Those of you with kids hearing two languages at home...

[elektra]

Do your kids only speak in one language? Or both?
DD (2.5) has been hearing Spanish on a regular basis (daily from the nanny and at all family gatherings) but DH and I only speak English to her. She seems to understand Spanish but she only speaks in English. When the nanny speaks Spanish DD just answers in English.
DH and I were just wondering what we could do to encourage her actually speaking Spanish.
I am not a language expert but I had read that it's best for each individual to stick to one language when speaking to a child, if the purpose is for the child to become comfortable in each language.
And when I try to speak Spanish to DD on occasion she just tells me "Don't talk like A" (the nanny).

Maybe it will just happen (or not) and there is nothing to be "done" necessarily.

[arivecchi]

DS1 speaks both. He is 2 years 10 months old. He speaks Spanish with our nanny, my family and with me. He speaks English with his dad, his friends and his dad's family. I would encourage the nanny to tell your DC to only speak to her in Spanish. That is what we do with my DS. I encourage him to only speak to myself and the nanny in Spanish. He is just as advanced in both languages and understands what is Spanish, what is English and who speaks what at this point. Hope that helps a little.

[citymama]

DD will pretty much speak only in English. She uses lots of words in the second language we speak to her in (mostly I do, not DH), and she has a fabulous accent on the occasions when she will deign to speak it. Our problem is we talk to each other in English, and have to make a special effort to keep the home bilingual, and she clearly knows she doesn't *need* to speak both. I am happy with her having the building blocks, pronunciation, vocabulary, even if she isn't completely fluent.

I grew up speaking 3 languages from age 1 onwards, and it was absolutely no big deal - the brain just expands as needed! However, I did develop a preference for English early on, and was able to differentiate between people who could speak English and people who couldn't, and would only speak the other languages to those who I knew couldn't speak to me in English. Nonetheless, I am still pretty fluent in all 3 and was able to pick up 2 more new languages relatively easily as a teenager and adult.

[Cheburashka]

Oooh, I took classes in this kind of thing in college. The focus was more on getting Native American kids to speak their native language in addition to English, but generally the same principles apply.

From everything I've read on the subject, the one parent-one language method works best. So you would have either yourself or your husband speak exclusively in Spanish to your daughter, while the other parent spoke in English. To try to get her to speak back in Spanish, ask her in Spanish to repeat what she said in Spanish. Start having the nanny only answer to your daughter when she speaks Spanish (same with your family that knows Spanish). If you have anything in Spanish (books, music, movies), play those instead of the English versions. The basic idea is to bombard the child with the alternate language at home, since whenever you go out, it'll be mostly English everywhere else.

Unfortunately, it'll all come down to whether your daughter feels like Spanish is worth knowing and speaking or not. From all the research I've read, you have to put a lot of work into getting a child to speak another language when they don't see the need for it. They think 'why should I bother learning Spanish when everything is in English?', and it's a very tough mindset to overcome. Still, the research also points out that even if your child abandons the second language early on, it's still very good for them to have been exposed to another language at such an early age. So even if your daughter abandons it entirely, you've still done a good thing for her. :)

[♥ms.pacman♥]

Oooh, I took classes in this kind of thing in college. The focus was more on getting Native American kids to speak their native language in addition to English, but generally the same principles apply.

From everything I've read on the subject, the one parent-one language method works best. So you would have either yourself or your husband speak exclusively in Spanish to your daughter, while the other parent spoke in English. To try to get her to speak back in Spanish, ask her in Spanish to repeat what she said in Spanish. Start having the nanny only answer to your daughter when she speaks Spanish (same with your family that knows Spanish). If you have anything in Spanish (books, music, movies), play those instead of the English versions. The basic idea is to bombard the child with the alternate language at home, since whenever you go out, it'll be mostly English everywhere else.

