Really, really, really Sad

[lovin2shop]

Adding spoiler in case you aren't up for dealing with a very heavy topic.
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I have a friend with metastatic breast cancer. I knew the prognosis was grim, but she just found out that it has spread to her brain, liver, and bones. Time is probably very short. This is not someone that has been part of my daily life, but someone that I grew up with and would see maybe once a year or so. I live in a different town. I would like to do something nice, but I don't know what to do. Honestly, what do you do for someone that in all likelihood is dying? She has two boys almost the exact same age as mine.

I have a get well card in purse that I planned to send this week along with a gas card, which I thought would help with the commute costs of her treatment. Now, this feels wholely inadequate. I posted a short message on her website, but beyond this, is there anything that I can do that doesn't say that I've given up, but isn't "get well soon", if you know what I mean? I'm sure there isn't any right answer, and part of this is just me venting, but if you have any words of wisdom, I could definitely use them right about now.

[Snow mom]

Thinking about people who I've lost really unexpectedly, I guess what I would have done had we known is told them that I love them/ that they are important to me. I'm sure a memory from better times would be appreciated. I'm sorry for your friend and her family.:grouphug:

[crl]

Since you've known her for a long time, I wonder if you could arrange for friends to write letters to her children, telling stories about her growing up? I think her boys might treasure that as they grow up. Also copies of any pictures you have of her could accompany a letter to her boys.

I think the gas card is a good idea. Gift cards for meals out/delivered would probably also be appreciated.

I'm sorry you and your friend and her family are facing such a difficult situation.

Catherine

[nov04]

The major card companies now have cards for ppl dealing with terminal illness. I can't remember the exact wording, but its respectful and tasteful. I remember not knowing what to find for my Dad during his 4th and last fight.

A gas card would be wonderful, its the thought behind the gesture that really counts.

[BelleoftheBallFlagstaff]

Get her a nice journal that she can write letters to her kids in. My most treasured possession is a letter my mom wrote me. She died when I was 5, but was terminally ill for almost 2 years before that.

:grouphug: to you. My DH's BFF passed away a few years ago, he had a sinus tumor. He had an eye removed and had to wear a patch, it was heartbreaking. He was married to his HS sweetheart, they were together 15 years and had one child. I joked with him about it, and he appreciated I talked to him like normal, and didn't walk on eggshells with him.

[infomama]

I would send a support/thinking of you card VS the get well card. I suppose I would try to think of a way to give her comfort whether that is telling her that you care about her and are so sad this is happening or by helping out her family with money or meals.
I'm so sorry.

[BabyMine]

Get her a nice journal that she can write letters to her kids in.

:yeahthat: I was going to suggest this. Oprah had a show about a terminal ill mother who wrote in her journal and did daily video letters for her children. I just wanted to add P & PT to this mother and her family.:hug:

[WitMom]

I don't have anything constructive to add....I think the previous posters have made some great suggestions. I just wanted to send some prayers and my heartfelt sympathy to you, her family and her dear little ones.

[lowrioh]

If you don't live terribly far away, offer to come to her house and help out. Cook/clean/watch the kids etc. When I was doing my PhD my advisor was diagnosed with terminal soft tissue carcinoma and died within 9 months of him finding the tumor. I know that his wife appreciated people just coming over and helping her out. Also offer to take her to/from treatment. We had a rotating schedule of drivers to take him to the clinic so his wife could go to work so they could keep their health insurance.
The gas card is a great idea too.