Walking to school

[ilfaith]

The recent news about Somer Thompson, the little girl who went missing on her walk home from school earlier this week, hit close to home.

http://www.firstcoastnews.com/news/topstories/news-article.aspx?storyid=147047&catid=3

It's gotten me wondering at what age people let their children walk to school by themselves.

I know when I was a child my mom walked me to school for pre-K, kindergarten and first grade. We lived in NYC at the time. Before second grade we moved to New Jersey and I took a bus to school. I did have a walk of several blocks to the bus stop, and usually walked with friends. By fourth grade we moved again and I had a walk of a little under a mile to school. I walked (or rode my bicycle) most days (unless the weather was really bad and someone gave us a ride), again with friends.

Now, as a mom, I cannot imagine letting my kids walk to school alone (at the moment it's not an issue since their school is a 15 minute drive), but I am wondering when and if parents ever feel comfortable letting their children walk to school (or wait for the bus) on their own. Of course now with a child-murderer at large in the area, I'm guessing fewer children are going off unchaperoned.

It does make me sad when I think back to my own childhood when we all roamed freely around the neighborhood until dinner or dark. I feel like children today have lost some of their independence in exchange for safety and peace of mind.

[mommylamb]

I really agree with you... it's sad, but I'm afraid of giving my DS the kind of freedom I had. I used to walk to school on occation (just over a mile from my house) probably from the time I was 8 years old (so 3rd grade). Even before that though, I'd walk to the bus stop (1/4 mile from my house and out of sight from my mother), and wait for the bus there with other kids.

[deborah_r]

It is sad. And then you hear how statistically it is so unlikely a stranger will abduct your child...but then it's all over the news that it has happened to *someone*. I don't watch the news much, but heard this last night, then our local news had a story about a girl who was kidnapped, but she got away, and it was all "do not let your children walk alone, ever!" and I kind of feel like that is an overreaction, but I'd still be scared to let my child go alone.

So no answers for you, but I understand where you are coming from!

[egoldber]

I would let Sarah walk now (8, third grade). Truthfully, my real concern is a street in our neighborhood that commuters use as a cut through between 2 busy roads and they often FLY through and ignore stop signs.

While the case of that girl is tragic, it is incredibly unlikely and I think giving kids these opportunities builds their confidence.

[Cheburashka]

I walked to elementary school with my sisters and a large group of neighborhood kids, since we only lived about 2 blocks from the school. Same school, my youngest sister was driven in a carpool everyday with our neighbor. When I worked a short time at the same school in their before/after school daycare type program about a year ago, I'd see people who lived across the street from the school walk their kids right up to the front door. The difference a few years makes.

[sste]

I think prior to third grade my mom paid some older (as in 3rd, 4th, 5th) graders to walk with me to school - - by pay, I think it was small change and she didn't view them as responsible parties so much as paying them to let me walk with them so I would be in a group. This could work if you have neighbors a few years older walking to the same elementary.

[zoestargrove]

We walked with a group to school several blocks as a kid when I was Somer's age. My mom stressed to never leave the group - even if we had a disagreement - which is exactly what happened to make her so vulnerable. My heart aches for her family - but, especially her older sister who was walking with her.

[Piglet]

I would let Sarah walk now (8, third grade). Truthfully, my real concern is a street in our neighborhood that commuters use as a cut through between 2 busy roads and they often FLY through and ignore stop signs.

While the case of that girl is tragic, it is incredibly unlikely and I think giving kids these opportunities builds their confidence.

Amen! As a mom of an 8 year old, I have recently loosened the reins and have let him do more on his own. Things that freaked me out a year ago (ilke letting him use the mens' room at a baseball game) are pretty normal now. While this story is incredibly tragic, it is also incredibly rare. It happened in the 60', 70's and 80's too, just it never got national media coverage.

[Laurel]

While this story is incredibly tragic, it is also incredibly rare. It happened in the 60', 70's and 80's too, just it never got national media coverage.

Yep. My kids won't be able to walk to school because it is in a rural area, but I am already letting DD(5) walk a few houses down the street to a friend's (she doesn't know I watch to make sure she gets there). I think by the time she is 7 or 8 I will be comfortable with her playing outside in the neighborhood without constant adult supervision.

