Would you go to a play date at a home w/a cat?

[ourbabygirl]

Just wondering, since we have some friends who are allergic. IDK if their kids are (still babies or toddlers), but I wonder if it's a huge deal-breaker to most people. Is it something you would announce right away to new people, or something they would ask on their own, if allergies were an issue?

Thanks for your input!

[Katigre]

Pet allergies can be miserable - itchy, watery eyes, constant sneezing, having to completely strip down and wash every single article of clothing when we get home.

I will go to homes with a cat but I often can't stay long. There are some things that help though:

1. Frequent vacuuming. If you vacuum right before people come, and make sure the furniture isn't coverd in cat hair, that makes a huge difference. The homes I've had the hardest time at were ones where the cats shed horribly and they didn't vacuum their furnitire/carpet very often.

2. Play outside, that helps a lot.

3. Put the cat in another room during the playdate.

I do appreciate people letting me know if they have a cat or not so I can make accomodations or ask for what I need (like I'd make sure to wear clothes that were easier to wash and leave my coat in the car).

[gordo]

I am HIGHLY allergic to any animal with hair, so I ALWAYS ask if there are pets when I am invited for a playdate. My answer is almost always a no if they have a pet, simply because I wouldn't last 5 minutes.

[crl]

I'm allergic to cats. But I'm allergic to everything so it's not like I can really avoid the issue. I don't ask before going to people's houses for playdates and cats don't stop me from going. If I had pets, I think I would try to mention that upfront just because there are some people that it makes a huge difference to.

Catherine

[cono0507]

My DD and I are allergic to cats and dogs. Two of our playgroup friends have cats but their houses are all hardwood and we've never had a problem there. However, we can't spend much time at my parents' house where they have a cat and carpet - we both end up wheezing and needing the inhaler. My DD was recently at a friend's house with my DH and they have a dog and she had an asthma attack that needed breathing treatments for two days following. We try to avoid it.

[infomama]

I would totally understand if someone passed on a playdate because of them. Pet allergies (well allergies in general) are *just awful*.

[hellokitty]

I wouldn't go. I'm severely allergic to cats, I basically end up with a bloody nose from sneezing so much (even if I take allergy meds ahead of time). It doesn't matter how well the host cleans the house, it is still really bad (I know, b/c a childhood friend had cats and every time I went over to her house I would be a mess). I'm really pissed, b/c my brother and his wife decided to lock their cat up at my parents' guest room for a period of a wk and I basically told my mom that I won't be staying at their house (my mom is a poor housekeeper at best). I was really annoyed that they couldn't have been more considerate and put the cat in a different room, like the study or basement, now it's contaminated the room, there will always be cat dander there.

[Snow mom]

My DH is allergic to cats and we do still go to friends houses who have cats. It certainly comes up that X has a cat and he plans for that to minimize his allergic reaction but ultimately he seems to have decided that it is worth it to be able to spend time with friends.

[mommylamb]

We have cats and I've never had anyone not come to our house because of it. Some of my adult friends have taken benadryl when they come. I wouldn't be offended though if someone didn't want to come due to allergies. We keep the house as clean as possible (DH is a neat freak) and just deal. It seems like everyone we know with allergies seems to love cats and wants to pet them when they come.

[doberbrat]

its definitely a maybe for me. there are times its ok for me to go and other times I really have to pass. I dont think my friends w/cats are offended when I say I'm tettering on the edge w/my allergies an dI have to pass this time.

I occasionally remind people that I have dogs but honestly, if you know me well enough to be invited to my house, you know Ihave dogs and you know they are full fledged members of the household. I generally dont leave them out when guests come b/c in general I dont trust other people's kids with my dogs - some people think its ok for their kids to pester animals - but their dander is everywhere. there's no getting around that at my house.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Not allergic so a non issue.

People with dogs that jump all over me are the ones that I would avoid unless they kept the dog in another room. I'm really uncomfortable around dogs.

Beth

[gatorsmom]

It's a huge deal breaker for me. I have other allergies that just cause my nose and eyes to itch and run but cats cause an asthmatic reaction. It's absolutely miserable. So, no, I don't visit in homes where there are cats if I can help it. DH will take the boys if it's on a weekend since neither of them seem allergic so far.

[Melanie]

Well for us, I am the only one allergic so I would take an allergy pill and suck it up. Not sure if it was my kids. It would depend upon if we had medication they could take to help significantly.

