discouraged about names

[boogiemomz]

Hi everyone,

I'm due with a little girl in 2.5 months and my husband and I cannot decide on a name. We have been beating our heads against the wall for a good while now, and he just doesn't like any of the names I like, and the names he likes... well, they're just crazy. (This may be slightly biased but I think some of you ladies out there would agree with me!) I don't want to get into the specific names we're considering, but if you want to make suggestions, go ahead... I'm not entirely anonymous on here and we want to keep everything under wraps until she's born. We're having enough trouble agreeing with each other without having to field the opinions of all our friends and family!!

So my question is, did any of you have to really compromise on your child's name, and were you sorry? One fear has been that the names that we're considering that I'm lukewarm on will just not fit her as she grows (they could be perfect, but they could just not work at all--does that make sense?). I've thought that surely she will grow into it and it will be perfect for her, but I came across a thread on a different site yesterday about people who have actually CHANGED their baby's name in the first year of life because it just didn't feel right. That sounds like a nightmare to me, I don't think I could ever do that. So... encouragement please?

I should probably also confess that I have a memory of literally lying awake at night at 7 years old worrying about what I should name my teddy bear. I may be a little neurotic about this.

Thanks friends,
Katherine

[BeachBum]

My best advice is to pick a name and "practice" it for several days. Everytime you and DH talk about the baby (or when you think about her) use the name. It will really help clarify what feels "right" to you.
Yes, there have been some people who changed their baby's name. But for most people, the perceptions of the name change to fit the baby. So once your baby is named, the associations for the name revolve around your baby----you no longer need your baby to fit the name IFKWIM.
Good Luck.

(Coming from a mom of 3 boys who would have been Beatrice, Elliot, and Frances).

[scrooks]

I have no words of wisdom because I am in the exact same boat....but I am only 2 weeks away from a scheduled c-section with no name for DS. I don't want either one of us to be upset about the decision but we just don't agree. I will be watching this thread closely for suggestions. Thanks for posting!

[swrc00]

Oh, yes I remember the baby name battles. In the end DS got named after DH's grandfather. The name grew on me. I actuallly started calling him it before he was born and eventually it just sounded right.
Maybe narrow down the choices to a short list and bring it to the hospital and then decide after she is born. Good Luck!!!

[boogiemomz]

Yeah, we were planning to go the short-list route, it's just a matter of coming up with that short list! I like the suggestion of practicing the name to see if it feels right. My ultimate hope is that our perception of the name will change to fit the girl, so we don't have to worry about fitting the girl to the name. Well put, Beach Bum!

Thanks for the advice... would love to hear more on experiences like this so keep em coming!

[MamaMolly]

Sad to say but DH was jerky about choosing names for DD. Every time he made a suggestion it was a joke. Either a boy name or an unattractive name like Brunhilda. Funny for him but annoying and at a certain point hurtful for me. And he rejected any and all names I suggested. He never 'got' it why I was so mad at him about it. I call it first time dad disease. Somewhere around 5 or 6 months he made 2 real suggestions. The first was Penelope which is pretty but too long for my tastes and the second suggestion is what we chose. I didn't LOVE her name at first, but it grew on me. And now, seeing DD's personality her name suits her perfectly.
The other funny thing is that the name I was set on, Ava, turned out to be super popular, which is something we wanted to avoid. It would have been a cute name for DD but I think the one we chose was much better.

We also had people (like DH's boss' wife) who HATED the name we chose for DD and were very, very vocal about letting us know. Four months of being nagged and made fun of about your child's name is a LONNNNNNG time! I think you are wise beyond measure to keep the name to yourself.

[BabyMine]

We knew what the first letter was going to be and we knew how many syllables we wanted but we couldn't think of a name. We went to a website that listed tons of G names and went from there. It took us a couple weeks but we finally found a name. Think of what you want out of the name. Do you want it to be different, long, short, soft, or strong?

[mecawa]

I have to agree with BeachBum. You need to practice the name and see how it feels. That's what we did. We have 2 girls and had trouble agreeing on a name with both of them (but yet we had boys names picked out and agreed upon for each of them, we just don't have the same taste in girls names). When we finally agreed upon DD1's name it felt soooo right, with DD#2 however it didn't feel completely right to me until she was actually here (I had to comprise a little on that one, but the name is soooo her, I'm glad that I did). Definitely practice the name. You could also consider family names or names from your heritage, sometimes that makes it easier to agree upon, like if the name has some real meaning to the both of you. Good Luck, I know you will end up loving whatever you decide, because it will be HER name!!!

[carolinamama]

Neither of our boys were named until they were a day or two old. We usually had an idea of a few names, but DH and I weren't good about agreeing. Plus I like to see the baby and go from there. I really love DS2's name, and think that DS1's name is good, but I don't love it. However, it's a good solid name and fits him well and I am happy with it. DH and I met in the middle with DS1's name and he totally compromised on DS2. Names are important, but there are lots out there and you will come up with something you like, even if it is after DC is born.

