Will I be labeled as "that" parent if I send a note to school about this?

[ett]

The weather is getting cold here in the northeast and DS1 is refusing to wear his jacket out to recess and back home. I continually ask him to do this but he keeps coming up with excuses like the other kids do not (which I'm not sure if it's true) or I forgot. I've explained the reasoning to him, it's getting cold, you don't need to follow what other kids do, you don't want to get sick, and so forth. My mother keeps telling me to send a note to the teacher about this and how come the teacher is not telling the kids to wear their jacket, etc. I said DS1 is in the first grade and it should be his responsibility to do so himself.

Is this a valid issue to send in a note to the teacher about or will I be labeled as "that" parent? I just want to get some opinions about this because my mother thinks I should send in a note to the teacher about every little issue that comes up in school, while DH thinks the notes should only be about learning issues.

Thanks.

[o_mom]

Is he cold?

[mommylamb]

I bet a lot of posters will disagree with me, but I wouldn't do it. Mostly because I think if it gets cold enough, your DS will wear his coat. You can't really get sick from cold weather (it just happens that a lot of viruses are around that time of year, but the cold weather itself is not a cause of sickness). I'd also explore whether your DS isn't wearing his coat becuase he doesn't like it for some reason. Sometimes I think they're just looking for control over something, and on less important things it's ok to give them control by that age. Feel free to disagree.

[SnuggleBuggles]

If he's not cold then don't worry about it. When they are running around, they get hot. Let me be his on guide on it. If he is complaining about being cold but doesn't think it's "cool" to wear a coat, then maybe bring it up.

Beth

[Clarity]

I bet a lot of posters will disagree with me, but I wouldn't do it. Mostly because I think if it gets cold enough, your DS will wear his coat. You can't really get sick from cold weather (it just happens that a lot of viruses are around that time of year, but the cold weather itself is not a cause of sickness). I'd also explore whether your DS isn't wearing his coat becuase he doesn't like it for some reason. Sometimes I think they're just looking for control over something, and on less important things it's ok to give them control by that age. Feel free to disagree.


:yeahthat:

[Ceepa]

I wouldn't push it. If he gets cold enough he'll wear it.

[ha98ed14]

I wouldn't for several reasons, the first being that the teacher has 20 or 30 something kids and even tho they are still little, she can't "mother" them about everything. Second I think PPs are right, if your DS is cold, he will wear his coat. Ask him if it is too tight or if other kids are poking fun at him. If the answer to both is no, let it go. JMO. Like PP said, feel free to disagree :)

[AnnieW625]

I wouldn't push it. My brother wore shorts everyday of the school year once until it finally hit 32 degrees when he was in jr. high and high school. I don't think he owned more than two pairs of long pants until he was in college. Some kids just aren't cold.

[alexsmommy]

Well, I'm guessing he's not lying about the other kids not wearing their coats. Our elementary school is just down a few blocks from our home and I often pass it during the day. I will see jackets thrown on the ground during lunch/recess when it's as cool/cold as 42 degrees. I try not to look because I really don't want to know. I know the teachers/monitors will say something to the kids once it starts being much colder than that, but I'm not sure it's realistic for the teachers to try to get all the kids wearing their coats this time of year. I understand your pain because it drives me nuts too, and I'm guessing that if you are like us weather wise this time of year it can be quite chilly in the moring, but warms up a bit by the time they at lunch so DS1 really does not want to wear his North Face jacket by then because he's "too hot!" due to running, jumping and climbing. Yet its not so warm that he wouldn't be better off with at least a light sweatshirt and he can be coughing and sneezing as he tells me he doesn't need a coat.
If you do write the teacher, I would probably make it more of a "what, if anything do you suggest I do to encourage him to wear it" as opposed to making it somehow the teachers responsibility to get him to do so. She may offer to say something, but again, other than telling the kids to get their coats, she can't really chase the kids down and make them wear them.
When you say "back home" - do you mean he brings it home but he's not wearing it or is he just leaving it at school? DS1 almost never comes out after school with his coat on, but it is stuffed in his backpack or tied around his waist.

