Sometimes, Mama needs a break.

[elizabethkott]

That's all I'm saying.

A little understanding and support from DH shouldn't be too much to ask, should it? ESPECIALLY when *someone* went to a playoff game last weekend with a high school buddy and is leaving tomorrow morning for three days in Naples with two college buddies to play golf.

All I want is a guilt-free weekend to myself.

Is that too much to ask? I shouldn't have to *ask* to go get my nails done, when I am *informed* that someone will be playing tennis at such-and-such a time, or playing golf at such-and-such a time or going out for a drink at such-and-such a time. Nails is like an hour long committment. Tennis? at least 2 hours. Golf? A minimum of 5 hours. A drink? God only knows. And there is a BIG DIFFERENCE between someone leaving the other partner for 5 hours of high-activity morning toddler and someone who goes out for an hour during NAP TIME. BIG DIFFERENCE. And when I voice the difference, I shouldn't be patronized or treated like *I'm* at fault for not "taking the initiative". How can I "take the initiative" to go out when I'm constantly being informed that YOU have made plans already? After the fact? Never mind consulting your wife and supposed PARTNER every time you want to do something. Did it ever occur to you that your wife might want to do something during the time you've allotted for tennis, or golf, or going to get a drink with a friend? Just because I don't put "I would like to get my nails done" on the calendar DOESN"T mean you shouldn't ask me about a free space of time on the weekend. A free space on the calendar is not a license for you to get to do whatever the heck YOU want to do without consulting YOUR PARTNER.

Oh, and me taking the new dog to obedience training does NOT count as me-doing-something-for-myself time. Nor does running after school rehearsals or Saturday rehearsals for MY JOB. Same goes for running errands, going to the grocery store, or entertaining your sister and her family while you were out of town at a playoff game last weekend, no matter how much "fun" we had.

End scene.

[kozachka]

(((Hugs))). It sounds to me like your DH is overdue for a serious talk. He is being self centered and behaving in a way that is normally observed in single male species, he needs to start thinking and behaving like a modern family man. And under no circumstances you should have to feel guilty for taking some time to yourself to recharge your batteries.

[MCsMom]

BRAVA!
:bighand: :bighand: :bighand:

[pinay]

My DH is often the same way. I actually had to have my parents come over to babysit DD one day so that I coud get an uninterrupted block of time to grade projects b/c he had already made plans to watch football w/ his brother. I think you need to just get a hold of the calendar and schedule 3 hour blocks of time for yourself every weekend and tell him that you've "taken the initiative" ;)

[jgenie]

:hug: Sounds like it's time for a "drop and run". Figure out when he isn't already scheduled to be out of the house (although I might be tempted to do it at a time that he does have something scheduled to really make a point) hand him DS and tell him you'll be back later. Find a nice place for lunch and spa services and enjoy some time to yourself. This works really well for DH - I tend to take no time for myself until I'm at "melt down" stage. GL

[maestramommy]

If that is your DH's attitude, take him at his word and make him walk the talk. Agree with pp to just write something in for a block of time on HIS calendar and just leave. :hug:

[amandabea]

I agree with the Pps. This should not be the end of the story.

[LarsMal]

Amen, sista! I need a t-shirt that says, "My husband went on a fun trip and all I got was this t-shirt."

What about, when returning from a trip by yourself to the grocery store, "Did you enjoy your alone time?" :6:

The day baby C is weaned or will take a bottle my butt will be out that door and I'm not leaving the number of the spa where I'll be hiding out!

[kedss]

I hear ya-
Funny how men don't understand that alone time makes for a happier mama...sigh.

[MamaMolly]

Oh, and me taking the new dog to obedience training does NOT count as me-doing-something-for-myself time. Nor does running after school rehearsals or Saturday rehearsals for MY JOB. Same goes for running errands, going to the grocery store, or entertaining your sister and her family while you were out of town at a playoff game last weekend, no matter how much "fun" we had.

AMEN, AMEN, AMEN! Whip out that calendar and FILL it. Massages, pedicures, long walks while you pick your nose. What ever. Fill it NOW. And even if you only mentally fill it, the next time your beloved partner informs you of his plan to do XYZ, you say, oh I'm sorry dear. You are PARENTING then because I'm going to be out doing ABC.

Then do it!

I about slapped the snot right out of DH when he talked about 'babysitting' DD. You don't babysit your own kid. You parent. And Liz, you have been wayyyyyyyy too nice. Like fluffy kittens and marshmallows nice about this. The only way they *get* how hard it is to parent is by doing it. Let him do the toddler-tap dance for a while. You both need the experience.

[Cheburashka]

*hugs* Agree with the PP's - write in blocks of time for you and go. You need time for yourself, and maybe you'll get some more appreciation if your DH has to put the parent hat on for a bit.

[LarsMal]

I about slapped the snot right out of DH when he talked about 'babysitting' DD. You don't babysit your own kid. You parent.


OMG- me too! What is with that? Now he says it because he knows it pisses me off, but the first couple times...oooooohhhh....

The best is, "You're leaving me with ALL THREE? Can't you at least take one, I don't think I can handle three. Can you be quick?"

And he doesn't want to get the snip "just in case"...haha...whatever, dude, this kitchen is closed. No more buns in this oven!

Oops...sorry for the hijack Liz!