Hi!

[LightMayo]

I was given the Baby Bargains book by a friend last night and needed to register here ASAP.

I'm Susan, 33, married, and live in the Buffalo, NY area. We are expecting our first baby in Feb 2010.

We may be in a not so unique situation, since my husband is considering staying home with the baby, and consulting from home (he's a software engineer). I'd be interested in hearing from other people who have wonderful husbands who are willing to take on this task.

[lizzywednesday]

My best friend from my hometown is a computer engineer and her husband is a SAHD. They live in the Raleigh, NC area currently, so I don't get to see them as often as I'd like.

They love the arrangement; their son just turned 3 this past May. He's a cute little bugger!

It's challenging, mostly to get her parents to wrap their (narrow, IMO) minds around the concept of a SAHD rather than a SAHM, but he's a wonderful guy with lots of energy and their little boy is an adorable kid.

I've got another friend in the Boston (MA) area who is a SAHD to his 2 kids, and he loves every minute.

I think the most challenging part of it is being confident enough to be able to take what my husband calls the "Stabler Stare" from other people who think you're up to no good with your children. The NY Times had a couple articles about SAHD's in the last few months, but I can't remember if they were in the regular sections (like Fashion & Style) or in the Motherlode blog or what.

[LightMayo]

Thanks for the insight! I think we'll be fine, but I am already dealing with the people who think I should either be a SAHM or dump my kid in day care. I wonder if there is a local group in Buffalo for SAHDs? Have to check on that.

[lizzywednesday]

Thanks for the insight! I think we'll be fine, but I am already dealing with the people who think I should either be a SAHM or dump my kid in day care. I wonder if there is a local group in Buffalo for SAHDs? Have to check on that.

Yeah, my grandmother thinks the same thing about me ... she's absolutely appalled that I'm considering going back to work after Baby arrives next March. (I am sure at least 4 of my 5 aunts on that side of the family are equally appalled, but they're all pretty much pre-Title IX womenfolks with husbands who have very rigid ideas about gender roles. It makes my skin crawl, but I am apparently an incredibly liberal person. My mother sometimes wonders where she went wrong with me.)

The way I put it to her was simple economics:


(1) I make nearly $50,000 per year in my base salary. Add my benefits, and I make almost $55,000 per year. For over half our relationship, I out-earned my DH. It's tough to give up that kind of earning power.

(2) The DH and I purchased our home based on calculations done with both our salaries. My name is on the deed just the same as his is ... which means I have an equal stake in the ownership of our home. If I weren't working, we'd have to move!

(3) I don't know how I'll handle working full time and raising a child, but the DH and I are also eligible for a lot of modern benefits that folks simply didn't have when you were having your children - telecommute days, flexible work schedules and extended leaves of absence - because they hadn't been invented yet.

Good luck finding a SAHD group in your area; it's offbeat for a lot of "traditional" areas (upstate NY tends to lean that way) but if your hubby can work as a freelancer, the SAHD route shouldn't be too hard for him to manage. You'll be fine; just ignore the "haters" ... if your DH is comfortable with being a SAHD, then that's all that matters.