Some Friends-vent

[longstocking]

My bestest friend in the whole world has been for at least 18 years now. I love her to death. My only complaint is that whatever goes in her ear, comes out her mouth. Rude or not, I've learned to tell her any news last. It worked out pretty well when we moved out of UT and to CA - she doesn't know my friends so it was a bit easier (except she would tell my family things, like when I needed someone to cry to because I was having a bad day, she called my family and it was a whole drama thing). A month or so ago it came about that we realized we have a mutual friend. Although in UT she met a lady here in CA via an online chat site...this lady happens to be my neighbor and good friend. Oh goody, you can only imagine...(and what are the odds?!)
For clarification (it probably won't help) Friend 1 is my best friend, Friend 2 is my newer friend
Friend 2 is a car seat tech and very serious about it. When I mentioned to friend 1 that we were having issues with our seat and I was just going to turn DS - friend 2 shows up the next day with a car seat and installs it rear facing - okay - thank you - but, it really wasn't any of your business.
This might seem like a weird complaint but here's the latest. I mentioned to friend 1 that I had to be on a pregnancy diet. Friend 2 calls the next day and wants to now all the details about what I can and can't eat - gee - how did you find out? She called me back today and informed me she was at the store and buying groceries and she's coming over on Saturday to make a bunch of meals to freeze that go along with my diet - okay? Really, how can you say no to that? I don't know if she expects me to pay for the groceries? She didn't mention that part.
No, I'm not whining that someone wants to come cook for me I'm just bugged that I can't tell my friends anything without being discussed to the other person. It's just getting annoying.
Thus the main reason why DH very much dislikes friend 1 and refuses to hang out with her.
Weird vent I know - but thanks for reading it out (or not) it helps sometimes to just write it down rather than blow up in your friends face.

[kellyd]

So sorry you're dealing with this. Regardless of the outcome of her big mouth, it's just not cool! It doesn't matter what the intentions of either friend were or are. Friend 1 shouldn't have said anything about you to Friend 2, and Friend 2 is seriously overstepping by a) making decisions for you about your children, and b) taking it upon herself to decide what you will eat. I don't have any real advice, because talking to her will doubtfully do anything about it. The only thing I would do is stop telling her things.

[AnnieW625]

I think you need to have a serious chat with both friends.

You need to tell friend 1 to keep what you tell her to herself, esp. if it's baby and kid related and you want some level of confidentiality in the conversation.

With Friend 2 you need to tell her thank you for her RFing advice, and while you are happy she has the knowledge and the ability to help people with deciding what's best for their kids/carseats we already decided that we were fine with having our child FFing at this time; you could also let her know that if you ever decide to re RF that you'll come to her first for advice. Now for the diet thing I would be prepared to just pay her for the meals, but also let her know that you were looking forward to doing research on the pregnancy diet yourself and do appreciate her help but also wanted to do this on your own.

Good luck!

[ha98ed14]

sometimes to just write it down rather than blow up in your friends face.

I give you a lot of credit for not blowing up in both your friends' faces. BFF is annoying for not being able to keep her mouth shut, but new friend & neighbor need not act on every piece of info BFF tells her. I would be annoyed too. I totally think your feelings are justified.

If BFF is really your BFF, shouldn't you be able to tell her not to share with friend/neighbor without her getting offended? If not, then I would make friend/ neighbor my *NEW* BFF, since she seems so eager to help. Think of the bliss that would insue if you told now-BFF nothing about your personal life and needs and only shared WHAT YOU WANT with friend/ neighbor? Then you could have all the help you want on the things you want help with and the rest would be private.

Feel free to post all the things you need to share, but cannot tell either friend, on this board! And just never, ever, ever tell them about this board!:wink2:

[TwinFoxes]

OK, BFF, yeah, she's got a big mouth. I mean it's annoying and all, and you have every right to vent. But I think friend 2 sounds downright psycho!! :icon_twisted: Seriously, whenever I've come across someone who crosses boundaries like this so quickly, it just ends up getting worse and worse. She'll end up being a liar, or one of those people who gets mad at something small and holds a huge grudge for years, or she'll try to drive a wedge between you and other people. The things you've written about is not normal behavior for someone you barely know. I think you should draw boundaries NOW.

[StantonHyde]

Friend 1 is never going to change. Just stop telling her stuff. Friend 2 needs BOUNDARIES!!!!! I would be stepping back from friend 2 or at least discussing this with her--like please don't react to everything friend 1 says.

[longstocking]

If I could only figure out how to tell friend 2 I don't need or want her help. She hosted a baby shower for me and gave me a card with this whole thing about how great it was to have my friendship and it really means more than I'll probably ever know...blah blah blah...she is an interesting and very forward lady and I know she doesn't have many friends (most people just stay away since she is considered odd and weird) How can I tell her to mind her own business - I feel the guilt!
One thing with this whole diet is that friend 2 has a dad who is a dr of some sort and a mom who was a dietitian or something for 10 years so she had called them to get info and then proceeded to tell me everything her parents suggested and what I needed to do. Thank you, but, I'll just listen to my dr. and figure this out on my own.
After friend 2 heard about my new diet she posted on Facebook about it - so, of course, my family read it - and wanted to know why I didn't tell them and got worried and blah blah blah - thank you for sharing my business with the world! :banghead:
I've mentioned before to friend 1 that she can't tell anyone this or that and she still does - says it was an accident or something or it just happened to come up in conversation.