Is there anyone that you may want to name your DC after? I like family names especially if you have a special relationship with that person.

[elliput]

You say 2.5 months 'til your due date, so my advice is to keep looking at names. Don't even decide on a short list until the last minute. And when ever DH comes up with a kooky name- say it with your last name, write it out, figure out how it can be twisted by other kids, and ask him how he would feel about working for/being married to/etc a woman who has that name.

[ohiomom1121]

My DH and I had trouble agreeing on DD's name. She was a few days old when we officially named her. We ended up going with a name I suggested very early and DH hated. Somehow he was more agreeable after she was born! He also got to choose her middle name, which made him happy. We both love her name now. I wouldn't stress...sometimes you have to see the baby to figure out what is the right name!

[brittone2]

DS wasn't named until a day or two after birth. We had it narrowed down but just needed to find the right fit.

DD was born at a freestanding birth center, so we were heading home 4 hours after her birth. We didn't *have* to name her before leaving but it simplified the paperwork. That was hard for me.

I've never named either DC without "meeting" them first. I can narrow the list down, but I've never named them in advance.

[Momit]

We also had a hard time choosing a name for DS. The ironic part was that we agreed on a girl name almost immediately...then we found out we were definitely having a boy!

We came up with a short list (I think about 7 or 8 names), but we weren't sure if we had a "winner" or not. I went into labor almost 2 weeks early and we still had not chosen a name.

Since I ended up having a c-section and was pretty out of it, he was known as "Baby Boy" for the first 24 hours or so until I felt coherent enough for us to make a final decision. At first our friends & family were lukewarm at best about our choice, but more and more people now tell us they love his name - including many of the people who weren't crazy about it at first. It really does seem to suit him.

It was funny to come home from the hospital and see the baby names book still sitting out on the coffee table!

[sunshine873]

Have you checked the Baby Name Genie? You put in your last name and it gives suggestions. Somewhere you can specify if you already have a first name or middle name. It's kind of fun and there is a part where they'll give you phrases using a name you've chosen - it kind of helps you to get a feel for things. :) http://www.babynamegenie.com/

[SnuggleBuggles]

wE WENT TO THE BIRTH CENTER WITH 5 NAMES AND TRIED THEM ALL ON THE LITTLE GUY. wE JUST COULDN'T DECIDE BEFORE THEN. [kiddo helping me on keyboard] Some names were easy to cross after after we met him. We wound up choosing the name dh liked all along that I never really liked. It just was the best fit and I've grown to love it. I think it's perfect for him. It almost didn't even make the list. I'm glad we waited on the names since we weren't sure. There's no reason it has to be picked out before the birth, imo.

Beth

[BelleoftheBallFlagstaff]

When I was dating DH, I told him what our DD's name would be if we ever had one. :bouncy:

I agree with a PP that using names will help, you will see if you really like them. You still have time, don't stress out. Figure out the type of name you want, classic, trendy, short, long, etc. and try going from there.

[kayte]

We were pretty far apart too on DD's middle name. And it was very important to us since we gave her a wacky first name and wanted something generic in case she decided she didn't want to be named after an elf and go with her middle name (so in a sense you do get two goes at it)..

Anyway what we did was each made a list of our top 6 names. We put the list of twelve in front of us and took turns crossing off a name one at time. What we wound up with the name that was least offensive to us both---and it turns out we both liked it in the end.

ETA-- if that doesn't work, you can always just have a friend pick it--I actually got to name Deannanb's third son. No joke, I held a mediation in the hospital as he was about to go home with no name. Her husband and she couldn't agree-they were pretty far off--so he got a first name I liked and her dad's name as a middle.

[truly scrumptious]

We found the book "Baby Naming Wizard" very helpful in generating ideas. It has a nice format of showing similar/sibling names to names you like. So if one of you likes a particular kind of name, but can't agree on the actual name, this can help generate ideas for names of a similar strength, sound, etc. We found it very helpful when we found out we were having a boy and realized all the name ideas we had come up with were for girls! We used the "sibling" name ideas and found a name for DS we loved! (although we were unsure of it until I was actually in labor!)

We also kept it a secret from the family (and everyone else) for a couple of reasons. We both come from opinionated families who wouldn't hesitate to shoot down our name ideas. We felt it would break our hearts if one of our moms, for example, absolutely hated the name we had chosen, and that might pressure us to change it. We also think it is in human nature to comment on a baby's name before it is born, e.g. "Jack, that's a common name!" or "I knew a Jack once and he was a real idiot!" We wanted to avoid that. It is much harder to make a nasty comment when you're INTRODUCED to the baby - "This is our son, Jack" (more likely to comment on baby and less likely to comment on name.)