[erosenst]

Add me to the majority. Unless it's dangerously cold (meaning there's literally a risk of frostbite) I have never insisted. And since she knows I only insist when it's dangerous, she doesn't fight me about it. Some kids are just warmer than others. If he's cold, he'll put a jacket on. If he's not, he doesn't need one.

Good news is that, if you can convince yourself of this, there's one less battle to fight!

[egoldber]

Well, I'm guessing he's not lying about the other kids not wearing their coats

:yeahthat: The lost and found at Sarah's school is STUFFED with jackets and sweaters and sweatshirts that get left on the playground at recess.

I am very much "that" parent LOL, but I don't see this as being the teacher's concern.

[ett]

I agree with what all of you are saying and I wouldn't even be posting this except that my mother is continuously telling me that I don't dress my kids warm enough and that they'll get sick. Even though I tell her constantly that you can't get sick from being cold.

I suppose this is more of an issue with my mother because she feels that the teacher should be "mothering" the kids on these issues and that it is their responsibility. While I'm constantly saying that it is not their responsibility and it is not practical to expect that of them. So these arguments constantly come up since DS1 can be a little clueless and has a tendency of losing or forgetting his mittens, food containers, etc.

And I wonder if it's a cultural thing since my mother was born and grew up in Asia. I know here in the US, we are very big into teaching kids to be independent from a very early age but I don't know if this is the case in Asia.

[deenass]

I'm in the "let him decide" category. Even if you send a note to his teacher and she makes sure he puts it on before he goes outside, she's not likely to watch him the entire recess to make sure he KEEPS it on. And you really wouldn't want her to.

Of course, I am the mother of a 2 year old who REFUSED to wear any coat last winter - AT ALL. I used to have to stand outside the school waiting to pick up my older son with my little one running around without a coat (and I live in CT, it gets COLD here). I used to take the jacket with me and say, somewhat loudly "Sam, do you want to wear your coat?" to which he would reply "No jakcet mommy." I admit I did that so tht the other parents at pick up didn't think I was neglectful. Most of them got a kick out of it! He survived the winter (illness free!)

[Piglet]

Your post reminds me of Thomas' Snowsuit by Robert Munsch:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Snowsuit-Classic-Munsch-Robert/dp/0920303331#

Basically, the boy hates his brown snowsuit and the mom can't get it on him and the teacher can't get it on him and the principal can't get it on him and ultimately he goes off to play with his friends (in his snowsuit).

[dogmom]

I live in the NE also, as far as I'm concerned this is the weather let them not wear a jacket (like a hoodie) so they get used to the cold and don't whine when it actually gets cold. I never bundled my kids up. So I'm one of those parents that roll their eyes when the preschool teacher wants my son to wear a parka when it's 50 out.

As far as the losing mittens, I'm convinced now it's a boy thing. I dug through two huge boxes of lost and found looking for my son's stuff last year in elementary school. Found vests, coats, fleece jackets, tops, mittens, hats, ALL clearly boy stuff except one pink glove. Apparently there is something on ovaries that keep track of this stuff, which I would have thought was sexist until I had my son.

[g-mama]

I would definitely NOT send a note about that. The teacher has enough to do just teaching the kids, she cannot be their mother. My MIL is Asian, and I can *totally* see her saying this same thing. She comments all the time on why kids don't have on coats - my kids, any kids - and that it is a crazy "American" thing that parents let their kids run around improperly dressed.

My good friend is an amazing kindergarten teacher and she tells me things that parents say and expect her to do to "mother" their kids, like "please ensure that my child drinks this entire 32 oz. bottle of water each day" and "It upsets me when I see my child come off the bus with his shoes untied. Please keep his shoes tied." Her response is that she *could* do all those things, but the other 24 parents in the room would probably rather she focus on teaching their child to read instead.

[spunkybaby]

I agree with what all of you are saying and I wouldn't even be posting this except that my mother is continuously telling me that I don't dress my kids warm enough and that they'll get sick. Even though I tell her constantly that you can't get sick from being cold.

I suppose this is more of an issue with my mother because she feels that the teacher should be "mothering" the kids on these issues and that it is their responsibility. While I'm constantly saying that it is not their responsibility and it is not practical to expect that of them. So these arguments constantly come up since DS1 can be a little clueless and has a tendency of losing or forgetting his mittens, food containers, etc.

