Baby born 2 months early. Need Advice

[shawnandangel]

DH's coworker's wife, we'll call her Jane, had her baby this morning by emergency c-section 2 months early. We don't really know all of the specifics, just that baby's heartrate fell very low and they decided to take baby.

Baby and Jane are doing well. Baby is obviously in NICU but stable.

DH and I feel so helpless. We called them at the hospital and asked if we could bring them anything. They couldn't think of anything they needed atm.

What would be a nice thing to do for them? I thought about making them some freezable casserole dishes. I know they are vegetarian for relgious beliefs.

What about Jane? Is there anything you mommies who delivered prematurely would have loved to have with you at the hospital?

DH and I are going to offer to let them borrow DD's swing and some other newborn supplies b/c they didn't have a lot of stuff yet. She was only 32 weeks.

[egoldber]

Amy was born at 34 weeks, although there is a pretty big difference between a 32 and 34 weeker. But most 32 weekers do very, very, very well long term.

Is this their first child? If they have older kids and no family in town, child care for their older child(ren) is the kindest thing you can do and their most immediate need.

For an otherwise healthy 32 weeker, they are probably looking at 6-8 weeks of NICU time, depending on how things go. They will want/need to be at the hospital a lot. Things they will need include...

food
restaurant cards/Starbucks cards
healthy snacks and things they can grab to bring to the hospital
preemie clothes

The Sears Your Premature Baby Book is good. Many of the preemie books concentrate on micro preemies which is not always applicable.

If she wants to breastfeed, then LLL has a booklet called "Breastfeeding Your Premature Baby" which I found very helpful.

[shawnandangel]

Thanks Beth. This is their first child.

[JTsMom]

If she's planning on bf'ing, maybe some books, and a some numbers of good LC's and/or LLL. DS wasn't a preemie, but we ended up in the CICU b/c of his heart, and that was something I desperately needed.

Some magazines, to kill some time sitting bedside while baby sleeps

Resterant gc's

Slippers/slipper socks

Cheery stuff, like a balloon.

[bubbaray]

A former coworker of mine had both her DS' early. First was at 30w, second was at 26w. Both are fine now (I think the youngest is in grade 1).

I think frozen food and GCs to restaurants near the hospital would be nice. Sounds like they have a long road of NICU visits ahead and it would be great for them not to have to think about that.

Could your DH organize a workplace or corporate gift or fundraiser? Even if they have insurance, extended NICU stays can be very expensives with hotels and such.

[applebutter]

I just had a baby in August and here are some things I would suggest:

If she's BFing, a pretty pair of jammies with a button down front, or button placket (to accomodate pumping) would be nice. Also, fuzzzy socks with sticky tread on the bottom (I couldn't find mine when I was in the hospital and I was so bummed).

Frozen casseroles are an awesome idea - my SIL did lasagna and enchiladas for us and it was SO helpful. Or, if there is something like an Applebees that does curbside pickup near the hospital, that would be a nice GC to get them.

[BabyMine]

M was born a premie and the things we liked were crochet blankets. They had some Grandmothers that made them for children in the NICU. Also we decorated M's area. I can still hear the noise that the machines make. We lived about 40 minutes away and people gave us gas gift cards.

[tnrnchick74]

something else we recommend our parents bringing to the bedside - those disposable cameras. They can leave them and the staff can snap cute pics of things they would have missed during those times they can't be there! Those can get $$$ - maybe also a gift cert to shutterfly to make a picture book later on

[frgsnlzrds]

I don't know if mom's of preemies can stay over or not, so this might not help, but DD was in the PICU (NICU was full) for a week after she was born because she needed surgery. I never left the hospital. I would have loved for someone to bring me comfy clothes, toiletries, books, and non-hospital food. Having someone to watch my other two was the best gift ever.

[sariana]

I think the food is a great idea.

My DS was born at 32 weeks. I was released after a couple of days, but he had to stay for 18 (which is short for a 32-weeker). I wanted to be with him every day, and not having to worry about meals was great (my MIL was in town helping).

We didn't need a lot of preemie clothes. The hospital dressed DS while he was there, and he was almost 5 lbs already when he went home. Do you know the size of their baby? If their baby is a giant (relatively speaking) like mine was, newborn clothes might work just fine.

DS is doing quite well now, BTW. DD was born at 36 weeks (via c-section) but spent no time in the NICU.

Recovering from the c-section was hard, though. "Jane" likely will not be allowed to drive for a couple of weeks. Are you able to offer her rides to the hospital if necessary to visit the baby in the NICU?

[shawnandangel]

Coworker will be off for paternity leave (I love that DH's work gives this) for at least the first 2 weeks.

Baby was born at 2.5 pounds.

