What are you "hard core" about?

[Dcclerk]

Reading the Junie B Jones thread reminded me that there are a lot of things that just don't bother me that much. I'm not that strict about naps, veggies get thrown in throughout the day-- usually-- but I'm not necessarily going to present a full-pyramid at dinner, my kids go out in Punky Brewster outfits of their own choosing, their hair often is too long and too scruffy, etc. Heck, we just read a Junie B. Jones book tonight ;). But then I realized that there are other things that I am much more "hard core" about than the average parent.

For example, I went through the roof today when DS#1 tricked DD#2 to come play in one room so he could run out and play in another room without her. Having seen the same situation play out in other families before, I know my reaction was extreme. DS#1 couldn't play in that room (the playroom) for the rest of the day, he had to write a card to her apologizing and listing things he likes about her, he got to hear my oh-so-eloquent rant about how to treat family and I will not have a mean kid, blah, blah, blah. I realized that I believe very strongly in treating your own family the best and kindness rules. If I don't see that, I go ape____.

In another way, I'm pretty hard core about my kids in water. I have them in swimming lessons every day the entire summer. I don't let them use floaties, buoyant swimsuits, inner tubes, etc. I never want them to have the false belief that they can do more than they actually can do. Even when I play with them in the water, I don't hold onto them. They can hold onto me, but I don't hold onto them. When they jump in, they have to immediately float or swim to the wall. I even let my 2 year old struggle to get back to the steps on her own if she inadvertently slips off the steps (don't worry-- I do go help her if she can't do it after she tries). I also have never let them go swimming somewhere without me or my DH. I was a lifeguard and swim instructor and I have a real healthy fear of what can happen in water, and I fear that most other people don't.

So, what are you hard core about?

[tylersmama]

Safety stuff. Especially car seat safety, but also bike safety. We do not ride our bikes without helmets, ever. Not even DS on his tricycle. And he wears his helmet in the trailer. Every time. I know too much about head injuries to take the risk. It's just not worth it.

Also breastfeeding, although this is fading just a bit the farther away from it I get. It's funny that I went into it with the lofty goal of just trying to make it 6 months and somewhere along the way, I morphed into a lactivist! :D

[AngelaS]

Carseat safety. Mine's the only 7 yo I know IRL still in a harnessed seat.

Breastfeeding.

Homeschooling.

[maestramommy]

Hard to think of one, but about the only thing I'm really hard core on the safety of my kids from pedophiles. Or being molested by anyone, even other children. At the same time I don't want them to grow up afraid of people. So even now I don't press them to give anyone (even grandparents) a hug if they don't feel like it. They need to be polite to our friends, but no body contact required. And as for strangers in the street that gush I try to teach them to be casually friendly, while maintaining their space.

Okay, maybe also hardcore on:
Carseats - although I hesitate to define "hardcore" since I assume most parents do their best in their area, so who am I to judge?
Helmets - okay no wiggle room here!
pool safety - still defining that on a practical level, esp. in our home. We have rules posted, and now we have a fence! :yay:

[almostmom]

I'm not hard core on many things at all, but I've always been very anal about their sleeping schedule during the day. From when they were infants, I always was aware of them being tired, and did everthing I needed to/could to get them to sleep. To this day, both of my kids, 5 1/2 and 3 1/2 still nap almost every day, happily and willingly! As you might guess, I too am a napper!

[dcmom2b3]

Like you, OP water safety and kindness/empathy.

In fact, DD isn't going to daycare today b/c they're taking a fieldtrip to a water park. Um, not my kid, not without me . . .

[wellyes]

About nursing, especially back when I was nursing. I'm a very mild-mannered person and my mom was completely taken aback by my vehement reaction to her suggestion that I nurse DD in the BATHROOM of a restaurant.

[egoldber]

Interesting. I didn't think anyone on the Junie B thread was being hard core, just expressing preferences and looking for other ideas for their kids. When a kid is a new reader, it can seem like Junie B is all there is if you go to some libraries and B&N.

I don't know that I'm "hard core" about anything, but I have definite preferences and things that bother me more than others.

I think everyone's definition of "safety" is also different. My almost 8 year old is still mainly in a Regent, but she has ridden occasionally in a booster since she was 3 and 40 pounds, and I never took a carseat on an airplane after she was 3. I turned my younger DD FF at 2. I don't feel these were unsafe choices. But others here would feel very differently.

