DS came home in poopy pants from Kindergarten (LONG)

[aa2mama]

...and apparently his teacher never noticed that anything was amiss. I don't know exactly when it happened, but I'm pretty sure that he was like that for a good couple of hours. Upon questioning him further, apparently a piece had rolled onto the circle rug (EWWW!!!). Several other kids noticed it but the teacher didn't.

I'm frustrated with both of them right now. The teacher for not noticing it and giving me a call to come clean him up and DS not only because of his poop accident but that he didn't tell the teacher and flat-out lied to me when I asked him if he was poopy. Prior to this, he had two poop accidents at home, both since starting school last Thursday. I know this regression is related to him starting school; this is a new problem. He didn't go to preschool, so I know the transition is probably harder for him but I am NOT prepared to hold him back another year. He is already one of the older kids in the class (5yrs, 8mos) and in all other respects is very ready for school.

I plan to email the teacher to make her aware of the situation, and I have talked with DS about it. Any advice on how to resolve this is appreciated!

[dhano923]

Unless he was smelly, or his pants were wet, how would the teacher have noticed? I know it's not a pleasant situation, but I can see how the techer wouldn't have noticed. In K, the teachers aren't supposed to help the kids use the restroom unless the child asks for help buttoning pants or something (at least around here) so I can see how she wouldn't have known he pooped.

I would bring it to the teacher's attention that this happened without blaming her or getting upset. Maybe suggest that she ask DS a couple times a day to let her know if he needs to go potty or something?

[Veronica's Mommy]

That's a huge health hazard for everyone, poop on the floor!? I would be very upset that the teacher didn't notice! I would definitely want the teacher & principal to know. I am not sure an email is good enough. And going forward, they need to clarify what the protocol is in that type of situation. Just not acceptable.
I used to have accidents in 1st grade (probably kindergarten too), because they wouldn't let us go to the bathroom until our work was finished.
Horrifying, yes. I would hope they don't have policies like that anymore but, it certainly helps to make sure that DS is given the opportunity to go when he needs to. It may be that he doesn't feel comfortable asking, who knows.

[aa2mama]

He wasn't wet, but he was definitely smelly! He must be using the bathroom at school since he hasn't had any pee accidents.

TMI: I think he is worried about wiping himself. He wipes himself at home but we always double check him since he isn't always thorough. He knows that he has to do it by himself at school, and I have told him that he just needs to do his best and that will be good enough.

[Veronica's Mommy]

I was gonna say, obviously smelly. If you pooped your pants, wouldn't it smell?? This bugs me, let us know what happened.

[traciann]

I think I would mention to the teacher that your ds has been regressing because of the change, so she is more aware of the issue. I certainly wouldn't be angry with her though.

[KrystalS]

At my DD's school the teacher takes everyone to the bathroom twice a day, once in the morning and once in afternoon. They do this for the first few weeks so the kids get comfortable going at school and telling the teacher they need to go. Maybe ask the teacher if she can ask your DS a couple of times a day if he needs to go?

I know DD still doesn't like to go potty at school, she usually runs into the house after school because she hasn't gone all day!!

[egoldber]

I would e-mail the teacher, let her know what's happening and ask for her help in encouraging him to go more often.

At this stage in the game they are still learning the kids/classroom dynamic, who's where in their development and who needs what kind of help.

Maybe send in a change of clothes that can be kept there just in case?

[neeleymartin]

Unless he was smelly, or his pants were wet, how would the teacher have noticed?

i teach and i simply cannot imagine not noticing a smell. whose poop doesn't smell?? other kids would likely say stuff too. some teachers will ignore, so that don't have to deal with the problem. call home and send the kid to the nurse...i would be outraged.

[Moneypenny]

He wasn't wet, but he was definitely smelly! He must be using the bathroom at school since he hasn't had any pee accidents.

TMI: I think he is worried about wiping himself. He wipes himself at home but we always double check him since he isn't always thorough. He knows that he has to do it by himself at school, and I have told him that he just needs to do his best and that will be good enough.

I wonder if you could put a wet wipe in a little baggie for him to keep in his pocket and talk up how that will help him to wipe well. Maybe he would feel more confident that way?

[aa2mama]

Good idea! I plan to do that.

[egoldber]

Just make sure he knows not to flush that wipe....

