Would you call the school if your child was bullied on the bus?

[frgsnlzrds]

Once last week DS came home crying because a boy on the bus kept calling him "gay". Yesterday he came home crying because that boy got everyone on the bus to chant it at him.

This is bringing back horrible, horrible memories of when I was tormented on the bus. I don't want him to have to fear the bus everyday like I did. But what can anyone do? I would think the bus driver would get involved but DS said he paid no attention at all.

I don't want to single him out by getting the bully in trouble at school, but I want him to feel safe on the bus. I know full well that name calling can turn into physical abuse.

Any advice is appreciated. TIA!

[egoldber]

Yes. In fact, I would....

talk to the bus driver personally
call the principal
call the school counselor
call the tranportation department and talk to the driver's supervisor

If this is not nipped NOW it will get even more firmly entrenched.

[Reyadawnbringer]

Yes. In fact, I would....

talk to the bus driver personally
call the principal
call the school counselor
call the tranportation department and talk to the driver's supervisor

If this is not nipped NOW it will get even more firmly entrenched.

:yeahthat:

Seriously, not even cool at all. The bus driver is responsible for the well being of the children on the bus while in their care. Emotional as well as physical. You better bet I would be talking to all those people PLUS make sure that the principal alerts the parent of the bully to their childs behavior. If none of that helped I would quit the bus and find another way to get DC to school. Bullying in any shape or form is never ok.

[arivecchi]

Yes. In fact, I would....

talk to the bus driver personally
call the principal
call the school counselor
call the tranportation department and talk to the driver's supervisor

If this is not nipped NOW it will get even more firmly entrenched.
A second :yeahthat:

[JustMe]

I agree with the pps. Take action. I think most schools would take this seriously.

[lfp2n]

wow poor thing- I'd do all the things Beth said and straight away.

[elliput]

Yes. In fact, I would....

talk to the bus driver personally
call the principal
call the school counselor
call the tranportation department and talk to the driver's supervisor

If this is not nipped NOW it will get even more firmly entrenched.

Exactly this. The school bus driver should be the first line of defense against bullying on the bus and this one failed miserably.

[mamicka]

Yes. In fact, I would....

talk to the bus driver personally
call the principal
call the school counselor
call the tranportation department and talk to the driver's supervisor

If this is not nipped NOW it will get even more firmly entrenched.

:yeahthat: emphatically, YES

[sste]

Is the name calling happening when your DC is getting on the bus or when the bus is moving? I think this matters in terms of what strategies you and the bus driver come up with.

In my view, when the bus is at a stop the driver can deal with bullying and other non-safety issues. When the bus is being driven, well, we all want the driver to concentrate solely on driving for safety reasons. If this is bullying is occurring when the bus is in motion, I would ask the driver to come up with a plan that involves talking to the bully before he boards the bus and explaning that that behavior will not be tolerated as well as physically separating the bully from the other kids that are likely to join in with the chanting (directing them to opposite ends of the bus).

I think if you approach it with the bus driver in a way that shows you recognize the multiple challenges of his/her job and the preeminent goal of safety, you are more likely to get the results you want.

[ha98ed14]

I don't want to single him out by getting the bully in trouble at school, but I want him to feel safe on the bus. I know full well that name calling can turn into physical abuse.


I would. Absolutely get him in trouble! How else is he going to learn that he cannot treat other humans beings like that?!? FIne you mama bear and raise all he11!

[ha98ed14]

I don't want to single him out by getting the bully in trouble at school, but I want him to feel safe on the bus. I know full well that name calling can turn into physical abuse.


I would. Absolutely get him in trouble! How else is he going to learn that he cannot treat other humans beings like that?!? Find you mama bear and raise all he11!

[Corie]

Most definitely!!!!

My daughter was punched several times by a boy on the bus when she
was in kindergarten.

I talked to the bus driver and monitor. I told them that I want the boy
away from my daughter. He was moved to sit directly behind the bus monitor.
I told my daughter to sit far away from him.

I called the school immediately and talked to the principal. I told him that
I wanted this incident listed on the boy's permanent school file. I told the principal
how upset I was and I do not take bullies lightly. The principal
talked to the boy's parents and teacher.

I also talked to my daughter's kindergarten teacher so she was aware of
the situation. The boy was not in my DDs classroom but they did share
a recess. I wanted her to keep an eye out.
I also put in a request for 1st grade and for this year at school that this boy
was NOT to be in her classroom.
(From what I hear from other parents, this boy is still quite a problem. A very
serious problem.)

[ThreeofUs]

Yes. In fact, I would....

talk to the bus driver personally
call the principal
call the school counselor
call the transportation department and talk to the driver's supervisor

If this is not nipped NOW it will get even more firmly entrenched.


Me, too. I would also talk to the kids on the bus, and their families, if I knew them well. I'd tell them I was concerned about the bully, and ask them to talk to their children about bullying and what to do when they see a bully in action. After all, today your child, tomorrow theirs....

[egoldber]

I would also talk to the kids on the bus, and their families, if I knew them well

I'd be a little cautious about this. Some parents are VERY reluctant to admit that their children are bullies and it can get highly emotional. Even if you know the parent well, unless they have said something about it (and even then), I think it's hard for that conversation to go well.