It's pretty darn miserable pretty quickly if I don't take the meds. Especially if the people have carpet. I was so unsympathetic before I became allergic - I had no idea!

ETA: If I understand your question correctly, you were wondering if you as the host should offer the info or assume those affected will ask? I think that if someone is highly allergic it's up to them to ask. But it doesn't hurt to keep some antihistamine's in your medicine chest just in case. ;) I had a friend who would have had to leave but I had some she could use.

[MontrealMum]

No, I would not. I am highly allergic to cats. You would not have to announce that you have pets to me because I always ask someone if they have pets (I am less allergic to dogs, the breed matters) before going to their home. Being around a cat means that I will be down for at least the following day and I'm just not interested in putting up with that. My eyes swell shut if around a cat too long, or if I touch one, and I break out in extremely uncomfortable hives. My allergy also usually affects my breathing which can be downright dangerous.

Many pet/cat owners are extremely understanding, but some are just clueless to the point of being offensive with their pushiness to offer "concessions". Yes, I do appreciate the offer, but if I say no, vacuuming/putting cat away won't help, please hear what I'm saying. No, some of us cannot just "take a pill" or "dose up on meds". I am already fully dosed ALL.THE.TIME. Thirty minutes with your cat even if you clean throughly and lock said cat in the basement is not worth several days of illness for me and a possible trip to the ER.

Please don't think the above is aimed at you, OP, but I think that many people are unaware how severe cat or other animal allergies can be and I think it's important to spread the word. When someone says "no", it's important to respect that and not push.

[citymama]

I have horrible cat allergies. I've been to playdates not knowing there would be cats, and DD has wanted to stay on and I've suffered through it. Usually isn't as bad I would have thought, especially if there's a backyard or window I can sit by. Knowing ahead of time would probably have deterred me, but it hasn't been too bad when I've gone.

The absolute worst was going to visit my DH's cousin and her family - staying at their place - and finding out they have 3 cats and carpeting! I slept through the whole visit with Benadryl and practically chewing on my inhaler.

[hellokitty]

In our moms club, there are moms with kids pet allergies and certain moms just don't participate in playgroups at homes with pets that their kids are allergic to. We have a dog, but I always put her away when ppl come over, b/c I realize not everyone likes dogs.

[elliput]

I have always been upfront about having pets in the house when we are expecting new visitors. I would rather have the potential guests beg off due to their allergies than be caught by surprise and end up miserable.

[citymama]

I have always been upfront about having pets in the house when we are expecting new visitors. I would rather have the potential guests beg off due to their allergies than be caught by surprise and end up miserable.

People might also want to come "prepared." I'd just bring my puffer and grin and bear it if it was an hour long playdate. Don't think I would cancel. But without the puffer, I'd be miserable, so I think that's the right approach.

[Globetrotter]

I had one of my only real asthma attacks when visiting a friend who has several pets, including cats and dogs. I don't avoid it, but my friends tend to vacuum before I go over and keep the pets away. If I'm there long enough, I can feel it in the air and my throat/lungs! However, I don't have it that bad compared to some people. If it was a severe allergy, I would just avoid it.

[rlu]

I have allergies to cats but not to the extent others have noted. MIL has always had a cat so I know a weekend at her place means headaches or sleeping through the trip with benedryl. Claritan and Nasonex combined aren't enough for those trips. We still go of course and it does help the cat isn't normally in the room where I sleep.

As for a playdate, we've gone to my friend's house who does have a cat. At her first place it was tough as she had mostly carpet, but her new place has a lot of hardwood floor and I do find that makes a huge difference for me. I still get the itchy eye and running nose and when I start sneezing too much, we leave. Luckily for me I usually recover in a few hours.

We had (and will someday have again) dogs which we know can be intimidating to some. My friend's DD is scared of dogs and consequently we usually met at a park. We warned people that we had BIG dogs and if that was a deal-breaker, moved the playdate.

You can't clean a house enough to get completely rid of the dander.

[sarahsthreads]

I always mention when arranging a playdate that we have two big dogs. I assure the other family that they will be kept behind gates, out of the rooms that we'll be playing/talking in, but I tell them in case there are allergies (no matter how much I vacuum there's fur around five minutes later) or fears (they're loud, and they bark when people come to the house.)

It's never been a deal breaker before for a playdate, but I wouldn't at all be offended if it ever was.

I'd want to know if there were dogs or cats as well, just so I could repeat the little talk about how we need to respect animals' space and not chase/tug ears/startle/etc. them with DD1.

