponytail since she was at a park)?" Well, no, but their faces share some similarities. She just quietly chuckled and said if I had any other questions, I could call. I thought she felt insulted so I said, "I think my SIL is pretty so that was a compliment." She didn't say anything. Just no warm fuzzies from her. And I felt judged. I frickin hate that feeling.

I have to add that Sisi is very, very shy. She is not around strangers much and she is uncomfrotable around them. That does NOT mean she is unhappy. She's a very happy, bubbly girl who spends her days playing with her brothers and singing to everyone in the house. Just because she doesn't like YOU does not mean she is unhappy or a sad person.

I guess I feel better now. I probably just needed to vent. We've had plenty of Early Intervention people at our house before. This is our third child to be evaluated. But most of the those people were more friendly and forgiving for a less than perfect house. Maybe I'm just being too sensitive.

[firsttimemama]

Hugs - my house is messy and I have 3 less excuses than you do!

It sounds like she's not a warm & fuzzy lady.

[egoldber]

All that means the house has stuff sitting around. I can look around and see birthday cards that the boys have admired and carried around and left laying on the floor, tube of sunscreen on the floor, crumbs from the couscous I made for dinner last night, batteries charging on the counters for DH's cell phone and laptop as well as Gator's remote-controlled car. There are bags of candy up on the counters and shelves that the boys received as goody bags. Not to mention toys in tubs everywhere. At one time our house was really well decorated but it's been abused by 4 kids learning to walk, run, write and color. You add that all up and yes, my house is messy. There might be some food underfoot. The carpet has stains. The walls have some too.

You just described my house....only I only have 2 kids LOL! :hug:

[MontrealMum]

Hugs to you mama. There is food on my kitchen floor as we speak and I only have one kid. Yes, I'll probably get to it this evening, but what's the point of doing it before he's done with all his eating for the day :tongue5: This is normal for little kids. Maybe the therapist doesn't have any kids. From all your descriptions of your kids your house sounds like a fun place, so pooh on her!

[SnuggleBuggles]

What a *itch. Your house sounds just like mine and I also only have 2 kids. :) Don't let her get to you. She isn't worth it.

Beth

[sste]

She sounds like kind of a jerk. I might consider asking to switch coordinators since you will need to work closely with her in setting things up and in getting more services if you need them. I had a very good coordinator who heeded my hysterical crying (literally) to find the service providers she would use for her OWN child -- she went out of her way to get me the people she had had the best experiences with and they are top-notch. She also helped me add services when there was a dire shortage. Anyway, if the coordinator is difficult - - or from the sounds of your coordinator, a spoiled brat - - to begin with then I would be worried about getting the excellent services you need and deserve.

Really, you sound much too nice and I would not give this a second thought except to heap praise on yourself that all children were alive and well and nothing was on fire when they arrived. Early Intervention people are used to going into very, very awful situations of extreme poverty and filth (not messiness). Your house should have been like a freaking vacation spot for any seasoned EI person.

As a side note, for bottles, EI people are all obsessed with that and who knows if its meritorious but we did switch our son to a straw sippy on the speech therapist's advice. I don't know about your son's sensory issues and the straw sippy but if you think that would be OK we have had great luck with the playtex straw sippies where you can flip the soft straw down.

[dcmom2b3]

You just described my house....only I only have 2 kids LOL! :hug:

:yeahthat:

Only I have just one. (who's walking entropy, but still, there's only the one of her).

:hug: Sometimes I feel like I can't have people over b/c we're in such disarray. Why yes, the wall unit in the living room is stocked with every grooming and personal care item imaginable. And the electric bill from May is on the coffee table being embellished by the Bunny's creative touch. So bite me. If you care, bite me again.

Tell those snitty EI ladies that there's someone in DC who wants them to come over and pick up cheerios with their bare toes. Cuz that's fun. . . and good for their development. Too bad there isn't a "cheerio picking up" exercise that develops one's empathy.

[frgsnlzrds]

Wow. I think your house sounds cleaner than my house and I only have two toddlers! Don't let her bother you. I bet she doesn't even have kids.