[JBaxter]

I would think that someone pooping their pants would not be the first thing that crossed a kindergarten teachers mind. Maybe gas or someone not wiping well enough but not actually pooping their pants. I would email the teacher to give her a heads up about his regression. I cant imagine if she knew he had poop in his pants she would not have sent him to the bathroomto clean his self up or called you.

[mytwosons]

When DS1 had a poop accident in K last year, I found out it is pretty common. Is it possible the teacher smelled it, asked him if he had to use the bathroom, and he said "no"? I was in the class once when the teachers swore they smelled something but couldn't quite figure out which child. They tried to figure it out with out drawing attention to the fact, but when they asked one "suspect" she said she was fine and didn't need to go. I don't think there was much more they could do at that point.

I would let the teacher know what happened and ask that she check with him throughout the day.

DS1 still doesn't like to wipe himself....He got around it last year by only pooping at home. Sigh.

[AnnieW625]

or get flushable wipes. Good luck!

[fivi2]

I wonder if you could put a wet wipe in a little baggie for him to keep in his pocket and talk up how that will help him to wipe well. Maybe he would feel more confident that way?

Cottonelle makes the flushable wipes in little individual packets. (They can be tricky to open, so I would let him practice.) They are small enough to fit in his pocket.

[Pennylane]

I would email the teacher and let her know what happened, but not the principal. I can't really see the point in letting them know, the teacher did nothing wrong and I am sure kids have accidents all the time!

My schools K and 1st have bathrooms in the class and they keep the wet wipes in there for the children. Maybe you could send a small package in for your ds.

Ann

[AngelaS]

I would email the teacher and then have a talk with your son. He's been using the potty, without incident, and he can continue to do that if he's encouraged to just use the potty at school the same way he does at home. Yes, the teacher didn't notice, but he is big enough to go potty and wipe on his own.

[Ceepa]

I would let the teacher know what happened and offer to send in some wipes for DS to keep in the bathroom, but I wouldn't be outraged with the teacher. Then I'd review with DS about what to do and let him keep spare clothes in his bag.

[lmwbasye]

This has happened to me once before as a teacher. I did smell something (it was towards the end of the day) but my first thought was gas. But then I did start to suspect something and asked several children...all denied it. I thought I had figured out who it might be, but he denied it up and down. Again, towards the end of the day and he walked out to the car like that. His mother just let me know what happened and talked to him about it being okay to tell me. Many kiddos have accidents and simply won't say a thing b/c they are so embarassed. It can be a super sensitive issue since you can't exaclty ask the entire class and call out the kid and you can't really check like you can with your own child.

So sorry this happened to your little one. Poor thing is probably just having a hard time adjusting. I would talk to the teacher about it and also to your child letting them know that it is okay and maybe the teacher can remind them to use the bathroom more often. Also, if there is a nurse on staff and a teacher suspects, that is someone who can legally check.

HTH!

[niccig]

I'd say that with all the excitement of school, new room, new teacher, new kids, new activities, that your DS either forgot or was too shy about asking to go to the bathroom. Also, if he's like my DS, potty is a last minute yell and run to the bathroom. If there were in circle time or engaged in another activity, he may have not had much warning, or too shy to speak up.

I would tell the teacher what happened and ask her to check in with DS a few times a day - she's a K teacher, it's not like accidents have never happened before. Have a change of clothes for DS, and provide flushable wet wipes if it's easier for him to use those. Then talk to DS about needing to ask the teacher when has to go potty, even if they are in the middle of something, or tell her if he did have an accident. And talk about the change of clothes if he needs clean underpants.

I wouldn't make too mcuh out of it, as I'm sure once he gets used to the class and his teacher, he'll be fine. You also don't want him to be self-conscious or to make a big deal out it.

[hellokitty]

i teach and i simply cannot imagine not noticing a smell. whose poop doesn't smell?? other kids would likely say stuff too. some teachers will ignore, so that don't have to deal with the problem. call home and send the kid to the nurse...i would be outraged.

Why would a child be sent to the nurse for a potty accident???

[JBaxter]

Why would a child be sent to the nurse for a potty accident???

The nurse/health assistant would have a private area to clean the child up. Where would a teacher take the child ( with a room of 20+ other children) to help them clean themselves?

[lmwbasye]

Why would a child be sent to the nurse for a potty accident???

As a teacher, I legally cannot help with anything potty related. A nurse needs to do something like that or anything else that involves removing clothing.

