How much time spent here that may be better spent with my kids

[g-mama]

I have read Melissa's thread beginning to end and keep reflecting on my own life and my own relationship with my three kids and how I do well by my kids and how I let them down.

I definitely spend too much time on the computer. Without a doubt. Dh gets on me about it from time to time, especially when I choose being here in the office rather than outside riding bikes after dinner or something else that would be perfect time to spend as a family. I always say that I need a break, or that this is my outlet, or that he just doesn't understand. But in reality, I choose to be here (or on Facebook, or somewhere else) more often than is good for my family.

It is my outlet and I get SO MUCH good information here. It's a wonderful board and even though my kids are getting older, I feel like it's still a good place to be. But there are a lot of times when I look over and see my kids watching TV and think "maybe I should go do something with them." But I don't. Or when I act like they're bothering me when they want my attention and I just want to do what I want to do. Not all the time - but too much of the time.

Even if I limited my time to when my kids were either busy or asleep, I could do probably do something better with my time. Like exercising. We have a treadmill and weights downstairs and they love to go and "work out" with me. Yet I don't do it, which affects my feelings about myself b/c I don't make time for it. Or organizing my house so that I don't have to do it when they are around and wanting to be with me, and so I'm not all stressed out looking for things, thereby being the mean and annoyed mommy. Or making plans to go out and do things or get together with real life friends.

So many people mentioned "just being with them" - and I really heard that. I could be folding laundry in the same room where they are playing, simply so that they would feel my accessability and presence, rather than at night when they're asleep. If I am folding laundry at night because we were busy having fun, that would be different. But when my face is staring at the computer screen, I am not present with them - and they know that.

We have our share of behavior issues here, too, and so many comments have hit home for me. For me, the Internet is totally addictive. I am really going to re-think my life and the choices I'm making and the impact it may have on my children.

Does anyone else feel at all like this?

[wellyes]

Oh yes. I'm so proud of myself for going from being an utter TV junkie to just watching 2-3 hours a week. But in so many ways the PC has replaced the TV in my life. I really should limit my PC time the same way I do my TV time.... it is one of my "someday" goals :(

[caleymama]

Yes. . . I could have written your post (minus the treadmill part - but I would love to have one!).

[1964pandora]

YES!! I was on the internet too much and it was absolutely taking away from my kids. My husband got a remote internet connection through his job, so we got rid of our regular internet connection. Now I can only get on the internet when he gets home at night and on weekends. I don't want to be on the internet for hours at night when he is home, so I can only use it for an appropriate amount of time. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to control my internet use (I tried and continually failed) without fashioning some kind of system where I just couldn't go on the internet any time I wanted to.

Hopefully, one day I'll be able to use the internet like a "normal" person, but for right now, I can't or won't control my internet useage.

I think it's important to note, though, that this is just about my computer useage. I would never assume to judge whether someone else is abusing their time with internet useage based on the number of their posts.

[Tondi G]

I have read Melissa's thread beginning to end and keep reflecting on my own life and my own relationship with my three kids and how I do well by my kids and how I let them down.

I definitely spend too much time on the computer. Without a doubt. Dh gets on me about it from time to time, especially when I choose being here in the office rather than outside riding bikes after dinner or something else that would be perfect time to spend as a family. I always say that I need a break, or that this is my outlet, or that he just doesn't understand. But in reality, I choose to be here (or on Facebook, or somewhere else) more often than is good for my family.

It is my outlet and I get SO MUCH good information here. It's a wonderful board and even though my kids are getting older, I feel like it's still a good place to be. But there are a lot of times when I look over and see my kids watching TV and think "maybe I should go do something with them." But I don't. Or when I act like they're bothering me when they want my attention and I just want to do what I want to do. Not all the time - but too much of the time.

Even if I limited my time to when my kids were either busy or asleep, I could do probably do something better with my time. Like exercising. We have a treadmill and weights downstairs and they love to go and "work out" with me. Yet I don't do it, which affects my feelings about myself b/c I don't make time for it. Or organizing my house so that I don't have to do it when they are around and wanting to be with me, and so I'm not all stressed out looking for things, thereby being the mean and annoyed mommy. Or making plans to go out and do things or get together with real life friends.

So many people mentioned "just being with them" - and I really heard that. I could be folding laundry in the same room where they are playing, simply so that they would feel my accessability and presence, rather than at night when they're asleep. If I am folding laundry at night because we were busy having fun, that would be different. But when my face is staring at the computer screen, I am not present with them - and they know that.

We have our share of behavior issues here, too, and so many comments have hit home for me. For me, the Internet is totally addictive. I am really going to re-think my life and the choices I'm making and the impact it may have on my children.

Does anyone else feel at all like this?

I could have written your post. I have issues with too much time online and have been feeling like I need to make an effort to break away from it more. It is my break and my connection to friends and such so I enjoy my facebook and boards time. I used to do it mostly when my little guy was napping but he doesn't do that anymore typically. I also find that a lot of times when I am staring at my screen the kids are staring at a screen of their own..... doesn't make me feel so good either!

