Should I switch from underwear to pullups?

[DrSally]

So, this is the full 2nd week of pting and DS is doing great with no pee accidents (day or night). He'd been practicing while in diapers for quite awhile and going pee much of the time and poop about 10% of the time on the potty. When we finally decided to do underwear (he's 3.5 now), I wanted to just do it, no turning back. Great, but I've been cleaning up poopy underwear every day now for 2 weeks, sometimes as many as 5 per day (he doesn't have diarrhea, just lets a little out at a time). He has gone poopy on the potty before, but usually right before he feels the need and we have to run to the potty, so it's not like he's done it on demand. I am getting sick of this and not being able to go anywhere for fear of a poopy accident. Should I put him in pullups and have him still go pee on the potty and continue to work on the poop? Or, would this be a step back? I really wanted to avoid the pull-ups, but I can't take washing out full toddler poops from underwear all the time. I don't think he's gone poop on the potty other than the first day in underwear. Don't know what the problem is. I ask if he can feel when it's coming and he says "no", but also that he was doing such and such (making me believe he was too busy). Also, he complains that sitting on the potty and waiting for #2 takes too long. Rewards don't seem to motivate him with this part of potty training and I feel myself losing patience, DH is already there and he's only home on weekends.

[elephantmeg]

I did. It was really the only thing that saved my sanity. We've been doing this forever and he is just now pooping on the potty and pooping once a day and not being totally freaked about it so I think-hope-pray we'll be in undies all the time soon!

[DrSally]

I did. It was really the only thing that saved my sanity. We've been doing this forever and he is just now pooping on the potty and pooping once a day and not being totally freaked about it so I think-hope-pray we'll be in undies all the time soon!

Oh boy, our boys are basically the same age. I'm wondering if it's just too early for him to be doing #2 on the potty by himself b/c it is not working. So, when you switched to pullups, did he continue going pee on the potty, or did he use it like a dipe and like it was a licence to go since he was wearing essentially a diaper?

[KrisM]

Do you give him bribes for poop on the potty? DS had marshmallows for breakfast for 4 days when he pooped on the potty :).

Otherwise, I'd probably switch him back and keep working on it.

[DrSally]

Do you give him bribes for poop on the potty? DS had marshmallows for breakfast for 4 days when he pooped on the potty :).

Otherwise, I'd probably switch him back and keep working on it.

YEs! Everytime he poops on the potty, he gets a special prize (last time was actually a crane for his train table that I had gotten anyway on sale). I have a stash of cool things to offer. He also gets a prize if he's stayed dry all day, meaning no poop or pee in his underwear (only happened the very first day in underwear).

Is this part of the normal developmental sequence? I know it takes longer to learn to poop on the potty, but if he can only go on the potty if we catch it right before it happens, then it doesn't seem the signals are "clicking".

He's actually never been in pull-ups, just diapers then underwear. We helped him take the dipe off to go pee (or poop) before we switched to Uwear.

[KrisM]

YEs! Everytime he poops on the potty, he gets a special prize (last time was actually a crane for his train table that I had gotten anyway on sale). I have a stash of cool things to offer. He also gets a prize if he's stayed dry all day, meaning no poop or pee in his underwear (only happened the very first day in underwear).

Is this part of the normal developmental sequence? I know it takes longer to learn to poop on the potty, but if he can only go on the potty if we catch it right before it happens, then it doesn't seem the signals are "clicking".

He's actually never been in pull-ups, just diapers then underwear. We helped him take the dipe off to go pee (or poop) before we switched to Uwear.

Hmm. Has he received any prizes? I also took things that he had won away! Bad mommy, I know. But, he did great, got what he wanted and then did terrible, so I reclaimed the items :).

Both my kids got the poop thing within a few days of being in underwear with prizes.

Can you put potties in other rooms to make the run for it shorter?

