Please help - DS will not get in his carseat!!

[jgenie]

DS has decided he does not want to get in his carseat anymore. He's still rearfacing and can't be turned around because he's under 20 lbs. We had an appointment yesterday morning and after 30 minutes of trying to coax him into his seat we finally decided to see if he would go in DH's car. He got in without complaint, but when we were headed home he again wouldn't get in the seat. We finally had to wrestle him into his seat kicking and screaming. He will twist and turn and push off of the seat back so that we can't buckle him in. It's not that he's uncomfortable because he got in just fine this morning without complaining. We went to lunch and after lunch he refused to let us buckle him in again. DS is 21 months. I've tried giving him a transitional object without luck. I've tried giving him special food treats that he normally doesn't get - no luck. Please help me figure out what to do. Right now he's the only one so if he doesn't want to go out we can stay home. Once the new baby arrives that may not work so well. Please help!!!!! :dizzy:

[kristenk]

We went through that stage with DD. I don't remember what worked, but she *did* outgrow it and it was fairly short-lived. I also remember that I had to call a MOMS Club committee chair and tell her that I wouldn't be at a meeting b/c I just couldn't deal with getting DD in the car that morning.

[SASM]

I'd say that 90% of the time this works for us...I just get in there and give DD a MAJOR tickle to her belly. She usually starts laughing and her bum immediately scoots into the seat. If I act quickly I can get one side strapped in before she knows what has happened and then the other side is a lot easier. I have done this with all three DCs and it has worked well...for some reason, it takes them a while to catch on. ;)

I also distract her with her sippy or a "new" car toy, like a "hidden" Tonka Chuck that magically appears whenever she puts up a fight. I hide it as soon as we are at our destination so I'll have it ready for the next time.

Good luck! Congrats on #2! :) Sorry about the typos.

ETA: I will note that I am a mom of 3. I no longer reason with my kids to get in their seats...I am fairly certain that I did that with #1, became a little less tolerant with #2, and by #3 I am completely desensitized by the grumpiness and tantrums. If I need to get somewhere I am not going to let a 24mo (or 6 or 4yo, for that matter) control my schedule b/c of their grumpiness...I am WAY too busy. I always try to make it "fun" but if that doesn't work you gotta do what you gotta do.

[WatchingThemGrow]

A bag of "new" car toys will often get the stiff as a board kid to loosen up. What about moving to a different location in the car?

I know how that stage and pg are not a good mix. BTDT

[kristenk]

Oh, I just remembered. Counting seemed to work really well. She thought it was a race and loved it. I'd ask her to see how fast she could get in her seat (doing it by herself - except for the buckles - seemed to help, too) and count to ten while she was doing it. That really helped a lot!

[MontrealMum]

I do the tickling too, which temporarily stops the "planking" long enough that I can get one shoulder/arm thru a strap and click it into place. It's a lot harder for him to stiffen and push off at that point and I just put the other one into place as well. He may be angry, but I am the adult. And he HAS to ride in a carseat. I've gotten a lot quicker about getting him in place, and trickier :) Mine is still doing it from time to time at 26 months. I also find that using a favored toy, keys, or stuffed animal can help to distract.

[sarahsthreads]

Along with the tickle trick, I used to pull the harness out so it was really loose. That way it was easy to get the shoulder straps over her arms even while she was "planking". Then I'd tickle her to make her bend in the middle, quickly buckle the straps into the crotch strap (now accessible because the tickle made her sit back far enough) and then haul on the adjuster strap until it was tight enough.

DD2 is not doing this yet, and I am *so* not looking forward to going through that phase again. I'm thinking it won't be too long now, because she's already becoming extremely willful about doing things herself at the tender age of 15 months. And she is *strong*.

My mom calls it the "won't-bend-in-the-middle" syndrome. When followed immediately by the "boneless slump" trick, it's next to impossible to hold a toddler that doesn't want to be held!

Sarah :)

[vonfirmath]

I've found picking my son up with my arms under his knees "forces" his body to bend correctly, then I hold a hand in the bend while I get the car seat harness on, all the time telling him that buckling up in the car is not an option. (And he is still rear-facing. I can imagine this would be MUCH more difficult forward facing.)