So much of this is all in the perspective.

[MichelleRC]

Like pp's, I am a freak about carseats and water safety.

Angela, my almost 7 yo is still in a harness seat and will be for the forseeable future. He sees kids in the school parking lot getting in in the front seat of their parent's car and I keep telling him "when you are 12".

Oh, and violent-type play, toys and TV. Toy guns drive me to the brink of insanity.

[JBaxter]

Carseats and potty training. Nathan is 5 1/2 and is just graduated to a belted booster ( parkway) Jack will be rfing till 35lbs 2 1/2 is my limit on daytime diapers Jack will be the same its just how it is here.

[jayali]

Water Safety - no water anything without Mommy or Daddy. Swimming lessons since he was 2. No floaties.

Please and Thank you - A crazy person about that. It has certainly paid off we get comments all the time on how polite our son is.

Making eye contact when speaking to people - I insist on it, especially with adults.

[doberbrat]

manners - please, thank you, no talking w/mouth full etc I think you 'go' further in life if you conform to the social nicieties.

car seat safety. I wont let dd go on field trips b/c they dont use car seats.

bike safety. no helmet, no ride. started when she was 18 mo on her push tricycle.

no screaming indoors. I **HATE** listening to shrieking kids inside. If you want to scream, go outside.

[KHF]

I guess the only thing I'm truly hard core about is car seats. DD was rear facing to almost the limit of her Decathlon/Marathon and DS will be the same. She will be harnessed till she's in high school if I have any say in the matter ;)

When she was little, I was VERY crazed about her food. My family all knew not to give her anything unless I said it was OK. I made all of her food too. Unfortunately, I've not been able to do the same with DS. He has recently started on solids, right when we sold our house and have to be out by the end of the month. Plus, their new daycare provides food. So, it's just been easier.

Also, there will be no toy guns. Ever.

Water safety isn't something I've dealt with yet, as DD has only been in a pool sporadically. We are moving to a neighborhood with a pool though, so she'll be in swim lessons this winter probably. We are members of a gym that has a great pool/waterpark but with the new DS and DH still in school, we really haven't been able to take advantage of it.

[carolinamama]

Carseats. But after reading though these, maybe I am also hardcore about swimming as I have never allowed DS1 to have any floating help in the pool, expected him to swim, takes swimming lessons etc.

[belovedgandp]

I'm reading Free-Range Parenting right now so this is something I'm thinking about. Stressing what is truly important to keep your kids safe and not stressing about the rest of the world.

For me it is:
car seats
helmets - bicycles, scooters, anything
manners/compassion

Although my new pet peeve is bringing the play dishes into the kitchen for real food, but that will pass.

[stella]

I am more hard-core about the things that directly affect me:
speaking disrespectfully
playing dress-up with her real clothes
making a mess and leaving it as they move on to something else
Smart-alecky television (sponge Bob and many other cartoons and the disney channel's tween shows)
acting ugly to other children, including siblings
wanting them to play outside more and inside less

I haven't read Free-range Kids, but I want to, because from what I know of the book and her philosophy, it sounds like something I would really agree with.

[Cam&Clay]

I'm pretty relaxed, but I have a few:


Helmets (I'm shocked how many of DS1's friends don't wear one anymore.)
No trampolines (None. Never. No matter how much "safety" stuff is attached.)
Manners (Especially for DS1--eye contact, "nice to meet you" with a handshake. I cannot stand when kids his age ignore adults when introduced.)
No toy guns (until DS1 was older, then he could have water guns only)

[Reyadawnbringer]

Sun safety.

I always have sunscreen on DS and when we leave the house on a sunny day he has sunscreen, and big floppy hat that covers his face and ears and baby sunglasses. He absolutely cannot go swimming without waterproof sunscreen.

My mom wanted to take him to the pool the other day and I said no because I haven't had a chance to go pick up more waterproof sunscreen. To which she replied "oh it's ok his floatie has a canopy on it so it will protect him". I then had to inform her that water REFLECTS the sun and so while he will be protected from the sun from above he can get a sunburn from the reflection of the sun off the water.