Sarah :)

[carryingandstrollingabout]

It's heartbreaking. One of dd's best friends got a cat. The house is clean with hardwood floors. We tried to visit. I took prednisone for a day before, during, and after, plus benadryl, plus inhaler, plus advair. Even so, I got such an allergy and asthma attack, that I was sick with a lung infection afterward for 2 weeks. Now if a family has a cat, we can't go play there. People don't understand; if it is a severe enough allergy, just being in a room the cat has walked through that week is enough.

It's heartbreaking, but a family can't not get a pet simply because some visitors won't be able to come...

What really bugs me is cats on planes, even in the carrier. Now that I'm super senstized, if I get on a plane with a cat, one of us will have to get off, or I may not live until landing, no joke... Most airlines are pet friendly. And here's another trend--pet friendly hotels. It is getting hard to get a non pet/non smoking room. Many hotels allow pets in non smoking hotels and cannot guarantee no pet has been in the room lately. Again, they don't understand. They say previous occupant paid extra for an extra cleaning after the pet. It isn't enough. If the pet has been there, I can't stay there. There's not enough medication in the world to stop the reaction...

I hate allergies...

[pb&j]

Most people who know us know we have cats. We haven't had anyone refuse a playdate yet because of it, but I wouldn't be offended. We do have a finished basement w/playroom where the cats are not allowed EVER, so we do have a big space that is (theoretically) dander-free.

Personally, I don't mind well-behaved pets at a playdate. Cats that are crawling on me, or dogs that are in your face and jumping up on me or the kids really annoy me. If our cats get too pushy, we'll put them out on the screen porch so they won't bother us/our guests.

[LarsMal]

DH, DS, and I all have cat allergies. When we were looking at houses I could tell within about 5 minutes if there was a cat in the house.

If we all take anithistamines before we visit someone with a cat we're okay for a little while. We have to change clothes/do laundry as soon as we get home, though. It wouldn't be a deal-breaker for us for a playdate or party, but we can't stay the night with a cat. I'd be okay, but DH and DS would be in the hospital!!

[MamaMolly]

It's heartbreaking. One of dd's best friends got a cat. The house is clean with hardwood floors. We tried to visit. I took prednisone for a day before, during, and after, plus benadryl, plus inhaler, plus advair. Even so, I got such an allergy and asthma attack, that I was sick with a lung infection afterward for 2 weeks. Now if a family has a cat, we can't go play there. People don't understand; if it is a severe enough allergy, just being in a room the cat has walked through that week is enough.

It's heartbreaking, but a family can't not get a pet simply because some visitors won't be able to come...

What really bugs me is cats on planes, even in the carrier. Now that I'm super senstized, if I get on a plane with a cat, one of us will have to get off, or I may not live until landing, no joke... Most airlines are pet friendly. And here's another trend--pet friendly hotels. It is getting hard to get a non pet/non smoking room. Many hotels allow pets in non smoking hotels and cannot guarantee no pet has been in the room lately. Again, they don't understand. They say previous occupant paid extra for an extra cleaning after the pet. It isn't enough. If the pet has been there, I can't stay there. There's not enough medication in the world to stop the reaction...

I hate allergies...

:grouphug: Big, huge hugs. DD's most sensitive allergy is cats. And we have an epi-pen for it and her other ones. I get it. Another thing about pet friendly hotels is that they use the same vacuum for all the rooms on one floor, so what they suck up in one room gets puffed into the next. I know because of the doggy smell in one hotel we recently stayed in. It reeked of dog in the room after they vacuumed.

Anyway, to the OP, I'd probably ask up front before coming over, and if you had a cat we wouldn't come. But I'd try to immediately schedule an outing together or invite you to our house :)

Our BTDT: We have been in open houses where they have cats and DD was fine but she didn't walk, I carried her. She also stayed several hours in a friend's home with the cat in the basement and she was fine. THere was hardwood floors and I know this friend is more than a little OCD about cleaning and DD was fine but I was a wreck the whole time.
We stayed a week with my sister in her filth hole of a home (seriously, when the 18 month old is climbing the stairs and goes YUCK! you know it is a nasty house) and DD had hives and ended up with a head/chest infection. She stayed on Benedryl the whole time.

The problem is that even if DD is fine, I'm not having a nice time. I'm being vigilant, 'that' helicopter mom, waiting for the allergy shoe to drop. I'd prefer to relax and enjoy your company! :)