Little more faith in the B'feeding, pls

[maydaymommy]

When we moved into our new house last month I unpacked all the bottle feeding stuff so it was all organized in a top, not very accessible shelf in the kitchen. We're in the any day stage of waiting for ds#2 to be born, and this morning I found that DH took down and set up a ton of bottles and formula feeding accessories and bottle drying racks. I am assuming he thought he was being helpful.

THIS IS NOT HELPFUL!

Breastfeeding was not successful with ds#1. I thought, previously, that only lazy, undedicated, uneducated, unsupported people failed at breastfeeding. Ha. Didn't work for me. I never got milk in, never, and then I was very sick and ended up in ICU for several days anyway. Hopefully the rare post-partum condition I had contributed to the lack of milk, and this time, things will be different.

It's not like DH is anti-breastfeeding. He has said within the last few days that waiting for labor to begin on its own, rather than the c-section I may have to have, will help with the b'feeding.

This is a bit of a rant, and I know that dh feels like I do - that we want breastfeeding to work, but we have proof that a formula fed baby can be a smart, loving, wonderful child. Adding to the difficulties we had when we brought ds#1 home were my intense feelings of failure and despair at having to use formula.

Uuuggghhh. Much of my stress/anxiety about having a new baby revolves around this issue, so seeing the formula stuff and bottles out already just make it seem like he's handing me failure on a silver platter. I am so torn about investing time and resources preparing to breastfeed, finding a lactation consultant, etc, when I know it may not work anyway. LIke if I get more committed to the idea I'll be more upset if it doesn't work again. On the other hand, I know even good b'feeding relationships are hard in the beginning and there will be some perseverence required and DH will want me to throw in the towel too early.

Also, how much can I complain when he gets up with DS in the morning, and lets me sleep while he does work in the kitchen??

[egoldber]

I would tell him that while he may have tried to be nice, it was not helpful. :(

FWIW, I had soooooo many troubles breastfeeding Sarah and evetually went to FF at 6 months. With Amy I had researched my old issues at length, was fully prepared with LLL and LC info, etc. Turns out the second time I got a baby who wouldn't take a bottle and would only nurse. :ROTFLMAO:

So I just wanted to point out that every baby is different and every nursing relationship is different. Just because it did not work out last time does not mean it won't this time.

Good luck!!

[elektra]

Hugs. I think I know what you mean about not wanting to get your hopes up about breastfeeding in case it doesn't work out.
It does sound like your husband is trying to walk that fine line of support and encouragement with breastfeeding in addition to also being supportive of a decision to formula feed if that's the route that you end up taking.
BF was hard for me both times, especially with number 2. I think what ended up helping the most was just taking it one day at a time (that and a nipple shield!).
Try to just relax if you can right now. You have everything prepared and then what will be will be once the baby comes. There are only so many things you can control, you know?

[ellies mom]

I'm really sorry. I'm sure it isn't a lack of faith in breastfeeding as much as him just getting ready. Probably more clueless than anything else but guys are really funny sometimes. With our first, my husband literally started buying diapers the week we got the positive pregnancy test. We had well over a thousand diapers before by the time she was born. Pacifiers is another one of his things. Even though neither of our daughters took to them, we have probably owned most of the ones on the market at one time or another. And bottle liners! I could have bottlefed my youngest until she was five with what he bought and yes, we were breastfeeding. That's just him. And it really helps to try and see it as endearing.

Maybe you could send him out for diapers or give him another "burn off nervous energy" task. Make him feel useful and then do something to pamper yourself. Like Beth said, every nursing relationship is different.

[buttergirl12]

:hug5: I remember how I felt before having DS2. I never managed to breastfeed DS1 for longer than 2 very painful weeks and I felt like such a failure. I was so determined to make it work with DS2. We had a rocky start. I had to supplement because he didn't have a wet diaper in 24 hours but I spent hours on the laptop watching every breastfeeding video I could find. After a few weeks we were able to cut out formula and DS2 was still nursing 10 times a day at 17 month old. He only stopped nursing at night when I got pregnant again. He was 25 month when I totally weaned him because it got to painful for me.
Anyway, I think your DH is just trying to be helpful and doesn't realize what seeing those bottle feeding supplies does to you. My DH tried to be helpful too and he wasn't. He wanted to buy formula and new bottles and nipples just in case. He said it wouldn't be a bad thing if it didn't work and it made me angry too because I took it the same way, that he didn't have any faith in me.

[deborah_r]

Your feelings are totally understandable. I did not want any formula in the house in the early months...too tempting when things are rough.

Awesome that he gets up with DS and works in the kitchen though!

[maydaymommy]

Thanks for the hugs & support! I know I am not just crazy & very pregnantly hormonal about this one.

Also, good to be reminded that baby #2 could be a totally different breastfeeder, and also, that it could turn out differently this time!

[elliput]

:hug::hug::hug: I just noticed that tomorrow is your EDD! You are almost there!

[tiapam]

It's not like DH is anti-breastfeeding. He has said within the last few days that waiting for labor to begin on its own, rather than the c-section I may have to have, will help with the b'feeding.



Don't want to make you even madder but I don't think that is a very helpful thing for him to say. I had two C-sections and did not have any extra problems with breastfeeding. Since you are hoping to BF, I would put that thought out of your head. Unless you have some other issue which would make the CS riskier or harder to recover from?

[ahrimie]

Just want to chime in, that it's okay WHICHEVER way you end up feeding your child--as long as you end up feeding your child!! :)

I BF'ed as long as I (and my body could), which was around 7.5 months. It was a loonnngg and rocky road the first 2 months but once we got past that, it was easy peasy! Definitely MUCH easier than making formula for each bottle or pumping. But then I started losing way too much weight and was tired all the time near the 7month period. I looked ghastly and I couldn't keep up the demand. So slowly I started to wean.

I think everyone's different, your baby is different, and your situation may be different. I also think BFing is GREAT for you and your child; bottle feeding can be too! Bottle feeding also gives your spouse or other loved ones to partake in that--so it's a special time for them too. Just don't beat yourself up. If you really want to Bf, read up on it and make sure you are prepared. I think once you stick it out for 2 months, you'll be golden. Just know there's a light at the end of the tunnel! ;)

If you end up going to the bottle, it's OK :) Things happen and in the end, you have to do what's best for you.