[DrSally]

Yes, he was receiving prizes while still in dipes and would go poopy on the potty. He got a prize the first day in underwear as well, b/c he went poopy on the potty 2 times that day. The next 2 weeks--in his underwear every time. He knows he'll get something cool b/c when we first started pting way back when, he'd get a sitcker for every time he went pee on the potty and then a prize after a full row of stickers. Now pee is totally fine, so he doesn't get prizes for that, unless he's "dry" all day, meaning no pee or poop in his underwear all day. My thought is that it should "click" at some point, but 2 weeks seems like a long time to not be making any progress in that area.

[JTsMom]

I keep going over this in my mind trying to figure out what I'd do. I can totally understand the feeling of not wanting to go back, but I think maybe if you re-frame it in your mind it might work. Think of it as just trying something new b/c what you're doing now isn't working for either of you- I hope that makes sense, I haven't made it through my first cup of coffee yet. LOL

I'd probably refer to Pull Ups as special learning underwear or something, and I would never ever make them sound like a diaper. They make a certain type that gets cold when wet, and I might try those to discourage peeing in them. And I would try to make changing them as different as possible from diaper changing.


What is your gut feeling about him being ready to poop on the potty? Do you think he can do it but just doesn't want to, or is he really not ready? If it's the latter, I'd just tell him to pee on the potty, and wait a little longer on the pooping. DS went through that phase for a long time- for him, it was just a fear thing, and I totally left it alone. He eventually pooped on the potty accidentally one night when he was really tired and didn't realize what he was doing, and we made a huge to-do about it, and that was the end of that.

If you think he just doesn't want to be bothered, I think I'd push it a little. I'd read lots of books about it, I'd try to convince him that changing a diaper takes longer and is less convenient, and that going to the potty was worth his time. I think that he is more in this category, if you can get past the initial resistance, you'll be in really good shape. I'd probably put potties everywhere I could, and try to get him to sit every so often. Maybe you could put some type of special toy/book/video aside for when he's sitting there since he said he doesn't want to be sitting there for that long.

Good luck- just remember, it WILL happen eventually.

[TonFirst]

I am pretty firmly in the anti-pullup camp. I have been where you are, and I know how frustrating it is to be constantly cleaning up poopy pants. You've been at it for two weeks and this is the part where it's darkest before the dawn, if that makes sense. If you feel like he's making progress, however slowly, I'd keep at it with the underpants. We had about a month where I had to be very alert for poop cues - and I realized fast that if my son said that it felt like poop was coming, then there was already a turtle head (visualize it - it's an apt term!) down there. After about a month (and one Thomas sticker chart later, but we didn't do prizes after a row of stickers - there were just about 25 spaces for stickers and one big-deal prize at the end), he got the hang of it.

I definitely understand your reticence to go to pull-ups - if you're having good success with pee in underpants then that's a bell I wouldn't want to unring.

[o_mom]

Have you tried any naked time? DS1 learned very quickly when naked. We had the BB potty in the living room (play room at the time) for about a week so that he could get there right away. After about a week, he could recognize it a bit sooner and we put it back in the bathroom. It still took him a long time to figure out underwear, but at least we were out of diapers at home!

[HIU8]

DS was like that. He would poop in his underpants even with prizes etc for not doing it. What finally worked actually was that we were going on a trip and driving. The day before we left was the last day he pooped in his underpants (FWIW, it had been going on for 2 months). Something just clicked and he stopped doing it.

[frgsnlzrds]

I did. I started by switching him from diapers straight to underpants and it didn't work at all. Then we spent two days naked. He pooped in his diaper before he woke up or after his nap, but he stopped having pee accidents. We went to pull-ups and he's pooped in them every time except twice - once was actually in the potty and the other time went on the floor.

The only time I ever got him to go #2 on the potty was when he saw a flashlight in the bathroom and he really really wanted it. It was right before bed and no way was I going to wrestle it away from him in 10 minutes so I told him that the next time he went poopy on the potty he could play with it. He did it the next day. I think I need better prizes just for poopy and phase out the pee prizes since he can keep his pull-up dry all day.

I know how frustrated you must be--I just had my own post about pting! My situation still has far to go, but we've improved a whole bunch in the past couple days. I hope both our sons learn soon! (Of course, then the new challenge is memorizing where every public bathroom in town is!)