Unfortunately, it'll all come down to whether your daughter feels like Spanish is worth knowing and speaking or not. From all the research I've read, you have to put a lot of work into getting a child to speak another language when they don't see the need for it. They think 'why should I bother learning Spanish when everything is in English?', and it's a very tough mindset to overcome. Still, the research also points out that even if your child abandons the second language early on, it's still very good for them to have been exposed to another language at such an early age. So even if your daughter abandons it entirely, you've still done a good thing for her. :)

:yeahthat: so true, i agree 10000% on everything.

i don't have kids yet, but i have personal experience with this. I grew up learning 2 languages. i learned Spanish first, but when my family moved from South America to the US at age 3, i began learning English as a 2nd language. I learned it within months (from TV and daycare) and by the time I was about 5 or so i started "forgetting" Spanish, because my parents were told by my teachers to quit speaking Spanish around me and speak only English at home (which was so stupid since i was already at an advanced reading level and everything, had no problems whatsoever with language or reading skills). Anyway, since i grew up in the Midwest in the 1980s where Spanish was literally a "foreign" language, i ended up forgetting a lot of my Spanish and to top it off i had NO desire to speak it since everybody in my class already thought I was a weirdo for not "looking American" and for not being born in the US (had I grown up in Los Angeles or NYC what a different story it would have been!). So I totally agree with the fact that the child has to have a desire to learn a foreign language; if they don't want to learn it or speak it, there's not much you can do. I didn't want to speak Spanish until I was in high school and realized that it would be useful to know, for jobs, college, etc. I took Spanish classes in HS and because I already knew a lot I could take the more advanced classes, and the classes always were relatively easy for me. So yeah, i still was at an advantage for learning spanish despite the fact that i had abandoned speaking it at around age 5 or so.

also, i agree with that notion that children can very easily learn multiple languages at once (it's a myth that they will get traumatized or confused; children are not like adults in this sense). i've heard that what works best in teaching multiple languages is the one parent = one language method. our friends' daughter was speaking 3 languages by the time she was 2 years old, as she spoke Italian with her mom, Polish with her dad, and English at daycare. with associating one person (or one set of people) with one language they do not get confused. my DH and I plan on using this once our son is born.

[AnnieW625]

We are English speaking at home, but DD hears Spanish at daycare from the assistants there. When DD started at daycare one of the assistants was really trying to learn English so she started speaking in English more to the kids for her own personal growth so she stopped speaking as much Spanish to the kids. DD knows basic words in Spanish like agua, bano, gato, perro, ojos, boca, leche, pelo, zapato, cabeza, estrella, and her numbers from 1 to 10. She'll say those words on a pretty consistent basis, and is pretty vocal around us when she has just finished watching Dora The Explorer.

DH grew up with only Spanish speaking great grandparents, and DH did fine in Spanish in high school and tested out in college, but unfortunately he did not keep up with it very much because his mom has always spoken English because she was born in the US, but is fluent in Spanish just never spoke it on a regular basis outside of work, and visiting her relatives.

I don't know if this will stick or not, but we are lucky enough to have a Spanish Immersion school near us that we may check out for DD if we decide to send her to public school.

[arivecchi]

It'd be great if one of you could learn Spanish so you can keep up with your DC. A lot of people in my neighborhood have Hispanic nannies and while the kids may understand some Spanish, they never really learn to speak it well. Having one parent speak/understand the second language makes a world of difference. I love that DS1 and I can talk in Spanish and DH does not have a clue what we are saying. DS1 now translates for Dadda and he is not even 3 yet. :ROTFLMAO:

[Claki]

I'm curious about this too. I have always heard that each parent should stick to their language with the child to help make the child bilingual. But if that's the case, I'm never going to understand anything going on in my house unless I'm the one talking! My husband's first language is not English, but English is his go to language. He thinks in and would respond in it first. I can't see him being able to exclusively talk the other language to the baby. And if he does, I think I will go a little crazy. Because my husband is not a great translator! Especially since my in-laws live in town. It's not easy knowing everyone is talking about you in front of you! They are nice people, but I do know they do that.

I know he is going to learn both languages regardless. The baby will most likely some day end up being my translator, and that doesn't make me feel that great.

I, however, am horrible at languages. I took classes for two years and didn't retain anything.

