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View Full Version : Twins: sleep/ room situation



BeachBum
08-12-2009, 10:01 AM
My twins are nearly 7 months old. They have been sharing a room, but not a crib their whole lives.

Nap time and bed time is a real struggle. Because if I put one down, and he has not yet totally fallen asleep, but sees me when I am rocking, or even just walking in the room to put the other one down he totally wakes up and screams for me. An unlike all the books say, mine DO wake each other up.

This problem has really grown recently because I am really working hard to put them down a drowsy but awake instead of rocking or nursing to sleep like I have been.

Today, I put one down in the pack and play in my room. But I don't see this as a long term solution. And it doesn't solve anything for night time.

We do have another bedroom that is upstairs from the rest of us. Right now we use that area as a den/ workout room. We really don't want to change it to a bedroom, but we can. We would put our pre-schooler up there and separate the twins in to the Jack and Jill rooms on our floor.

How do you guys handle this problem? any suggestions are appreciated.

Melaine
08-12-2009, 10:20 AM
I will get back to you on this later this morning. Have definitely BTDT! It is so hard and ITA, they DO wake each other up. I don't know who came up with that big fat lie but I am relatively sure it was so ignorant pediatrician trying to comfort a young twin mommy who is losing her mind from lack of sleep. Not sure if I have much help, but I will share a long post of what we went through in a bit.

twowhat?
08-12-2009, 11:22 AM
A friend of mine with triplets had to separate ALL of them for naps. I decided then that I would try it...and it has made a BIG difference!! I keep one baby in her room and the other in our bedroom in a P&P. They don't keep (or wake) each other up now, and can wake up on their own. I don't know why I didn't do it sooner!!

They do share a bedroom at night with no problems.

Melaine
08-12-2009, 11:52 AM
Ok, we have done various sleep situations. I do think you have to be pretty flexible with twins and constantly re-evaluate and change as necessary. My girls slept in the same crib for a long time. Then we separated them into two cribs, we also went through a couple of short periods where one would nap in the crib and the other would nap in the play pen. That was when one was napping better than the other and I just wasn't willing to let the other twin wake her.
What I would do if I were you is set up a secondary nap spot somewhere temporarily until you get them into a very good nap schedule. Sounds like you are doing all the right things to work towards that (putting them down awake, etc.). I do think you have to put them both down at the same time to have them sleep well together, otherwise you will have the issues of one baby seeing you with the second baby...I was never able to nurse so my kids just had to get used to getting tandem bottle fed and then just put in their beds. So, I think if you want them to be able to sleep together you are going to have to keep them from falling asleep nursing. (Unless you are a wonder woman who can tandem nurse and tandem carry two sleeping babies and place them into the crib).
If you do have them nap separately, I wouldn't be too discouraged. The important thing is that they are napping well and it could just be a short phase where they are separated. The only thing that became a problem for me was when we were in that phase and were traveling having two available rooms for them where no one would disturb them was difficult.
I am pretty sure there was nothing helpful in that whole post, but at least you know you aren't alone?

mom2beofboy/girltwins
08-12-2009, 12:11 PM
I feel your pain too. Our twins are about 4 1/2 months old now and I started separating them about 2 weeks ago. We're no longer feeding them on the same schedule at night (ie, wake the second one up to eat becuase the first one woke up) since they are sometimes making it through most or all of the night now. (No point in waking a baby to eat if they might make it through the night anyway, right? :) ) But when they were in the same room if one did wake up and fuss a little bit we always felt like we had to get that baby to be quiet asap so they wouldn't wake the other - which meant constantly replacing pacifiers. I was getting really frustrated becuase they wouldn't eat from about 11:30 pm until maybe 8 am but I was still getting up 5-8 times to put someone's pacifier back in so they would quickly and quietly go back to sleep. So, now they're in seperate rooms and we've taken away pacifiers for naps and bedtime. (kinda rough at first but it's getting better) Now if they need to fuss themselves back to sleep for a few minutes I don't have to be so worried about the other baby waking up too. On the plus side, since we took away the pacifiers there's been 2 nights when DD has slept from 11:30 to 8:30 and a couple where DS has made it from 11:30 to 7 without waking up and needing anything - yea!!! It is a little frustrating to have multiple rooms in your house "off limits" while they're sleeping but I'm hoping this is just a temporary situation until they both start sleeping better consistantly.

twowhat?
08-12-2009, 01:10 PM
I do think you have to be pretty flexible with twins and constantly re-evaluate and change as necessary.