[DrSally]

Thank you for the support and thoughtful responses. Good news!! My first line of defense before resorting to pullups was to actually bring out the prize and show it to DS in the morning, talking about how he would get this particular prize (a cranky the crane knock off from TRU that I had already gotten on sale) IF he was dry all day and went pee and poop only in the potty and not in his underwear. He understood and was very excited about the crane. Well, it was after supper and almost time for bed and he hadn't pooped all day! I thought I was going to have to waste the crane prize and not get my objective of getting him to poop on the potty. On the plus side, he went pee several times on his own today and at Costco. Well, right before bed I was helping him put his underwear on after peeing and noticed a tiny smear on his bottom. I asked if he had to poop and he said "no" at first. Then he said, I have a big poopy that needs to come out and went to the bathroom and pooped!!! We were both so excited.

The reason I never showed him the prize in the morning was b/c he would get excited about it and start whining and begging for it all day, which was annoying and distracting for him, I think. In the morning I would remind him that he would get a prize for being dry all day, and he would ask what it was, and I'd say "we'll see". Well, I think it was maybe too much out of sight/out of mind. I figured I had to up the ante with the incentives, so I brought it out for him to see what he would get, even putting it on the counter in his bathroom so he could see it as he was sitting on the potty. I have a stash of prizes and I think it doesn't have to be something so big every time, just something interesting. (all my shopping off the bargain forum will pay off, I have a big stash).

We've phased out pee rewards and are just doing poop rewards. Prior to switching to underwear, he got a sticker every time he went poop on the potty and a small prize each time, then a prize when he got a row of stickers. Now, it's a prize for being dry all day (nothing in his underwear--pee or poop). I think if we can keep him going on the potty on a regular basis (I know there will be accidents), we can eventually move to getting a prize for a row of stickers (one for each day dry).

I did pick up a box of pullups at Costco today (and returned a new box of size 5 dipes). It was 80 pullups for $29-$4 coupon = $25. Is that a good price? 1/2 the box are night time pullups, which we don't need, so maybe they were charging more for those.

FWIW, Lori, you may be right. DH, who granted is only home on the weekends, strongly disagrees with my notion that DS hasn't learned to read his poop signals yet. DH says that he sees DS bend over the sofa and just go in his underwear. He thinks that b/c there isn't a strong "disincentive" for him not to do so, he'll just do what's most comfortable/convenient. He may be right. Ds has gone poop on the potty before and he did it today, so I may just need to keep it up with the incentives (I don't agree with disincentives). I do like your idea of referring to them as "special type of underwear". That's what I told DS at Costco as I was getting them. He didn't want to get them FWIW.

Also, O-mom, I did keep him just in his underwear when we were first pting, but DD caught molluscum contagiosum from my nephew (I wrote a long post about it last week), and I'm trying to keep clothes on both of them to reduce the chance of DS getting it as well.

I think after 2 weeks of solely pooping in his underwear, I was really beginning to think he wasn't ready. Glad, I decided to try a different way of presenting the incentive first. I agree with Tonfirst, that I don't want to "unring" the bell of him going pee on the potty. If nothing else, a pullup might make *us* more lazy about getting him there. It really did seem like he wasn't making progress, b/c he wasn't pooping AT ALL on the potty, but now this has given me some hope and I'll stick with the underwear for now.

ETA: since the start of pting, DS has started chewing on the bottom of his shirt. It ends up getting all wet. I'm sure it's a bit of a stress for him. If he starts eye-blinking again, I'll know to back off!

[TonFirst]

Oh, good for all y'all! I know how you feel - it is such a huge relief to know that there is a light at the end of the PT tunnel!

[JTsMom]

:cheerleader1:Woo hooo!!!!!:cheerleader1: Go DS!

[DrSally]

Thanks!! Sorry for the novel. I just had to share. I really appreciate your thoughtful responses and the "light at the end of the tunnel" is definitely an appropriate metaphor!