We dealt with family angst by telling them that we were soliciting suggestions for DS's name, and we would entertain any and all suggestions offered with 3 rules:
1. All suggestions were welcome, but DH and I had the final say in choosing the name and nobody else got to question it.
2. We would not be naming DS after anyone in the family. (We already had too much of that going on in DH's family.)
3. We would not be telling anyone the name until DS arrived.

(We still got grief from the family about this, but it worked because we got to name DS exactly what we wanted!)

Good luck!

[sste]

I compromised, I WAS sorry, and I changed it six weeks later. In my case, I came to a few realizations: 1) I wanted DH to be "on board" with the name but given that he was heading back to his 75 hour work week and I was going to be stuck with bottom line responsibility, both caregiving and financial, for the baby I decided that my opinion counted more and he ultimately agreed; 2) I realized that because I prefer a relatively uncommon name I was not necessarily going to love everything about the name if that makes sense - - what you like, others like and vice versa so if you are going the unusual name route there will often be something about the name you are not quite gaga about - - its the unusual part.

Also big thumbs up for baby name wizard book.

[infocrazy]

DS1: Was about 10 hrs old before he had a name... that wasn't even on the short list going to the hospital. We both liked it but it's in the top ten so we (I, a Jennifer...) were resistant with it but it really fits him, and honestly, I've just always loved it.

DS2: We had a list of about 10 names, but never really talked about them since we did such a turn around on DS1. Classic but not popular, fits him crazy well.

DS3: Long story short, the meaning of his name was very important to us, so we chose it based on that.

DC4: Hasn't even come up yet, probably won't until our drive to the hospital...seriously. We don't really disagree on names, we have very similar styles, we just have trouble finding a name that "speaks" to us until we meet the baby.

ETA, I agree with not sharing beforehand. We did a few times with names we were considering with DS1 and as much as I wanted to ignore other people's comments, it's hard.

Good luck! I found DH to be very agreeable after our really long and terrible labors!

[HIU8]

DH and I each had a list of names we liked for DS and DD. For DS we named after my grandfather and grandmother. For DD it was a no brainer actually. She was named for FIL and SIL who had recently passed. DH really wanted that and we came up with names that we both loved. However, with DS we did try out his name using it outloud a lot before he was born.

[Nooknookmom]

Hi everyone,

I'm due with a little girl in 2.5 months and my husband and I cannot decide on a name. We have been beating our heads against the wall for a good while now, and he just doesn't like any of the names I like, and the names he likes... well, they're just crazy. (This may be slightly biased but I think some of you ladies out there would agree with me!) I don't want to get into the specific names we're considering, but if you want to make suggestions, go ahead... I'm not entirely anonymous on here and we want to keep everything under wraps until she's born. We're having enough trouble agreeing with each other without having to field the opinions of all our friends and family!!

So my question is, did any of you have to really compromise on your child's name, and were you sorry? One fear has been that the names that we're considering that I'm lukewarm on will just not fit her as she grows (they could be perfect, but they could just not work at all--does that make sense?). I've thought that surely she will grow into it and it will be perfect for her, but I came across a thread on a different site yesterday about people who have actually CHANGED their baby's name in the first year of life because it just didn't feel right. That sounds like a nightmare to me, I don't think I could ever do that. So... encouragement please?

I should probably also confess that I have a memory of literally lying awake at night at 7 years old worrying about what I should name my teddy bear. I may be a little neurotic about this.

Thanks friends,
Katherine

I wish that I had stuck to my guns on DD2's name. I went (under pressure from DH &DD1) w/ my 2nd choice. I also did not spell her name the way I wanted to. Mainly b/c I was still in excrutiating back pain from labor and a messed up spinal.

I'm really-really thinking of teaching her to spell her name the original way I wanted to and legally changing it down the road. I wonder if my state had a *time frame* in which I could have changed it, oh well, she's 2 now and I probably ran out of time.

I say go with your GUT instict. If you are neurotic as I am w/ 2nd guessing yourself, you will go nuts wondering if you picked the right name!!!!!

BTW I wanted Tallulah, b/c it is the name of a water fall in NC that I love & it means "leaping water" which totally sums up DD2's character-ALWAYS moving-even in utero! Instead we went with another Indian derived name and people out here in CA think that I named her after a giant tree, when it is actually derived from the Cherokee nation.

Sigh. GO. WITH. YOUR. GUT. Did I say that loud enough? Lol!

[MoeJoe]

I agree with most of the pp about waiting until after the birth to name the baby and that it is definitely you and your husband's decision- nobody else's!

We only have one, but we plan on having more (gd willing) and we decided to "take turns." Before I was pregnant, we said it'll start with me choosing then my husband. But, when we found out that our DS was going to be born around the time of my husband's grandfather's birthday (ended up being a week before), I said if it's a boy we'll name him after his grandpa. Then I'll get the second baby's name... If it was going to be a girl we were going to name her after my grandmother who died a week after we got married. And we still we do that, if and when we have a girl. (Obviously we like to name after close family members... which we think is a very beautiful thing to do.)