And I wonder if it's a cultural thing since my mother was born and grew up in Asia. I know here in the US, we are very big into teaching kids to be independent from a very early age but I don't know if this is the case in Asia.

Personally, I think it's a cultural thing. My parents and in-laws are also born and raised in Asia and are *constantly* telling me that the kids need to be dressed more warmly. I think kids in Asia are just super-bundled compared to kids in America.

[hollybloom24]

I'm with the majority. My kid just wore Crocs outside with no socks (around 55 degrees) and I figure if nothing else, it's a learning opportunity - natural consequences!

[mommylamb]

I'm with the majority. My kid just wore Crocs outside with no socks (around 55 degrees) and I figure if nothing else, it's a learning opportunity - natural consequences!

:ROTFLMAO: This will be me this year. DS wants to wear crocs all the time! I have this adorable pair of converse sneakers for him, but it's a fight to get him to wear them. I just bought new winter crocs for him (Dawson style, not the ones that look like regular crocs with fur in them), and I hope he'll wear them!

[SummerBaby]

This cracked me up. My mother just called me at work to tell me DD1 got off the bus with her jacket around her waist. It's about 55 degrees today, so chilly, but certainly not frostbite weather. She also suggested I let the teacher know. And my mother isn't Asian. :)

I agree that if they're cold enough, they'll wear the jacket.

[ett]

I would definitely NOT send a note about that. The teacher has enough to do just teaching the kids, she cannot be their mother. My MIL is Asian, and I can *totally* see her saying this same thing. She comments all the time on why kids don't have on coats - my kids, any kids - and that it is a crazy "American" thing that parents let their kids run around improperly dressed.

My good friend is an amazing kindergarten teacher and she tells me things that parents say and expect her to do to "mother" their kids, like "please ensure that my child drinks this entire 32 oz. bottle of water each day" and "It upsets me when I see my child come off the bus with his shoes untied. Please keep his shoes tied." Her response is that she *could* do all those things, but the other 24 parents in the room would probably rather she focus on teaching their child to read instead.

My mother would get along well with your MIL! My mother is also always saying that other kids are not dressed warm enough and then they'll get sick and then get my kids sick.

[bubbaray]

Other than food allergies and eczema, my DD#2 is the healthiest one in our family. She would wear a bikini in a snowstorm, I swear. She refuses to wear coats pretty much daily, even in a rainstorm.

I wouldn't worry about it.

[ett]

Personally, I think it's a cultural thing. My parents and in-laws are also born and raised in Asia and are *constantly* telling me that the kids need to be dressed more warmly. I think kids in Asia are just super-bundled compared to kids in America.

Yup. We know people living here now who grew up in Asia and their kids are dressed in layers and layers of clothes.

[niccig]

We had an argument about it one day, and I just let him go and took his jacket so he could ask me for it. DH and I were both 100% sure he would ask within 5 mins. We were out for over an hour and he did not ask at all. He even said "see Mummy, I'm not cold at all" and he wasn't. He felt warm.

I'd let it go. Frostbite temps. then insist.

[maestramommy]

I'm going to assume that your weather is pretty close to mine right now, and say, don't send a note yet. I'll bet once it gets really cold either your DS will wear his jacket or the teacher will make it rule to insist if they want to go out for recess. I'm guessing your DS is in K, so maybe it's different from preschool, but I was running into the problem of Dora not wanting to wear socks in her shoes in the dead of winter. The teacher said not to worry, when they go outside to play everyone has to put on the full gear, and anyone who doesn't won't get to play outside. I believe Dora did get caught that way once, and it was never a problem.

I even had Dora not want to wear shoes to school, so I let her walk to the car in bare feet. She started asking for her shoes and socks pretty quickly:D

ETA: agree with spunkybaby about Asian parents. My sis's MIL always told her she was underdressing her ds, even when it was absolutely sweltering outside and my kids were practically naked. And MY MIL insists that being too cold will make you sick. Maybe that's true for her (she is 71 and very skinny) but my kids just don't feel the cold until it's harsh.

