Discipline book recommendations?

[emily]

DD's (16mos) tantrums are getting out of control...
Help!

[DietCokeLover]

A lot of people recommend 1 2 3 Magic

[Naranjadia]

We use 123 Magic now (since 2yo), but also found some parts of Happiest Toddler on the Block more helpful at that age.

[kristac]

I'm really loving Easy to Love Difficult to Discipline.

We used 123 Magic with DS1 but not until he was older. I don't think most 16 month olds would get it.

[Piglet]

That age is REALLY hard! They have the focus to really pitch a fit but not the mental ability to understand the consequences of discipline. Usually that age is all about distraction and redirection. Not always easy! I also find that at that age it is more to do with being tired, hungry, cranky, etc. than about being "naughty". They don't mean to be difficult, they just really don't have the words to say what they want. In a few months the verbal catches up and you get a bit of a reprieve (until the 2's roll around, LOL). I would try Happiest Toddler and then read 123 Magic in a few months when time outs start having an impact. We do TOs in the crib and have had success for the last 4-5 months to the point that DD outright says "no want time out" when we tell her to stop X or go to TO. She is gettnig SO much better now that she understands the consequences of her actions a bit more.

[jhrabosk]

I never read 1 2 3 Magic, but sort of instinctually do my own version. Happiest Toddler was an interesting read, pretty helpful at that age. Really like Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles...not sure that it would help you at 16 mos, but might give you some ideas for going forward.

[mommyp]

I'm currently reading Positive Discipline: The First Three Years by Jane Nelsen. I got it from the library based on Beth's (brittone2) recommendation in a recent thread. I'm really enjoying it and getting some great ideas. Highly recommended!
I'll come back and post the link to that thread if I can find it, there were a number of other titles listed, so I'm hoping to work my way through all of them from the library eventually.

eta: Here is the link
http://www.windsorpeak.com/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=331934

[brittone2]

At that age, tantrums are an immature expression of big feelings. You aren't going to be able to punish them away. It doesn't mean you have to give into the cause of the tantrum, but I don't believe in punishing for having big feelings.

What helps in the long run IMO is to reflect feelings "you really wanted the knife, but it isn't safe." In time that helps build the vocabulary so they can better express themselves (eta: it takes a loooong time for many kids to progress to that point, but you can start laying the groundwork for it early on)

As they get older you can give them more appropriate physical outlets for their feelings. At 2 maybe you can show them how to stomp a foot or jump up and down (those aren't acceptable in every family, but IMO/IME, some kids *need* that physical release of energy to get their big feelings out). You can show them how to do an "angry dance." Some kids might like drawing a picture of how angry they are. In time you work toward more acceptable ways of showing those big feelings, but a 16 month old isn't equipped IMO with the skills to move in that direction.

A 16 month old will still have tantrums and will still be 16 months old even if you punish for a tantrum, kwim?

I really like the gentlechristianmothers.com site (I don't identify with being a conservative Christian but the gentle discipline board there is great...lots of good stickies too. They redid their board recently so they don't have the archives they once had).

Favorite books:
-Positive Discipline (Nelsen)
-anything by Kurcinka (Kids, Parents and Power Struggles and Your Spirited Child, which is great for the not as spirited kid too).
-an oldie but goodie is Parent Effectiveness Training (P.E.T.) by Gordon and P.E.T. in Action (followup book)
-Playful Parenting by Cohen
-Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline (Bailey I think?)
-Ames and Ilig have a series "Your One Year Old" (and so on for each age) that is helpful in gaining a snapshot of normal/typical development at each age and what is going on psychologically. Their discipline and parenting advice is pretty dated and not my thing, but it is funny when you feel like your kid is behaving sort of like a monster to go read their observations of kids that age...you realize how kids at whatever age have behaved in such a fashion for decades...part of the normal developmental progression, kwim?

[maestramommy]

I agree with Marina (piglet) that 16 months is HARD. I would recommend 1-2-3 Magic, but it clearly states your child has to be cognitively 2 yo for it to be effective. At 16 months it's mostly re-direction, which can be tough, because not all kids are easily re-directed :hug:

[emily]

Thank you to everyone!

I've made a list of titles and will start checking them out. I hope my local library has some of these books.