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View Full Version : Will I feel guilty for not planning a party for twin's 2nd birthday?



gatorsmom
10-29-2009, 11:33 PM
They turn 2 in about 2 weeks. I have a huge gift for both of them. I'm sure they will love it. But normally for the other boys, I"ve thrown a friends' party in addition to a family party at every birthday. Honestly, the twins don't have that many friends their age. We have met some people in this new playdate group their are in (ECFE) but I really don't think either I or the twins would get much out of inviting over a bunch of other kids they don't really know. Well, they might get the flu or a cold out of it. LOL

With everything going on with my dad (recent cancer diagnosis), I know my family won't want to come to a party. We are a few hours north of the rest of my family. So, I"m thinking of just having a cake, some balloons and letting the twins open their big present and enjoy it on their birthday night. Should I feel bad that i"m not doing more?

niccig
10-29-2009, 11:38 PM
No. Enjoy the day without running around after 20-30 people.

We had too much going on one year, so we just had the playgroup over. I ordered pizza, made a salad, had cake and ice cream. Very easy.

jgenie
10-29-2009, 11:51 PM
No. We're planning play group parties until DS is old enough to ask for a friend party.

vonfirmath
10-30-2009, 12:14 AM
That's more than we did for my son's 2nd birthday and he was fine. He LOVED the balloon we gave him at the beginning of the day. I think that MADE his birthday more than the gifts later on (which he was mostly uninterested in opening) or us singing to him or anything.

KpbS
10-30-2009, 12:16 AM
No, don't feel bad one bit. The kids will love it no matter what. Balloons, cake, presents, pictures...that's about all you need. :cheerleader1:

Laurel
10-30-2009, 12:20 AM
No, don't feel bad one bit. The kids will love it no matter what. Balloons, cake, presents, pictures...that's about all you need. :cheerleader1:

Yes. Skip it. Give them a fun celebration with immediate family. They'll love it as long as there is cake and presents!

DeeEast
10-30-2009, 12:42 AM
Honestly. Trust me, they won't know the difference. It will only make a difference to you. On the list of problems of life, I'd put that down to a no-brainer. : )

elektra
10-30-2009, 01:08 AM
You should not feel bad AT ALL. They won't even know the difference. I did not do a party for DD and I didn't have half as much going on as you do now.

mamicka
10-30-2009, 01:14 AM
You will most likely feel guilty, at least a bit... you are a mother after all. But you shouldn't. Don't have the party if you don't want to. Celebrate with just your family in whatever way you'd like - no matter how small.

Tondi G
10-30-2009, 01:27 AM
Make them their favorite meal (or order in), have cake n ice cream or cupcakes and enjoy some family time! I'll bet they will enjoy that just as much as a party! You could always plan an outing in honor of their birthday... the beach/park/zoo/museum etc.

Don't stress. Get a bunch of balloons and take lots of pics of the kids opening their presents and blowing out their candles. They won't know any different!

egoldber
10-30-2009, 06:33 AM
Make them their favorite meal (or order in), have cake n ice cream or cupcakes and enjoy some family time! I'll bet they will enjoy that just as much as a party! You could always plan an outing in honor of their birthday... the beach/park/zoo/museum etc.

Don't stress. Get a bunch of balloons and take lots of pics of the kids opening their presents and blowing out their candles. They won't know any different!

:yeahthat: Amy's birthday last year was right after DH got laid off. We had a small family party with balloons, cake and ice cream. We invited a couple neighbors over to help us eat cake and sing. It was fun and easy and to the kids, that was "a party". :) Just take pictures and you'll be good.

kedss
10-30-2009, 06:49 AM
nope, I wouldn't feel bad at all, I'd keep it as stress free as possible- let the kiddos enjoy to new toy and give yourself a break! hugs

Melaine
10-30-2009, 07:08 AM
I was one of four kids, and trust me on this, just our family could be quite a party! You guys will have lots of fun and don't worry one bit. Plenty of years in the future for huge celebrations with tons of friends!
Instead of having a *big* party this year for the girls 3rd we had a small family party and then just a very informal playdate party with their best friends (another set of twins). They had a blast and very low stress for me. SO much easier than last year!

KrisM
10-30-2009, 07:18 AM
You should not feel guilty. But, I did.

DS1 had a party at 2 with his 3 friends. He had another at 3. DD didn't get one at 2 because she really didn't have friends. Of course, she didn't notice, but I think about it when I did the scrapbooking pages for birthdays and felt bad that she didn't.