On a sidenote, by husband's cousins are bilingual and are often watched by their grandparents who know very little English. They are two and half and potty training. DH was over there the other day, and it turns out that everytime they said "potty" she thought they were saying "party." She didn't even know the word "potty." That should cut down on accidents now that she knows.

[codex57]

Primarily English, but DS is two and still not talking yet. He responds to certain phrases in both languages tho, but only a couple words come out of his mouth and even "daddy" and "mommy" aren't used correctly yet. Just "uh-oh."

[Cheburashka]

I'm curious about this too. I have always heard that each parent should stick to their language with the child to help make the child bilingual. But if that's the case, I'm never going to understand anything going on in my house unless I'm the one talking!

When I became pregnant, I started looking for research on families where one parent only knows one language, and it's pretty sparse. I was hoping to be able to find out what works best in that kind of household, along with maybe some insight from those parents on how to not alienate each other or family/friends who come over to visit. I'd like to try to raise my child bilingual, but my SO only knows English, and I don't want him to feel like a stranger in his own home. So far, he insists he's ok with me raising the child to learn two languages, but I wonder how fast he'd change his tune if the child eventually started back talking in the foreign language. We'll see, mine isn't even born yet, so I've still got time.

[smilequeen]

There is simply no way for our boys to be as exposed to DH's language as they are to English. DH works and travels a lot and I am at home with them all the time. They understand everything DH says to them but they always answer in English. They will repeat words if asked. I'd rather if we were able to fully follow the one parent one language method, but it's not easy when parental time is so unequal. I am also trying quite unsuccessfully to pick up DH's language. Cantonese is possibly the most difficult language in the world to learn. So, I'm happy in that sense that my boys at least understand it.

[sansdieu]

Cheburashka (or anybody else, for that matter),

Could you recommend any literature on the subject?

My 2-yr old is in fact perfectly monolingual, but she speaks a language other than English both at home and in daycare. I sort of figured (Ok, maybe I haven't put that much thought into it) that English would come natural to her -- but at this stage, it frustrates her when people speak English (she gets demonstrably mad, when somebody says "Hi cutie, what's your name?" in a supermarket).

So what now? I guess she has to learn English a second language at this point (her first language skills are exceptionally developed for her age), but I'm not sure on what approach to take. Hire a teenage girl to play with her a few hours a week?

[codex57]

Don't stress. I was born in Los Angeles. However, I spoke a different language the first few years of my life.

After a year of school, English became dominant. WHen your kiddo goes to school, you will NOT have to worry about English. If she starts English at school at an advanced age (like 14), then it might take a little longer. However, your kid is only 2. She'll be fine. Get as much of the other language in her as you possibly can.

[Claki]

Don't stress. I was born in Los Angeles. However, I spoke a different language the first few years of my life.

After a year of school, English became dominant. WHen your kiddo goes to school, you will NOT have to worry about English. If she starts English at school at an advanced age (like 14), then it might take a little longer. However, your kid is only 2. She'll be fine. Get as much of the other language in her as you possibly can.

This was my DH's experience too. He and several of his friends barely spoke English at home before school. But they picked it up immediately in kindergarten. I think he knew a fair amount of English because back before satellite they only had English television. But he never spoke it to anyone before he went to school.

[elektra]

It'd be great if one of you could learn Spanish so you can keep up with your DC. A lot of people in my neighborhood have Hispanic nannies and while the kids may understand some Spanish, they never really learn to speak it well. Having one parent speak/understand the second language makes a world of difference. I love that DS1 and I can talk in Spanish and DH does not have a clue what we are saying. DS1 now translates for Dadda and he is not even 3 yet. :ROTFLMAO:


DH can understand Spanish but is not comfortable speaking it. Spanish was his first language actually, but when he got to school he asked his mom to only use English from then on because that's what the kids at school spoke. And she agreed! :6:
I wish I could speak Spanish better but I only learned it in school. MIL is very nice about including me in conversations that are in Spanish at family events but alot is still over my head. Too bad we don't spend more time with them (I actually like my MIL!).
Necesito practicar mas!