[pinkmomagain]

I think something to keep in mind is that the OP's ds looks to be about 11 or so years old. Things get a little bit more complicated when kids get older....sometimes they do not want parents to intervene. To OP, have you spoken to your ds and discussed possible next steps? I know my older ones would not want me walking on the bus to talk to the driver or the kids. The few times there have been issues, I have called either the principal or asst principal directly (the asst principal often deals with discipline/behavior issues in our schools). Our schools have a no-tolerance policy for bullying. Hopefully yours will be the same. I would call the administration and be very strong and serious about this (not appologetic in anyway). I would possibly let the classroom teacher know too, since it may be impacting his ability to concentrate, etc.

I hope this gets resolved quickly. I hate bullying. GL!

eta: You might want to start off with an email and follow with a phone call. Sometimes having it in writing/documented is a good idea...administration might sit up and take notice a little more. Just a thought...

[hillview]

Yes. In fact, I would....

talk to the bus driver personally
call the principal
call the school counselor
call the tranportation department and talk to the driver's supervisor

If this is not nipped NOW it will get even more firmly entrenched.

:yeahthat:

I'd also (am sure you have) talk to DC about tactics for handling bulling. I bet someone has some good book ideas on this.
/hillary

[frgsnlzrds]

I know my older ones would not want me walking on the bus to talk to the driver or the kids.

Yeah, this. D begged me not to talk to the bus driver because that was my first gut reaction-how dare he let someone pick on my kid and not do anything about it?! But he would be mortified. And as another poster pointed out, it is going on while the bus is moving, which means the driver has to pay attention to the road.

Thank you all for the support. DH did not want me to get the school involved until it "happened again because it might be just a phase." But I know that once this gets old, it will be something else. Children can be just downright cruel sometimes.

As far as things I can teach D to do to stand up for himself...I thought we went through this last summer with the boy down the street. I finally had to tell him that he should 1) tell him firmly to stop 2) walk away 3) tell an adult 4) hit back. Over the summer D learned not only to stop this kid from bullying him but to stand up for the other kids that did get bullied. I'm rambling now, but the point is that this former bully was one of the only kids on the bus not calling D names. I'll review all this but I don't want to tell him that he can fight back AS A LAST RESORT because of the punishment for fighting in school.

So, I'll be following Beth's lists, except the bus driver. I will call the school tomorrow morning (I want to talk to D about the steps I'm taking so he'll be prepared.) and talk to the principal, his teacher, and hopefully a counselor.

And thanks again. You are the best moms ever! :D

[BelleoftheBallFlagstaff]

Yes. In fact, I would....

talk to the bus driver personally
call the principal
call the school counselor
call the tranportation department and talk to the driver's supervisor

If this is not nipped NOW it will get even more firmly entrenched.

:yeahthat:
Plus, it already is progressively getting worse. What's next?
I don't like when kids are mean, it is so not cool!

[ett]

Yes. In fact, I would....

talk to the bus driver personally
call the principal
call the school counselor
call the tranportation department and talk to the driver's supervisor

If this is not nipped NOW it will get even more firmly entrenched.

:yeahthat: I'm sorry to hear that the bus driver did not do anything. He should have stopped it.

[ThreeofUs]

I'd be a little cautious about this. Some parents are VERY reluctant to admit that their children are bullies and it can get highly emotional. Even if you know the parent well, unless they have said something about it (and even then), I think it's hard for that conversation to go well.


I didn't say "talk to the bully's parents" specifically for the reasons you list above.

I said talk to the kids on the bus and their parents ABOUT the bully. That's an entirely different ball game.

[egoldber]

Well, maybe. But it's likely to get back to the parents and could still get ugly.

Now having a group talk about bullying and what to do about it, presented by the principal, counselor, etc. that is hopefully what would happen by contacting the school. Or maybe that's what you meant. :)

But in general, a parent talking to the other kids involved is not effective and can make things even worse.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Hecks to the yeah I would be calling the school. Our school has a very strong anti bullying policy in place and wants to know about things that happen on the bus. I called last year when someone was bothering my ds. They gave the kids assigned seats as a result and kept my ds away from him.

((((hugs))))

Beth

[gatorsmom]

Yeah, this. D begged me not to talk to the bus driver because that was my first gut reaction-how dare he let someone pick on my kid and not do anything about it?! But he would be mortified. And as another poster pointed out, it is going on while the bus is moving, which means the driver has to pay attention to the road.

Thank you all for the support. DH did not want me to get the school involved until it "happened again because it might be just a phase." But I know that once this gets old, it will be something else. Children can be just downright cruel sometimes.

As far as things I can teach D to do to stand up for himself...I thought we went through this last summer with the boy down the street. I finally had to tell him that he should 1) tell him firmly to stop 2) walk away 3) tell an adult 4) hit back. Over the summer D learned not only to stop this kid from bullying him but to stand up for the other kids that did get bullied. I'm rambling now, but the point is that this former bully was one of the only kids on the bus not calling D names. I'll review all this but I don't want to tell him that he can fight back AS A LAST RESORT because of the punishment for fighting in school.

So, I'll be following Beth's lists, except the bus driver. I will call the school tomorrow morning (I want to talk to D about the steps I'm taking so he'll be prepared.) and talk to the principal, his teacher, and hopefully a counselor.

And thanks again. You are the best moms ever! :D

I can understand your DS not wanting you to talk to the bus driver in front of the other kids. But I think you should call the transportation department and have his supervisor talk to the bus driver. Someone needs to talk to the bus driver about it. He needs to know it's his job to take action if this happens again.

Your poor son. And big hugs to you. I'm sure this is pulling at your heartstrings. :hug: