To find out or not??

[karenj2]

DH and I are still debating whether or not to find out the sex of the baby, so of course I'm turning to the boards, since you've BTDT. We might be able to find out at our next appointment (and definitely by our October appointment), so we need to figure this out...

Here are the pros/cons to finding out that we've thought of:

Pros:
- We could decorate more specifically (there's an ensemble I like, but it's definitely a boy ensemble)
- Boy/girl outfits are so much cuter than the gender neutral
- We'll know if we need to keep thinking of boy's names (we have a girl's name picked out already)
- If we have a boy, we have to decide between circ/uncirc - I don't think I want to make that choice quickly...
- We're both curious

Cons:
- I'm NOT a fan of pink, and if we have a girl, I'm sure I'll get a lot of that.
- Since we did IVF, and have been tested every step of the way so far, this WOULD be the only unknown we get to experience (other then the actual birthday vs EDD)
- We've been calling our baby-to-be Nemo, and I'd hate to lose that if we know it's a girl/boy
- Whichever it IS, it's not the other, and I think I'd be a bit sad

So, if you were us, what would you do?

[edurnemk]

We always knew we wanted to now, and I'd do it again.
I was not all that sad that I wasn't having a girl, it gave me time to prepare for having a boy ahead of his arrival.
Also, if it's a girl you don't have to get everything in pink, there's tons of options for girls... in fact there's a lot more options in clothes and other stuff for girls.
It's a very personal decision, some of my friends have chosen not to know because they want it to be a surprise. But I don't think DS's birth was any less exciting because we already knew it was a boy.

[citymama]

It's a tough one - and entirely personal. Even if everyone here says they found out, if you don't really want to, don't! On point 3 of your "cons" - you can continue to call the baby "Nemo" no matter what. We had a nickname before finding out and kept it right until her birth.

We had planned to find out and not tell anyone. Hah. I referred to the baby as "she" and gave it away. We managed to not get a lot of pink - people usually buy clothes as gifts after the birth, so you're not going to get around that past a certain point.

One other reason to not find out is - it drives everyone else crazy to not know! You get asked "when's the baby due?" and then "do you know if it's a girl or boy" and people go nuts if you say you don't want to find out. OK, that's a silly reason, but very entertaining!

On a practical note, I felt very connected with my baby once I found out - she was a she, not "it;" it somehow made it more real. But I'm sure someone who didn't find out had some other benefit of not knowing - so it comes back to being a deeply personal decision!

[pinkmomagain]

I'm just the kind of person who wants as much info as possible in any situation. We found out the sex for all 3 of our children. I just don't get a kick out of surprises like others seem to. So I guess it's really just a personal decision for you & DH!

[citymama]

But I don't think DS's birth was any less exciting because we already knew it was a boy.

:yeahthat: ITA with this. It is an incredible surprise to meet your baby either way - finding out the gender when you are exhausted (and medicated in some cases) doesn't necessarily make it more exciting!

[Piglet]

We really really really wanted to know with each pregnancy... but were only able to find out with DS2. The others were very shy and reserved, LOL. That having been said, I truly loved not knowing that DD was a girl. It was SUCH an amazing surprise and it was so memorable to find out right there at the birth. With the boys we were absolutely sure they were boys so it didn't matter when we found out, we were just convinced they were boys, so it wasn't at all memorable at the U/S or at the birth. More of a, "yeah, we figured".

ETA - we loved knowing that DS2 was a boy and we managed to keep it a secret the whole time. It was loads of fun to have our little secret. I even remember the convo with my dad -

me - dad we had the US
dad - did you find out?
me - no they couldn't tell
dad - or maybe they could tell but you are keeping it a secret
me - maybe
dad - yeah, right! you are just not that good at keeping secrets

That convo was just the challenge I needed to keep it a secret, LOL.

[lizzywednesday]

We're 1st-time parents, too, but we LOVE surprises, so we won't be finding out.

I also loathe pink (and volunteer with a breast cancer charity; go figure) and know that relations will insist upon pink and frills, which, frankly, make me gag.

The room that will become our nursery is currently painted canteloupe orange.

We have no plans to change the wall color, but do have pretty ambitious plans to paint a mural with "cartoony" jungle/safari animals. We both agree on the theme and think it can wear well for either a boy or a girl ... and into toddlerhood.

I just want to point out that, unbeknownst to DH, my nursery had jungle/safari animal wallpaper and was almost unfinished before I came home from the hospital. My dad banked on me being later than my mom's due-date, but I showed up a bit early ... so he spent the day/night before I came home with his dad papering my room.

In your case, when all you're hoping for at this point is 10 fingers/10 toes/heartbeat (when's your October U/S? Mine's the 21st) and a continued healthy pregnancy, what's the point of finding out? There's no medical reason to do it and you've already pointed out the IVF doesn't leave you many options for surprise moments ... I say keep it a surprise!

[BTW, as for circumcision, my DH and I have already discussed pros/cons and agree on that so we don't have to have the discussion again if we have a son. You can always discuss it anyway so you're not getting into arguments about it while you're postpartum if you do have a baby boy.]

[NewMom2007]

We found out for DS, but aren't finding out for #2 due in Nov. Of course, we pretty much have everything we need for a newborn, so I can always customize later with colors and specific outfits.

The whole experience was new to us the first time, so finding out was one certain thing for us. Now, I want to be surprised since I've BTDT with the pregnancy and delivery (though, I'm praying the gender is the ONLY surprise we have in the delivery room!).

And, yes, the circ decision was a big one for us and I'm glad we had lots of time to discuss. I had my mind made up early, but it took lots of discussion and research support to get DH to agree.

Good luck with your decision! This is an exciting time for you regardless of whether you find out.

[AnnieW625]

No we didn't find out the sex of Elisa because DH didn't want to know the sex of the baby. He said it was like peeking at your Christmas/birthday presents before the big day! I would've been happy knowing the sex, and had a feeling it was a girl anyway, but still decided not to find out. A week or so before DD was born though I had to convince myself that the baby was boy because like I said I had a feeling that she was a girl the whole time.

When I was pregnant with #2 that we lost we didn't find out the sex either and honestly that made the third trimester loss due to a genetic chromosome disorder easier to deal with. I had a feeling it was girl though because at one ob visit the ultrasound stick was positioned on my tummy and which happened to be right on #2s butt and the legs were open so I didn't see anything so even though we didn't do the whole scan I was still pretty sure it was a little girl.

When we have another I might be more open to finding out the sex of the baby esp. if it's healthy because it might keep me sane and give me something to look forward esp. since I lost the last one.

[MoJo]

The way I look at it, it's a surprise whenever you find out. . . .and I definitely liked knowing. (DH & Dear Mom wanted to know at the very first midwife appt, so it's good that I wanted to know too!)

IF it's a girl (whether you find out at the U/S or birth), and you don't like pink, just say so! My friends were thrilled to be able to buy pink (because I don't mind) because the last girl was born to a mom who didn't like pink, and they respected that.

My sister is delighting in buying lavender for DD, b/c that's her color.

ITA with the jungle theme being unisex and lasting into toddlerhood. DD loves her animals.

Super congrats on and best wishes in your pregnancy!

[Glizmo]

We found out with DD - it didn't really matter to me either way but DH was determined to know! I think it really helped us start to picture what *she* would be like.

I am also not a fan of pink. We originally only told immediate family that she was a girl and made ourselves very clear that pink was out of the question, lol! Then at the baby shower (after opening all our gender-neutral gifts!), we told everyone else that she was a girl. It was a fun surprise at the end of the shower!

I'm glad we found out for us - and also glad that we didn't tell anyone before we started getting gifts. SIL ended up getting everything pink when she told people ahead of time - ick! :)

[ThreeofUs]

You don't have to *tell* anyone what flavor you're getting! But you might find out without meaning to - those u/s are very very good these days....

I did a green/yellow thing with my firstborn, and everyone pretty well followed my lead when giving gifts. Made for a pretty nursery. Not a quiet nursery, but a pretty nursery.

[codex57]

I'd want to know. But that's just cuz I like to have the advanced warning in order to plan. Look up how to take care of girls specifically vs boys (wipe front to back; something I wouldn't normally do unless I make a conscious effort), etc.

I do recognize that people have all sorts of reasons for not wanting to know. Of the ones OP listed, the only thing that seems valid to me is that this would be one of the few things that isn't a surprise. How important that is to you is what the decision should turn on IMO.

The pink thing is unavoidable. You're gonna get pink stuff eventually. At least if you get it now, you've got more time (without a baby on your hands) to exchange it for colors you like. But people are gonna give you pink. It's just a question of now or later. With now, you get more time to head em off and to convince them you prefer other colors. Likely still gonna get people who insist on giving you pink tho.

Same thing thing with the Nemo and being sad one way or another. If you delay it, you get more invested with the name and it being a boy or girl. Gonna hurt more when it finally happens. Sorta like nipping it at the bud now, or letting it grow deep roots and trying to yank it out later.

[Seitvonzu]

it was extremely important to my husband and i to find out whether we were having a boy or a girl. everyone assumed i was having a girl and that is what we openly were hoping for. i'm a VERY girly sorta person (not in a fashionista sense, but in a doll/teaparty/fancy dishes/cooking/baking/crafting way) and my mother actually commented "i just can't see a boy growing up in that house" we are planners and we had names, nursery themes, etc. picked out for both boys and girls.

we found out that it was a GIRL and immediately said to each other "we're having a LUCY!!!" we TOLD EVERYONE. everytime i had ultrasounds (i had lots, gestational diabetes), i had them check "just to be sure!" after the third check i said "it's either a girl , or a very unfortunate boy." :):):) we also had no problem telling everyone the name of the baby. lots of people that find out and even have a name already, hold the name back. my brother does that. of course, we were very settled on a name (i'm named after my great grandmother and lucy is named for her great grandma just inverted first/middle name); so , it didn't matter if people didn't like the name or had "opinions." most people took our information and made over it like they would have if we handed them the baby-- people were always asking me how "lucy was doing?" and i just LOVED it. i really felt like people KNEW my baby and were thinking such nice thoughts about HER.

to me, naming the baby made her SO real. i wasn't one of those people that felt "a miracle was occuring inside" or whatever-- i felt weird. and sometimes ANGRY (the diabetes was a big adjustment). giving our little girl her very own special identity really really helped. i talked to her and i sang a little song every morning before eating my low carb breakfast that starts "hello lucy, what do you say?" it was a real turning point. and i think it was nice for friends and family and just people in general--people really related to our baby, starting at 18 weeks! we got to decorate our nursery with our pre-selected "lucy in the sky with diamonds" theme and all the while think happy "lucy" thoughts.

one last thing-- i didn't need a surprise when she was born-- and trust me, you don't need to hold the sex back so you'll have one. you get LOTS of surprises! my "baby" is 20.5 months and i'm surprised EVERYSINGLEDAY. not knocking the "surprise" camp, but that just hasn't been something i've ever understood. of course, take that with a grain of salt-- there is a birthday gift sitting upstairs that UPS brought...hubbie ordered it but i know exactly what it is. i don't like surprises in general.

so-- short answer: ABSOLUTELY FIND OUT :) that's what i say to everyone. and even though i'm all for people making there own choices i still can't resist asking people "why wouldn't you find out?" everytime they don't-- i just really don't get it :)

[kellij]

We found out with #1 and #2. Since #2 was born, I've said if we had another I'd want it to be a surprise. We are pg, due in March, and we're planning to keep it a surprise. We could find out in Oct too. I'm 10 years older than my sister. I have a very vivid memory of finding out she was a girl right after she was born. It was just so exciting. I want my family to get to experience that too. I've never heard of anyone waiting to find out gender and regretting that decision. I'm also saving money because I'm not tempted by the gn clothes! I plan to get a couple of really cute outfits for take home in each color and then just return the one we don't need.

[Seitvonzu]

on pink-- i was this "cool" mom who wasn't going to go all pink on my daughter. sure, i like pink, but i thought wouldn't it be better to have bright funky colors? i knit and was having a winter baby and invisioned orange/turquoise/dk purple etc colors for my girl. FUNKY :)

i even had a little stash of pink things i'd prebought. i thought "i don't need to rush out." but then about a week after finding out, i was in tjmaxx. they had a few things that were just SO sweet. i had to have them. HAD TO.

and let me tell you, there is a reason pastel pink is popular-- it just looks so sweet on babies. my little girl looks PRECIOUS in pastel pink. it really does something for her complexion-- still. i DO love funky outfits-- but i can't deny the pretty factor of pink. and like someone else said before me, you'll get it anyhow. nothing says your child has to wear everything she gets...i'm sure "she" won't. but, if you DO have a girl, pick out the sweetest, prettiest, daintiest out and give it a chance :) (at least one!) :)

my child's current favorite color is DARK PINK-- it's a very popular color right now...and every time we're near clothing,she's in heaven. we almost couldn't get out of old navy the other day without buying her a PINK!!! coat

[kristenk]

We didn't find out with DD. I was very tempted to find out a few times (couple of unscheduled trips to the perinatologist), but I'm glad I waited.

Yes, decorating would have been easier. Yes, I would have been able to pick out a coming-home outfit in something other than a yellow that seemed to exaggerate DD's jaundice.

BUT, I wanted to see my child before I named her and not knowing boy/girl made it easier to avoid that. It was a wonderful surprise. I got to entertain myself (and obsess over) to no end with guessing whether the sonogram tech. made an accidental slip when she said "she" or if she really was just alternating "he/she" when referring to the baby. It was a delight, not overload, when pink things starting arriving at the house.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I didn't find out with either and loved it! Waiting till they come out to meet them and discover that little surprise is the best.

Honestly there are not many things that you can't buy that aren't gender neutral gear wise and you can always buy clothes afterwards (and lots of people will likely buy the baby clothes once they know boy or girl). It's actually pretty silly, imo, to buy a pink stroller for example b/c then you have to decide what you would do if #2+ is a boy, right?

Go for the surprise. There aren't enough good surprises in the world. YOu can prepare just as well if you don't know, I promise!! Research things like circ. just so you are informed anyway, no reason not to be informed about parenting topics.

Good luck!!

Beth

[Seitvonzu]

LIZZY-- our nursery is "melon popsicle" and sounds very similar to yours. i think it was the perfect choice for a nursery because it's bright and cheerful but not overwhelming. one of the walls is a cloud wall. we couldn't be happier with how it turned out...the only thing girly about is that lucy's gee-gee painted her name into the clouds :)

[MontrealMum]

I think it depends on the sort of person you are. I am not a surprise sort of a person. I'm also a major planner. I did (and still do) a lot of buying ahead in terms of clothes. That, in itself, was enough for us to want to find out.

For *me* this was a good thing, because I had always envisioned - when I fantasized about myself as a mom - being a mom to a girl. Well, DS is a boy. I am VERY happy that he is who and what he is and have no regrets or sad feelings about that at all, but it did take some getting used to in my mind that I would be having a boy and not a girl. I do not know how graciously I would have handled that in the delivery room with all the hormones, drama, and fatigue, but I'm glad I don't have the memory of a bad reaction to mar that joyous moment. So, if you have any feelings about the sex one way or the other I'd caution you to think about finding out so you can work them out beforehand and just be happy about your little bundle of joy :) Just having that beautifuly little boy placed in my arms and the feelings that flooded through me were enough of a surprise for me.

But, as PP said, we could all chime in with why we did or didn't. It has to be your decision, and what works with your personality type.

ETA: we knew for sure because of the amnio, not an u/s.

[BabyMine]

We did for both DC. I like surprises but I like to be prepared better. We needed the time to pick a name and a nursery theme.

My friend and her DH decided to not find out the sex of their DC2. They had the doctor write it on a piece of paper and seal it in an envelope. If they both agreed they would open it. They never did and they had a boy.

Of course I am reminded of the accuracy of US and determining the sex. When I was in labor and about 8cm the nurse came in an appologized for being late. She was assisting in another room. She said that the lady had just had her baby girl. The only problem is that her doctor told her she was having a boy.OOOPPPSS

[almostmom]

We didn't find out for either and it was so wonderful. But I didn't have a strong desire to find out - I wanted to be surprised at the moment. I also didn't care about whether we had a boy or a girl which might have made it easier. It really did elevate such a magical time even higher to be finding out whether the baby in your arms is a girl or a boy. Oh, amazing moment.

But it really depends on who you are.

I figured that we didn't need a lot of clothes to start out, and my mom could go buy a bunch of outfits while I was at the hospital if need be. Our baby room was blue and yellow, and now DD is in there and it is fine!

on a side note, when DD was born, DH proceeded to exclaim "It's a boy!" and I had a moment of pure joy that DS would have a brother and they would be best friends forever. The next second the doc corrected him and said, "Actually, I think it's a girl." I guess her swollen labia confused him!!!!!!!! I was like, "Just give me my baby already!!!!"

[catroddick]

We did not find out and I am so glad. First of all- it totally freaks everyone out when you don’t find out. Which I thought was fun.

The primary reason I did not want to find out (which I only recently admitted to DH), was that I desperately needed the baby to be a little girl. I really, really did not want a little boy (no offense- I know they are wonderful too, and I’m not completely proud of these feelings). DH’s family is filled with boys for numerous generations, to the point that we did not think they could “make” girls. I almost passed on having kids because I did not want a boy (again, love boys, but my reasons for not wanting one would take more time than you want to spend reading- I do have lots of nephews that I love like crazy- so I’m not a bad person- really!).

After I found out I was PG, I realized that when my little peanut arrived, I would love that baby, boy or girl, intensely. I was worried that if I found out in advance that it was a boy that I would be sad, and the poor little fellow would have a rough go from the start. I wanted to send my baby all the love vibes I could, I knew I would love him when he arrived.

We did do all the silly, fun ways of checking sex- Chinese Conception chart, ring test, etc. They all said girl. But even in the delivery room, I was unsure. I was prepared for either.

As it turns out all the silly tests were right and we have a beautiful baby girl. After having been through it, I can confirm that I fell madly in love with that baby the minute she looked up at me, before I had any idea what the sex was. And not finding out left so much magic in the pregnancy, and I really enjoyed that.

Oh, and despite my need for a girl- I also don’t like a lot of pink, so love my yellow nursery, and the fact that people couldn’t bury me in pink stuff.

[elliput]

DH and I did not find out the sex before DD's birth. We knew that either way (finding out early or at birth) that it is a surprise, so we decided to sit on that surprise. I actually like that we had to get some gender neutral clothes because I saved them so my second child could wear them also. I love having pictures of my kids in the same outfits. Also, at the last minute we chose a Winnie the Pooh theme for DD's nursery so it was easy to set everything back up when DS was born.

[SnuggleBuggles]

We did do all the silly, fun ways of checking sex- Chinese Conception chart, ring test, etc. They all said girl. But even in the delivery room, I was unsure. I was prepared for either.



Aren't those games fun? I had a book that had 50 activities you could do to predict the sex. We didn't do all of them (umm, no desire to mix my pee with Drano...) but of the ones we did I got 50% boy, 50% girl. :) They were still a blast. Oh, and I agree- it's fun to bug people by not knowing! And it's really fun to try and guess who is growing inside of you.

Beth

[brownlesa]

We didn't find out for the first (DD) and we did find out for the second (DS). Since we had a lot of gender neutral stuff from our first time, we really only had to buy boy clothes (although there are a number of pictures floating around of my DS in pink bibs and PJs :) )

It was fun not knowing the sex and its exciting to find out in the delivery room. (The second time around, I found out I was having a boy over the phone.)

We couldn't agree on a girl name, so finding out ahead of time that it was a boy was a relief.

Good luck!

[Moneypenny]

We chose not to find out for no particular reason other than we couldn't think of a compelling reason to find out. So there ya go, lol!

[jgenie]

I didn't find out with either and loved it! Waiting till they come out to meet them and discover that little surprise is the best.

Honestly there are not many things that you can't buy that aren't gender neutral gear wise and you can always buy clothes afterwards (and lots of people will likely buy the baby clothes once they know boy or girl). It's actually pretty silly, imo, to buy a pink stroller for example b/c then you have to decide what you would do if #2+ is a boy, right?

Go for the surprise. There aren't enough good surprises in the world. YOu can prepare just as well if you don't know, I promise!! Research things like circ. just so you are informed anyway, no reason not to be informed about parenting topics.

Good luck!!

Beth

:yeahthat: We didn't find out with DS and have absolutely no regrets! We used a jungle theme in our nursery that would have worked for either sex and we bought gear that could be used by either sex as well. I saved a ton of money because I wasn't able to buy specific clothes until after DS was born and then I was too tired to spend lots of time shopping. We received more than enough clothes as gifts and I spent our first few weeks just snuggling DS. I will warn you if you choose not to find out it is a very unpopular way to go. We were questioned about why we didn't want to know by every stranger we met. Good luck with your pregnancy!

[jent]

Well, I didn't find out, even though I'd normally call myself a planner. Actually, to me NOT finding out was ultra-preparation in case the US was mistaken. Even though mistakes are rare, I do know someone whose "girl" was really a boy-- and they had painted the nursery pink and had a wardrobe of pink clothes. I just didn't want that to happen to me. And I knew despite my best efforts, if we knew we were having one or the other, my family wouldn't be able to help themselves in getting gifts for that gender. So at least we kept that at bay until after the birth. (Although, I found that the selection of gender-neutral clothes was slim, and I agree, not that cute.) Also, the gear could be easily used for another baby (even though we may only just have one, some of DD's gear has been used for her cousin already).

I also love my gender-neutral nursery. The room was actually pink when we moved in-- a particularly icky shade IMO-- and is now repainted a nice creamy yellow. If we had known DD was a girl DH would have given me flack about repainting, since he HATES house-remodeling projects.

As far as the pros/cons of telling people what you're having, I'm not one to enjoy "teasing" others about not knowing, and it's true that in some cases people give you a hard time about not knowing. But, I also didn't want to tell anyone DD's name before she was born (o/w you get too much flak about your name choice) so not knowing gender makes that easier. I admit it was kind of fun to hear people guess the baby's gender-- I was really sure I was having a girl (though I told no one that) but everyone I met guessed "boy" (apparently I was carrying high), so I do feel a little smug that I was right all along.

[catroddick]

I'm with jent- the idea of an incorrect U/S was totally unacceptable for me. I'd rather not know then know wrong.

It was amazing how bent out of shape people got that we weren't going to find out.

A little part of me enjoyed that all these people did not know-I did not want to have to share this knowledge with other people. Like somehow it made the baby more “mine”. Odd, I know- I don’t know how much more “mine” it needed to be when it was still in me. As the last people in our family to have a baby, everyone else knew everything about babies. But they didn’t know this about my baby. If they had known, they would have referred to it as “he” or “she” and started giving it nicknames. By not finding out, I was able to keep the baby sort of hidden, all to myself, until birth.

After reading these posts, I realize I probably need counseling. I clearly have unresolved issues of some sort….

[karenj2]

Wow, thanks for all the responses!! One thing DH and I were thinking of doing is to have the Dr. write it in an envelope, and then we'd open it for Christmas (approximately 3 months before baby is due). OR, if we DO find out, we'd do the same thing for our parents (who are DYING to know).

I do like the torturing others kinda thing, but the only way I can continue to do that is to NOT know myself - I'd slip up, I'm sure of it! (On the same note, I can't have DH know and me not know, HE'D torture ME!!)

One of the other cons of knowing (in my mind) comes from a friend of mine - when she found out about her son, ALL she got was clothes at showers. She filled her son's closet, plus the guest room closet. (Unfortuntately, because of that, she didn't get some of the basic necessities...)

Anyway, I'll let DH read this when I get home tonight, and see what he thinks...

OH - to someone who asked when my appointments are - my September appointment is 9/18 (so I'll be 14w5d), and I'm assuming my next appt would be 4 weeks after that, so I'll be in the 18-19week range.

[JBaxter]

I am not a patient person LOL I HATE suprises. I found out all 4 times and I would again ( but thats NOT going to happen LOL).

I dislike gender neutral clothing. I had boys and I wanted them to look like boys ( like wise girls if they had been) I never buy pink for baby showers btw its just a point of mine. If you spread the word you wont get as much.

Just after the baby is born I didnt want a bunch of people visiting ( think flu season) dropping off outfits.

I just like to be prepared. Names, circ/no circ research, etc.

[arivecchi]

One thing DH and I were thinking of doing is to have the Dr. write it in an envelope, and then we'd open it for Christmas (approximately 3 months before baby is due). That is a really lovely idea!

I found out the sex in advance for both. I could not wait to find out and it is a surprise anyway! It is great to know so you can settle on a name, get the right clothes, gear, etc. Our families would have killed us too. They were dying to know!

[jent]

A little part of me enjoyed that all these people did not know-I did not want to have to share this knowledge with other people. Like somehow it made the baby more “mine”. Odd, I know- I don’t know how much more “mine” it needed to be when it was still in me. As the last people in our family to have a baby, everyone else knew everything about babies. But they didn’t know this about my baby. If they had known, they would have referred to it as “he” or “she” and started giving it nicknames. By not finding out, I was able to keep the baby sort of hidden, all to myself, until birth.


:yeahthat: Yes! I felt exactly that way too but I didn't know how to say it.

[momtoonegirl]

We did not find out beforehand with DD. DH did not want to know, and felt very strongly about it. I really didn't mind one way or another. We had both boy and girl names picked out, had discussed views on circumcision, etc.

At the baby shower, I received a lot of white/ivory, yellow, green onesies, and gender neutral items. We also decorated the nursery in a gender neutral fashion.

If we are fortunate enough to have another DC, I want to know ahead this time around, more so for practical reasons (e.g. donating some of DD's clothing that we saved, etc.). DH still does not want to know. I think the decision ultimately lies in if you are a planner, if you don't like surprises, if you think that you will wish that you had found out when you had the chance to, etc.

Good luck :)

[catroddick]

:yeahthat: Yes! I felt exactly that way too but I didn't know how to say it.

Yeah! Thank you Jen! I feel less crazy now. Whew!!

[Nooknookmom]

Yeah, found out w/ both kiddo's. I can hardly wait to open presents, so waiting for the sex of a baby - OMG, I'd go nuts!

OTOH, I wish I could b/c finding out at the birth would be so special.

[codex57]

I'm with jent- the idea of an incorrect U/S was totally unacceptable for me. I'd rather not know then know wrong.

It was amazing how bent out of shape people got that we weren't going to find out.

A little part of me enjoyed that all these people did not know-I did not want to have to share this knowledge with other people. Like somehow it made the baby more “mine”. Odd, I know- I don’t know how much more “mine” it needed to be when it was still in me. As the last people in our family to have a baby, everyone else knew everything about babies. But they didn’t know this about my baby. If they had known, they would have referred to it as “he” or “she” and started giving it nicknames. By not finding out, I was able to keep the baby sort of hidden, all to myself, until birth.

After reading these posts, I realize I probably need counseling. I clearly have unresolved issues of some sort….

Haha, if that's how you felt, I'd have just found out and then lied about not knowing. :p

[catroddick]

Oh, I am not that good. No way.

[MamaMolly]

We found out with DD and I plan to with this one, too. I'm a major present snoop, unrepentant. I *have* to know. But I think we'll hold off on sharing the name. I really didn't appreciate people frankly appraising and criticizing our choice. And no, she's not a a Moonbeam Raspberry Flowerpetal name kid. It is a normal, traditional, not too popular girl's name.

If you do find out and don't want to share, one mama had the best comeback when someone asks you if you know what you are having, you say that the doctor told you it was a baby but you're holding out for puppies! :ROTFLMAO:

[Jacksmommy2b]

We found out with J.

DH doesn't do patient and wanted to know the second I got a BFP. We were thrilled and shared with everyone. Finding out was wonderful. He felt so much more 'real' to me when I knew 'who he was' (if that makes any sense) versus just 'the baby'.

Also, for us, Circ was a huge issue. We really fought it out for months, and I would have loved to avoid that arguement at all costs if at all possible.

We did get a bunch of clothes - but you could always just announce the sex at the shower if that is a concern for you.

Although - I do wish that we did not share his name with everyone before he was born. His given name is John Michael K. but we call him Jack. (John after DH's beloved, late grandfather and Michael after DH.) You would not believe the number of people who had something to say about John. Really it was insane and everyone seemed to feel they had the right to an opinion. But after he was born no one dared to comment, so this baby is Nacho as far as anyone is concerned. :)

(Also, I just have to throw in that a good friend was due two days after me. I found out and she didn't. I had to hear 'ruin one of life's biggest surprises', 'should just care about a healthy baby' and she had to hear 'don't you want to bond with your baby?', 'don't you want to be prepared?' So as far as everyone else is concerned, no matter what you do, you're wrong.)

This time around I was really going to go team green. But then I got sick, really, really sick for a really freaking long time. I was miserable for the first 20 plus weeks. I feel sort of crappy admitting it, but there was no joy in this pregnancy, I just suffered day in and day out. (Zofran did help, but not enough.)

Dh ended up suggesting a 3D u/s at a place near us (I still had a few weeks before my big us). It really was fantastic to see him and 'connect' with him and get excited about him and think of him by name and not just the lemon that made me sick.

I don't regret finding out at all. I'm glad I didn't deny myself the excitement I have felt since finding out, or the joy of going through all of J's baby boy stuff and the completely unneccesary yet incredibly fulfilling baby shopping. And, not sure if you are planning on more babies, but with Jack we did go mainly gender nuetral gear (car seat, stroller, etc) and this time I'm buying all blue and loving every minute!

[DrSally]

I like to know. I'm a planner. HOWEVER, our sonographer, an M.D. who was filling in, was WRONG. He said girl, and it was a boy. We didn't find out until he was born. So, all that blanning was for not. With the next one, I wanted to see exactly those 3 lines. I had an amnio anyway.

[mom2binsd]

I am totally type A and organized but I also love surprises... DH and I were in agreement on waiting, and we loved the anticipation. We did our nursery with navy and white gingham and planned to add either girly or boyish themes after and were able to use the lovely PB bedding twice.

I know of at least 5 friends who were given incorrect ultrasound gender info, all had decorated and planned, named said child a gender specific name only to be thrown a loop at the birth, of course all those babies are all well loved (and have great birth stories) but a few parents weren't happy as they really did have to redo the nursery's etc....

For US, it was the greatest surprise but everyone should do what they feel will make the moment theirs.

[kijip]

We did not find out for #1. For #2 we did.

We made the right decision for us each time. It was exciting each way and with #2, we wanted to know what to expect and what names to hone in on whereas with #1, it was great not to have too much gendered gifts etc.

[ha98ed14]

We found out. DD was an unexpected surprise. I read your siggy. After 11 years, you deserve to know! Personally, I think you will be able to bond with the baby more while you are still preggers if you know the sex. JMHO.

[Corie]

We did not find out for either of our kids. Absolutely loved the
surprise of it all!!
(And, we did not tell anyone the kids' names beforehand! No one knew
names or gender. It really pissed off quite a few people.)


It's funny too because I am such a huge planner. Very organized, very Type A
personality. But, for some reason, I didn't feel the *need* to know the
gender of my babies.

[Tammy]

Absolutely not! I know some people want to and like to be prepared... but we didn't want to know. I wanted to surprised and we felt like it was the biggest surprise we could ever have and knowing the sex of the baby wouldn't have helped us prepare any differently.

[MoJo]

One of the other cons of knowing (in my mind) comes from a friend of mine - when she found out about her son, ALL she got was clothes at showers. She filled her son's closet, plus the guest room closet. (Unfortuntately, because of that, she didn't get some of the basic necessities...)

That actually happened to me, too. DD had over 100 outfits before she was born. She didn't have a crib, a stroller, a PNP, a high chair, an exersaucer, etc. She had only a few toys and a few books, and that's because I told my coworkers, "Please no clothes! We'd love some board books!" People got excited about buying girl clothes and ignored even the inexpensive stuff on my registry, like bottles and side-snap T's. Thankfully, DH's coworkers also got the "please no clothes" message and made their primary gift giftcards we used to buy the carseat.

But I don't think that's typical; at least, it's not what I've seen at other showers I've been to, even when the gender and even child's name were announced in advance.

[sste]

Did not find out - - we love surprises and the build up of suspense. Also, I felt strongly that I wanted to buy stuff that was gender neutral. I wanted to limit my role in socializing the child toward mechanics, dolls, what have you and I am also frugal and figured the more gender neutral the nursery, clothes, and stuff, the more economical for the next DC. I will say that DS developed an absolute obsession with cars and tractors despite my efforts!

[MontrealMum]

Honestly, I must be the odd one out here. There were two showers held for DS, and even though I was registered for the US one, noone could figure out the registry so very little was bought off it. I got very few clothes - and that's WITH announcing his sex. I did get some great monogrammed items though :) Also lots of sheets, blankets, toys, books, the frog pod! and stuffed animals (my friends know me well!) in mostly gender neutral colors; as I guess everyone was aware (do I talk that much?) that we were decorating primarily in lt. green. We did get some clothing after he was born, some blue, some not. But overall I would not say that we were overwhelmed by it. I dunno, we're older and most of our friends/relatives already have kids so maybe they buy differently than people that don't have kids. We also tended towards gender-neutral ourselves for the big ticket items (carseat, strollers) since we may or may not have another one.

[Wife_and_mommy]

I preferred being surprised for every DC. DH really wanted to find out so we made a deal. We found out with the first and didn't/won't find for any others.

I loved not knowing until delivery day. Being surprised was also easy since I only had to be strong for one sonogram. I could not have had several/many and stayed strong. The temptation would have been too great!