DD asking for food and not eating it

[alleycat]

DD is 2 years old. I guess that's part of the problem. For a while now, she asks for food and when it's given to her, she refuses to eat it. Option of pancakes or waffles for breakfast, she'll say waffle and then after it's heated, she'll refuse to eat it and ask for pancakes. This morning, at various times, asked for a banana, some strawberries, and orange juice, all of which she didn't eat. She's now sitting in her naughty spot for not eating the yogurt she asked for and opened when I told her no. I told her she has to sit there until she finishes the yogurt. It's been at least 20 minutes. How long do I keep her there for?

And what can I do about this? How can I get her to eat the things she ask for? I've tried explaining to her that it's wasteful but I don't think she gets it.

[roobee]

That drives me crazy too. DD had pork chops for breakfast the other day because she wouldn't eat them at dinner - I just wrapped them up and told her next time she was hungry that's what she needed to eat. I was amazed that she actually ate it the next morning, and more than a little impressed that I followed through with it.

I don't really do the "sit there 'til you finish" because I have vivid memories of my parents doing that to me and it just becomes a battle of wills. Here we do - take 5 bites, take a thank-you bite, or eat it next time you're hungry. It depends on what it is - asked for food that is then rejected gets saved for next time. New food that may not have much appeal needs a thank-you bite (like thanks for making food). We do the 5 bites thing when she's eaten all her strawberries but no chicken for dinner - 5 bites of chicken and she's done.

[khalloc]

My almost 4 year old does this all the time too. She's not a great eater and we are at a crossroads with what to do.

She now insists on divying each of her food items into 2 piles. One she will eat, and the other part she wont eat. ugh! So she now believes that she doesnt have to eat all of the item. Which I guess is OK, but she still wants a "Snack" or "Surprise" after dinner. Which is something special, like a cookie, or ice cream, popsicle, etc...I try not giving on unless she finishes her dinner but she almost never finishes her dinner but cries for the surprise!

[brittone2]

Both my kids have done that at that age (my 2 year old still does it).

I usually give a very small portion of the first item. If she finishes that she can ask for something else. I personally would not punish for not eating a particular food or require that it be finished...instead, I'd rather just not put out 3 different foods and get frustrated w/ the inevitable waste, kwim?

Most feeding experts strongly caution against punishing or rewarding w/ food or with respect to eating in general. You are caught in the very dilemma that arises w/ food...you physically cannot make them eat, and by getting into a power struggle over it, IMO it gives food way too much power.

I'd put the yogurt into another container for later, and eat it myself or bring it out again when DD asks for yogurt again. Or throw it in the freezer and toss it in a smoothie another day. Or freeze it into a popscicle.

[doberbrat]

How is her weight? General health?

At 2 I gave in a little more b/c dd was underweight but starting around 2.5 I took a harder line. If you ask for X I give you some. You are then required to eat at least some of it. So if she asks for salad for instance, I remind her that if she asks for it she must eat it then I serve a piece of lettuce about the size of a dime. She doesn’t have to eat it but doenst get anything else afterwards either.

I remind dd all the time that if her belly is full, she does not have to finish and just to tell me.

If she asks for waffles and I make them and she changes her mind, that’s ok. I don’t get upset, I just put them in the fridge for later. She’s then welcome to eat them when she gets hungry. I don’t make anything else for her.

In return for this, I generally don’t make foods I know she hates. Stuff she doenst really care for but isn’t an absolute ‘no’ (like spaghetti) she gets served a smaller portion – she has to eat the smaller portion if she then wants something else.

I do not otherwise punish for food. No timeouts, no sitting there till she’s finished.

BUT, I will say that dinner is late at our house. And after dinner is bedtime so if she isn’t hungry, she’s welcome to go get ready for bed.

She’s skipped meals on occasion and that ok. She’s still on the thinner side of normal but a perfectly healthy weight. Missing a meal on occasion wont hurt her. Esp since she goes in waves – sometimes she’ll eat an astonishing amt of food at 1 meal and then eats little else for the rest of the day or for the next day.

She’s also the queen of 5 course meals. She’ll eat chicken, rice & veggies and then ask for sorbet. Then she will ask for grapes, then mango and then chips for instance.

Dh would prefer that she just gets 2nds of ‘dinner’ but I sort of get her desire for “something else” and I tend to indulge it. 95% of it is reasonably healthy so I don’t see the big deal.


toddlers are notorious for having eating 'issues'

[kijip]

I would not force her to eat that yogurt.

Give her access to food at meals and snacktimes and let her eat or not eat the options before her. Be prepared to put some back in the cupboards at the end of the meal. If she asks for something at a different time, give it if it is in your comfort zone ot do so but give it is small quantities.

Don't make a power struggle out of eating. It's harder for you and harder for her and leads to other issues.