[Melaine]

I think preemie clothes would be much appreciated. They aren't something you get as gifts beforehand and it's not something you really want to spend money on when you are looking at the astronomical bills from the NICU. But having your baby dressed in clothes that actually fit really does make you feel better (or it did for me). A 2.5 lb-er might need micro-preemie clothes. My girls were 4lbs 4oz at nearly 34 weeks and they were still in preemie clothes for quite awhile.

[shawnandangel]

Where do you buy micro preemie clothes? I have seen preemie clothes at Carters but don't remember any labeled "micro". Thanks!

Also, how do I wash preemie clothes? Can I wash with Allen's Naturally?

[Melaine]

Where do you buy micro preemie clothes? I have seen preemie clothes at Carters but don't remember any labeled "micro". Thanks!

Only online (as far as I know). I think there was a previous thread, I will look.

[Melaine]

http://www.preemiestore.com/Kushies-Scribbles--Tan-Preemie-6-Piece-Layette--fits-up-to-5-6-lbs-CLEARANCE_p_3373.html

That's a cute set.

Here is a previous thread:
http://www.windsorpeak.com/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=152628&highlight=micro+preemie

[tnrnchick74]

Honestly, don't bother buying "micro" preemie clothing - it's super $$$ and all the NICU's I've ever worked in had a supply for the VERY SHORT time they can actually fit in them

And I wouldn't buy a lot of preemie clothing either. Babies have to be AT LEAST 4 lbs to be able to maintain their temperatures without additional help, and yes newborn clothing will be big but they will be able to wear that A LOT LONGER than preemie clothing. Also, preemie clothing is $$$ and not usually found in a variety of cute styles.

Blanket, swaddle blankets, and other things would be more useful.

ETA - I'm not saying to not buy any preemie clothing, but don't buy a lot. We have lots of wonderful volunteers who make micro preemie clothing - and that was the same for most of the nicu's I've worked in. If you sew, making a few micro outfits with velcro or snaps to accommodate medical equipment would be better.

[annasmom]

I have had a 32 weeker, a 33 weeker (and 2 36 weekers).

I also wouldn't recommend buying micro preemie clothes for the baby. If the baby is in the NICU, she will be swaddled, and probably won't be wearing clothes other than a onesie during that time. By the time she leaves the hospital she could be close to 4-5 pounds.

Preemie clothes though would be VERY useful. My dd especially wore them FOREVER.

The baby will probably be at the hospital for a while. Maybe some magazines, books, etc. to pass the time.

I would NOT buy any preemie books. I say this because I did receive one from a very well-intentioned friend, but the contents scared the crap out of me (needlessly, fortunately).

Food would be great, even offers of rides to and from the hospital (she may not be able to drive yet, he might be back at work). They also might not be ready for the baby, so perhaps ask them if they need anyone to run around and get anything for the nursery. We had NOTHING when our dd came home - it is amazing how little you really need!

[DrSally]

Caseroles are a great idea. I second (third) the idea of premie clothes/cute hats. Does she have a boppy for bfing (if she is). Offers to drive to/from the hosp. are nice (I did that for my sister when her kids were born around that early). Do they need any help at home finishing their nursery/finishing shopping. I also helped my sister with this when hers came early. When DD was born at 36 weeks, I had almost nothing ready for the nursery.

[JBaxter]

Where do you buy micro preemie clothes? I have seen preemie clothes at Carters but don't remember any labeled "micro". Thanks!

Also, how do I wash preemie clothes? Can I wash with Allen's Naturally?

I wouldnt prewash anything.

[Ceepa]

As far as purchasing anything, I would focus more on the parents than the baby at this point. Food is my first thought.

[mytwosons]

Friends were just in this situation.

GCs for food are nice, but they really appreciated people dropping off food. The dr always tended to do rounds when one of them was out picking up food. I think it also helped them to have another ear. Someone to kill some time with, or someone else they could share the updates with. Just my guess, but I wondered if the retelling helped them process everything.

[egoldber]

Just my guess, but I wondered if the retelling helped them process everything.

Absolutely. Being able to talk through it is very, very healing. It helps you make sense of things and solidifies things in your head. The NICU is extremely traumatic for many parents.

Amy came home at 6 pounds and wore preemie and newborn clothes for a very long time! I agree that I wouldn't buy much micro stuff because at that size the hospitals like them to be swaddled AND they are hooked up to a bajillion monitors and every NICU has their own preference for how they like the clothes to open, etc.

[DrSally]

Just my guess, but I wondered if the retelling helped them process everything.