[Toba]

^^^ Just guessing here, but I would think that because she has the ability to clean up the child more sanitarily than the teacher. And then could also take time out to call a parent for a change of clothing or whatever, where the teacher wouldn't be able to leave the rest of the class to do that.

I would be mortified. I know my son and I really think he would lie about pooping in his pants if asked point blank asked by the teacher. And then what could the teacher do, honestly? My kid starts kindy next week and I'm a mess about it. He also doesn't wipe very well (but has gotten much better in the last few months that we've been really pushing it), plus the fact that he usually COMPLETELY undresses to go potty (not standing to urinate, but to sit down and go poop). I said in another thread that I'm waiting for the phone call on the first day from the principal asking me to come pick him up because he's roaming the halls naked. *sigh*

I would definitely speak to the teacher and give her a heads up, but I don't think I would involve the principal, unless something about her response or attitude about it gave me reason to.

Kinda OT, but we had orientation yesterday and I was *really* disappointed with the whole situation. There's only 2 kindy teachers at his school (we have two half day sessions in our district, which is a whole other rant) and my son's kindy teacher is ON VACATION! The principal went through his whole long speech about how they're there to answer any and all questions/concerns we would have (because I was going to bring up the potty issue) and then proceeds to tell us that his teacher isn't even there. Couple that with the fact that I am SO not handling this transition well for so many reasons, and I am just a mess.

ETA: The first part of my post was in response to hellokitty, but I took so long typing that a few other replies were posted before mine. Sorry to make it confusing.

[vejemom]

I agree that the teacher probably suspected something, but couldn't pinpoint what child was having the problem. I've got two in diapers, and sometimes I can't tell who the smell is coming from without a visual inspection :ROTFLMAO:

One of my few memories of Kindergarten is someone leaving a puddle of pee on a chair. I'm guessing it's pretty common. You've gotten some excellent suggestions here. I'd give him a Cottonelle wipe for his pocket, and give the teacher a heads up. I wouldn't make too big a deal out of it. If he thinks there's going to be a big bruhaha if it happens again, he probably will hide it from the teacher again.

[strollerqueen]

Yeah, what if te teacher didn't know who it was, then started opening the back of their pants and "looking" the way we moms do? Imagine the outrage that poor teacher would face from parents then, for "violating" children. I think he/she would be out of a job really fast. The school should have a policy in place to deal with these situations.

[JamiMac]

In my daughter's public elementary school the nurse handles all potty mishaps. She even has quite a stock of spare clothes for the kids to change into. I think it's pretty discreet that way, instead of the teacher having to stop class to clean the child.

[aa2mama]

Cottonelle makes the flushable wipes in little individual packets. (They can be tricky to open, so I would let him practice.) They are small enough to fit in his pocket.

What store did you find these at? I looked at Target today, and they didn't have the individual packs there.

[aa2mama]

Ugh, so DS came home in poopy pants again today. I will email the teacher this afternoon; I have just been trying to formulate what to say. I think you guys brought up a good point that either she couldn't narrow down which student it was or that she possibly asked him and he denied it. I think he would be embarrassed enough that he would deny it.

[Toba]

I could *easily* see a child being too embarrassed to admit it. Especially one that is otherwise potty trained for quite some time. It *is* embarrassing. I so feel for your little boy.

Obviously, it definitely needs to be addressed with the teacher. IMO, I would start off very non-accusatory and asking her to just please ask DS throughout the day if he needs to go. And to kind of keep sniffing throughout the day to see if anything is amiss ... on the sly. IMO, she needs to address this (because obviously you can't spend the day there) in a way that's not going to cause either further regression. And just plenty of reassurance to your son that he NEEDS to go potty in school in the actual potty, and that if he does have an accident, he needs to let his teacher know. Maybe go over with him how he can kind of secretly tell his teacher that he had an accident (I would let the teacher know that she needs to give him the opportunity to say this to her without drawing attention to himself).

[niccig]

Does he know to ask to go to the bathroom? Have you asked him why he hasn't asked the teacher or why he didn't tell anyone. I'm just wondering if he is shy and embarrassed. Maybe he doesn't like the toilets at school? When you drop him off, can you go with him to see the toilets, so he has you with him.

I know that when DS potty trained he didn't want to use the toilet at preschool. He told the teachers he only used our toilet at home. And he's not a fan of public restrooms as they are "stinky" and he has trouble holding his nose and pulling his pants down at the same time. He also didn't know that he could ask the preschool teachers for water when he was thirsty - they had drinks at snack and lunch time, but he didn't know he could ask for a drink when playing outside.