[arivecchi]

I say you all work at it. :) it would be a fun family project!

[codex57]

Cantonese is possibly the most difficult language in the world to learn. So, I'm happy in that sense that my boys at least understand it.

I dunno about that, but the fact that the common spoken Cantonese doesn't have actual physical words to read/write/learn certainly doesn't help.

[dcmom2b3]

There is simply no way for our boys to be as exposed to DH's language as they are to English. DH works and travels a lot and I am at home with them all the time. They understand everything DH says to them but they always answer in English. They will repeat words if asked. I'd rather if we were able to fully follow the one parent one language method, but it's not easy when parental time is so unequal. I am also trying quite unsuccessfully to pick up DH's language. Cantonese is possibly the most difficult language in the world to learn. So, I'm happy in that sense that my boys at least understand it.

This is the problem that I have -- limited exposure to the second language and my lack of ability to speak it fluently. And while she does understand me when I speak to her in French, her responses to everything except social niceities (bonjour, merci etc.) are in English unless I ask her to repeat her answer in French. I'm going to have to rely on language immersion education to get DD back on track.

My purely anecdotal observation is that children pick up as much as (more?) from hearing adults conversing in whatever language as they do having one parent speak each language. DH and I spoke English to one another generally, and my DDs French didn't take off until the ILs came and stayed with us. By the end of their visit, it was clear that she got what they were talking about. Kinda spooky, actually; an example of just how absorbant their young minds are.

[gigoteuse]

We are a bilingual family living in a third language. I speak French, DH is Italian but learned French in school, so we speak French at home. I speak French with DD (who is 4.5) and DH speaks Italian to her. By being around them, I'm "learning" Italian, i.e. I understand what they say but I can't join in Italian, so I do it in French. We live in English speaking area (Southern Ontario) but DD went to French daycare and now goes to French school. However, a lot of the kids at both places don't speak French at home, so their first language (for most kids) is English and DD has now learned English. She started speaking English over the past summer and when we went to Italy to visit the in-laws, she started speaking Italian for the first time, she had always spoken back to DH in French!

I had friends who spoke German as a family and lived in France for 2 years. Their daughter learned French but then they moved to the US and the kids learned English (their son was too young to know French when they moved from Paris). After 2 years in the US, they moved back to Paris and their daughter refused to speak French until she felt fluent enough (she was still understanding French, I talked to her in French the entire time they were in the US).

I think some kids wait until they master a language to their satisfaction before they start using it. So, I would say, if you can speak a second or third language at home, don't hesitate! Even if your kid doesn't want to speak the language, they are learning it and the day they decide it is important, they will surprise you (like DD when she started speaking Italian, I couldn't believe it. She went from a word here and there to complete sentences in a day and now speaks Italian with DH).

[MontrealMum]

We are going about it a bit differently because DH and I both speak English as our first language yet we are a linguistic minority where we live. Having French here is a necessity. We have put DS in a French language-only daycare, so he's getting French from native speakers 50% of the time, and English from us 50% of the time. This has delayed his language skills somewhat, but he's finally starting to take off lately. He does prefer to respond in French (DH and I are both fluent), but he is obviously understanding the English that is spoken to him, and has English words too, I just think more will come a bit later. Lately, he's asking everyone around him what the word for something is, and he then repeats it. Today it was all about colors. Tomorrow it will be something else.

DH and I don't speak French to him because we want the amount of each language he gets to be equal. We're trying to get the grandparents to stop using their somewhat butchered French with him but I don't think that's going to happen. Even my dad has started making a list of French words that he's learning (he does not speak the language).

[ourbabygirl]

Good thread!

I would recommend the book "The Bilingual Edge: Why, When, and How to Teach your Child a Second Language" by Kendall King, Ph.D. and Alison Mackey, Ph.D. I haven't read through the whole thing, but have skipped around and think it's great how they give suggestions for helping your child become bilingual (starting bilingual play groups in your community, etc., etc.).