I guess I need to re-evaluate my life and computer time too.... you are not alone! (HUGS) Off to go spend some time with my family!!!!

~Tondi

[mom2binsd]

Wow, I was thinking the same thing and am starting right now....am going out to help DD learn to ride her two wheeler and have vowed not to check email/facebook/the boards until the kids are in bed!

[daisymommy]

Oh goodness yes, are you in my head? ;) I'd say I've thought and felt every one of those things, and it's so good for you to bring it up so that maybe we each can reflect on this issue and keep ourselves accountable.

I don't want to ever look back when my kids are older and wish I had spent less time online or whatever, rather than enjoying them.

[baymom]

Kristen, I could have written your post word-for-word. Melissa's post really got me thinking and I've been going through it in my head all day and all night. It was really an additional nudge for me...I've had this you-need-to-spend-less-time-on-the-computer guilt for months. I get on the computer instead of doing anything else at night (cleaning, hobbies, reading, exercise) and then I feel bad about it--but don't change my behavior. I am finding it to be such a hard habit to control. The worse part is when I'm honest about it to myself of how much time I spend on it during the DAY, when I know I should be spending time with the kids. I left a great job that I loved to stay home with the kids, and here I am surfing the web all the time instead of just being with them. sigh...

DS will go to kinder starting Monday and DD will be in preschool tues/thurs. I'm trying to set a personal goal of only going on the computer on Tues/Thurs when neither are home (you know, instead of cleaning) or at night, when they are asleep. I'd love to hear other ideas from people... Let's see how well I stick to my plan...

[edurnemk]

..I've had this you-need-to-spend-less-time-on-the-computer guilt for months. I get on the computer instead of doing anything else at night (cleaning, hobbies, reading, exercise) and then I feel bad about it--but don't change my behavior. I am finding it to be such a hard habit to control. The worse part is when I'm honest about it to myself of how much time I spend on it during the DAY, when I know I should be spending time with the kids.

:yeahthat:
I feel really guilty, it's a real addiction. I've been spending more time in these boards since we moved to Texas, I know it kind of fills a void for me. I don't have many friends here, I feel lonely and isolated sometimes, and the excessive heat keeps me indoors, when back in Chicago we would go to the park, for walks at least once a day. So through these boards I feel more connected, but I really have to limit my time on the computer.

[mytwosons]

um, ya. I did a quick check this morning and then turned off the computer for the entire day. But now, I'm back on while they watch tv. I thought it was doing better or OK to just check at night after they are asleep, but Kristen is right, I could be doing so much more with that time.

The internet is such an addiction and time suck!

[Melaine]

Yep. I do feel like that, and rightfully so. Just look at my posts and my join date. I spend WAY too much time on here.

[daisyd]

I used to feel that I'm spending too much time on the PC. Then I read a post a while ago about moms with internet addiction and that really helped to make a change. Of course now that I'm back at work, hanging out here or surfing is not as easy with all the demands on my time. I haven't read Melissa's post but I'll look out for it now.

[jent]

Yes, totally. I actually don't surf that often while DD is around, so that part is good, but I do start surfing on my downtime and spend much more time than I intend on the computer. Time that could be better spent doing things... or sleeping. :wink2:

I've been trying to cut back on my time, but it's hard, since there _are_ legitimate things I need to do on the computer too. Once I get started, then I tend to look up "just one more thing" and before I know it, 2 more hours have passed. I've tried setting a timer, which has shown me just how addictive it is... I'm always "in the middle of something" when the timer goes off, and if I don't reset it, well, I'm still capable of losing track of another 20-30 minutes before I realize what I'm doing.


Then I read a post a while ago about moms with internet addiction and that really helped to make a change.

Can you link to this post? Share, please!

OK, so this is my last post of the night. At least tonight I did intend to surf aimlessly and not really get anything accomplished, but if I don't logoff now I'll stay up too late... again...

[niccig]

Too much.
I have been better today. DH was gone all day and I did have a break and check in, but DS and I did a lot of activities today. I'll try one day at a time to be more engaged.

[gatorsmom]

I can close the computer (mine is a laptop) when I start feeling guilty about how much time I"m on it. But, my problem is that when I do need to go to it for information or to order groceries or something, I check these boards first. Then "just for a minute" always turns into a half hour or more. Sometimes I even forget why I got on the internet in the first place. I also come here to procrastinate cleaning up after meals. I HATE it. Every meal means there is food all over the floor and many dishes used trying to appeal to lots of different appetites. I hate it. And I procratinate doing it by playing on the internet.

[jgenie]

Yes, I generally handle DS 24/7. I rationalize it because DH travels and works long hours and DS won't nap during the day alone so I don't get a break. I've noticed that if I'm in the room with DS doing something else he will play on his own happily, but the minute I bring out the computer he gets needy. I guess that tells me that I tend to zone out when I'm online and forget about the time. We have company this week and DH is off so I've only been on at night after DS goes to bed. If I need to look something up, I get on and off quickly which I don't generally do. I'm going to try to stay off the computer during the day next week when we're on our own again.