[jess_g]

I did not hear this story, but there is a documentary I saw on tv about a girl that was kidnaped in Japan and sent to North Korea. She was walking home from school and stopped at the beach near her house and never heard from again. The parents were frantic and did not find out what happened to her for years. We live near the beach (but far away from Japan) so this story has always stuck with me.

http://www.pbs.org/independentlens/abduction/index.html

I know we are over protective of our children but we realy don't let them out alone. I guess I just want them to be safe but I do think they are missing out on not being outside playing and exploring the neighborhood like I was at their age. We have just started to let our 14 year old out of the house on her own for trips to the library or to meet up with a friend. She always takes my cell phone so she can call home.

Jessica.

[Clarity]

We just had a high school sophomore in one of the older city suburbs nearby who was kidnapped and raped as she was walking to school. I think my kids will not be walking for a long, long time - if ever.

[AnnieW625]

We live in the middle of a suburban city and no I don't think I'll be letting my child walk to and from school until she is in middle school--6th grade (if she goes to the normal K-5 elementary school near us). Both DH and I work full time outside the home so we'll most likely have to do drop off and have after school care. Unfortunately the school 500 ft. from us has a lot of bussed kids and we have very few kids on our street that are DD's age so I wouldn't feel comfy have her walk home alone at any age less than 10; plus not 100% sure I'd want her to be a latch key kid either. Now we might walk her down to school in the morning if we chose our home school, but otherwise we'll just pick up when we are done with work. Our street has a bunch of people who A work during the day and aren't home or B are old retired people that never come out of their homes. Of course this might change over time, but I am not gauranteeing anything.

[jgenie]

We live in a suburb of NYC. It's a small town that feels very safe. Having said that, I don't see us letting DS walk to school at any time. I'm a SAHM and a big reason for that is so that I can be home when DS gets home. I don't see any reason to take the risk as minimal as it is. Maybe as DS grows up that will change, but I'm not expecting it to.

[kransden]

By herself? Uh, never lol. :) Seriously, if dd went to school at one of the 3, yes 3, schools within walking distance from my house it would depend. One I would let her do it now because it is in line of sight across the park and I could see her. A person in a car couldn't come by and snatch her. The second with a group of older kids only and never by herself. The third is the farthest and has the busiest streets. So maybe 5th grade in a group.

[elektra]

From 1st grade to 3rd grade I took a bus from school that had a drop off near my day care. I would then walk (with a group) about a half a mile to our day care. I don't think you would see a group of 6-year-olds walking by themselves that far today.
Luckily our elementary school is right across the street from my house. DD should be able to walk across the street by herself at the cross walk with the crossing guard all by herself.
But I probably wouldn't let her walk if our school was farther away. I'll just have to cross that bridge when I come to it.
I know the chances are so slight (I am almost finished with Protecting the Gift) of getting abducted by a stranger, but it's hard to let go when just walking them somewhere yourself is so doable, KWIM?

[sariana]

DS goes to a school 7 miles away because he is in SpEd. If (please, please, please) he is able to be mainstreamed back into our neighborhood school for first grade next year, I am thinking of starting a "walking school bus" for our neighborhood.

I'm only vaguely familiar with the concept, but I think parents just trade off chaperoning a group of kids as they walk to and from school together. The "walking school bus" can stop at each participant's home to add that child to the "bus." Depending on how many families participate, parents would be responsible for chaperoning only every few days or once a week. I'm still deliberating how working parents could contribute. Some might be able to do the morning duty while SAHPs took responsibility for the after-school part.

Geographically our school and neighborhood are set up perfectly for something like this. I'm not sure how to get it going, but I suppose I have some time to figure it out.

[vludmilla]

I walked to school alone starting in 1st grade (6yo). I didn't like doing it and I got scared numerous times. I think my mom gave me too much responsibility too young so I wouldn't let DD walk alone in 1st grade. I would be afraid a bit but I would let her walk when she seemed ready and wanted to do it.

[jd11365]

I keep thinking the same thing, particularly after what happened to Somer. I just can't imagine letting my kids walk to school.
This coming from a girl who took NYC public transportation to and from school starting when I was 8 and in the 3rd grade.

[KrisM]

Kids in our neighbor hood walk often at 3rd grade. The 3-5 school is about .5 miles away and they all meet at the bus stop and walk together. The take the bus on rainy days.