[DebbieJ]

So sorry. This woman seemed to have no "bedside manner" at all. Geesh.

[MamaMolly]

What a be-yotch! Way to not take a compliment lady! You should have said something about how your SIL is actually much prettier than she is. HA!

[mommyp]

Your house sounds totally normal for a house with young kids and that woman is just rude! Seriously, don't let her get to you.

[ThreeofUs]

First I will say that I have 4 children under the age of 6yo. And it's summer and they are wild and I'm trying to get them outside as often as I can. Also, there have been a lot of activities around our house lately. Birthday parties, camping, summer activities, etc., and all that stuff requires things being organized, put away, cleaned, stored, etc. We just have a ton of stuff around our house lately. Let's not forget that the twins are messy eaters and I try to cook from scratch a few times per week. All that means the house has stuff sitting around. I can look around and see birthday cards that the boys have admired and carried around and left laying on the floor, tube of sunscreen on the floor, crumbs from the couscous I made for dinner last night, batteries charging on the counters for DH's cell phone and laptop as well as Gator's remote-controlled car. There are bags of candy up on the counters and shelves that the boys received as goody bags. Not to mention toys in tubs everywhere. At one time our house was really well decorated but it's been abused by 4 kids learning to walk, run, write and color. You add that all up and yes, my house is messy. There might be some food underfoot. The carpet has stains. The walls have some too. And as for me, I am in my work out clothes with no makeup on because I squeezed time in to exercise just before I picked up the older boys from their activities and ran them home for lunch. So, yeah, i"m not pretty right now either.



I only have 2 and you could have just described my breakfast room. My house is a wreck, and most days I feel like the corollary is that *I* am a wreck, too.

Hugs to you. You obviously got a stinker.

[arivecchi]

You are not being too sensitive. Take heart in the fact that the coordinator sounds like she is bitter and has a miserable attitude in life. Who wants to live like that?

P.S. My house is a wreck too. B/w DH and 2 kids, I just cannot keep up.

[brittone2]

I read your post in the Lounge and commented how it can be really hard in EI to ask the right questions and get the right info in such a short period of time, etc

However, I totally retract my statement now. Yeah, this woman sounds like someone that does not belong working in EI, Lisa.

When I worked in EI people would be so apologetic because they had toys all over, dishes in the sink, or if I wanted to take the couch cushions off to work on cruising, etc. they looked terrified that I'd freak out if I saw crumbs. I usually told them my own couch had plenty of crumbs, dog hair, etc and at that point in my life I didn't even *have* kids LOL.

My EI experiences took me in all kinds of homes, from beautiful mansions to small one room studios. I treated kids in homes where I pulled back the couch cushions to find a dirty, used condom. I've been in houses where there are cockroaches roaming around freely. I've been in places that were uber-unsafe (mom heating the house with the oven door open, mattress on the floor in the kitchen). Those are the places where most EI therapists have concerns, and even then, we recognize that it isn't always in the parents' control (socioeconomics, or renters who can't control certain aspects of their home, etc).

So yeah, for her to judge a little food on the floor in a house with 4 kids. Yikes. She needs a new job.

it wasn't you. It was her. And I mean that, having worked in EI. :hug:

With my regular clients back in the day, I specifically made a point of telling them that they should never feel like they have to clean up for the therapist to come, etc. kwim? Therapists realize life with kids is inherently messy.

[momof2girls]

I just wanted to add that I am humbled by you having 4 kids...God Bless You!

[MMMommy]

EIC sounds like a judgmental pill. You would think that in her line of work, she would have more compassion and understanding. Switch to another one, pronto!

[KBecks]

I have stopped apologizing for my messy house. This lady is working for your family right? Who cares what she thinks of the house?

She can do her job and leave, you guys don't have to be friends! She doesn't have to like you, just do a good job in helping your kids.

[srhs]

I'm sorry...
Did you say you have 4 kids under 6 AND you managed to EXERCISE today AND you cook?
:superhero: is all I have to say...

