Thank you card etiquette?

[conniez]

I'm so overdue on "Thank You" cards for the gifts my 11 yr. old received for her birthday in October. She went ice skating with about 8 of her friends from 5th grade, and the families were pretty generous with the gifts considering these are only 11 year olds =) I'm wondering if I should address the TY notes to DD's friends? Or to the parents? Or both? OR should I even be the one writing them and should I have DD write the TY notes instead? I always write the TY notes for gifts from family, but I don't know what to do in this situation. TIA!

[Globetrotter]

I'm 100% sure about this one :)

DD needs to write TYs for anything she gets!! Once they hit 5 or 6, it's up to them to do it, but you can certainly send an email to the parents thanking them, in addition to her TY. Her TYs should be addressed to her friends.

[AshleyAnn]

I'm 100% sure about this one :)

DD needs to write TYs for anything she gets!! Once they hit 5 or 6, it's up to them to do it, but you can certainly send an email to the parents thanking them, in addition to her TY. Her TYs should be addressed to her friends.

Agreed. She should write them herself.

[Pennylane]

I'm 100% sure about this one :)

DD needs to write TYs for anything she gets!! Once they hit 5 or 6, it's up to them to do it, but you can certainly send an email to the parents thanking them, in addition to her TY. Her TYs should be addressed to her friends.

:yeahthat:

Ann

[Andi98989]

She should write them herself, but I would address them to whoever signed the card that came with the gift.

[conniez]

Thanks, everyone! I think I will do just that: let her write her own TY cards to her friends. What do I do about the parents that don't have e-mails/aren't too tech savvy? Do I need to send a separate card or ask DD's friends to show it to them? I'm clueless! haha

[egoldber]

I would definitely have her write them. Sarah writes her own, although I break it down into 1 or 2 a day to help her manage.

I usually address the note to the friend who was the party guest.

[klwa]

*sigh* This reminds me that I've been slack at getting DS's out for his brithday back in September. Bad Mommy!

[SnuggleBuggles]

Birthday? The birthday kid has to write them if they are old enough, imo. Until they are old enough they have to participate in some way- add stickers, draw a picture, sign their name... The cards should be written from her to her friends. If some families did something above and beyond you can send them a personal note as well.

Beth

[sarahsthreads]

DD1 (5) is dictating her TYs from her birthday party a week ago (we can manage one or two a day) and then signing her name. I expect that as she gets better at writing in a year or two she'll be doing the actual writing part with just me coaching her on how to write an appropriate thank you.

Also, in our family, the rule is once you're old enough to sort of understand the point of TY notes (so 3-ish) you don't get to play with/use a gift until you (help) write the thank you note. Incentive to get them done in a timely fashion! (We've made some exceptions, but really try to stick to this rule.)

I didn't (and have never) sent an email or separate card myself to the parents, although if they signed the card from everyone then that's how the TY gets addressed.

Sarah :)

[brittone2]

I would definitely have her write them. Sarah writes her own, although I break it down into 1 or 2 a day to help her manage.


Ditto for us. DS is 5.5 and has been writing his own for a while. We started w/ me writing the text out and then him just signing his name. Then a few months later we worked on adding (in his own writing ) "thank you" and signing his name. Now I usually write out a short note on paper (with his input), and he copies it into the thank you note. An 11 year old should be perfectly capable IMO, but you might have to give her a week or whatever to complete them. It might be helpful to help her with the wording as I think that can be sometimes overwhelming for a kid her age, but I'd definitely have her write them. eta: maybe buy her a special pen, personalized return address labels, or stationary to motivate her a bit? I loved that stuff around her age :)

[Globetrotter]

When they were very small, I would usually write down whatever they said or have them draw a picture. At 11, she is on her own!

The email is not a must, but if you really want to thank the parents directly, then you can send a little note or call them. I usually have them hand out TYs to the moms, mainly so the mom knows we remembered and we hope they will read it, though that doesn't always happen! :)

[bigpassport]

To OP, I think DD should write the thank you notes and address them to her friends. As a pp said, if you think a parent went above and beyond, you should send them a thank you note as well. I think its less important that its done right (e.g. who to address the notes to) than that its done period.

Thank you notes are a dying act of civility and I think that I, as a parent, should be an example not only to my child but to other children and parents. If other children receive thank you notes, maybe their parents will be more likely to have their DC send thank you notes in the future.


Also, in our family, the rule is once you're old enough to sort of understand the point of TY notes (so 3-ish) you don't get to play with/use a gift until you (help) write the thank you note. Incentive to get them done in a timely fashion! (We've made some exceptions, but really try to stick to this rule.)

:yeahthat: I imposed this rule on myself with DS's baby shower gifts. They all sat in a pile, boxes unopened, clothes unwashed, until I wrote the thank you note. Also, I made DH write some of them:)