My problem is that neither DH nor I speak Spanish as our first language, but I'm fluent in it and want DD to learn it. Originally I had wanted her to be bilingual, but since I would need to be the one speaking only Spanish to her, I just couldn't bring myself to do it, as it's not that natural to me. She's 1, so she's got time, but I feel bad that I haven't spoken more Spanish with her. I've taken her to some Spanish story times at local libraries (we're definitely not in an area where there's a lot of Spanish spoken, so opportunities are few and far between), and I speak a bit with her during the day and read to her in Spanish a bit- some kids' books. I've also been taking her to a little Spanish 'class' for kids under 2, but since it's only a half hour long and is 45 minutes away, I think I'm going to stop and try to create my own thing here if I can get some people to come for it. She has some toys that go over to Spanish (Leapfrog is good with that, also some Fisher Price), and I'm just going to work on using colors, numbers, the alphabet, etc. with her in Spanish. We're also going to try a 'hispanic night' where we make something hispanic for dinner (usually Mexican since that's easier for me to make, though I'd like to find new recipes as well), play hispanic music, and speak in Spanish at dinner (as much as DH is able, that is). Other than that, I just want to keep exposing her to it more and make it fun for her now and in the future. I tried the only-speak-to-her-in-Spanish thing a while back, and it worked for about half a day- I felt like I was punishing myself and wasn't able to be as natural with her as I wanted to be, I just felt like I was trying too hard and it wasn't 'me.' So I'll settle for raising a kid who's maybe not bilingual, but is at least open to other languages and has a positive attitude about learning them (and maybe a good ear for the accent and an early start on rolling her r's). ;)

[sansdieu]

Great topic, by the way, generating so much interesting discussion.

I'm not worried that DD will not learn English; I'm sure she will as soon as she's truly "immersed" (although that might not be until kindergarten).

I just don't know how to deal with her being frustrated and unable to talk to other kids on the playground, etc. When she doesn't respond, they just run away and find another kid to play with... And I can see that it does bother her.

How do I explain it to her?

[niccig]

Try to have her speak Spanish, so she can speak to relatives that may not speak English. My mother refused to teach us Afrikaans saying it was useless. My grandmother did speak English, but wasn't fluent. As she got older, she spoke less and less English, and when dementia set in she stopped using/understanding English. In her last years, none of her grandchildren could talk with her. We needed our mothers to translate.

So do whatever you think will work, but try for her to have a certain level of fluency.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

Great topic, by the way, generating so much interesting discussion.

I'm not worried that DD will not learn English; I'm sure she will as soon as she's truly "immersed" (although that might not be until kindergarten).

I just don't know how to deal with her being frustrated and unable to talk to other kids on the playground, etc. When she doesn't respond, they just run away and find another kid to play with... And I can see that it does bother her.

How do I explain it to her?

i would just explain to her that the kids speak another language than her... and that just because they dont' speak the same language she can still play with them... honestly i wouldn't stress too much out about it, as kids do learn to adapt very quickly at this age. when i was 3 years old and had just started daycare (i only knew Spanish at the time), I remember being so confused when the teachers would tell me to do something and i couldn't figure it out, and i also remember how i couldnt understand the other kids and how i felt very isolated. but i also remember that in a matter of months i was able to slowly understand the other kids and teachers and communicate with them, and i remember feeling so proud of myself for doing so. i think at this age (under 5 years old) kids are really adaptable and can learn pretty quickly. sure, there may be some frustration in the beginning, but i think that comes with learning anything (how to tie shoes, ride a bike, etc).

and actually, i'm really glad that i was able to have this experience of having to learn a new language at a young age (including the initial frustration/confusion) as i really think it helped my mind adapt and be able to learn languages in general. for example later on in grad school I was able to learn Japanese at age 25 and was able to speak it fluently after only a few years..i've tried learning other languages too and they;ve always come pretty easy to me.. my husband on the other hand, who was never really forced to learn a 2nd language as kid, has major trouble trying to master basic Spanish (even though he grew up with family members who spoke it).