[gatorsmom]

I'm sorry...
Did you say you have 4 kids under 6 AND you managed to EXERCISE today AND you cook?
:superhero: is all I have to say...

I don't get a lot of sleep, though. :)

[alexsmommy]

How about a different perspective?
I think you just described a home where children are allowed to be children, to explore their environment and to feel comfortable.
There is a difference b/w messy and dirty. Messy means people live there. Dirty means you don't care and haven't mopped the floor in months. Crumbs from the day does not count as dirty to me.
Ignore her - if she's young maybe she'll have five under five some day and feel tremendous guilt for her judgments of the homes she entered.

[gatorsmom]

Tell those snitty EI ladies that there's someone in DC who wants them to come over and pick up cheerios with their bare toes. Cuz that's fun. . . and good for their development. Too bad there isn't a "cheerio picking up" exercise that develops one's empathy.


:ROTFLMAO: :jammin:

[newg]

As long as your home is safe and nurturing for your kids...who cares what other people think.......I'd rather be living in a home where it's okay to be messy than one where I feel I can't do anything.....
Our house is messy because we live in it!!! That lady needs to find a different job.......just like with teaching; not everyone can be an EI

[g-mama]

Ugh, Lisa. That really sucks. What an unpleasant woman. So sorry you had to deal with her nasty, judgmental attitude. My house usually looks like a tornado went through it and the only times it doesn't is when I put on my drill sergeant uniform and drive everyone crazy because I can't take it anymore...or the night before the cleaning lady comes, which was tonight!!

[MamaKath]

You just described my house....only I only have 2 kids LOL! :hug:
me too, and mine aren't even here to be messing it up, lol! hugs to you, being a mama is hard work!!!

[nov04]

Wow, sounds like she doesn't belong in her field. Hopefully as a coordinator, she won't be spending lots of productive time with your family. If she is, I would get rid of her!!!! Judgmental and nasty imo.

We've found so many in our years of EI!!! You'd think they could screen for that sort of thing!! dd1's last SLP rolled her eyes when Liv wouldn't follow her instructions. For crying out loud, she's 4 and is listed as non-compliant, she shouldn't be frustrating her that easily!!!

GL finding a good fit for you.

[ha98ed14]

OMG! Lisa! I have SOOO been where you are! If you need a reminder of how coo-coo EI people can be, read this: http://www.windsorpeak.com/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=327615

There are some people who have no business being in a job where they work with little kids in other people's homes! None! None! None! Sounds like you and I have met two of them! Hang in there! Big Hugs!

[gatorsmom]

We've found so many in our years of EI!!! Oh no! I thought this one was just a fluke!

She's just the coordinator so hopefully she only provides resources and her interaction with us ends there. If not, and she behaves badly one more time, I'll say something.

Who has time for that negativity???

[Octobermommy]

You exercised? Wow, props go out to you. You have me beat on any given day AND my house is REALLY messy. I think you are doing great.

[Globetrotter]

She needs to find a new profession or get a new attitude! It's not you, it's HER! What a nut.

[nov04]

Oh no! I thought this one was just a fluke!

She's just the coordinator so hopefully she only provides resources and her interaction with us ends there. If not, and she behaves badly one more time, I'll say something.

Who has time for that negativity???

sadly it is true. But we have found ppl who go above and beyond who make up for all of it. dd1's class assistant is beyond amazing. She is the one who facilitated dd1's success in j/k. And her pediatrician is wonderful. he watches over her so well.

We just keep chugging away although some days it is tough.

GL!!!!

[DrSally]

It really depends on the person you get as to how friendly and sensitive they are. My postpartum nurse check up was a battle axe that I really didn't appreciate having in my home. She commented on my swollen ankles 1 week post partum. Some people just don't have the best personality/bed side manner. I would try not to take it personally and know it's about her and not you!

[MCsMom]

Ugh!

First off, kudos to you for having 4 kids AND GETTING ANYTHING DONE!

This person should NOT be working EI.

Poo on her and her shoes.
:)