Dealing with depression

[Clarity]

Not mine, my dh.
He's in a major depressive episode and I honestly have no idea what to do to help. I am trying to be supportive but I don't really know how. He's seeing his therapist and he's seeing his psychiatrist who is working with his medication.
I've encouraged him enroll in TaiChi classes and I'm listening to him whenever possible. But, I told him he can't talk about it all the time. It's depressing. I can't get so emotionally mired in his depression that it brings me down too, kwim? One of us has to be able to get through the day for the kids. He's got two weeks before he goes back to work and he's terrified he won't be able to function, will lose his job, etc. I've taken to "ordering" him to get well. I say things like "You WILL do your job successfully because you HAVE to do your job successfully." I think I'm trying to motivate him but it just sounds bossy. :( I don't want to be bossy, but I'm not sure how else to be. I feel like if I'm too accepting/understanding that he'll stay mired in self-pity. But I don't exhorting him to get back to normal is really working either. *sigh*
I keep thinking maybe yoga could help.........fish oil.......rescue remedy????? Sounds almost funny, but I'm desperate, I need him to snap out of this because I'm really not sure if I can take much more. Work is pretty stressful for me right now too. Our daycare flooded from the rain today and the kids have to stay home tomorrow. I can't get off so dh has to stay home with them. Now I'll worry about all THREE of them tomorrow instead of just him (he says he is NOT suicidial, just at rock bottom but I feel like I should monitor that daily).
I'd like to cry from the pressure of it all some days. How do you get through it and can I help him at all? Many thanks if you made it this far.

[ThreeofUs]

:hug: :hug: :hug:

Amy, I'm emailing you.

[mommy111]

:grouphug:
It can be absolutely overwhelming. I would just keep doing what you've been doing so far and be supportive. Ultimately, that is all you can do.

[stella]

There is a book called "The Joy Diet" that I found helpful during a time when my dh was going through a depressive phase. It is awful to have a depressed husband. All you can do, and what you MUST do, is take care of yourself and the children. He is sick right now, and unfortunately, you have to take care of the family. I would give him 15 or 30 minuites a day to talk to you about his depression, and beyond that, organize a family walk - or run. If he won't go, you and your children have to go, because it is good for your well-being. You can't fix him, so you'll have to focus on maintaining your own strength and not getting bogged down.

[ha98ed14]

I have major depression, so I can relate. I know that I am not easy to deal with when I have my blue days. I just wanted to send you some hugs because I know it is not easy. :hug: Please, do what YOU need to do to stay level for your kids.

[tiapam]

Can you give more information as to how long he has been diagnosed, how long this episode, has been so far, what meds he has taken or is on now, etc? If you don't want to share all that, I understand, but you might get more concrete replies. I will just give my usual advice: get thyroid tested or retested if it has been three or more months since it was done. Especially if he takes lithium. Ask to see all the test results and analyze them yourself or ask a friend for help.

About him wanting to talk about it all the time - would you say his mind is racing? If so, that just does not sound like a symptom of depression to me. To me that is anxiety.

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. Can you get someone to check in on him and the kids tomorrow?

Hugs to you. It's okay to bend under pressure to keep from breaking. So cut yourself some slack in any area you can.

[pinkmomagain]

I don't have any experience with depression, but my LOs do suffer from anxiety. When my dh is worried or down I try to make sure I get out with him for a walk. We tend to do this most mornings anyways but when anxiety is high I find a brisk walking outdoors together gets his head cleared out a bit. Or maybe some other activity the 2 of you can do together - tennis, hiking?

Also, sometimes when a man is not at work he is a bit lost. Is there a way to have him be productive in a way outside of work? Maybe a project around the house (in a nonbossy way)? Helping a neighbor or relative with something? Volunteering? Doing something he's always wanted to do but never finds the time (ie hobby, writing, painting, gardening)? Accomplishing things is very satisfying and helps with self-esteem...maybe these can be some baby steps before returning to work?

So sorry you are dealing with this. Hope things improve soon.

[Clarity]

Stella, thanks for the advice. It's actually good to know that I don't have to devote all of my attention to him and his problem. I feel like we've been spending every spare minute together b/c being with me helps HIM, but it's not so helpful for me. It's been tough, Thanks for the book rec, I'll check it out.

[Clarity]

Hi Pam,
Thank you for the suggestions, I mentioned them to dh today and he doesn't think that it's thyroid (not feeling sluggish) but it's something he will consider looking into. I hadn't thought of that at all.
My dh's mood dips each summer when classes end. This year that dip and an alteration in his meds (A*bilify) created some anxiety for him. He stopped taking that med and I think that helped with the anxiety. He was struggling with that for awhile but he told me the other day that he's not feeling anxiety or panicky anymore, but is very very down and afraid of the future, i.e. will he be able to function at work, will he lose his job, will I leave, etc. Very irrational, self-absorbed thoughts.
I'll be able to call periodically, and dd1 has asked him to go to the children's museum and if he does that, keeps them all busy, they'll have a better day.