It amazes me how many people put on sunglasses and hats for themselves the minute the walk outside and then I see them carrying around a baby or toddler half dressed with no hat or sunglasses. I think- OK, so the sun is too bright for you but not your little baby???

Also, all natural skin care products and food. I insist on chemical free for everything DS and I use. Which also caused a conflict between my mother and I because with the pool incident she insisted that she could just put some "water babies" sunscreen on DS and I was not having that either. She could either wait until I got to the store and picked up Badger sunscreen, or DS didn't have to go swimming at all. Seriously at 9 months old he really only likes the pool for 5 minutes anyway.

[JTsMom]

The only thing I can think of is physically hurting people. Nobody is allowed to hurt anyone else, for any reason. I guess you could say I was pretty hard core about bf when DS was smaller, but only for myself- I would never harass anyone else about it.

Other than that, I have a lot of lofty goals that I strive for, but if they don't happen, I don't really sweat it. In our family, we all just try our best, and let the rest go.

[Happy 2B mommy]

Carseats and helmets.

Manners

What tv/entertainment DD watches. Yes, dear family, I know she is almost 3 and in my opinion she is waaaaay too young to watch Disney movies. Yes, I know her cousin who is only 4 months older has several of the Dinsey movies. No, I will not let her watch whatever is on the "kid" cable channels. No, not all PBS kids programming is appropriate for her at this age. She still is entertained by baby Einstein and if I need the TV to occupy her for a while, that's what I'm putting in.

What am a relaxed about? Sunscreen. My kids have never had a sunburn, but I'm not anal about sunscreen whenever they go outside.

[Globetrotter]

Safety issues - water (we filled in our pool that I never wanted), car(we always took carseats on board the plane and bought them their own seats, even though we paid a fortune doing it), helmets and pads..

I used to be hardcore about nursing, for MYSELF, not for others.

Otherwise, I try my best IRT to things like nutrition (they eat a lot of healthy food but also get treats) and sun safety (I have slacked off on the sunglasses and hats unless we are going to be out for a long time, but sunscreen is a must). I could go on..

FTR, I can't stand Junie B. Jones and donated a gift set, but my thinking is there are so many wonderful alternatives so why bother with those?

ETA: Compassion for others is very important to me, but it's hard to always enforce this between siblings!


ETA: How could I forget... recycling!!! I bring stuff back from camping, the mall, other people's houses (seriously) LOL

[spanannie]

Nursing (related to myself), naps for little ones, safety (especially water, helmets and car seats), manners/showing respect, doing your best, and I really really have a problem with TV and music content, but my DH is the polar opposite, and between him and the grandparents, my kids see more TV than I'd like and things I, personally, wouldn't let them watch (thanks for introducing them to Boomerang . . . ugh).

[stella]

Sun safety.

I always have sunscreen on DS and when we leave the house on a sunny day he has sunscreen, and big floppy hat that covers his face and ears and baby sunglasses. He absolutely cannot go swimming without waterproof sunscreen.

My mom wanted to take him to the pool the other day and I said no because I haven't had a chance to go pick up more waterproof sunscreen. To which she replied "oh it's ok his floatie has a canopy on it so it will protect him". I then had to inform her that water REFLECTS the sun and so while he will be protected from the sun from above he can get a sunburn from the reflection of the sun off the water.

It amazes me how many people put on sunglasses and hats for themselves the minute the walk outside and then I see them carrying around a baby or toddler half dressed with no hat or sunglasses. I think- OK, so the sun is too bright for you but not your little baby???

Also, all natural skin care products and food. I insist on chemical free for everything DS and I use. Which also caused a conflict between my mother and I because with the pool incident she insisted that she could just put some "water babies" sunscreen on DS and I was not having that either. She could either wait until I got to the store and picked up Badger sunscreen, or DS didn't have to go swimming at all. Seriously at 9 months old he really only likes the pool for 5 minutes anyway.

I think this post illustrates just how selfish I am. If *anyone* wanted to take my chidlren somewhere without me: sunscreen, sunglasses and bike helmets be damned. But I have 3 and I am beyond exhausted. When I only had ds and he was that age, I was much more hard-core than I am now. I swear, I am one of those mothers from the 50's "run along, dear, and bring mommy a nice cocktail and a cigarette." It's pretty sad.