DS wants to walk now. The K-2 school is about a mile and we've walked a couple times. I have told him he's not allowed, but he thinks he'd be fine :).

[carryingandstrollingabout]

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/09/13/fashion/13kids.html?_r=2&scp=1&sq=walking%20to%20school&st=cse

There was an article in NYT about kids walking to school alone.

I started walking to school alone when I was in 1st grade in NYC. It was fairly normal back then, and parents didn't worry. We also went outside to play in playgrounds on our own. However, BAD THINGS HAPPENED TO KIDS ALL THE TIME. No one got abducted, killed, or raped. But harassments and enounters with perverts, flashers, grabbers, pinchers, and agressive crazy people coming after us and yelling and grabbing us happened regularly to us little kids, and kids would also be robbed of their down coats by bigger kids from outside the neighborhood.

We all warned each other. We knew the hot spots. But back then, we--and our parents--would all shrug and sadly say it is how the world is now. We actually thought it was normal, that these things happened, and had to be dealt with as "life crap." Sort of "you had a bad day."

Then the world switched, and parents became super overprotective of their kids. Good, I say. I don't let my kids more than 3 feet away from me. I don't let them out alone in the yard.

It worries me when I see "overprotective" standards lightening up.

[Melaine]

Honestly? My kids will not be walking anywhere alone. Period.

[fivi2]

The elementary school is about two blocks away. I could see us considering it after 3rd grade, depending on how mature I feel the girls are. I don't know whether the school itself has rules about it, though.

The middle school is across 2 pretty big roads. Even though I see a lot of kids walking home, I am not too sure how I feel about cars. (I am also not a fan of that middle in general.)

The high school is walkable/bikeable. Definitely by highschool! I am not going to send my kids out driving in the world before they have walked home!

(I went to private, too far to walk. But I definitely walked to stores and friend's houses etc)

Yes, scary things can happen. But I don't keep my kids inside when I hear about a freak lightning strike, or out of the pool when the e-mails about dry drowning go around. Eventually, my kids will be on their own. If I haven't helped prepare them for that by giving them smaller steps toward independence, then IMO, I am doing them a disservice. (I realize this is just my opinion!) Bad things happen to people after they turn 18, too. If I haven't allowed them to wak 2 blocks to school in a fairly safe neighborhood, how am I going to send them to college at age 18? I think it is my job to give them the tools to survive as adults, including age appropriate doses of independence.

[egoldber]

I thought that NY Times article was very favorable toward letting children walk to school.


“But we don’t do them a service by going to the worst-case scenario in your mind and acting accordingly. Organizing your life around the images of Etan Patz and Jaycee Dugard negates the joy you had walking to school as a kid or even the sense that you could take care of yourself.”

I think this is what I was trying to say. Giving kids these skills and self confidence is good for them. Personally *I* am not comfortable teaching my kid that life is so scary that she can't learn to walk to school.


If I haven't helped prepare them for that by giving them smaller steps toward independence, then IMO, I am doing them a disservice. (I realize this is just my opinion!) Bad things happen to people after they turn 18, too. If I haven't allowed them to wak 2 blocks to school in a fairly safe neighborhood, how am I going to send them to college at age 18? I think it is my job to give them the tools to survive as adults, including age appropriate doses of independence.

Exactly.

[KrisM]

For those who say they will never let their kids walk to school, do you mean it or is it just something to say? If you mean it, does that mean they'll go to college and live at home so you can drive them to class? What about when they get a job after that? Will you drive them there, too or will you let them get themselves to work everday?

Bad things happen to kids. Bad things happen to adults. Maybe adults can handle it better, but how will they have learned if they weren't taught by their parents?

At some point, they need to learn some independence and how to take care of themselves. They aren't going to magically learn it the day they turn 18 and become an adult.

[TwinFoxes]

It's still a few years before I have to make any decisions. My brother and I walked to school together, starting when I was in K, and he was in 1st grade. He could walk by himself, but I wasn't allowed to, if he was sick I had to ride the 3 blocks with a friend's dad who would come pick me up. One time when my brother was sick I told the dad that my mom said I could walk home by myself, and did. (he ratted me out, and boy was I in trouble!)

I don't know when I'll allow my girls to walk somewhere by themselves. It won't be 1st grade, but it won't be "never" either. I went to college at 17. I can't imagine being dumped in Berkeley without some experience of being on my own. I feel I wouldn't have had the judgment to know who to trust, and who not to trust. Not just with strangers, but dorm mates, and dates too.