[alexsmommy]

We're not Asian, and my parents are NOTORIOUS for overdressing the kids on the days they watch them. I have to walk in saying, "It's ok for him to go to school in this" otherwise my father will head to my house (two houses away) and grab a heavier coat, hat, gloves lol. I know as they have gotten older they run colder, but I run cold and I woul still sweat buckets in what they want the kids to wear. Last week it was maybe 60 in the am and 78 by afternoon. Knowing that they wouldn't take DS2 outside until post-nap time I dressed him in shorts, gym shoes and a jacket. They must have hinted 20 times that it was too late in the season for him to be dressed like that and that "next week you'll need pants and long sleeves buddy!" Um, yes, I know. I listen to the weather report in the morning - I won't send him over here in shorts when the high is supposed to be 61. I just remind myself that over-concerned loving grandparents are not an actual "problem" but a gift.

[MelissaTC]

I am giggling here because I have had adoptive parents tell me that when they were in China, the older ladies would yell at them for not having the babies dressed warm enough and it was apparently like 80 degrees out.

My DS gets really hot and sweaty when he is playing and constantly throws off his jacket, etc... I bet your DS will wear it when he is cold. Until then, let him make the decision.

[smilequeen]

Yes, your mom is totally normal for asian culture IME. My ILs are CONSTANTLY harping on my children being cold. My MIL actually put a sweater back on DS1 as I was taking it off b/c his back was drenched. We went to a Chinese festival in the midwest in July and some of the chinese kids were in turtlenecks. It was like 95 out. My husband also really believes that if you are cold you'll get a cold. Even if it's 62 degrees. He can not be convinced otherwise.

No, I wouldn't send a note. He'll wear his coat if he's cold :)

[MamaKath]

I think lots of our moms would get along! If my mom could send a note to my boss about making me wear a coat outside, she would. ;) I fall in with the rest of the moms here; when he is cold he will wear the coat. It is a natural consequence!!!

:bag FWIW, I actually have to leave a coat in my classroom for when I have recess duty because I often forget to put one on before I leave the house. :duh:

[Piglet]

I think lots of our moms would get along! If my mom could send a note to my boss about making me wear a coat outside, she would. ;)


Add my very Jewish-Russian mother to the mix... OY VEY!

Now you have me thinking of an off-shoot board... Grand-Baby Bargains - our moms could have a lot to talk about - how crazy their kids are with the extended RFing, BFing, CDing (and every other acronym you can think of)!

[ett]

Add my very Jewish-Russian mother to the mix... OY VEY!

Now you have me thinking of an off-shoot board... Grand-Baby Bargains - our moms could have a lot to talk about - how crazy their kids are with the extended RFing, BFing, CDing (and every other acronym you can think of)!

Yes! My mother is always asking me why I'm still RFing DS2 and why I BF both boys way past 1 year. Plus that I'm the only person who has had their car seat inspected and researches all the things we talk about here.

[ett]

I just remind myself that over-concerned loving grandparents are not an actual "problem" but a gift.

Yes, this is so true. I know that when my mother "nags" me about these things it's because she loves the grandkids and just wants what's best for them. :)

[hillview]

I wouldn't. I am in Boston area and haven't even sent DS to school with a coat yet (he is 4). He goes with a zipper sweatshirt. Once they get running around they warm up right quick. Maybe ask DS if there is something else he'd rather wear -- a vest?
/hillary

[doberbrat]

idk, its pretty warm by recess time here (in MA). we generally put a sweatshirt or something similar on dd in the am when we leave the house but even I dont wear a coat when I go out after 9am. and I'm ALWAYS freezing.

[tryin]

I have taught second grade for years and the whole coat thing drives me nuts. I can be bundled from head to toe and see children arrive to school in tank tops and flip flops or just light sweaters. There are many children who bring a coat to school but refuse to put it on. I can see them getting a little warm running around on the playground, but not enough to forego a coat all together. My rule is "If I'm cold, you're cold". The kids try to fight me on this but they know that the only way they get to play at recess is if they keep on their coats.

It doesn't cause me more work to enforce that my students wear their coats, but I would want my child's teacher to make sure that she is wearing hers in cold weather. If I didn't want her to wear a coat, I wouldn't have bought one and sent her to school with it. Any teacher that works with a younger age group should be fully prepared to "mother". I have my limits though which is why I choose not to teach kindergarten.

This is your child's well-being at stake, that IS the time to make your feelings known with a note.