I know that when DS starts his new school in 2 weeks, I'll go over the "ask the teachers for this" "ask the teachers if you need this"...and I'll have to remind him to tell them when he needs to use the bathroom or when he's thirsty so he can get his water bottle. He's been to preschool, but this is pre-K at a new school, new teachers, new room - so it's all a little different and DS can be shy in new situations and won't speak up.

[fivi2]

What store did you find these at? I looked at Target today, and they didn't have the individual packs there.

hmmm... I know I have some, they are in a little blue foil type packet... Where I got them is a good question. My girls used a bunch when we were traveling recently (I have recently pt'ed twins).

My best guess is that they were "free" with the big box of the cottonelle wipes that I got last time at Costco. Sorry, that isn't much help. I would check the section of a grocery store or super target that has all the small travel size stuff also. But I am pretty sure they came in my big costco box.

[egoldber]

My best guess is that they were "free" with the big box of the cottonelle wipes that I got last time at Costco

I got some that way also.

A *lot* of kids are VERY intimidated to ask the teacher anything at school. My older DD is like this, although she is getting better. It truly just never occurs to her that she can ask the teacher for help/to get water/go to the bathroom/finish her lunch if the line took too long, etc. I would encourage and even role play with him.

Definitely call or e-mail the teacher and tell her what is happening! If it were me I would even walk in with him tomorrow and talk to the teacher.

ETA: I would even stop by the counselor's office and see what they suggest.

[ca mom to 2]

One other thought - make sure he's allowed to go. You might want to check with some of the other kids or parents. There was a teacher here who said the kids could go whenever to the parents, but was actively discouraging the kids from going during class even in the first few days of the year when everyone was settling in.

Good luck!

Cathy

DD 8 years
DS 5 years

[Toba]

^^^ There was a little girl that I went to school with a LONG time ago that peed her pants a few times throughout the year (this was like in first grade or so). She asked the teacher to go and the teacher would refuse ... back then, we had scheduled times for potty breaks and we'd all go in a line and stand at the bathroom door waiting for our turn.

The worst part is that she never lived it down and even in HS people brought it up. Kids are so awful sometimes.

To me, refusing my child to go to the bathroom is right up there in the top two or three things that would make me go INSANE at the school, and that's saying a lot.

[Gena]

What store did you find these at? I looked at Target today, and they didn't have the individual packs there.

I get mine at the local grocery store (Meijer).

I'm sorry your little guy is struggling with this. Hopefully as he becomes more comfortable in the classroom he will be better able to communicate his need for the bathroom.

[niccig]

To me, refusing my child to go to the bathroom is right up there in the top two or three things that would make me go INSANE at the school, and that's saying a lot.

Me too. DS can't hold it as long as we can, and he has little warning. When he has to go, he has to go.

[aa2mama]

DS knows to ask the teacher, but I can see him being intimidated to actually do so. He says that when kids ask her to use the bathroom she says, "Yes, you may." When I ask him why he didn't ask to use the bathroom/tell anyone/etc. he says he doesn't know. I know he is embarrassed about it. He liked the idea of taking wipes with him, so hopefully that will help.

[aa2mama]

^^^ Just guessing here, but I would think that because she has the ability to clean up the child more sanitarily than the teacher. And then could also take time out to call a parent for a change of clothing or whatever, where the teacher wouldn't be able to leave the rest of the class to do that.

I would be mortified. I know my son and I really think he would lie about pooping in his pants if asked point blank asked by the teacher. And then what could the teacher do, honestly? My kid starts kindy next week and I'm a mess about it. He also doesn't wipe very well (but has gotten much better in the last few months that we've been really pushing it), plus the fact that he usually COMPLETELY undresses to go potty (not standing to urinate, but to sit down and go poop). I said in another thread that I'm waiting for the phone call on the first day from the principal asking me to come pick him up because he's roaming the halls naked. *sigh*

I would definitely speak to the teacher and give her a heads up, but I don't think I would involve the principal, unless something about her response or attitude about it gave me reason to.