At 3, she still didn't really have friends that she played with often, but at least knew some little girls, so we did have them over for a party and I was very happy we were able to do that for her.

I'm sure we won't have one for DS2 next summer at 2, and I am sure I'll feel a little bad about it.

So, yes, you may feel bad or guilty, but you shouldn't and it doesn't mean you need to have a party for them.

SnuggleBuggles
10-30-2009, 08:04 AM
No, you don't need to have a friend party at this age. A nice family party would be great though.

Beth

maestramommy
10-30-2009, 08:20 AM
Well, as we haven't had a friends party, or even an extended family party for any of the girls since their 1st bday, maybe I'm not the one to ask:p. We do the first bday party because it's special, but after that I just don't feel like it. Dh and I talked about having a bday party for Dora this year since she IS 4, but she doesn't actually have any friends to invite. And her idea of bday is all about the cake, candles and presents. So we stuck to the bday moment with her choice of cake (brownie:D), and opened all of her presents. She was thrilled, even said, "I'm so happy!" which if you knew Dora, was a BIG deal.

doberbrat
10-30-2009, 09:21 AM
you will, and you shouldnt. if they're like my dd, so long as you have a cake, balloons and party hats, its a party.

if you're really feeling guilty, go to a playground or museum or something to 'celebrate' more.

Seitvonzu
10-30-2009, 09:35 AM
we're not doing a party and we probably won't next year either. at least not a "big" thing... actually a "big" thing with family/friends isn't going to happen ever- we have a christmastime baby (dec 23rd) and she had a big FIRST birthday party where we celebrated as close as possible to her actual birthday (i think it was the 22 or 21st?) and went ahead and invited anyone and everyone.

this didn't end up being too many people because we live away from our families (so it was mostly friends) but we did have both sets of grandparents and most of our playgroup friends. it was enough. we had a "lucy in one-derland" party- i dressed lucy up fancy, she ate TONS of cake and i had outrageous decorations (paper lanterns, tea sets, etc. we focused our whole main level decor on her birthday-- including the christmas tree) and themed the food--a la madhatters "tea party." it was wonderful, special, fun for mommy (i love planning stuff like that and worked for weeks glittery flowers and butterflies, perusing recipes, going through my party "decor" boxes, collecting things, finding favors (fabric "hats" from IKEA), sending out real invites, etc)

typing all that made me think "i'm going to miss having parties for lucy!!!" but i know when she is a little older we'll start doing stuff again. i think 4 is the perfect time to restart because child become such little people just about then :) even then, it's not going to be family parties-- they just don't make sense for us (living away) and make people feel pressure to send gifts which we really want to limit. we're looking at selecting a non-holiday time (at least a non-christmas time) for lu's future celebration...something like a half-birthday or to stick with our alice in wonderland ritual, an "unbirthday!" hopefully as she gets older she'll get into deciding each year when/how she wants to celebrate.

don't feel guilty at all. my nuclear family always lived away from family and had tiny family parties until we were old enough for things like slumber parties. we got to pick the meal, request our dessert (not always cake) and open presents. it was TOTALLY enough. the norm for my inlaws seems to be 3 "parties"-- little family, big family, friends... ack! i'd go crazy! that's three times my house would have to be clean or lots of money spent renting somewhere else to have the party :):):) i'm already going crazy this year because my inlaws are coming the week before thanksgiving and want to have a mock holiday/birthday. they even are bringing a cake-- OY!

hellokitty
10-30-2009, 09:42 AM
No. FWIW, I only do big parties for their 1st bday and 5th bday so far. In btwn those yrs, we just do something small with our family. I hate organizing parties and having a ton of ppl over, so ther eis no way I would ever do a big bday party for each of my kids every yr, not to mention it is waaaay expensive. One of my friends just got to take her dd to her first American Girl bday party. $50 PER guest! OMG, I couldn't even imagine paying that much per child for a bday party!

WatchingThemGrow
10-30-2009, 09:51 AM
A party is a party no matter how big. I think that just doing something with candles, a couple balloons, maybe hats and a present is enough. We're doing the same type of thing, just offsite at the IL's house. We don't have a good space for riding the scooter he'll be getting and they have a driveway.