[Piglet]

I'm reading Free-Range Parenting right now so this is something I'm thinking about. Stressing what is truly important to keep your kids safe and not stressing about the rest of the world.

For me it is:
car seats
helmets - bicycles, scooters, anything
manners/compassion

Although my new pet peeve is bringing the play dishes into the kitchen for real food, but that will pass.

Are you my twin?? DH got hooked on Free Ranging and I am coming to see the point now too. I am right there with you on all the others (well maybe not the kid dishes). I also have to add naps to the list of things that I am anal about, but only because my kids will still take them without much of a fight (yes, even my 8 year old on the weekend) and if they don't... watch out!

[o_mom]

Safety - carseats, helmets, etc.

TV/media - not that they don't see it ever, but the amount and content are not a free-for-all.

Overscheduling and family first - I refuse to put my kids in 4-5 activites at a time and if a practice/class/event conflicts with a family event we will choose the family event.

[MMMommy]

Water safety is on my list. I also am a germaphobe and have this thing about public restrooms, so I make sure DDs do not go around touching things unnecessarily in there.

[AnnieW625]

I think everyone's definition of "safety" is also different. My almost 8 year old is still mainly in a Regent, but she has ridden occasionally in a booster since she was 3 and 40 pounds, and I never took a carseat on an airplane after she was 3. I turned my younger DD FF at 2. I don't feel these were unsafe choices. But others here would feel very differently.

So much of this is all in the perspective.

What Beth said, however I did turn Elisa FFing at one year because I didn't know any different. When we have kid #2 I'd like to plan on RFing till at least 2 or maybe later if the kid doesn't mind being RFing. That will be something I'll look at when we get there. We have never been in an accident, but she has been in a Britax Marathon/Frontier or an Evenflo Triumph which are very safe seats, and we drive really safe cars so I don't feel bad that we made that choice.

I think I look at things at how they are going to effect me and my family first and then decide what I am going to fight and what I am not going to fight.

Swim lessons are very important to me because we are around water at my grandparent's house and DD's godparents have an in ground jacuzzi that doesn't have a fence. It's not my responsibility to tell them they need a fence, but it's my responsibility to make sure my daughter can swin and stay out of the pool. If Elisa asks for floaties I'd probably give them to her and it wouldn't bother me as she is still learning.

My 3+ year old still takes naps on the weekends because that's what they do at daycare. I plan to continue that until she says she doesn't need them or can go a whole afternoon without being cranky.

I don't care for public play water fountains, they just aren't sanitary even if they have a little chlorine in them. I much prefer a large pool with oodles of chlorine.

I also love to volunteer and I want to pass that on to my child/ren. I am a member of the Jr. League and have been involved in church, school, and 4-H volunteering activities since I was in the 4th grade became an alter server. I will want Elisa to pick one activity to become involved in when she is that age. I am not picky about what it will be it just needs to be something that will help someone else out.

Grammar, and being respectful is also a big thing for me.

[s_gosney]

appropriate media (as you might have guessed ;)); so this means no overly scary shows, books, etc (and listening to her when she says she's scared; this means you too daddy!), also no Hannah Montana, High School Musical, etc (overly mature themes, imo), and no TV for the baby.
carseats, somewhat. DD is still harnessed at nearly 6 and ds will stay RF until 2ish.
Manners--respect, lots of "try again" for demands to be rephrased into polite requests, etc; treating younger brother and friends kindly
Developmentally appropriate education and discipline (non-punitive)

I'm sure there are more. I struggle all the time (for myself too) with really high standards that can really suck the fun out of life if I'm not careful, so finding the balance on all of this is a work in progress for me.

[MontrealMum]

Safety - carseats, helmets, etc.

TV/media - not that they don't see it ever, but the amount and content are not a free-for-all.

Overscheduling and family first - I refuse to put my kids in 4-5 activites at a time and if a practice/class/event conflicts with a family event we will choose the family event.

these....also sunscreen, and when he's a little older, manners (we're just beginning with it now).

[StantonHyde]

Sunscreen (we are all VERY pale and my dad was an oncologist and we live at 5500 feet)

Helmets--skiing, biking etc

Water Safety

No talking on cell phones in the car

Carseats--my almost 7 yo is still harnessed. But I FFd at 1.

