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View Full Version : WWYD? younger's bro's wedding


Mom to Brandon and 2 cats
10-07-2009, 02:39 PM
My younger bro is getting married next fall. It's in SoCA (we, and the rest of our family, live in NoCA), so we'd be travelling to his wedding. Due to budget constraints they're limited to 150-200 people (I say only, because in our family 300-400 is the norm for wedding guests).

My mom tells me yesterday that she's going to invite my IL's and my other brother's IL's. My problem is that they are not close at all. My mom's rationale is that they are "extended family". Hello? You don't socialize with them at all, and only see them twice a year, at my kids' birthday parties.

I talked to my DH who confirmed that his parents would be attending out of a sense of obligation. My mom doesn't get it.

I'm wondering if I should:
1) Talk to my dad to get him to change my mom's mind about inviting them
2) Talk to my brother - tell him to just not mail the invitation, and invite another one of his friends instead

WWYD? It's so awkward. It's not like my parents and DH's parents are friends by a lot shot. Even when they're both at my house for the kids' parties, one set of family is usually in the family room while the other set is in the backyard. They don't co-mingle at all.

--Jennifer
elektra
10-07-2009, 02:54 PM
2) Talk to my brother - tell him to just not mail the invitation, and invite another one of his friends instead


This is what I would do. Isn't it more up to your brother and his fiance who to invite? And probably more his fiance even than him!
BabyMine
10-07-2009, 02:56 PM
I would just let it go and leave it up to your IL's to RSVP that they are comming. Some might not want to go becasue they don't know your brother.
TwinFoxes
10-07-2009, 03:12 PM
The problem with not mailing the invite is OPs mom might get offended if they don't show.

I think you should present your reasons to your mom, then let it go. Unless your parents are paying, I have a feeling the bride will probably take care of this :)
Fairy
10-07-2009, 03:32 PM
The problem with not mailing the invite is OPs mom might get offended if they don't show.

I think you should present your reasons to your mom, then let it go. Unless your parents are paying, I have a feeling the bride will probably take care of this :)

Yeah, that's the problem with not mailing the invite, plus when you get an ivite to a wedding, you are expected to send a gift whether you go or not. so, this is awkward. I'd follow the above advice, and if you just can't or she does it anyway, then maybe your brother can simply not send it and let HIM deal with your mom?
codex57
10-07-2009, 03:42 PM
The problem with not mailing the invite is OPs mom might get offended if they don't show.

I think you should present your reasons to your mom, then let it go. Unless your parents are paying, I have a feeling the bride will probably take care of this :)

Yeah. I know you're sorta involved cuz it's your inlaws, but this isn't something I'd stick my neck out with and get involved. I know in Asian families, this would cause all sorts of friction with perceived insults and all that. Weddings are sort of big deals. They fall into the "one or two times a year" events.

Has your mom already verbally told your ILs they were invited? If not, you can avoid the problem by saying it's a small wedding and blame the bride by saying it's for more immediate family since space is so limited. With a halfway reasonable excuse that says they're not specifically excluded whereas others as far removed as them are going, they likely won't care. They go from being unwanted to just not being super special to your brother that he went of his way to invite them.
Melanie
10-07-2009, 04:40 PM
I'd talk to your brother, as it's his wedding, not your mother's. ;) Despite what she may think. LOL.

Then if your brother agrees I'd just mention it to your mother once it's said and done.
hillview
10-07-2009, 06:56 PM
could DH ask his M&D NOT to attend :)
/hillary