A family I know has always alternated their kids getting a "big" party. One year one child would get a big party, the next year the other kid would. Not sure how that would work well with 3 parties to give, but it seems like that type of plan relieves some of the expectation. Maybe even choosing "special" years to have friend parties vs. smaller family parties would make things more manageable.

Crazy as it sounds...could DH do any of the "planning" to take something off your plate?


ETA: I can't believe your twins are almost 2. And my DS1 is almost there as well. It doesn't seem like that long ago I remember reading where your DH was out of town and you went to get the Sweetpeace swings.

tmarie
10-30-2009, 10:19 AM
I don't think you should feel bad at all. We had a very small family party for dd#1's 2nd birthday. She was just so excited about the presents and cake, she didn't care. The way I figured it, from 3yo and on we would be doing "parties".....this is the one year I don't think they miss it. Just make it a special day for your family. :)

tmarie

bubbaray
10-30-2009, 10:24 AM
We didn't do a 2nd b-day party for DD#2 this year. We had just the four of us, a Dora b-day cake and presents. She was happy. A couple of days later, we went to Maui (her first plane trip).

We also didn't do a 5th b-day party for DD#1 this year either -- again family (ILs came) and then a trip to DL 2w later.

Both girls STILL talk about their un-b-days, LOL

gatorsmom
10-30-2009, 11:18 AM
I was one of four kids, and trust me on this, just our family could be quite a party!

Yeah, there is guaranteed to be a lot of running around screaming and general craziness because they rarely get cake so the sugar makes them nuts. I think you are all correct, a party with the 6 of us will be plenty nice and fun for them. I think even if I had more time, a playdate party isn't such a good idea this year, because of all the sickness.

Thanks for making me feel better!

alexsmommy
10-30-2009, 11:47 AM
Well, I skipped the 2nd for DS2 and anticipate the same for #3. I would feel bad about the first, but the second - they don't get. By three mine are in pre-school and get invited to other parties so they get it. I figure #2 is a good one to skip.

10-30-2009, 12:35 PM
No party for DD2's 2nd--I'd been on bedrest for much of January and just didn't have the energy. She didn't notice at all. I still feel a twinge of regret but it didn't impact her one bit. She was just happy to have her mommy out of bed.

Christine

SammyeGail
10-30-2009, 01:08 PM
I didn't do a b'day party for my twins 2nd, we had literally just found out Jonas had autism. We made a cake, they loved the chocolate, lol, and opening their presents. I didn't even dress them up for pics, they just wore what they had on.

For their 3rd b'day my mother was in the hospital with a brain infection of MRSA. The day her blood pressure was dropping, I knew she was letting go, DH was out of vacation and we had to come back home, it was 11-19, their b'day is on the 20th. I had ordered some things before she had the siezure and we went down there, they were all here when we got home around 9PM. We opened the boxes and played with the toys since the boys had slept alot in the car on the 4+ hour drive home. We had alot of fun with the toys for their benefit.

My mom passed away around 3:30 AM that night, so their actual b'day wasn't great. I am glad DH was home and they had their new toys to play with, I was in a daze/shock. We made them a cake the next week, it was a brownie cake :).

Yes, I felt guilty at first and a while after, but now I don't. They won't remember. I was extremely distraunt both times, a zombie the 2nd, its completely understandable, believe me, BTDT.

This year (4!) we are making cupcakes/brownies and having something at their 'special' school, Jo goes full time and Noah goes 2 days a week. Noah is understanding his B'day is coming up, so I really want to acknowledge it for him. I know he's seen it at Mothers Day Out/Preschool.

We'll hopefully have a little party with decorations here, just us, but before the actual date, I don't know how I'll be on the first anniversary of my mothers passing! kwim?

Sooo, DON'T feel guilty, do something just for them, yummy cake or cupcakes and the great present!! They will be thrilled!!

Samantha

gatorsmom
10-30-2009, 01:26 PM
Thank you! This is exactly the kind of reasoning i need to not feel guilty about skipping it. Selective skipping! :D

brittone2
10-30-2009, 01:32 PM
We had a pretty big party for DS's first bday (mostly adults as most of our friends didn't have kids yet). Then we moved out of state, and the next few bday parties he had were mostly just close family. He didn't have a big party again until he was 5 and asked for one. Every year prior to that he just wanted a party with his grandparents and us :shrug: I wasn't complaining though ;) His 5th bday party was the first bday party we invited his friends to.

DD is going to be 3 in December and so far has only had small family parties.

I'm all for the small family type party while I get get away with it.