[carolinamama]

I think it is a phase - your DS exerting his control. We went through it with DS1. I remember having to basically put him in and gently hold him there while I fastened his buckles. It helps to have the straps loose while you are doing this and then tighten them. Once he realized that we were getting in whether he wanted to or not, he stopped fighting so much. I don't look forward to this phase with DS2. But it will pass.

[ErinMC]

ETA: I will note that I am a mom of 3. I no longer reason with my kids to get in their seats...I am fairly certain that I did that with #1, became a little less tolerant with #2, and by #3 I am completely desensitized by the grumpiness and tantrums. If I need to get somewhere I am not going to let a 24mo (or 6 or 4yo, for that matter) control my schedule b/c of their grumpiness...I am WAY too busy. I always try to make it "fun" but if that doesn't work you gotta do what you gotta do.

This! Although I honestly didn't reason with my first either. While I am very patient with many things, getting into their carseat has always been a "non-negotiable" with me. And if I had to listen to screaming for 10 minutes after wrestling him into a carseat, so be it.

[Melanie]

ETA: I will note that I am a mom of 3. I no longer reason with my kids to get in their seats...I am fairly certain that I did that with #1, became a little less tolerant with #2, and by #3 I am completely desensitized by the grumpiness and tantrums. If I need to get somewhere I am not going to let a 24mo (or 6 or 4yo, for that matter) control my schedule b/c of their grumpiness...I am WAY too busy. I always try to make it "fun" but if that doesn't work you gotta do what you gotta do.

Ditto, except I'm a mom of two. :) And my first went easy on me and never once complained. My second I think I just put her in with an arm across her hips before she could do the back arch, and distracted her with discussion or songs. I may even say "We will no leave until you are buckled in your seat," and then make wherever we are going seem like a lot of fun (even if it's just the grocery store!).

[jgenie]

Thanks for all the replies. We had a dr. appointment this morning and had to get there so I wrestled DS into his seat. I hated every minute of it, but we really needed to get to the appointment so there was no way around it. :( I'm really hoping this phase doesn't last too long.

[SASM]

Thanks for all the replies. We had a dr. appointment this morning and had to get there so I wrestled DS into his seat. I hated every minute of it, but we really needed to get to the appointment so there was no way around it. :( I'm really hoping this phase doesn't last too long.

Sorry you had to go through that this AM. It really IS just a phase. They DO get past this, some faster than others...it is all about trying to gain some kind of control of the situation. Once they are past this phase, they move on to something else. :) Hope the appt went well and DC behaved. :)

[Jacksmommy2b]

Is he still in a 'bucket style' seat?

J was a bucket hater and he did tolerate the convertable seat a lot better. (which still wasn't great - not sure if your DS just doesn't want to get in or won't stay there. J would buckle in okay but then scream and cry until he puked. I went almost nowhere his first year!)

We ended up buying a portable DVD player for car rides. He doesn't get to watch much TV so it was a rare treat and he would usually quiet down to watch.

[jgenie]

Is he still in a 'bucket style' seat?


No, he's in a BLVD in my car and a Marathon in DH's car. In my car he's in the center and in DH's car he's outboard. Didn't seem to make a difference as he fought in both cars this weekend. I've resigned myself to the fact that we won't be going out much for the next few weeks.

[mmsmom]

Skittles! I know you said you tried special food treats but have you tried candy? I said would never give my kids candy but after several car seat wrestling matches a day I resorted to keeping a bag of Skittles in the car & giving him a couple while I buckled him in. Good distraction & the only time he got candy so from them on he looked forward to getting in the car. Even if you decide not to do candy it will get better... it is a phase. Oh... and I also tried (very hard!) to not have any reaction when he started fighting. I would not say a word... just calmly tried to get him in the seat.

[deborah_r]

Besides the good ideas people have given of how to get him to cooperate more, I feel the most important thing is that he know you are not going to give in no matter what he does. Letting him change to daddy's car because he had a tantrum doesn't seem like a good idea - also if you give up on the outing once you have made the attempt I think is only going to make this phase last longer. Once you have started the process, you need to get him in the seat every time, so he doesn't not think it is optional.

[maestramommy]

We dealt with this phase with both kids, but it was shortlived. Right now Arwyn has this thing about wanting to climb into her seat by herself. We let her do it, but we count to make her go faster. Otherwise she starts sightseeing on the way up and it takes forever. I've had to just plunk her in and buckle by force when she was just taking too long and I was in a hurry. Her howls usually subside in a minute or two. :p