Most definitely true!!! My girls do nap on the same schedule and I'm hoping I can get them back into the same room for naps sometime. Because it does suck to have half the house off-limits when they are napping. They were talking and playing with each other from their own cribs and then not napping at all and ending up REALLY cranky or one would wake before the other was ready, so for now, separating them is working.

Sleep issues and twins is always a tough one!

Naranjadia
08-12-2009, 01:20 PM
I will get back to you on this later this morning. Have definitely BTDT! It is so hard and ITA, they DO wake each other up. I don't know who came up with that big fat lie but I am relatively sure it was so ignorant pediatrician trying to comfort a young twin mommy who is losing her mind from lack of sleep. Not sure if I have much help, but I will share a long post of what we went through in a bit.

Don't hate me, but my twins generally do not wake each other up. Not that it never occurs, but just not on a regular basis. Even if one is screaming or crying for twenty minutes. But it's definitely not true of the most of the other twins we know. They do gab together more now at the beginning of nap, until one drops off and the other gets bored.

Okay, you can hate me a little bit. But we must be that exception that the myth is based on. :)

fivi2
08-17-2009, 02:51 PM
We have done a variety of things over the years. At first they shared a crib for night and naps. Then I started having to separate for naps. We only have a two bedroom home, so one was in our room, one in theirs.

At some point we started having to separate for night time also. Which is where we are now - one falls asleep in our bed and then gets moved to their room. Their mattresses are pushed together on the floor. Once asleep they rarely, if ever, wake each other up. But they keep each other awake before falling asleep, which is why we separate for that. They are 3.5. I have no idea how long we will have to separate at bed time, but it doesn't appear to be ending anytime soon.

Good luck!

BeachBum
08-18-2009, 12:48 PM
Thanks for all your thoughts.
I'm just still so overwhelmed by them and the no sleep situation. They are still waking 5 or more times a night. I am a total zombie.

It has been working well (well that's a stretch, I should say better) separating them for naps and I think we are going to try to do it at night too. I just don't know how. LOL.

Melanie
08-19-2009, 02:02 PM
Okay, I hope you don't mind me peeking in here b/c I am not a mom of multiples, but something occured to me when I read this. Would it help to put up some kind of room-divinding folding screen between their cribs or in front of whomever gets most distracted? Obvoiusly I have no idea how their room is set up but I was imaging the classic two beds on one wall then you put up a fold-out screen between them. Or you could do something more permanent if it works out in the long-term. Something that only divides during rest time (and another good 'cue' that it's time for rest instead of play would be when you bring it out/put it up) then you can put it away the rest of the time so they still have their play space. I realize it won't block sound but at least it wouldn't be visually-stimulating.

Just a thought. And a big bow to moms of multiples!

Melaine
08-19-2009, 02:51 PM
I think I am going to ask DH if we can pull the girls beds apart. They aren't napping anymore but I know they still need the sleep. I'm about to go nuts. WE MUST HAVE NAPS.

gatorsmom
08-19-2009, 11:01 PM
Like Naranjadia, mine don't usually wake the other up and they have always shared a room. And, if they do, they don't start screaming about it. But, before you hate me for this (;)), understand that my two singletons were NOT nearly as easy as my twins to get to sleep.

I have to say that with my singletons, when I'd hear them start to fuss or fidget from a nap, I'd intercede more quickly. I think the twins have sensed from the start that mom doesn't have a lot of time for them :(, and that I was really only going to be coming in their room if they screamed bloody murder for a LONG time. So, nap times are pretty simple- they either nap or play in their crib til we come and get them at about the same time every day. Greenbean has a hard time going to sleep at night (because of sensory issues) so he will sometimes scream until I come in the room and soothe him, but Sisi doesn't stand up wanting attention too, thank GOD! She used to stand in her crib when I came in, but I just would walk over and rub and kiss her head and tell her to lie back down. I'd never pick her up when I came in to tend to Greenbean so she doesn't expect it at all.

I would put room darkening shades in their room so they can't see each other clearly and I'd definitely put a white noise machine in so that they can't hear every little sound the other makes. You could also try a little tough love (I know, easy for me to say. But I really think it's made a difference with my twins). If one wakes up and cries and then the second wakes up and cries dont' go to get them til nap time is over. I'd let them play in their cribs and hang out until naptime is over (of course, if they cry for quite a while, you might want to check diapers. But then change them and put them back into their crib til wakeup time.). This seems to work for us.