Sleeping in your own bed--but I got luck on this one too.

Guns??? DS has nerf blasters and swords and light sabers. He just doesn't have a toy sawed off shotgun :wink2:

Staying in my line of sight but I am getting more lax on that as they get older.

I BFd, but it wasn't like I had to stand up for myself or be hard core about it. I just did it. (and I was happy to supplement with formula when I needed to)

Any and all vaccinations will be had by our family--DH and I are exposed to some serious stuff and our circle of friends (and thus kids's friends) are as well.

Really lax on: messes (who cares?), food, sleep, TV, potty training (I let them train themselves at daycare pretty much), eating dinner at the table, germs--its good for you.

[MommyofAmaya]

I will not tolerate hitting. It is the one issue that I get really worked up about. It doesn't happen often when it does I will literally growl.

[sariana]

It's interesting that people have mentioned potty training and eye contact since those are things that some children have no control over.

Because of this board I have become adamant about carseat safety. (Not that I wasn't adamant about safety before; I just didn't know much.) DD is still RF at 18 months and will remain that way as long as possible. DS is still harnessed at 5 and will remain that way as long as possible.

[MartiesMom2B]

I feel like I am like Beth. I'm pretty laid back.

The only things that I can think of are the kids may not play in front of my house without an adult there.

Water safety is important for me too. My oldest has taken swim lessons since she was three and is now on swim team. My youngest will start when she is three too. However they can play with inner tubes when they are at our pool as long as the pool isn't too crowded.

[belovedgandp]

Are you my twin?? DH got hooked on Free Ranging and I am coming to see the point now too. I am right there with you on all the others (well maybe not the kid dishes). I also have to add naps to the list of things that I am anal about, but only because my kids will still take them without much of a fight (yes, even my 8 year old on the weekend) and if they don't... watch out!

Sure, I'll be your twin! I just have a lot of OCD/control issues so it takes a conscience effort on my part to be as laid back as I am with my kids. I think that since I have to concentrate on it, I pick my battles very wisely, or we'd have no life.

I will have to add screen time. Mostly because it wasn't something I thought about before I had kids. But I really do monitor what they are watching and how much computer and TV time they have.

[kayte]

I'm not hard core on many things at all, but I've always been very anal about their sleeping schedule during the day. From when they were infants, I always was aware of them being tired, and did everthing I needed to/could to get them to sleep. To this day, both of my kids, 5 1/2 and 3 1/2 still nap almost every day, happily and willingly! As you might guess, I too am a napper!

Me too. DD still naps 99% of the time happily and I catch a few naps a week too!

DH thinks I take the sleep schedule thing a little too seriously, he might be right.

[kijip]

Chores and picking up your messes. He knows there is no sense in arguing with me about chores. And he does more chores than other boys his age I have noticed.

I would be about violence/hitting but I have not needed to be because of T's personality. We might have a toy gun ban like how I grew up but there is no point because T has never wanted one and he immediately wanted to get rid of one he got as a gift.

Manners/please and thank you.

We both really dislike it when kids are in a social situation and they are using a personal video game player so we have not bought T one.

----

We are very laid back about him picking his own clothes, what he reads and watches (though as a no-TV/cable house it's not like he has access to a lot of stuff), time on the Wii, computer time, bedtime, foods (and I think this has been a big success) and a number of other things.

[niccig]

Car seats
Sun Safety
Water Safety
Manners

[ThreeofUs]

Tantrums and major misbehavior (like throwing things in the car or physical violence). I don't tolerate them and stop everything until an apology and better attitude are forthcoming. I work with a lot of different behavior, I try hard to be a good mom, but I just. can't. go. there.

We are also a manners (please/thank you and respect for others mandatory) household.

I'm also pretty hard-core about diet. I have to be, given our food allergies and intolerances. I'm also pretty hard-core about organic eating for me (esp while bf'ing) and my kids.

[jent]

Naps/sleep schedule
Helmet (yes, she must wear her helmet when riding her tricycle in the yard)
TV
Car seats (learned that from these boards!)

[rwiklendt]

Carseats, throwing sand, how they carry scissors, manners, sassy talk.... I think that is about it.

