Why can't DH EVER get it right?

[jayali]

So this is going to sound completely spoiled and selfish and I promise you I am not.

When we were first married DH had this thing about me and presents. He would not get me, as a present, anything that I said I wanted. For instance if it was right before a holiday or birthday if we were out shopping and I said "oh, this is really nice" he would say well cross that off your list. His idea was it was more important to surprise me. This means for most of 18 years I have gotten things that are basically either useless or not my taste. I have returned almost everything he has ever bought me.

It has gotten better over the last few years - I got the Helen Ficalora necklace I asked for, and he did get me a charm bracelet when DS was born.

Next week we are celebrating our 18th anniversary and when we were ordering some thumbprint charms and jewelery for people for Christmas a few weeks ago I saw a thumbprint ring that I really liked and to my mistake I said - Wow, I really like this ring. What the heck was I thinking? Anyway I come to find out that DH ordered me the ring for our anniversary, but because he wanted me to be surprised he ordered it in a variation that I don't like. Now I hate to sound like an ungrateful b@#$%, but why can't he just get it right. I really wanted that ring and now I will have one that I don't like, that I will probably not wear and he will get all pissy and say "that's it I am not buying you jewelry anymore because you never wear it." Well I don't wear it because you pick out stuff that isn't my taste.

Why can't he JUST GET IT RIGHT???!!!

[AshleyAnn]

Mine can't either. I just pawned a jewelry set that he bought me for my birthday a few years ago that I wore the one night and never considered wearing again. I even gave him half the proceeds from the pawning of it. Have you tried explaining to him that you appreciate the effort he puts into your surprise gifts you'd really rather he let you give him a more detailed idea of things since your tastes vary so much? Some surprises are fun but if you're hoping a chocolate candy is filled with strawberry nougat and it ends up being coconut cream its just not the same.

Last year was our best Christmas. He was away with the Army doing training and couldn't shop for anyone so I got to buy all the presents including about 90% of my gifts from him and I loved it. I even wrapped them and put them under the tree. I think he was more surprised at the stuff I bought for myself as a gift - things he didn't really think would be considered gifts (like my matching luggage set that I adore and he doesn't 'get'). Not sure how we'll do it this year. I'm betting I get some gawdy necklace/earring set that I pawn in 3 years when we need cash.

[cvanbrunt]

I hear you sister!

[hellokitty]

I can empathize. My parents are horrible gift giver, so I grew up getting gifts for my bday and christmas that were completely inappropriate (I would just hand them over to my brothers). I'm lucky though that my DH is a really, really good gift giver, so he has made up for my parents being such a lousy gift givers.

[Cheburashka]

My family went through a few Christmases of wanting to surprise everyone with presents. There ended up being so much present trading or returning that they finally moved to a list. Some presents are still a surprise, but for the most part, you know what you're getting. And that's what the SO and I do now. Both of us would much prefer to get a gift the other one really likes, even if they know what it is before they unwrap it.

BTW, I didn't think your post came off as selfish or spoiled. The whole point of giving presents is to show you care about the person and to make said person happy. I really don't understand DH's point of view on this at all.

[kransden]

My dh has a completely different taste in clothes and jewelry than I do. After 17 years of marriage you would think he would get a clue. Luckily, my dd knows what mommy would like. So now he takes her! :)

[MamaMolly]

This could be my DH. He buys me what HE likes. And it usually so tacky. He goes for flash and if you know much about jewelry it isn't always about that. I'd love one nice pair of sapphire studs but when I asked for them he buys these dangily chandielier style diamond and sapphire chip gaudy things. I asked for simple gold hoops and they are HUGE and to heavy for me to ever wear. Or clusters. JMO and just my tastes here, but gemstone clusters are cheap looking to me. He thinks they look expensive because you get a bigger look for the money, but I think they look like you are trying too hard. Give me simple any day.

Now to sound really, really spoiled? I hated my first engagement ring. I was devistated when it was stolen, but that was because I knew DH would be furious and because of the sentimental value it had. It sounds even more spoiled to say I hated it because it was too big, but it *was* for my taste, and too flashy. Which is why I wasn't wearing the day our house was broken into, because I had to walk downtown in a shady area and didn't want to drag around this COME CUT MY FINGER OFF banner.

One day I'll buy the ring I really want, but I've shown DH something like it online and like your DH, he just doesn't 'get' why I'd want something so minimal.

[mommy111]

I totally empathize....I don't know what it is with some men and 'surprises'. My ex-H was like that and I don't do well with surprises and unplanned things so it used to frazzle the heck out of me. Like when he'd say he was on call for thanksgiving and would not be home and then 'surprise' show up and be upset that DD and I were eating pizza and had not cooked a turkey. Umm, noone's going to be home, why would I cook turkey? For myself?