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View Full Version : 3.5 mo DD will only let me hold her!



gavsmompa
08-11-2009, 09:47 PM
So our 3.5 month old DD has started with stranger anxiety and won't go to anyone but me. Not even DH. It's funny because while I am holding her, she will initially smile at the person she doesn't know and then a few seconds later pout and then start balling. She has become so demanding of my attention recently too. She will only play for a few minutes by herself on a play mat and then start to cry. I am getting nervous b/c she starts daycare in about a month and I am worried she will have a hard time with it. We are also dealing with the issue of getting her to take a bottle once in a while as I have been exclusively BF her. She has been getting an occasional bottle from DH since she was about 5 weeks old but this past week, DH has been trying with her last feeding of the day but she is just refusing and crying hysterically. I am at wits end and just so nervous that this transition will be very tough for her.

Snow mom
08-12-2009, 12:56 PM
3.5 mos seems really young for true stranger anxiety. I assume you are currently SAH and your DH works during the day? If so, I'd hand him the baby when he gets home and make yourself scarce (even leave the house if you want to or need to). You could use this time to cook dinner or go grocery shopping. I don't think it's uncommon for babies to fuss a bit when they are handed over to someone else. If you always scoop them right back up then they never get the chance to get to know anyone else. It may seem sweet that your baby only wants you right now, but you don't want it to become an issue where she won't accept anyone else for months or years to come.

kozachka
08-12-2009, 01:02 PM
No good advice, unfortunately, just wanted to send you lots of :22:. Maybe your DC is sensing you being nervous and acts out?

mecawa
08-12-2009, 01:35 PM
Both my DD's did this at 3.5-4 months. DD#2 still has it a tad at 7 1/2 months, but not as bad as she did earlier. DD#1 was exclusively breastfed and wouldn't take a bottle from anyone past the age of 2 months. DD#2 has been bottlefed since 10 weeks and still at 3.5-4 months would only take a bottle from me(same thing as your DD not even from my DH) she is slowly getting over this. I don't really have any good advice unfortunately. With my girls it was just something they grew out of in their own time. I did try leaving them more often just to get them use to being in the care of others, I'm not sure if it helped or not, but something like that might be worth a shot.

infocrazy
08-12-2009, 01:44 PM
DS1 would never take a bottle from me and would also not take one if I was visible. I had to go upstairs. Have you tried that? Also, you should try leaving because if she fusses at the bottle and you come in and nurse, that may start to teach her she doesn't need to take the bottle. DS1 (and DS2 this part) reverse cycled meaning that they only took 1 bottle when I was at work, then nursed every 2 hours, including overnight, when we were together...for a long time... I didn't mind since I hated pumping that much and they went right back to sleep after nursing but it was an adjustment.

Good luck though. It was very hard for me to go to back to work so I really understand.

SpaceGal
08-12-2009, 03:17 PM
My DD was like that too, but she would go to DH. She had a lot of stranger anxiety...granted we don't have much family around, she was like that with our really good friends. She wouldn't let me put her down at all when we had people over. If we're out and people looked at her she's freak out and scream....lots of face hiding and pouting and crying of course. She was awful when I would go pick up my oldest son from Pre-K and the teachers would want to talk to her and look at her...and she would just be so scared and stuff. I felt bad for her and those that just wanted to see her and say hi.

But when she was 5 months old she was baptized and my SIL and her family came for that. The first night they were here she was freaking out...but the next day she was fine. It's almost like she woke up and was like wait so if I relax and let people hold me a lot more people can hold me...wow cool! Well I have to say just one day of all those people in the house broke her...and now she's a whole different baby. She'll let anyone hold her and what not. Granted she can be a bit apprehensive she's not as bad as it was.

So there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Hopefully it gets better for you.

gavsmompa
08-12-2009, 03:58 PM
Yes, I am a SAHM for now and DH works. I am planning to go back to work in a month. Well, I guess our plan is to just expose her to as many people as we can and perhaps starting off by leaving her at childcare at the Y for about 30 minutes while I go work out. We don't have family close by but we do get out the house often and I usually have lunch with friends about 1 time a week. Today we tried having the neighbor hold her while I walked to the mailbox. She was fine initially but started crying soon after I left her. In regards to the bottle, she was doing fine with it up until recently. We will persist and have DH try to feed her for the last feeding before bed. When he feeds her I am never in the room. Also, the other day she did take a little from the bottle from me while she was propped up in the stroller. Perhaps I should experiment more with brands of bottles?

gavsmompa
08-12-2009, 08:24 PM
Quick update-DH came home and took DD immediately into another room and she screamed for 10 minutes straight!! So hard to listen to but I did not rescue her. He eventually just put her in the bouncy seat and brought her over where she could see me and she wimpered a little and was fine. I told DH not to take it personally. We then decided I should try feeding her the bottle for the last feed and she willingly accepted the bottle from me. That was a relief but we just have to get past this anxiety about being around others for daycare reasons.

MamaKath
08-12-2009, 09:05 PM
Someone once told me that they are inside attached to you for nine months, it takes that long on the outside to change that. Your dd sounds like mine! Only she wouldn't take a bottle from anyone including me. As hard as this time feels, it will be a memory soon.

Help her gear up for daycare before the first day by bringing her in for short stints so she gets to know her daycare provider a little at a time and gains trust in her. The first days may be rough but it will get better!!!