Kinda OT, but we had orientation yesterday and I was *really* disappointed with the whole situation. There's only 2 kindy teachers at his school (we have two half day sessions in our district, which is a whole other rant) and my son's kindy teacher is ON VACATION! The principal went through his whole long speech about how they're there to answer any and all questions/concerns we would have (because I was going to bring up the potty issue) and then proceeds to tell us that his teacher isn't even there. Couple that with the fact that I am SO not handling this transition well for so many reasons, and I am just a mess.

ETA: The first part of my post was in response to hellokitty, but I took so long typing that a few other replies were posted before mine. Sorry to make it confusing.

I hope your son has a smooth transition to kindergarten! Did the school have you fill out any kind of background information sheet for the teachers where you could mention the potty issue? Ours did, but of course I didn't know ahead of time that this would be a problem!

[g-mama]

What store did you find these at? I looked at Target today, and they didn't have the individual packs there.

When I found them, it was at Target in the travel size display near the pharmacy, not with the big boxes of wipes. I picked up a handful to take on vacations or in my purse b/c my kids are borderline phobic about wiping poop w/ TP. I ask them what they do if the poop at school and they look at me like, "Are you kidding me??!! Poop? At school?! Yeah, right!"

[egoldber]

LOL! Yes, I think a lot of kids eventually "learn" not to poop at school. Sarah is very regular and generally poops in the morning before school and as soon as she comes home.

[mytwosons]

DS knows to ask the teacher, but I can see him being intimidated to actually do so. He says that when kids ask her to use the bathroom she says, "Yes, you may." When I ask him why he didn't ask to use the bathroom/tell anyone/etc. he says he doesn't know. I know he is embarrassed about it. He liked the idea of taking wipes with him, so hopefully that will help.

If he's afraid of wiping at school and not doing a good job, point out that a not great job of wiping is a whole lot better than pooping in his pants. When DS1 was really afraid of not being able to wipe we sat down and discussed the various outcomes and what he was afraid of. He was afraid of not getting everything and leaving a "skid mark" on his underwear. OK, a little mark is better than a full accident. He was also afraid of getting some poop on his hand when wiping. I explained it could happen, but if it did, all he had to do was wash his hands. He seemed relieved by that easy solution...

Take the worst case scenario and walk him through it.

[DrSally]

You've gotten a lot of good responses. I do agree that the teacher prob noticed a smell, but couldn't pinpoint the person and if said person denies, there's not much that they can do. I also agree with brainstorming ways for your son to ask to use the bathroom and for the teacher to be aware of the situation and give reminders. I'm sure it's the transition and not something that's going to keep going on. I agree too that it may be intimidating to ask the teacher to use the bathroom, esp. in front of other kids. I was going to suggest the flushable wipes as well. DS has to be able to wipe himself at preschool and I can't see that going very well, but I'm going to take my chances that he won't poop a whole lot at preschool.

[DrSally]

If he's afraid of wiping at school and not doing a good job, point out that a not great job of wiping is a whole lot better than pooping in his pants. When DS1 was really afraid of not being able to wipe we sat down and discussed the various outcomes and what he was afraid of. He was afraid of not getting everything and leaving a "skid mark" on his underwear. OK, a little mark is better than a full accident. He was also afraid of getting some poop on his hand when wiping. I explained it could happen, but if it did, all he had to do was wash his hands. He seemed relieved by that easy solution...

Take the worst case scenario and walk him through it.

Good suggestion!

[ellies mom]

Does he know to ask to go to the bathroom? Have you asked him why he hasn't asked the teacher or why he didn't tell anyone. I'm just wondering if he is shy and embarrassed. Maybe he doesn't like the toilets at school? When you drop him off, can you go with him to see the toilets, so he has you with him.

This is a really good point. A friend of mine had this problem with her daughter. I guess my friend had always placed her on public toilets, telling her not to touch anything. Then when she was on her own, she couldn't figure out the logistics of getting on the toilet without touching it.

[traciann]

Ugh, so DS came home in poopy pants again today. I will email the teacher this afternoon; I have just been trying to formulate what to say. I think you guys brought up a good point that either she couldn't narrow down which student it was or that she possibly asked him and he denied it. I think he would be embarrassed enough that he would deny it.


when you say poopy pants, are you talking a little bit like he went and tried to stop it? I just can't imagine that a teacher would leave a child in poop. I really think that its like PP are saying and not intentionaly ignoring it. I think a quick email about the situation would solve the issue.

[aa2mama]

when you say poopy pants, are you talking a little bit like he went and tried to stop it?

It seems worse than that...