[bubbaray]

I definitely do not want my girls walking to elementary (K-7). We live too far away anyway. I'm worried about the logistics of French Immersion HS (8-12) b/c it is even further away and there is no school bus nor is there daycare for that age group. So, I dunno.

[ha98ed14]

While this story is incredibly tragic, it is also incredibly rare. It happened in the 60', 70's and 80's too, just it never got national media coverage.

I know you are right. Statistically it is not very likely that it will happen to your child. But it will happen to someone's child, and I am not willing to risk that it will be mine.

My perspective on these kinds of "odds" changed when my DD was born with a birth defect that affects 1 in 450,000 live births. For those of you math folks, that is 2.22 x 10^-6. (To give you some perspective, the odds of having a child with cleft palate is about 1/1000. But despite the "high odds," I don't know anyone IRL with a cleft palate.) My DD's defect has no known genetic or environmental cause and it is not part of a larger syndrome. "It just happens," they told me. The odds are very, very low, but it happens, and it happened to happen to my child.

I will fully admit that my caution is not rational and is driven by fear. But bad things *DO* happen, medical and criminal. Most of it is beyond my control, but I want to do what I can to prevent as many of the bad scenarios as possible, so I plan to escort DD to school and not leave her alone with adults I don't know and make sure she gets exercise and vegetables.

[Melaine]

For those who say they will never let their kids walk to school, do you mean it or is it just something to say? If you mean it, does that mean they'll go to college and live at home so you can drive them to class? What about when they get a job after that? Will you drive them there, too or will you let them get themselves to work everday?

Oh I totally mean it. I do not consider a college student a child any more so obviously that is a totally different situation. Clearly, I do not think the OP was referring to walking to college. There are dangers to both children and adults but their safety is my responsibility while they are children (school age). For that reason, they won't be walking anywhere alone.

[KrisM]

Oh I totally mean it. I do not consider a college student a child any more so obviously that is a totally different situation. Clearly, I do not think the OP was referring to walking to college. There are dangers to both children and adults but their safety is my responsibility while they are children (school age). For that reason, they won't be walking anywhere alone.

But, do you really think that 17 years and 364 days is much less safe than 18 years? Will something magical happen to make them safer?

[Ceepa]

My job is to help them learn to trust themselves, to listen to their inner voice to keep themselves safe when I'm not there at school, on dates, with friends. Of course I'm not cavalier with their safety but I have no interest in keeping my kids on a short leash until they leave for college.

[Melaine]

But, do you really think that 17 years and 364 days is much less safe than 18 years? Will something magical happen to make them safer?

No, but when they go to college I will have to hope they can take care of themselves and make the decisions of whether to walk alone places or not. I realize that bad things can happen at any age but not walking alone is one of the rules WE have in MY family.

[strollerqueen]

I feel badly about it, too. Even though crime levels around here are down to pre-Eisenhower levels, my neighbors have fits if I let my kids out to ride bikes or run around. They are 8 and 11 and usually with a bunch of friends, but I have had neighbors threaten to call CPS if I am not out there watching them!
P.S. I do not let them walk to school alone, even though the school allows it after 3rd grade. Not sure why I feel they are safer out playing, then walking to school. Because the reality is, there are so many families out walking their kids to and from school, dropping off and picking up, that a child snatcher would just keep on going. From what I understand, they are more likely to go to more empty streets, and look for children walking or playing alone.

[american_mama]

In my area, 5th and 6th grade are in their own school. Those children all walk to the bus stop (many separately, from what I can tell) and wait together without adult supervision, from what I can tell. I mention this becuase these are multiple families who have decided to loosen the reigns at that point, either due to necessity or preference.

I knew a 4th grader last year who walked home alone after school all the time. I believe the school has a technical rule that children must be 4th graders before they can leave school alone, but I am not sure if this is rigorously enforced.

My sister asks me often when I will let my children walk to/from school alone (no bus since we are so close). I refuse to let her box me into a corner. I'll figure it out as I go.

"Protecting the Gift" is a good adult book about safety and "Stranger Danger" (featuring Safe Side Safety Chick) is a very good DVD, much better than the title. I watched it through the library and think it would an awesome item to have at every public library.