ETA: wide variety of food in diet

[neeleymartin]

sleep - both naps and bedtime

car seat safety

reading books to my little ones (20/night is pretty typical)

chemicals - trying hard not to ingest them

manners

[DrSally]

car seats--having the proper one that fits the child and installed properly, RF for my kids, no extra padding, etc.

ETA: Oh yes, food allergens, checking labels, not eating unlabelled stuff, etc. A lady at the farmer's market offered DS a cookie she made, and DS said, "no, I'm allergic".

Also, violence toward others, but I haven't had to deal with it, so it didn't come to mind. This includes emotional violence, purposefully being mean/cruel. Again, I haven't had to deal with this except occassionally DS being on the receiving end from cousins (and I always point it out and ask them to stop the behavior).

[MamaKath]

Things that will adversely impact my children. And coping with children's special needs.

[gatorsmom]

1) stranger safety. I admit, I am probably excessivly obsessive about this.

2) certain television shows (even certain ones meant for children) are absolutely off limits.

3) carseat safety. My 6yo still fits comfortably in his Marathon. He'll continue to be harnassed as long as there are seats that will harnass him.

4) water safety. Swim lessons year round.

5) handwashing. I'm not OC about this but everyone must wash their hands as soon as they come in the house. everytime. Illnesses in our house guarantee me a sleepless night, and handwashing is such an easy way to prevent that.

[jgenie]

1)
5) handwashing. I'm not OC about this but everyone must wash their hands as soon as they come in the house. everytime. Illnesses in our house guarantee me a sleepless night, and handwashing is such an easy way to prevent that.

Just curious - do you ask guests to do the same? If so, how do people take it the first few times they visit?

DH has always washed his hands before touching DS when he comes home from work and I think it has made a big difference in DS' health.

[gatorsmom]

Just curious - do you ask guests to do the same? If so, how do people take it the first few times they visit?

DH has always washed his hands before touching DS when he comes home from work and I think it has made a big difference in DS' health.

I usually don't make guests do it. I really don't have the courage. That attitude changes though when someone here is sick and I'm sleep deprived. Or, if there is a outbreak of illness going on in the community. Then I don't have trouble speaking up and asking someone who's coming in to wash their hands.

[Gena]

Safety issues, especially carseat and water safety.

Maintaining DS's medicine schedule.

Communication with the school.

And really not much else, even the stuff I thought I would be hard-core about before I become a mom. Having a kid with a different developmental path has forced me to have more of a "go with whatever works" attitude.

[Pennylane]

My biggies are :

1) Water Safety. If they are in the water, so am I!

2) Manners, I can't stand when children do not talk to adults (or peers) with respect.

3) Shopping Carts...I will not let my children in the basket!!! This is my biggest pet peeve too!

Ann

[clc053103]

sleep / schedule (I am flexible but DS's nap is not "skipped" because I'm too busy for it)
car seat safety
manners

[niccig]

sleep / schedule (I am flexible but DS's nap is not "skipped" because I'm too busy for it)


I was the same when DS napped. Family hated vacations with me. I would always be back at home/hotel for the nap. I never meant that no one else could do anything, but my family took it to mean that their schedule revolved around DS's naps - well it did when the visited here and wanted me to drive to every shopping mall within Los Angeles - that didn't happen. If DS didn't nap, then I was the main person to deal with the fall out. A happy baby meant a happy mother, and well it was just easiest for all concerned if DS napped. And I didn't care if some people got upset.

[stillplayswithbarbies]

1. breastfeeding. Case in point - I am breastfeeding our newest baby who came to us via international adoption. And I never stopped attending La Leche League meetings even though my older daughter is six.

2. car seat safety. My older daughter will fit in her harnessed seat for at least a few more years, and I see no reason to take her out of it as long as she still fits. Younger daughter is smaller and may be in a harnessed seat even longer.

[sste]

Probably the thing I am most hard-core about is DS's caregiver and quality of play, learning, affection in his day to day life. I want a very special childhood for him. Since we woth, DH and I really invested in finding not just a good but optimal care situation for him - - our standard was better than the care we would provide. For us that came in the form of our amazing "super nanny" and we have gone to great lengths to nurture our working relationship with her. It is no joke that I would donate a kidney to my nanny if required!