DS can't touch DN presents. How to deal?

[niccig]

Last year at Christmas, DNeice who is now 8, got a guitar for Christmas. DS was 4 yo. We have a guitar for him, and he knows how to strum it, be careful etc. In fact, DH and I have broken a string, and DS never has. DS wanted to touch DN's guitar, and he wasn't allowed. SIL said No, even after we told her that he has a guitar and knows how to be careful. Fine, their present, their choice. BIL did let DS touch it while BIL was holding it, thank you BIL. But then DNeice gets tired of all her presents, and then plays with all of DS's presents. He got upset as he wasn't allowed to touch anything that she had been given, but she could then use all of his presents.

I know that DNeice is older and is going to get things that they don't want little fingers to touch. But it is difficult for DS to be told he can't touch anything, but then he has to share all his presents. Part of me wanted to say that DNeice couldn't play with DS's things.

I can also see her using her Nano, and DS wanting to look. She won't let him, so I'll let DS use my iPod Touch, and then she'll want to use it too, as it has games etc. In that situation, I can tell her she has to wait for DS to finish.

Anyway, I'm just trying to find a way to deal with the "you can't touch my things, but I can touch yours" when the presents are opened, so I can avoid DS getting upset.

Thanks.

[JBaxter]

I would simply tell her that if SHE doesnt want your DS to touch her things then she can not touch his. She sounds like a snot.

[MartiesMom2B]

If that's the case, I would come up with an excuse for not having to spend the holidays with them.

[egoldber]

Hmm. Well, it is hard. We have a similar situation because Sarah often gets presents that she does not want Amy to touch. And Amy is NOT gentle and she would break them. So I generally tell Sarah to put the things that she does not want Amy to play with away in her room.

I would tell your DS something similar. Are there toys he does not want to share? In which case, he gets to put those away and/or not share them. If your DN has toys she does not want to share, I would ask her to put them away while DS is there.

In the case of the Touch, I would have no trouble telling her, sorry, you're letting DS play because he can't touch her things and she should play with her own games. I don't think that is mean or rude.

[niccig]

Thanks everyone.
The issue happens when family opens the presents. Everyone is in the living room and each person opens a present in turn. At the end, the kids get to play with the presents, and the adults sit and watch. I'm fine with DS putting things away for the rest of the trip that he doesn't want to share. It's that hour where everyone is there, and all the presents are out.

This year it might be further complicated by the younger cousins being there, so even littler fingers. DS is getting some Lego and I won't have him start to build it, because of the small pieces. But they'll be other things they can also play with. And I know that DS will want to play with the garbage truck his younger cousin is getting. So, if DS wants to play with that, he does need to share some of his toys with the others.

[niccig]

I would simply tell her that if SHE doesnt want your DS to touch her things then she can not touch his. She sounds like a snot.

Where's the smiley for spitting coffee over the computer screen. Good call!

[connor_mommy]

I would simply tell her that if SHE doesnt want your DS to touch her things then she can not touch his. She sounds like a snot.

That's what I would tell her! She has to learn that if she doesn't want people to touch her things then put it away. And she in turn can not touch other's.

After opening presents, I would help your DS sort out the presents that you want the little ones to touch. I'd try to put away the Legos till you get home. It becomes a hassle of having little hands trying to grab at it and losing pieces. My 5 year old brought his Legos over to his grandparents during the summer. Well, when he wasn't looking my 3 year old DN took it apart and tried to hide the pieces. MY DS was not happy at all.

[new_mommy25]

I would just not open your DS's gifts. Unwrap them but leave them in their packaging. Tell DS you want to open them at home so you don't lose any pieces.

[niccig]

I would just not open your DS's gifts. Unwrap them but leave them in their packaging. Tell DS you want to open them at home so you don't lose any pieces.

We're staying at MILs for 10 days, so they will be opened. But I will sort through the presents and only open some of the packages that evening. I'll also tell DN to put away what she doesn't want the younger kids to touch. I do understand that some things are not appropriate for little hands. If DN is monopolizing DS's toys, I'll tell her they are new/special to him and she has her own things.

I didn't feel we dealt with it well last year, and it wasn't fair on DS to be the only one to share.

[AshleyAnn]

Have you tried bringing the problem up to SIL and BIL? Maybe explaining to them that DS understands sharing and is noticing that he is the only one expected to share and is hurt/frustrated by it? I really don't understand the 'touching' of the guitar - they are not made of glass.

Maybe you could limit a few on DS's new toys as his only and tell him its his choice to share them and ask DN to select a few of her gifts to be shared. Give DS a bit more control over his possessions and maybe a bit more understanding when he is told he can't use her things. Surely she gets at least a few gifts that can be shared - even if its the gift you give her.

I don't let my DNephew, 5, play with my toys either (my digital camera is off limits no matter how much SIL lets him play with her DSLR and he's never even laid eyes on my laptop) but he isn't gentle and I'm anal. DH and I each have a guitar and we let him play with them as much as he wants - both are good Fender guitars but I don't see them as that easily damaged, sure he murders the tuning (knob lover) but he LOVES it and it can be retuned. I don't think its outragous to disallow your DS from playing with the more delicate gifts but not everything is so delicate a 4 year old is going to break it by simply touching it. Oh and I wouldn't have let her play with ipod either unless she was willing to let DS try out the nano.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Can you buy a game or puzzle everyone can play together? In our family that is what we do after gift opening time and it works well.

I agree with comments like telling her that she has to share if she expects your ds to share.

Beth