For sure! It helps with the emotional processing. There was just an article on this in the paper (I forgot which one). A very experienced NICU doc talked about how he invited the parents back for a conversation after the whole NICU experience was over. He said parents were so grateful and it really helped them process the experience. He said he's seen parents who have had babies in the NICU for extended periods 10 years down the line who still somewhat traumatized by the experience. When you don't talk about/process an experience, it can become "frozen" and hard to move past. (same thing goes for a difficut birth experience).

[sunshine873]

DD was born at 26 weeks. One of the best gifts we got was from another friend that had a NICU baby. She gave us some books to read to DD. We then started to read to her every night before we left for the evening. Early on when we weren't even able to hold her yet, it was one of the few things that made us feel like "normal parents."

Our NICU was over 1 1/2 hours away. We rented an apt for a month to be close by, and after that I drove back & forth every day (DH came along when he could.) Having prepared food that we just needed to heat up was a God-send. And, all of our friends got together and donated cash for us, which was so incredibly helpful.

Once DD got big enough to start regulating her temp, it was nice to have clothes. The NICU had plenty that we could use, but you want your baby to have her own stuff, right?!? Preemie clothes were big at first, but we rolled the sleeves up and they worked fine. Make sure if you do buy clothes, they snap up the front...this makes dressing around wires a little bit easier.

Oh, and for the mom, if she's BF, the LLL book that a pp mentioned about breastfeeding preemies was helpful and so was a Boppy. Oh, and like any new BFing mom, I was hungry all the time, so little snack packs were wonderful (fruit, granola bars, even crackers and a little bit of chocolate!) Even if she's not BFing, the snacks could be helpful in the NICU. I also exclusively pumped for the first 2 months, so magazines were another popular thing for me.

[tmarie]

I hope the baby is doing well. Dd#2 was born at 36 wks. We were very lucky and surprised that she did not need to stay in the NICU, but the first three months were SO stressful and exhausting compared to the first few months with our full term baby because she did not sleep well as quickly. She also ended up having reflux, which seems to be common when they are preterm or premmature.

Here is what I would have put on my wish list:
-preemie clothes (loved Gap basics, so soft)
-hotsling
-company-i don't know why, but people stayed away more with my pretermer, and i actually wanted more company
-food or cleaning help
-cradle swing

You are a good friend!

tmarie

[TwinFoxes]

Well, everyone knows from my signature that my girls were very early. They were micro-preemies (both under 2.5 pounds). We were in the NICU for 10 weeks. One of my best days was when they told me I could dress them in "real" clothes instead of the hospital clothes. It was so nice to put them in little outfits that weren't the same white baby tees they had been wearing. But it was also sad because the preemie clothes were too big, we finally got some micro-preemie clothes from my SIL (a PICU nurse, she knew what we were going through) and it was so nice to have clothes that fit them. So yeah, the hospital dressed them, but it's just not the same as getting to dress them yourself. When your baby is in the NICU, you just grab at any tiny bit of normalcy, and dressing them in street clothes was a nice bit.

I'm feeling a little PTSD right now...

forgetmenotkids.com has preemie clothes, and they are having a MAJOR sale right now.

I would recommend the book "Preemies"
http://www.amazon.com/Preemies-Essential-Parents-Premature-Babies/dp/067103491X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1256867626&sr=8-1
it really helped explain a lot of terms to me that I didn't know. Also told me what to expect in their development.

I've mentioned before, one of the best food gifts we got was zucchini bread. It was hard having a healthy breakfast, or snack, and being able to grab a chunk of zucchini bread and a glass of milk day or late night was awesome! Frozen food would not have helped us, we would have been asleep or starved by the time it defrosted and cooked. We got lots of casseroles, sandwich fixings, and gift cards to local restaurants. All appreciated. Make sure they're cards, not certificates. Our well meaning coworkers got us a gift certificate for $100 to a restaurant, but we couldn't use it all at once, and since it was a certificate we couldn't get change. It was very thoughtful though.

Oh, we also got apples and grapes which were appreciated too.

I could go on and on, but I'll stop now. One thing, please tell them how cute their baby is. One of my friends just couldn't bring herself to say my girls were cute. I know they were tiny, and hairy, and had lots of tubes and wires, and scrawny chicken arms and legs, but I was a new mom and to me they were my beautiful babies, and it hurt my feelings that she only kept saying "they're so small" and didn't once say they were cute. :crying:

OK, I have to go look at my healthy 20 pounders asleep in their cribs now so I'll stop being sad! :o

[sariana]

Reading all these replies makes me realize yet again how fortunate my family was/is. DS was born at 32 weeks but was 4 lbs. 9 oz. DD was a 36-weeker and was 5 lbs. 14 oz.

Both are doing quite well now and are small for their respective ages. Go figure.

OP, you have got some really good advice. Even though some of it is conflicting, I hope you'll be able to glean the advice that is most useful in your friend's situation.

P & PT for this little baby.