Big hugs. sleep issues are the worst.

o_mom
08-20-2009, 06:18 AM
Another non-multiple mom (also with a big bow to you all), but if you don't want to move someone upstairs, what about moving one twin in with your preschooler?

Obviously it depend a whole lot on the temperament of the preschooler, but the older one might be able to ignore you walking in to put the baby in bed, etc.

Melaine
08-20-2009, 07:54 AM
You know, this may sound crazy but my theory about twins does come into play here. The two mamas who say their children sleep through any wakings both have B/G twins. From what I have observed, read (and my experience), this is my theory about twins:

B/G Twins are like siblings that happen to be the same age. They may be closer than most siblings, but not as close as fraternal.
Fraternal, same sex twins are more than just siblings, but not as close as identicals.
Identical twins are absolutely inseparable. Every move they make, the other watches, hears, mimics, responds. They are more attached to one another than any other person in the world, including mom.
So, my theory is my girls can't sleep through their sister waking, because they sense, hear, know everything she is doing. There is an undeniable connection with identicals that sometimes kind of freaks me out. Sometimes I want to break through their little twin bubble to reach them on the same level they reach each other, but I know I never can. They are so close that until very recently, I have had trouble even discerning significant personality differences in them.
I'm probably crazy, but that's my theory!

fivi2
08-20-2009, 09:41 AM
You know, this may sound crazy but my theory about twins does come into play here. The two mamas who say their children sleep through any wakings both have B/G twins. From what I have observed, read (and my experience), this is my theory about twins:

B/G Twins are like siblings that happen to be the same age. They may be closer than most siblings, but not as close as fraternal.
Fraternal, same sex twins are more than just siblings, but not as close as identicals.
Identical twins are absolutely inseparable. Every move they make, the other watches, hears, mimics, responds. They are more attached to one another than any other person in the world, including mom.
So, my theory is my girls can't sleep through their sister waking, because they sense, hear, know everything she is doing. There is an undeniable connection with identicals that sometimes kind of freaks me out. Sometimes I want to break through their little twin bubble to reach them on the same level they reach each other, but I know I never can. They are so close that until very recently, I have had trouble even discerning significant personality differences in them.
I'm probably crazy, but that's my theory!

Sorry Melaine - my identical girls will usually sleep through the other waking up! They make it hard for the other to fall asleep, but almost never wake up to the other crying.

Their mattresses are pushed together on the floor. They slept together in the same crib for a LONG time (although we would sometimes separate until the fell asleep and then move them together for the rest of the night.

I wanted to comment on your nap issue above, also. My girls gave up naps right about the time they turned 3. I think yours are nearing that? For me, it was actually easier once they gave up naps - I put them down an hour earlier in the evenings. If they actually did nap, they were up so late at night. But without naps, we get several hours in the evening to relax.

I do agree with your other theories about the differences between b/g frat, ss frat, and identical, though. I think there is a difference in the twin relationship (but NOT a difference in the amount of work for mom! lol :) ) Although I see differences between my girls, I have a hard time articulating those to outsiders. They seem to be minor differences as compared to differences between non-twins. My girls are also incredibly close.

Sorry to go off on a tangent!

To the op, I think I said this before, but if it is easier, go ahead and separate for a while (even if in a pack and play in a n office or your room, or wherever). Once they fall asleep, you can always move them back into the same room.

Good luck to everyone!

Naranjadia
08-20-2009, 10:38 AM
So, nap times are pretty simple- they either nap or play in their crib til we come and get them at about the same time every day.

Lisa - What's the lighting like during naps with your twins? If they play instead of sleep, can they see what they're doing? I ask because DS has taken to quietly talking, reading, etc, so we think he may be transitioning to more of a "rest" time. Trying to figure out whether to give him a little more light so he can see the books better. We think DD will still sleep for awhile at nap time.

Thanks.

gatorsmom
08-21-2009, 01:12 PM
Lisa - What's the lighting like during naps with your twins? If they play instead of sleep, can they see what they're doing? I ask because DS has taken to quietly talking, reading, etc, so we think he may be transitioning to more of a "rest" time. Trying to figure out whether to give him a little more light so he can see the books better. We think DD will still sleep for awhile at nap time.

Thanks.

As it turns out, often Sisi is the one who likes to play instead of sleep so her crib is nearest the window. A little light does get through so her crib is better lit than Greenbeans. I do have some toys in their cribs though, that can light up giving them more light. One of them is a garden toy I got from Target that looks like a lantern and makes cricket and bug noises. It only stays on for a few minutes before going off automatically. Otherwise, their room is hard to see in during naptime.