Need to Stop Yelling at DC...Recommendations...Parenting Books

[plusbellelavie]

Okay I find that since the baby arrival 10 months ago that I am yelling a lot more at the older DC (7 and 9) to get them to do what they need to etc. I hate it and I have really been trying to make a conscious effort to stop but is so difficult because I have less time, more things to do, and need them to help more and feel guilty for it.

It is stressful and emotionally draining not only for me but the kids and it has changed the family dynamics! It is hard with the different schedules of the kids and just daily life it doesn't seem like they do what I have asked until I have either nagged, lectured, or punish them. And, I just don't always have the time for them to do it when they feel like it! And, punishment/reward system just doesn't seem as effective as they gotten older. Would love to know what people have done that have worked if they are willing to share!!

I researched Amazon and different websites to find a good parenting book and found tons but don't know which to order so I thought I would ask for recommendations here. I can't go to the local library or bookstore to look at them because they have a very limited section on English books and it tends to be novels.

So which parenting book is your go to book to get ideas and guidelines to resolve your discipline problems? Or any advice with guidelines you are willing to share would be wonderful!

[hellokitty]

I don't really have any book suggestions, but I can commiserate. DS3 is 3 mo old. DS1 has been pretty good about listening, so I don't end up having to nag him too much. DS2 is HORRIBLE, he turned 4 yrs old and has been soooo bad. He doesn't listen to what he is told to do, he does things on purpose to upset his older brother, he talks back and is just generally mean and acts like a brat. I have been yelling at him a LOT lately. I feel like, everything he does, I end up yelling at him. I hate doing it, but I am so sick and tired, b/c whenever I try ask him to do something in a normal voice, he just blows me off or makes faces at me and then of course I get annoyed and my voice gets louder and louder every time I have to ask him again.

Of course, at preschool is a total butt kisser. My DH said he could not believe it. He dropped both kids off at school yesterday and told me a play by play of how DS2 kissed his preschool teacher's butt, "Good morning Mrs. F." Then went on to have a very civil, goody-goody convo with the teacher. DH said he was like a totally different kid and he just stood there, totally blown away by how different DS2 was compared to how he is at home. Great, so we pay tuition for someone else to get the better half of DS2 and we get the crappy, grouchy, impossible half to deal with half. UGH. DH and I have been worried that DS2 would get in trouble all of the time at school, b/c of the way he acts at home and it's been the total opposite, he is pretty well behaved at school. and saves all his horrible behavior for home. Sorry to vent.

[DietCokeLover]

I have not read it myself, but I have a friend who is currently reading a book called "She's Gonna Blow" that is geared toward helping harried mom's control their angry outbursts at their children.

The last I talked to her, she was liking it, but she was not very far into it at the time.

[pakin]

I really like the book "Peaceful Parents, Peaceful Kids" by Naomi Drew.

http://search.barnesandnoble.com/Peaceful-Parents-Peaceful-Kids/Naomi-Drew/e/9781575666082/?itm=1&USRI=peaceful+parents%2c+peaceful+kids

Pakin

DS 4/2001
DD 6/2005

[maestramommy]

I'm reading a very interesting book right now (I'm on my last library renewal, aack!) called "Positive Discipline for Preschoolers." Even though it's for preschool kids, I find the principles in there pretty universal. I just checked Amazon, and apparently there is a whole series of "Positive Discipline" books by the same author, Jane Nelsen (and two others). One very basic premise is that the parent learns to invite cooperation rather than forcing compliance through more punitive methods (spanking, yelling, timeouts)

Another good book is "How to Talk so Kids will Listen, and Listen so Kids will Talk." This addresses the exact issues you've been having, and IS for kids older than preschool.

[plusbellelavie]

Another good book is "How to Talk so Kids will Listen, and Listen so Kids will Talk." This addresses the exact issues you've been having, and IS for kids older than preschool.

I had put this one in my cart after reading some of the reviews along with these other books. I wonder if anyone has a opinion on them one way or the other because they all look good after reading the reviews but without being actually able to look at them it is hard to know how effective they would be so any thoughts would be great! I don't plan to get all of them I just put them in the cart to try to decide which would be relevent and helpful...I know there is no magic book but I really need one or even two with helpful guidelines on how to implement things not just talk and data KWIM?

Playful Parenting - Lawrence J. Cohen
1-2-3 Magic for Kids: - Thomas W. Phelan
Nurtureshock: New Thinking About Children - Po Bronson (new but looked interesting although a bit heavy on the research data maybe? just my IMO from the reviews on Amazon) would love to know what someone thinks of it if they read it!
Honey, I Wrecked the Kids: When Yelling, Screaming, Threats, Bribes, Timeouts, Sticker Charts and Removing Privileges All Don't Work - Alyson Schafer
Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards And Punishments to Love And Reason - Alfie Kohn
Have a New Kid by Friday: How to Change Your Child's Attitude, Behaviour & Character in 5 Days - Kevin Leman

I am going to look into the other ones that were recommended by the other posters tonight and if others have any recommendations for others would appreciate hearing them.

I like to change the tone of the house ASAP especially since there is the potential move back to the States next summer which is going to add lots of stress for everyone!

[daphne]

I loved Unconditional Parenting. I recommended it on another thread here b/c it really changed the way I view my relationship with my chlldren. Like one of the books maestramommy mentioned, I'm big into trying to elicit cooperation rather than coercing my children into behaving. It's not always easy, but I feel good about the way I'm parenting (on most days, that is...well, in particular w/my 4yo. My 2yo is another story ;) )

[ThreeofUs]

Try "Who's the Boss" by Lavin and Glaser. Their methods work pretty well for us.

[Piglet]

Parenting with Love and Logic is fantastic! I need a refresher course these days...

[Ceepa]

Don't forget to address your basic needs too. When I'm tired or hungry or stressed it's harder for me to find that last reserve of patience with my family. Make sure you're taking care of yourself, especially with an infant around. PP offered a lot of good suggestions for books.

[Alice523]

I loved Playful Parenting. When I use an idea from the book and it works like a charm, I wonder why I don't consciously try to do it more often. I have a really hard time being silly with my DS when I am annoyed, but when I can manage, I am definitely rewarded with his cooperation. It makes life sooo much easier to keep things cheerful.

A friend of mine is reading Nurture Shock and likes it. She has mentioned a few concepts and how she is trying to use them. I don't know anything beyond that.

How To Listen is definitely worth reading. I felt it was helpful for all relationships, and not just those with my children. I should get it back out - DH and I are having a very tough time with my soon-to-be 4 y/o.